As soon as Bella walked into Greta and Edmond’s house, she felt as if she were surrounded by warmth, and not just warmth coming from the woodstove. Whereas Clive Bickler’s house was decorated with expensive paintings, fine-quality wall hangings and artist-signed pottery, Greta and Edmond’s little house was simple and cozy. It was a log home, and Greta had kept the country look about it.
Everything was spick-and-span, shiny and authentic. The wide-plank flooring was worn. The living room’s magnificently colored, large Southwestern rug needed repair in one corner and wore a straggling fringe in the other. The appliances weren’t state-of-the-art, but Bella could tell they were used and used well. The colors migrating through the cabin—whether the fabric was striped, flowered or solid—were burgundy, green and yellow.
“I love your house,” Bella told Greta. “It’s charming.”
Greta motioned to the curtains and the valances. “I made those myself. I still have an old treadle machine that works just fine. We managed to save it from the flood.”
Edmond motioned to the table where a crock full of chili sat in the center. “Take a seat and we can talk while we eat.”
“Our ranch was almost wiped out,” Greta told Bella. “We saved what livestock we could first, then a few other things like my sewing machine, photo albums, framed pictures, a set of dishes my grandma handed down. But that was it. Everything else was wiped out when the house filled with water up to the second floor.”
Edmond sat next to his wife and covered her hand with his. It was obvious that thinking about the flood was still an emotional experience for the couple.
Bella stole a glance at Hudson. He was watching Greta and Edmond, obviously trying to understand.
Greta’s husband went on to explain, “We were living in the boardinghouse, not knowing what we were going to do next. No job, not much in the way of possessions. We basically had each other. We could have gone to live with our kids, but we didn’t want to do that. They have their own lives. I was using my phone every day to search for jobs and not coming up with anything because lots of folks in town were in the same boat.”
“But then fate stepped in, I guess,” Greta said. “The owner of the Lazy B wanted to leave Rust Creek Falls, didn’t think it would ever come to life again, and Clive Bickler saw the good deal that it was. Edmond and I had helped organize one of the old barns that wasn’t underwater where we could give out supplies to people who needed it—bottled water, blankets, some clothes. Clive heard about that somehow, and the fact that Edmond knew horses and cows. So he asked us if we’d manage his place, room and board free. It was a deal we couldn’t refuse. We just hope he never sells the place.”
During the next hour, Greta and Edmond were full of lively stories about times on their own ranch when they’d had it, as well as this one. Eventually, Edmond and Hudson got to talking about horses while Bella and Greta spoke of good meals to make on the go. Bella was thoroughly enjoying herself and could see why Hudson liked spending time with these people. As a couple they were cute together, bumping each other’s shoulders, touching each other often, and Bella could tell from the sparkle in their eyes that they were still deeply in love.
They were eating dessert, a delicious gingerbread with whipped cream, when Greta and Edmond exchanged a look. Edmond nodded, and Greta addressed Hudson.
“We have some really great news.”
Hudson gave a chuckle. “What would that be? You can’t make me any more food than you already do. It won’t fit in the refrigerator or on the counter.”
Greta waved his comment away. “This has to do with our children.”
Edmond added, “One specifically. Our daughter Gracie is pregnant. She and Cole are overjoyed, and so are we.”
Greta cut in, “Edmond can’t wait to teach a little one how to ride a horse.”
Hudson said to Bella, “Their daughter lives in Kalispell, so they’ll be able to see their grandchild often.”
“A little girl,” Greta said with glee. “Can you imagine? Bows and pigtails and shiny shoes.”
Edmond shook his head. “Not if she’s a tomboy like Gracie was.”
Bella saw Greta’s and Edmond’s radiant faces, and Hudson’s happiness for them. She felt happy for them, too. “A baby is something glorious to look forward to,” she said, and she meant it.
But inside she felt as if the evening had suddenly wilted because reality had struck again. These good people had reminded her what family was all about—meeting someone you loved, getting married, having kids. A sudden sadness washed over her, especially when she thought about her kiss with Hudson and what it could mean...what it did mean. They were so attracted to each other, and if she let that kiss go further, the next time—
There shouldn’t be a next time. If they started a relationship, it couldn’t go anywhere. No man wanted her because she couldn’t have kids. She could not carry a baby to term. When would she finally let that reality take hold?
Maybe she could find love later in life, she told herself. When she was fifty? When having kids didn’t matter to a man? Was that ever the case? She knew what Hudson was like with kids. She’d seen it over and over again. He enjoyed them. He could get down on their level. He could even be one at times. He would want children.
Somehow she managed to be part of Edmond and Greta’s conversation, talking about kids, toys and even the day care center. She managed to smile and share in their excitement. But deep down, she hurt. That hurt would never go away.
* * *
Hudson was confused as he drove Bella home. They’d had a marvelous afternoon. Their ride had been romantic and fun—the snow falling around them, riding together, the grove in the trees that had sheltered them while they’d kissed. He knew he hadn’t been mistaken about Bella being as involved in it as he was.
Dinner with Edmond and Greta had seemed to be enjoyable, too. But then suddenly, he could tell there’d been a change in Bella. She’d grown quieter, though not a lot quieter. He’d only noticed her gaze hadn’t met his as often. There had been a tension there when he’d spoken to her, even about something as mundane as a child’s toy. And he wanted to get to the bottom of it.
He felt as if he’d done something terribly wrong. Maybe once that wouldn’t have bothered him so much, but this was Bella, and it did bother him.
When he arrived at the Stockton ranch and parked in the drive, he hadn’t even turned off the ignition when Bella said, “You don’t have to walk me to the door. I’ll be fine.”
That almost made him angry. He switched off the motor and said, “That sidewalk looks slippery. I’ll walk you to the door.” He knew his firmness brooked no argument.
Bella seemed to accept his decision, but she didn’t look happy about it. She didn’t wait for him to come around to her door. She opened it herself and hopped down.
When he rounded the truck, she was already on her way to the door. His legs were a lot longer than hers, and he caught up easily. He clasped her elbow and made sure she wasn’t going to slip on the walk. At the porch she turned to him, and it seemed that she steeled herself to meet his gaze.
She smiled and said, “Thank you for today. I had a lovely time.”
She’d said the words, but there was some kind of underlying message in them that he didn’t like and he didn’t accept. It was as if this was the last time they were going to have a lovely time.
“Bella, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong,” she said with a little too much vehemence.
“I don’t believe that. Everything was fine, and then suddenly it wasn’t. I want to know what’s going on in that head of yours.”
She gave him an almost defiant look that said maybe he didn’t have the right to know what was going on in her head. She was correct about that, so he tried a different tack.
“If I did something wrong, I’d like to know what it was.”
Now the defiance was gone, and she looked genuinely concerned. “Hudson, you didn’t do anything wrong. I enjoyed the ride, I really did. And Greta and Edmond are a wonderful couple. I can see why you like spending time with them.”
“But?” he prompted.
She shook her head. “No buts. It’s just that our situation hasn’t changed. You’re my boss. I think we should keep our relationship colleague to colleague.”
Settling his thumb under her chin, he tipped her face up and studied her. That might have been one of her concerns, but it wasn’t the only one. Still he couldn’t force her to confide in him. All he could do was try to gently persuade her with actions rather than words.
“We’re more than colleagues, Bella. Deep down you know that.”
Reluctantly he took his thumb away from her soft skin. Reluctantly he took a step back. “But I respect what you’re saying. I respect you.”
He turned to go. “I’ll see you at Just Us Kids.” Then suddenly he stopped and looked over his shoulder at her. “If you ever want to change our colleague status, just say so. I’m flexible.” He left her standing on the porch contemplating his words.
As he climbed into his truck, he saw her step inside. He just hoped that someday soon she would confide in him what was bothering her.
Because if she didn’t, they would just remain colleagues...until he left Rust Creek Falls.
* * *
On Tuesday afternoon, Bella stopped in Hudson’s office. They hadn’t had contact all day, and he was glad to see her now. She motioned to the classrooms.
“All the children are gone early for a change. We had a light day with the snow keeping some of the kids home. So I’m going to scoot. I called Jazzy, and I’m going out to the ranch to shoot photos. I have about an hour and half of daylight. With the snow and the sun on the horizon, I should be able to get some good shots.”
“After I close up, do you want company?” he asked.
“I might be finished by the time you get there,” she said. Then she paused and gave him a small smile. “You can help convince Jazzy that if she doesn’t like the photos, she doesn’t have to take any. So sure, come on out.”
Because of Bella’s attitude toward a relationship, he didn’t want to push. But he wasn’t beyond coaxing a little. Just being around her would help convince them both exactly what they should or shouldn’t do. Besides, he still wanted to find out what had happened at dinner last night, and why she’d turned suddenly...sad. That was the only word he could find to describe her mood.
After Bella left, he finished up some work, chatted with the teachers, then when they left, he made sure the facility was locked up tight. As he drove to Brooks and Jazzy’s ranch, he felt energized at the idea of seeing Bella again. Had other women ever done that to him? Sure, he’d looked forward to dates, to finding satisfaction in the most physical way. But the idea of seeing Bella again just...lightened him. That was the only way he could put it, and he felt almost happy.
He didn’t think about happiness often. He just lived his life. It was one of those things that if you searched for it you couldn’t find it. But he’d figured out happiness had nothing to do with what he owned. It had something to do with where he went. Maybe that’s why he traveled. This lightness he felt around Bella, however, was something different altogether.
At the ranch he parked beside Bella’s car. Climbing out, he adjusted his Stetson and headed for a purple-coated figure standing at the corral fence.
Jazzy was staring into the pasture where Bella was shuffling through the snow, crouching down to get a shot, then standing to take a long view of another horse. He and Jazzy watched her as their breaths puffed white every time they breathed out. Bella wouldn’t want to be out here too long in this cold, but she was dressed for it with practical boots and a parka, a scarf and knit cap. He couldn’t see her expression from this distance, but her stance said she was intent on what she was doing.
“She’s good with the horses,” Jazzy said.
As he watched her approach one of the animals and hold out her hand, maybe with a treat, the horse nuzzled her palm. She stroked his neck and put her face close to his.
“As good as she is with kids,” Hudson noted. He could feel Jazzy’s gaze on him as he watched Bella.
“You like her,” Jazzy said, as if it were a foregone conclusion.
“You mean it shows?”
“If someone’s looking,” Jazzy answered. “It’s in the way you look at her. The thing is, I’ve heard rumors that you don’t stick around very long. Are you planning to settle in Rust Creek Falls?”
“No.” The word popped out of his mouth before he thought better of it. “I’m going to be moving on soon. Walker can easily find someone else to oversee the day care center.”
“That might not be as easy as you think. Rust Creek Falls isn’t teeming with cowboys like you with managerial experience. I hear you’ve done a magnificent job of getting the business back on track since the lawsuit.”
“I hope that’s the case. It’s hard to wipe out the impression of something gone wrong. But we’re steadily signing up new clients, and the old ones are staying. That’s what’s important.”
“Do you find what you’re doing fulfilling?”
He thought about it. Then he said with a shrug, “Kids or horses. That’s a tough decision to make. I sure do miss being outdoors, though, working with horses most of the day.”
“So you like Clive’s ranch?”
“Oh, I do.”
“Do you really want to move on?”
“It’s my nature,” he said quickly, as if he had to convince himself of that, too.
Instead of focusing on Bella, Jazzy turned to him and looked him deep in the eye. “Maybe it’s only your nature until something or someone convinces you to stay.”
Jazzy’s words were still echoing in his mind a half hour later as Bella waved to them that she was finished and came over to the fence, her camera swinging around her neck on its strap. She climbed the crossbars and swung her leg over the top.
Jazzy said, “I’ll start inside and make us hot chocolate. Maybe we can thaw out our fingers and toes.”
Hudson held out his hands to Bella. She hesitated only a moment, and then she took them and let him help her down. They glanced at each other now and then on the walk to the house but didn’t speak. Hudson wanted to ask her how she thought the shoot went, but he knew she wouldn’t answer, not until she got a look at those photos on more than her camera screen. And he had an idea.
“Did you bring along the cord to hook your camera up to the TV?”
“Brooks and Jazzy have a smart TV?”
“Oh, I’m sure they do. We’ll check when we get inside. That way you can see what the pictures look like.”
“I brought my laptop,” Bella said.
“Wouldn’t you rather see them spread across fifty-two inches?”
She laughed. “It’s a guy thing, isn’t it? Having a huge TV.”
Hudson stopped and studied her. “Is that a sexist remark?”
“No, it’s the truth,” she said.
“You don’t want to watch a chick flick on fifty-two inches?”
“When I watch a chick flick, it’s for the content. I don’t care how big the screen is.”
He just shook his head. “Venus and Mars.”
“You think men and women are from two different planets?”
“I think they have two entirely different perspectives on the world.”
“You might be right.”
They were no sooner inside than Jazzy brought hot chocolate and sandwiches into the living room and set the tray on the coffee table.
Brooks grinned. “Perfect.”
He wasn’t looking at the food, though. He was staring at his wife. Her cheeks were rosy, her hair mussed. She was wearing slim jeans, boots and a heavy sweater.
“You were out there a long while,” he said. “I’ll switch on the gas fireplace. Extra heat won’t hurt.”
After Hudson and Bella had taken off their coats, scarves and hats, they came to sit down, too. Bella rubbed her hands in front of the fire. “That feels nice. I like the idea of not having to carry in the wood.”
“It has an automatic pilot, too,” Jazzy said, “so if the electricity goes out, we still have its heat. I imagine Clive has something like this,” she said to Hudson.
“Yes, he does. It’s come in handy the past few nights. No reason to put the heat up in the whole house when I’m just in one room.”
Bella gave him a glance that said she was surprised he was economical about it. He had the feeling she underestimated him on a lot of things—his reputation, maybe his brother’s sentiments about him, that he was a drifter and didn’t settle down long in one place. Yet Walker was probably right.
Not wanting to think about that, he asked Brooks, “Can we hook Bella’s camera up to your TV? Then we can all view the pictures on there.”
“Without me previewing them first?” Bella asked, sounding nervous about it.
“Up to you,” he said.
She chewed on her lower lip for a minute and then said, “I think I got a couple of pretty good shots. Let’s do it.”
After Brooks and Hudson accomplished the hookup, they all viewed the photos, one by one.
Hudson heard Jazzy’s intake of breath at a photo of a light-colored bay against the sun setting on the horizon and glinting off the snow. He hoped that meant she liked it. There were so many others to like, too. Jazzy took a few steps back so she could get a better perspective and silently watched as one photo after another appeared on the big screen. She oohed over the one of the chestnut near the pine grove when the light was still full. She aahed over a blue sky as a backdrop against pristine snow and a gray equine beauty. Bella hadn’t captured only the horses, but the ranch, too. He’d seen her run from one end of the corral to the other, snapping an action shot of three horses together, but then also taking her time, sitting on a fence, snapping barns and trees and Montana’s big sky.
After they viewed the photos twice, Brooks said, “Bella, these are fabulous, absolutely fabulous. I don’t know how we’re going to decide which ones to use.”
“You don’t have to decide now. I’d like to edit them a bit and do some cropping. I can send you the files.”
“I have a photo printer at Clive’s place,” Hudson said. “Why don’t we go back there and print them out. Then you can look at the printed photo as well as the digital file and decide which ones you want on the pamphlet. That might give you a better idea.”
Brooks and Jazzy exchanged a look. “That sounds good to us,” he said. “Now, let’s have another round of hot chocolate.”
Bella called Jamie to make sure everything was all right there. He said he had it under control and Fallon was keeping him company. Bella told him about the photo shoot and how Jazzy and Brooks seemed to like her photos. He was excited for her, and she saw that both of them needed something in their lives other than babies and diapers and laundry. She was glad Fallon was there with him.
An hour later they finally left for the Lazy B.
As they stepped inside, she asked, “Why do you have a photo printer?”
“I like gizmos and tech stuff, not just saddles and boots,” he told her. “And I’ve been here long enough to have a collection. I have a camera, too. I sightsee now and then. I’ve gone out to the falls near Falls Mountain and taken a few shots, but mostly I use it for the day care center. My phone camera is fine, but I get better light with a point-and-shoot. If I see something that can be improved on at Just Us Kids, I take a picture so that I have a reminder of it. It’s my way of working.”
She followed him into the great room and took off her parka. “I’ll pay you for the cost of printing the photos.”
“Nonsense. I got you this commission, so to speak. It’s my contribution.”
As she walked with him to the study, she said, “You’re a generous man, Hudson. Have you found people take advantage of that?”
“The ones who need the generosity don’t. If somebody does, I chalk it up to experience learned. Giving usually isn’t wasted. You give, too. You’re generous with your time and your spirit, Bella. I’m sure your brother would attest to that.”
When Hudson gave her compliments, Bella wasn’t sure what to say. So she said nothing. As they sat next to each other at the desktop computer, their arms brushed. She didn’t pull away. Being with Hudson was both unsettling and exciting. The exciting part coaxed her to let it continue. She knew she was headed for deep water and it was quite possible that she’d drown. But the attraction to Hudson was heady, like nothing she’d ever felt before. And she liked dwelling in it for just a little while.
The computer monitor was large enough to do the photos justice. When Hudson downloaded them, all the recent photos on the camera went into the program. He took a long time studying several of them that were taken at area barns and ranches.
“You’re really good, Bella, even better than you know. I can frame any one of these for a wall grouping and it would stand out as artistic and meaningful.”
“You’re too kind,” she said.
He turned toward her and pushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. “No, I’m not kind, not about this, not about you. I don’t have kindness on my mind when I look at you.”
“Hudson,” she said on a slightly warning note.
He dropped his hand from her hair, leaned back and sighed. “You don’t have to say anything else. I know how you feel about...everything. I can’t say you’re wrong...unless you want to enjoy the moment. Unless living for today means as much as living for tomorrow.”
“Have you used that line before?” she asked, staring directly into his eyes. She knew Hudson was experienced. She knew he’d been around the block, so to speak. She knew he knew what he was doing.
For a moment she thought he was going to get angry, but then he rolled his chair away from hers. “It’s not a line. It’s just the way I think. It’s the way I live. I’m not sure what you think my history is with women, Bella, but I don’t need lines.”
“No ego there,” she murmured.
His serious face turned light, and he chuckled. “I never said I was a humble man. Come on, let’s get these printed out. Then I’m going to follow you home to make sure you get there safely.”
“No, Hudson. There’s no need for that. I don’t need a protector.”
There must have been something in her voice that convinced him of that, but he was still a negotiator.
“All right. I won’t follow you home if you promise to call me when you get there.”
“I’ll text you,” she bargained.
He rolled his eyes but responded, “Deal.”
Yet somehow, even though Bella had felt like she’d gotten her way, she knew that Hudson Jones would have the last word.