On the internet, no one knows you’re a dog – but that’s no excuse for poor manners.
Etiquette might sound like an old-fashioned idea in modern times, but it’s about a lot more than knowing which fork to use. It is the social glue that binds us together, the code that lets us easily communicate without misunderstanding each other or causing offence. It helps us to avoid awkwardness and show respect to others, all while presenting ourselves in the best possible light.
But all too often, good manners seem to dissolve in the glare of a smartphone screen or the clicking of a keyboard. This isn’t (usually) out of any malice; the problem is that there’s very little consensus on what constitutes good conduct in the digital world. You might know your way around a dinner party, but how confident are you on the etiquette of WhatsApp groups? Does your Tinder profile meet generally accepted standards of decorum? And where does one even begin with social media? Any guidance on the correct usage of memes is conspicuously absent from my copy of Debrett’s …
It’s no wonder we’re all confused. Behind our screens, communication is often conducted through text, meaning it doesn’t benefit from social cues such as facial expressions and body language. Communication is rarely truly private, increasing the potential for embarrassment, and it almost always leaves a digital trail – all the better to capture a permanent record of your every indiscretion.
In the 1990s, people used to talk about ‘netiquette’ to describe a kind of general internet code of conduct. But as more and more of our interactions move online, we need more nuance. Context is critical: you wouldn’t behave the same in an email to your boss as you would in a Snapchat message to your crush (or at least I hope you wouldn’t). And as technology evolves, so too does our behaviour. Famed etiquette author Emily Post never had to consider how best to slide into someone’s DMs, or deal with the exquisite agony of being left on read.
This book sets out to illuminate digital etiquette across the four major spheres of everyday life: work, romance, friendship and community. As well as offering practical advice, it reflects on some of the quirks of modern digital culture, and the behaviours we have developed to navigate these treacherous times. As technology moves on and customs change, it can be hard to keep up, but the basic pillars of good manners remain the same. Good etiquette means putting other people’s comfort first. It means having empathy and patience, and generally just not being a jerk.
Keep these basic tenets in mind and we can bring ourselves one step closer to the impossible: being nice to each other on the internet.