POTATO SALAD

SERVES 6–8

Many, many years ago, I worked in a Long Island deli, and in case you didn’t know, that slop they pass off as potato salad comes out of a giant white bucket. It’s repulsive. So why is this an awesome recipe for potato salad? Because I invented it! Mine is the best damn potato salad. Ever. Potatoes are also a great way to stretch your food budget.

And yes, if you’re curious, I did operate a meat slicer at the deli and sliced off a small bit of my right thumb, which has since grown back nicely.

1 pound small red-skinned new potatoes, quartered

Salt

2 tablespoons Dijon mustard

¹/₃ cup mayonnaise

¹/₄ cup cooked crumbled bacon

¹/₄ cup thinly sliced scallions

1 cup corn, fresh or frozen and thawed

3 hard-boiled eggs, peeled and chopped

Pepper

Place the potatoes in a large pot, cover with water, and add salt. Bring the water to a boil, then lower the heat to medium-low and simmer for 10 to 15 minutes, until the potatoes are just tender when pierced with a fork. Drain and let cool.

In a large serving bowl, combine all other ingredients, add the potatoes, mix thoroughly, and adjust seasonings. Can be served hot or cold.

SET THE TABLE!

Here is everything you need to know about setting the table: The fork goes to the left of the plate, the knife directly to the right of the plate with the blade facing the plate, the spoon to the right of the knife on the outermost right. (You’d be surprised how many people get that wrong.) Now, place your salad plate on top of your dinner plate, place your napkin on top of the salad plate, then add your salad fork to the left of your dinner fork. Next, place your soup spoon to the right of your teaspoon. Your wineglass sits above your spoons, your water glass to its left, and the bread plate sits above or to the left of the forks. Place your butter knife on top of your bread plate.

A perfectly set table. (That dude Barney who gives Julia Roberts the dinner etiquette lesson in Pretty Woman has nothing on me!)