10 I CHERISH YOU

Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

—Matthew 6:21

ACCORDING TO MERRIAM-WEBSTER ONLINE DICTIONARY, cherish means “to hold dear,”[10] to regard someone or something as a treasure. This comes naturally to those who are caught up in the first flush of youthful romantic love. But feelings can fade over time, and when that happens, cherishing can survive and thrive only if it graduates to a higher level. It needs to be lifted out of the realm of mere emotion and transformed into a steady, consistent attitude. It has to become an intentional act of the will.

I (Greg) saw the beauty of the “cherish list” in action a few years ago when Erin and I spent Thanksgiving at my parents’ home in Branson, Missouri. At one point, my folks got into a huge argument. (Yes, it happens in the elder Smalley household. One of the things I admire about my parents’ marriage is that they don’t claim to have a “perfect” relationship, and they’re not afraid to disagree.) This particular disagreement was a doozy, to the point that my folks retired to opposite ends of the house for a while. I ventured into my dad’s study later to see how he was doing. I found him sitting behind his computer and assumed he was catching up on the news or weather. Instead, he was reading a document he had created called “Why Norma Is So Valuable” (that’s my mom’s name). The list contained literally hundreds of words and phrases describing my mom’s value. It was astonishing!

I asked him about it, and he said, “Years ago I started a list of reasons why your mom is so valuable. When I’m upset with her or when we’ve had a fight, instead of sitting here thinking about how hurt or frustrated I am, I make myself read through this list. The more I read, the faster I realize that you have an amazing mom.” That’s the power of cherishing your mate!

ACTIVITY: Before your date, each of you should take some time alone to make a list of the things you value about your spouse. Include his or her personality traits, character qualities, spirituality, caring behaviors, accomplishments, and even physical characteristics. Write them down and take the list with you on your date. Then, over dinner or in a quiet location, share your cherish lists with each other. Don’t simply hand your list to your spouse and expect him or her to read it in silence. Instead, actually read your list aloud.

After you’ve shared your list, give it to your spouse and, if time allows, consider going to a scrapbook or craft store to get some stickers or even picture frames to adorn your lists. Keeping the list you’ve been given in a wallet or purse, on the nightstand, or in another easily seen location will remind you regularly of the reasons your spouse cherishes you.

QUESTIONS: After you’ve exchanged your cherish lists, answer the following Questions: What was your favorite part of the evening? What is one thing you learned about me tonight that you didn’t know before? What is one way I can let you know I cherish you during the coming week?