21 ENCOURAGE

There are two ways of exerting one’s strength: one is pushing down, the other is pulling up.

—Booker T. Washington

THE WORD ENCOURAGE LITERALLY MEANS “to make courageous.” It’s lifting a person up and affirming him or her to the point that he or she says, “I can do this!” in the face of something that might otherwise seem too challenging.

That’s a wonderful picture of what happens in marriage, isn’t it? Throughout your relationship, you’ll face many struggles, whether unemployment, illness, disease, bankruptcy, childrearing challenges, or just everyday hurts and disappointments. There will be many good times, too, of course. The point is that in marriage, the hills and valleys are easier to take when you have someone in your corner. Out-of-control kids and overwhelming credit-card bills can either tear you apart or pull you closer together. It all depends on your ability to tackle these challenges with a united front. Husbands and wives can encourage each other on a date by helping him or her try something new. Have you ever wanted to try something but were too nervous or afraid? Perhaps the activity itself appeals to you, but you’ve never taken the plunge because you lack confidence. You may feel you just don’t have what it takes. It could be a demanding physical activity or something like public speaking or even dancing. If you’re willing to be a little adventurous, this date will allow you to indulge that desire as a team, encouraging each other along the way.

ACTIVITY: If time and budget allow, don’t be afraid to go for the gusto here. Try something challenging! Don’t put yourselves in any danger, of course, but try to find an activity that lies outside your normal comfort zone. And as you did with the teamwork date earlier, focus on completing it together, offering lots of affirmation to your partner. Here are some possible activities: going skydiving; singing karaoke; participating in a poetry night at a local venue; riding the scariest, most heart-attack-inducing roller coaster you can find.

QUESTIONS: After your activity, bring the principles of encouragement back to the real world. You might not jump out of an airplane every day, but you will face challenging situations, whether dealing with unruly kids or with hostile employees or coworkers. Ask your spouse, “How can I encourage you as you face upcoming challenges?” “What do you dread during the week that I can help you face?”