28 SIMPLE GIFTS

A wise lover values not so much the gift of Him Who loves as the love of Him Who gives.

—Thomas à Kempis, The Imitation of Christ

GIVING GIFTS TO YOUR SPOUSE can be a fun way to build intimacy—if they’re given in the right spirit and for the right reasons! They’re a simple way to let your spouse know you value and appreciate him or her. The gift doesn’t have to be extravagant or expensive. It could even be homemade. The important thing is that it conveys a meaningful message about your feelings for your spouse or communicates something particular about your relationship.

Have you ever mentioned needing a new pair of winter gloves or a new golf putter only to have your spouse surprise you a couple of days later with the new item? The gloves might end up being too big or the wrong color, and the putter might not match the rest of your golf clubs. But at that point it doesn’t matter. The message that has been conveyed is that your spouse listens to you and cares about the things you care about. What do you usually say when you receive a gift like this? “It’s the thought that counts.” And that’s absolutely true.

ACTIVITY: Go shopping, preferably at the mall or a large department store. Then split up! Each of you should try to purchase something your spouse would find meaningful; something that reminds you of him or her. Again, don’t feel the need to spend a lot of money. The item could be something as simple as a new neon cell-phone case for your wife to replace the one that broke, or a new ball cap featuring the logo of your husband’s favorite team. After you’ve had a chance to find a gift, meet up again at a predetermined time for a gift exchange.

Alternatively, if you have time in the days leading up to your date, why not try to make a gift for your spouse? It doesn’t need to be complicated—perhaps putting together a simple scrapbook page of photos of the two of you having fun together, or even creating a playlist of some of your spouse’s favorite songs and putting them on his or her iPod.

QUESTIONS: After you’ve exchanged gifts, discuss the following Questions: Why did you pick this gift? What about it made you think of me? How important are simple gifts like this to you in terms of communicating intimacy? Do you have any favorite gifts or mementos from early in our marriage that you still cherish?