4 RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS

Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind.

—Henry James

DO YOU MAKE AN EFFORT to be kind to each other, simply for the sake of being kind? Married couples often fall into the routine of doing nice things for one another only when it’s absolutely necessary or, even worse, as a way of coercing their partner into something. For example, there’s nothing wrong with a gift on your spouse’s birthday, but let’s face it, that’s what is expected of you.

The type of kindness we have in mind is the self-sacrificing, giving, “just because I love you” type of kindness that isn’t coercive and doesn’t expect something in return. These don’t have to be huge, expensive “events.” They can be simple everyday activities that convey your love and appreciation to your spouse. It might be helping put the kids to bed—or even handling the bedtime routine all by yourself without being asked to do so—even though that’s typically your spouse’s responsibility. It might be calling to remind your spouse that you’re praying for him or her—or even praying together over the phone—on a day when an important meeting is taking place at work. In marriage, the most important acts of kindness are those unprompted, simple gestures of love that say “I love you, I’m thinking about you, and I care about you” on a daily basis.

ACTIVITY: Go out for dinner and then pick another fun date activity—perhaps bowling or visiting an amusement park or an arcade. Over the course of the date, make every effort to be extra thoughtful and courteous toward your spouse. Enjoy the experience of simply being kind to each other. Don’t be disingenuous about it, but don’t be afraid to lay it on thick either.

QUESTIONS: After your activity is over, go somewhere quiet and enjoy a time of conversing and connecting. Discuss the following Questions: What are some of the “little things” I did for you on our date that you appreciated? Over the course of a typical week, how do I demonstrate my love for you? What else can I do in the future?

Be sure to keep your answers uplifting and affirming. The idea isn’t to criticize your spouse in the areas where he or she is falling short. The goal is to affirm what he or she is already doing, to exchange ideas, and to offer helpful suggestions for the future.