7 SHARED INTERESTS

Friendship . . . is born at the moment when one [person] says to another, “What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .”

—C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves

IT’S A COMMON THEME FOR many married couples. He likes to do “guy stuff” like playing sports, collecting baseball cards, or going hunting. She likes “girly stuff” like scrapbooking, sewing, or blogging about bargains. Certainly, some of these activities speak to the innate differences between males and females. It would be a serious mistake, however, for couples to assume that every moment of free time should be relegated to “his interests” and “her interests,” and never the twain shall meet.

Having common hobbies can help couples deepen their sense of intimacy, connection, and especially friendship. When was the last time you thought about your spouse as your friend—someone you enjoy spending time with and with whom you can engage in mutually satisfying pursuits? If husbands and wives have a firm grasp of their roles as partners, lovers, or parents but fail to understand what it means to be friends, they’re missing out on a key component of marriage. The Bible places the concept of friendship front and center in King Solomon’s depiction of romantic love: “This is my lover, this [is] my friend” (Song of Songs 5:16).

ACTIVITY: Choosing a new restaurant is a fantastic way for husbands and wives to develop a common interest. Find a restaurant or a type of cuisine that neither of you has tried before. You’ll experience something new together for the first time. And who knows? You both just might like it! If you have time prior to your date, google “date-night ideas,” “hobbies for married couples,” or a similar phrase to identify potential activities that you might enjoy together. The idea is not only to select a new and exciting activity for your date but also to identify a hobby or pastime the two of you, as a couple, can return to again and again as a shared interest. The possibilities are endless, but here are just a few activities you might consider: cycling, bird watching, coauthoring a blog, collecting antiques or artwork, composing music together or jamming on instruments, photography, clay modeling or pottery, scuba diving, horseback riding, learning a form of self-defense, “treasure hunting” with a metal detector, gardening or landscaping, cooking, or volunteering at church or with a local social-service agency.

QUESTIONS: After your activity, discuss the following Questions: What were some of your favorite hobbies as a child? Have any of those hobbies retained your interest as an adult? What are some of the key things that make your favorite hobbies enjoyable? Do you prefer activities that are more physical in nature, or those that provide a mental challenge? What hobby would you pursue if time and money weren’t factors?

The final, and most important, question for you to discuss is this: Did both of you truly enjoy your shared experience? Remember, the purpose of a shared interest isn’t to let one spouse be a martyr for the sake of the other, suffering through something that he or she truly doesn’t enjoy, but to identify and cultivate activities that both spouses genuinely enjoy doing together.