Will
It’s too damn early on a Wednesday morning for this. My pulse spikes as the world closes in around me. I scoot closer to the window, counting down the seconds until I can get off this bus. Hadley sits next to me, calm and collected as usual. The shrill laughter and excitement from the kids around us makes me want to jump out of the window.
Her legs brushes against mine and for a minute I focus on that.
“Are you okay?” she asks, her green eyes wide.
“I’m fine,” I lie.
Her eyebrows pull together for a moment but I offer a grin to assure her. She smiles back and turns to Lily who is across the aisle from us.
She seems fine with ignoring what happened between us on Friday, and the last two days at camp prove that. We’ve gone through the motions and I’m happy enough that she didn’t want to discuss it. She wouldn’t have anyway. She’s still the same girl who avoids any tough subjects, which is fine with me. A momentary lapse in judgment made me touch her. But when I got home and received the call from Mabel, my selfishness was put on the back burner.
“The bank needs at least half of the loan by the end of the month,” she said. “I have a call out to the lawyer for an extension.”
“We’ve had too many extensions,” I said.” I guarantee that won’t go through. I’ll send you the paychecks I’ve received so far. I can push up the open house to next week to get the ball rolling. I’ll make sure all the cosmetic repairs are done and I can work on the rest at night.”
“Will,” she said, in her warning voice. “I didn’t call you for the money. I just wanted to let you know the progress. I will take care of everything. How are you doin’?”
The night with Hadley had felt fantastic, but the reason I’d come back was to sell the house and leave everything behind. I had to focus on that now.
“I’m fine. Can we take any money from the fund?”
“You know that’s to pay for your Dad’s program.”
I pulled the phone away from my ear, wanting to throw it across the room. “Maybe we need to renegotiate the contract with them. He’s not getting any better is he?” And he’s sucking us dry.
“The doctors are seeing an improvement, Will,” she said with a hint of annoyance. “You’d know that if you actually listened when I tell you about him. Or you can just see him yourself. You’re only an hour away.”
“I’m not even going to respond to that.”
“As much as you think you hate him, he’s still your father.”
I pressed my fingers against my temple.
Mabel attempted to make me feel better by asking about the camp but the moment for us had passed. I said goodbye and turned off my phone. I didn’t need any more distractions. I had work to do.
The bus stops in front of the bowling alley. I’m the first out of my seat and Hadley moves her legs allowing me to pass.
“Stay in your groups!” I call over the kids. “We’re going to get our shoes then choose our lanes.”
I sprint off the bus and wait next to it, inhaling the somewhat fresh air even though it’s spiked with exhaust fumes.
Hadley and Lily come off next. I lead the group into the empty bowling alley. The air smells of wood polish and stale pizza. The kids weave through each other towards the shoe counter. Hadley and Lily pick up their pace and meet the terrified girl who is in charge of handing out the shoes.
I go to the closest lane and pick up a bright blue ball, testing the weight in my hands. The kids wouldn’t be caught dead playing with a counselor, so Tyler and Aiden come over to the lane and start in on putting our names onto the screen above us.
Leo and Patrice shuffle the small group of younger kids in, escorting them towards the farther lanes that have bumpers set up for candlepin bowling.
Hadley and Lily stride up to us holding several pairs of shoes. Hadley tosses me a pair. “Still size ten? If not, I’m not exchanging them,” she says with a grin.
“Yes,” I say and sit down on the bucket seat. I untie my sneakers and slip on the thin red and blue fabric shoes. Skye joins us. “Thanks for waiting for me, girls.”
“No problem,” Lily says to her shoes.
Hadley finishes tying her shoes and stands up, her eyes on the kids around us. “I’m going to make sure everyone is good. You guys start without me.”
I don’t know what makes me do it, but I stand up too. “I’ll go with you.”
Her eyes widen but she nods and starts for the other lanes.
“Remember the last time we were here?” I ask, moving to her side.
She bites her lip nervously. “The night I broke your toe?”
I nod. “The night you broke my toe.”
She groans. “Am I going to have to live with that the rest of my life?”
“Oh yeah, I’m not letting you off that easily. I told you not to walk onto the lane, it’s waxed for a reason.”
She shakes her head, remembering. Her foot had slipped on the lane and let go of the ball, throwing it at my foot.
She approaches the kids from our group who have split off into two lanes. “You ready to play?”
“I can’t figure this thing out!” Kelli says.
Lauren is at her side. She looks up at us. “I told her to let me do it, but she insisted.”
“My dad is the head of IT at the bank. I think I can program a stupid game,” Kelli notes.
Lauren reaches over and presses the “New Game” button and sits next to Allison, waiting for their turn. Kelli’s jaw clenches and her fingers hover over the screen. She enters her name in using the on screen keyboard.
Hadley squeezes Lauren’s shoulder. “Thanks.”
All of the groups seem settled in and we have just over an hour until lunch is served. We’re hovering on the fine line of our relationship toward the uncomfortable side.
“Are you going to be okay on the bus ride next Friday?” she says in a teasing tone.
“I’ll be fine. It’s just been a while. I forgot how insane these kids are. In the best way possible of course.”
“The buses are bigger since it’s a longer trip.”
“That helps,” I note.
Hadley pulls out her phone and reads the screen. I scan the group.
“Mom wanted me to invite you over for pizza night?” she asks.
“Sounds good,” I reply.
Our hands brush as we near our lane. And, before I can stop them, the words tumble out of my mouth. “About the other night.”
I take her hands in mine and turn her to face me. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I was lost in our past for a moment and it won’t happen again. I’m a little overwhelmed,” I say honestly. “But there are a lot of things in my life that I wish I could take away but I can’t. And I don’t want you to get mixed up in it.”
“But what if I want to be?” Her voice is just above a whisper. I unfold one of my hands from hers and lift her chin with my finger. Her eyes are filled with a sadness that I’m responsible for.
Crack!
Hadley and I jump as Tyler cheers from our lane only a few feet away. I glance at the group who cheer along with him, all except for Skye who is on her phone.
I lean closer to her. “I think we should continue this conversation somewhere more private?”
“Yes,” she agrees.
“How about tonight?” I say hurriedly.
“Yes,” she repeats.
I open my hands and hers fall to her sides. We walk back to the lane.
“Your turn Will,” Tyler says when we arrive. Hadley sits next to Lily.
I pick up the blue ball and step up to the lane.
“You suck!” Lily jeers.
I turn around and point at her, using the hand with the ball on it. “First of all, there are children around. And secondly,” I turn to the lane and draw my arm back. “Watch this!” The ball rolls off my fingers as if by muscle memory. I hold my breath as it rolls down the lane at breakneck speed and slices through the center of the pins, knocking them all to the ground.
“The prodigal athlete returns,” Lily snarks. “Are you bad at anything?”
I answer her with a grin, glancing at the score above us. “Your turn.”
***
When lunch rolls around, Tyler and I are in the lead by over a hundred points. The others form two teams, cheering us on. The sides are even with Hadley and Skye on my side and the others with Tyler.
Tyler steps up to the lane and twirls around, holding his ball up close to his face. He peers over the ball with a mischievous grin. He takes a deep breath and turns to the lane. “You’re going down,” he says in a low voice. He swings his arm back and throws the ball. It hits the floor hard and soars down the lane. He’s still in his throwing position but his fingers wiggle at his side as if he can move the ball with just a thought. The ball hits the pins too far to the right. Three pins remain.
He swallows a curse. Aiden and Lily cheer for him but his jaw is clenched as he waits for his ball to return. He quickly recovers and throws the ball again, knocking down all but one of the remaining pins.
His shoulders droop and he turns around.
“Good job Tyler!” Hadley calls reassuringly.
He flicks his eyes to mine. “You’re up.”
“Gutter ball!” Lily calls.
“That’s rude.” Skye says.
“It’s all in good fun,” Lily snarks. “Tyler still has a shot at winning.”
I pick up my ball and step up to the lane. I wipe my mind of everything in the room. I roll my shoulders and pull my arm back, letting the ball fly. It sails across the floor, but right at the end it veers away from where I intended. The ball rockets through the pins leaving a 7-10 split.
Of. Fucking. Course.
“Did we account for a tie?” Aiden asks.
I turn around and pick up my ball from the return. “There won’t be a tie.”
“Come on man,” Tyler says. He’s lounging back in the chairs, one arm around the back of Hadley’s seat. He’s not touching her but he’s close enough. “You can’t hit both.”
I grab my ball and step up to the lane. My competitive edge is another genetic gift from my father. For as much as Lily teases, I don’t win everything. At least not the things that matter. I hold my breath and throw, feeling the rumbling of the ball in my chest. It rockets toward the seven pin. It has to hit the sweet spot, but I soon realize I’m off again. The ball teeters on the gutter but it hits the seven pin. The pin falls to its side and spins like a top. The momentum is steady as the pin circles while moving toward the ten pin. It’s so close. I hear my breathing echoing in my ears as the spinning comes to a stop, the tip of the pin ever so lightly hitting the ten-pin. As if in slow motion the ten pin topples over, the sound of victory in that minute plink against the lane.
“Oh my God!” Skye cries.
I turn around and Hadley is out of her seat, clapping.
Tyler’s head is dipped against his chest.
I walk over to the girls, one in particular. I scoop Hadley up in a hug and spin around. Her face falls into the crook of my neck and she’s laughing. Her body pressed against mine is like freedom.
“I’m going to throw up!” she squeals, her mouth brushing against my neck, sending a thrill through me.
I put her down and catch Tyler’s disapproving stare. I smirk and turn to Skye. “Team Will!” she says, opening her arms in front of her. I give her a quick hug too, so as not to single out Hadley. Even though she’s the only girl I ever want in my arms. How had it taken me this long to realize that?
Three alley employees carry out trays of sandwiches from the kitchen.
“Perfect timing,” I say to Tyler, clapping him on the back.
“Rematch after lunch,” he says, and I agree.
***
My phone rings just as I’m about to press the Beauman’s doorbell. The sound startles me because the ringer is set to a loud guitar solo that is distinct enough to point out exactly who it is. I decline the call, not wanting to ruin a perfectly good day.
I press the bell and Ethan sprints to the door, opening it for me. I flourish a bouquet of flowers I picked up on the way home.
Ethan slaps his hands to his chest and sighs. “For me? You shouldn’t have.”
I shake my head and step over the threshold. It’s the second time I’ve been in the house since I returned but it feels like I’ve really come home. The house phone rings and Mrs. Beauman comes out of the kitchen with it pressed to her ear. A plume of flour emanates from her hair.
“Hello?” She waves at me.
In the kitchen, Hadley rolls out the pizza dough. She wipes her face with a dish towel and notices me.
“Hey.”
“Hi,” I say, grabbing the dish towel from her. I wipe her cheek. “Missed a spot.”
“Honey!” Mrs. Beauman calls.
Hadley’s eyebrows knit together and she turns to her mom. She’s holding the phone in one hand, cradling the speaker in the other. Mr. Beauman appears at the top of the stairs.
“It’s for you,” she says softly.
He comes down the steps and Mrs. Beauman whispers something in his ear before handing him the phone. Mr. Beauman retreats to the dining room to take the call.
Mrs. Beauman smiles and returns to the kitchen. I hand her the flowers and a wide grin spreads across her lips. She taps a finger under my chin. “Such a gentleman.”
“Can I do anything?” I offer.
She indicates the plates and utensils on the kitchen table. “You and Ethan can set the table. Dad has the grill on and ready for the first pizza.”
I pick up the stack of plates from the kitchen table and go through the open sliding doors onto the patio. Ethan is right behind me with a pitcher of iced tea and glasses.
Hadley appears from the house, holding the grill pan topped with pizza. “Round One, ready to go!”
She places the metal pan on the grate and closes the top. “It’s on!” she calls to her mom. She turns away from the grill and pushes a chunk of hair from her face. Her cheeks are flushed and I wonder if it’s because of the heat from the grill pan. The way she acts around me it’s almost as if not a day has passed since I left. She leans against the post of the patio and tilts her head back toward the setting sun. I take that moment to study her neck. The one that I had so close to my lips earlier today.
“So,” she starts, tilting her head back down.
I glance at Ethan who is busy with his phone, the glasses still in a stack on the table. I grab them, and set one down at each stop. “Thanks for inviting me. I’d forgotten about pizza night.”
“You’ve been missing out, man.” Ethan says without looking up.
I pour iced tea into the glasses.
“I can imagine you don’t cook much for yourself. At least based on the last grocery run we made,” Hadley says.
“I’ve been pretty busy at night,” I admit. “Trudy bumped up the open house to this Sunday.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” I don’t tell her it was my suggestion.
“What if it sells before the end of the summer? Are you going to leave?”
I shake my head, keeping my eyes on the table. “The terms for the closing won’t be until the end of the summer.” I look up and meet her worried expression. “I made a promise to your dad. I’m going to stay until the end of camp.”
She visibly relaxes and pushes away from the post, taking her spot next to the grill.
The sliding door opens and Ethan shoves his phone in his pocket and sits back as if he set the table on his own. Mrs. Beauman holds another pizza pan and places it on the table. Pepperoni this time.
Mr. Beauman comes to my side and offers his hand. He leans close to me as we shake. “Let’s have a chat.”
I follow him onto the back lawn. We head towards the small shed at the back of the property.
He gets right to the point. “That was Patriot Rehabilitation Center on the phone.”
I stiffen.
“Mabel put us as one of the contacts,” he explains as if reading my mind. “She switched the first phone call to go to you since you are up here and we are the secondary number.”
My heartbeat roars in my ears and I take a step back from him. I should have picked it up when they called. “What did they want?”
“Luckily this time it wasn’t an emergency. But they did inquire about the bill.”
Dammit.
I massage the back of my neck and look at the patio where Hadley and Ethan are laughing. I can’t pull her into this. Into my messed up life. She deserves more.
“I talked to Mabel,” I say. “I sent my paychecks to them and whatever extra money I had to her to pay off the lawyer. I just need a couple more weeks to have enough money to pay for the next quarter.”
“It’s fine,” he says. “I took care of it.”
“You shouldn’t have done that.” My tone is harsh towards someone who just shelled out a lot of money for my family. But I can’t help it.
“It’s a loan,” he says calmly. “I already cleared it with Mabel. With the sale of the house you can easily pay me back.”
“Thank you.”
He looks towards the house. “You’ve had a lot of responsibility in your life for only being twenty years old. It’s not a bad thing to accept some help once in a while. Your father is still a good friend of mine and has been for a long time. He would have done the same thing for me.”
I kick the ground with the toe of my shoe. “Doubt it.”
He squeezes my shoulder. “I’ve visited him a few times.”
My head snaps up. “Does Hadley know?”
“No. I respect other people’s privacy. But like I said, he’s been my friend for over twenty-five years. And lately he’s doing much better.”
“Yeah,” I mutter.
“We all have ups and downs. If you are willing to put faith in someone they might surprise you.” He looks over at his family. “It’s something I’ve taught to my kids. That’s probably why Hadley hasn’t asked about you in some time. She always had faith that you would return.”
And with that he turns away from me and heads towards his family. Something I can want but, without letting anyone in, I’ll never have.