Defusion means separating from our thoughts, seeing them for what they truly are, and allowing them to be as they are. There are three main types of strategy for defusion: noticing, naming and neutralisation. Noticing and naming are described in detail in Chapter 6. Neutralising your thoughts means putting them into a new context where you can readily recognise that they are nothing more or less than words and pictures, which then effectively neutralises their power over you.
Neutralisation techniques typically involve either accentuating the visual properties of thoughts (i.e. ‘seeing’ them), highlighting the auditory properties of thoughts (i.e. ‘hearing’ them), or both. I encourage you to play around with the techniques that follow, and be curious as to what will happen. You can’t accurately predict in advance which techniques will work best for you — any given technique might give you no defusion whatsoever, or it might just give you a tiny bit of defusion, or it could give you a massive amount of defusion. (At times, it could even create more fusion; this is uncommon, but it does occasionally happen.)
Keep in mind that the purpose of defusion is not to get rid of unwanted thoughts, nor to reduce unpleasant feelings. The purpose of defusion is to enable you to engage fully in life, instead of getting lost in or pushed around by your thoughts. When we defuse from unhelpful thoughts, we often find that they quickly ‘disappear’, or our unpleasant feelings rapidly reduce — but such outcomes are ‘lucky bonuses’, not the main aim. So by all means enjoy these things when they happen, but don’t expect them; if you start using defusion to try to achieve such outcomes, you will soon be disappointed.
I invite you to try out the following techniques and be curious about what happens. If you find one or two that really help you to defuse, play around with them over the next few weeks and see what difference it makes. However, if any of these techniques make you feel like your thoughts are being trivialised or discounted or mocked, then do not use them.
First, on a piece of paper, jot down several of the thoughts that most frequently hook you and distress you. For each technique, pick one of these thoughts to work with, go step-by-step through the exercise, and be curious about and open to whatever happens.
Thoughts on Paper
Write two or three distressing thoughts on a large piece of paper. (If you don’t have access to paper and pens right now, you can try doing this exercise in your imagination.)
Now hold the piece of paper in front of your face and get absorbed in those distressing thoughts for a few seconds.
Next, place the paper down on your lap, look around you, and notice what you can see, hear, touch, taste and smell.
Notice the thoughts are still with you. Notice they haven’t changed at all, and you know exactly what they are, but do they somehow have less impact when you rest them on your lap instead of holding them in front of your face?
Now pick up the paper and, underneath those thoughts, draw a stick figure (or, if you have an artistic streak, some sort of cartoon character). Draw a ‘thought bubble’ around those words, as if they are coming out of the head of your stick figure (just like those thought bubbles you see in comic strips). Now look at your ‘cartoon’: does this make any difference to the way you relate to those thoughts?
Try this a few times, with different thoughts and stick figures (or cartoons). Put different faces on your stick figures — a smiley face, a sad face, or a face with big teeth or spiky hair. Draw a cat, or a dog, or a flower, with those very same thought bubbles coming out of it. What difference does this make to the impact of those thoughts? Does it help you to see them as words?
Computer Screen
You can do this exercise in your imagination or on a computer. (For most people it’s more powerful to do it on a computer.) First write (or imagine) your thought in standard black lower-case text on the computer screen, then play around with the font and the colour. Change it into several different colours, fonts and sizes, and notice what effect each change makes. (Note: Bold red capitals are likely to cause fusion for most people, whereas a lower-case pale-pink font is more likely to create defusion.)
Then change the text back to black and lower-case, and this time play around with the formatting. Space the words out, placing large gaps between them.
Run the words together with no gaps between them so they make one long word.
Run them vertically down the screen.
Then put them back together as one sentence.
How do you relate to those thoughts now? Is it easier to see that they are words? (Remember, we are not interested in whether the thoughts are true or false; we just want to see them for what they are.)
Karaoke Ball
Imagine your thought as words on a karaoke screen. Imagine a ‘bouncing ball’ jumping from word to word across the screen. Repeat this several times.
If you like, you can even imagine yourself up on stage singing along to the words on the screen.
Changing Scenarios
Imagine your thought in a variety of different settings. Take about five to ten seconds to imagine each scenario, then move on to the next one. See your thought written:
a) in playful colourful letters on the cover of a
b) children’s book
c) as stylish graphics on a restaurant menu
d) as icing on top of a birthday cake
e) in chalk on a blackboard
f) as a slogan on the t-shirt of a jogger.
Leaves on a Stream or Clouds in the Sky
Imagine leaves gently floating down a stream, or clouds gently floating through the sky. Take your thoughts, place them on those leaves or clouds, and watch them gently float on by.
Silly Voices
Say your thought to yourself in a silly voice — either silently or out loud. (It is generally more defusing to do it out loud, but obviously you need to pick the time and place; it doesn’t go down well in a business meeting!) For example, you might choose the voice of a cartoon character, movie star, sports com -mentator, or someone with an outrageous foreign accent. Try several different voices, and notice what happens.
Slow and Fast
Say your thought to yourself — either silently or out loud — first in ultra slow motion, then at super-fast speed (so you sound like a chipmunk).
Sing your thoughts to yourself — either silently or out loud — to the tune of ‘Happy Birthday’. Then try it with a couple of different tunes.
Now invent your own neutralisation techniques. All you need to do is put your thought in a new context where you can ‘see’ it or ‘hear’ it, or both. For example, you might visualise your thought painted on a canvas, or printed on a postcard, or emblazoned on the chest of a comic-book superhero, or carved on the shield of a medieval knight, or trailed on a banner behind an aeroplane, or tattooed on the back of a biker, or written on the side of a zebra among all its stripes. Or you could paint it, draw it, or sculpt it. Or you could imagine it dancing, or jumping, or playing football. Or you could visualise it moving down a TV screen, like the credits of a movie. Alternatively, you might prefer to imagine hearing your thought being recited by a Shakespearean actor, or broadcast from a radio, or emanating from a robot, or being sung by a rock star. You are limited only by your own creativity, so be sure to play around and have some fun.