Chapter 13

“Kaynan. Kaynan, wake up. Please wake up.” I opened my eyes and found that I was still in my wolf form sleeping on the kitchen floor while the girls worked to dye my hair. Only they had stopped dyeing and all of them stared at me. Tears showed on all of their cheeks and Mrs. Carso held a dishrag to her face. Grace’s gloved hand caressed my fur through the black dyes. Something wet fell down my muzzle.

“Wolves don’t normally cry,” Taye said quietly. She removed her glove and wiped the tears from my fur. I realized that they had seen the dream, or the reality that had come back to haunt me in my dreams. Taye saw the understanding in my eyes and she nodded. “We saw what happened.”

“No one should have to go through that,” Mrs. Carso said, dabbing at her eyes with the dishrag.

“It’s not your fault,” Nikki said. “You didn’t know that would happen.”

But I couldn’t hide the self-reproach I felt and I turned away, wishing I could crawl somewhere and die with the knowledge that she would never lighten the world again with her ideas and her thirst for knowledge that she always tried in vain to instill in me.

“You loved your sister very much,” Grace said in a whisper.

I nodded, unable to even ask her to let me be alone with my despair.

“How about your parents? Do you love them?” she asked.

I thought of all the ways I had stabbed them in the back, the money I had stolen, the car keys, sneaking in and out of the house at any hour of the night no matter how much worry I saw in their eyes, my razor-sharp responses to their questions and the hurt I caused.

But through it all there had always been one constant, one thing that never changed no matter what I said or how rebellious I acted. I think it was the one thing I tried to prove, that if I went far enough they would finally have enough of me, but they never did. Through everything, they always loved me, and no matter what I did or how far I went, I always loved them. I gave a small nod and hated myself for it even more.

“Then let them know you’re alive,” Mrs. Carso said quietly. “They deserve to know.”

I couldn’t meet her eyes. Grace ran her hand through my ruff. “Go home to Renee,” she said softly. “If it was Gabe, I’d want him to come home to me.”

I looked at her for a moment, her gentle expression and the distant sadness on her face as she thought about her deceased fiancé, and I had to nod. “You’ll go?” she asked. I nodded again, her hand on my head, and she put her arms around my neck for a hug I wanted more than I could admit.

“Wait,” Nikki said. “The dye!”

Grace froze, then started laughing. “To think I could look like you,” she said, her face close to mine.

I gave a wolfish huff and they closed in to finish the job.