Soon as I jumped into my ride those memories start to Playaway. A song comes on, on the radio and there you are baby once again. It’s just another sad love song rocking my brain like crazy, guess I’m all torn up. Be it fast or slow it doesn’t let go of SHAKE me ouuh and it’s all because of yoouuu!
Toni Braxton’s Another Sad love song played on repeat as I was finally feeling the downside of the possible end of my relationship with Flame. At first, I was a little mad and probably doing too much, but I didn’t think that we would end. We argued and just needed some space, but for him to refuse my visit told me that he was officially done with me.
The anger and irrationality had dissipated and now the hurt and the lugubrious was starting to sink in. No way we were over so soon when we had made so many plans. No way, I wasn’t worth him fighting for me and me fighting for him. It was crazy how just a day ago, I was so quick to say fuck him and now here I was alone not having to wear that façade, empty.
I laid in bed wrapped around my body pillow sobbing into my arm while Toni sung the soundtrack to my relationship. And to make things even more awkward everything reminded me of this man from the song that was playing, to his scent that I could never wash out of my pillows and even his t-shirt that I was sleeping in right now. This feeling though, I knew that I was sad and mostly defeated, but this feeling was one that I had never experienced in any relationship.
This feeling overwhelmed me and took the presence of anything that was good. Nothing was good for me and I wished that I could just pick up the phone to call Flame and express myself and curse him out, but I couldn’t. I didn’t even know anything regarding his case or anything and I had taken a few days off from work, so I hadn’t seen his brother to even ask.
Flame was literally consuming my thoughts and it damn near made it impossible for me to do or think of anything constructive. I had laid in the same spot all damn day, the same song played and the same ache pierced m heart. Being in Love was a mutherfucka and this was the first time that I even used the L word so I knew that after this, I would be through with relationships. It would be back to the pompous Pia who enjoyed dick and putting men on do not disturb shortly after.
I rolled over wiping my tear stained face and felt something stickling my side. When I looked under the duvet cover, it was a card. I read it and it was Ri’s card for his detailing shop. I wondered how it got tangled in my sheets and why he had even given it to me in the first place. The last thing on my mind was getting my damn car cleaned, I needed m damn life cleaned. Where the hell was Iyanla? Maybe Tomorrow would be better.