Wendy wished she could stop time. That she could remain right here, in K.T.’s arms forever. Of course, that wasn’t possible. They’d eventually need to eat, go to the bathroom, sleep, go to work. Live.
She’d been surprised to see K.T. sitting on the beach. Actually, she’d thought she was seeing things when she’d first arrived. He was so embedded in her mind she had images of him floating around day and night.
There were other thoughts in her mind day and night, too, and she still hadn’t decided what she was going to do. Letting out a sigh, she released her hold on his waist and took a step back. Because she didn’t believe in spreading unhappiness, she found the ability to smile up at him. “We don’t want to miss the sunset.”
“No, we don’t.”
The warmth of his hand as he took a hold of hers, and the firmness of his hold as they walked out of the water made her wonder how something so simple could feel so right. Or was it not that simple? Nothing about her life felt simple right now.
Arriving where they’d left their shoes, they sat down, facing the water, where the sky was already glistening with shades of yellow and pink. Oranges and reds would come next, and reflect off the water. It would be a sight to see. She knew, because she’d seen it before, but it never got old. Much like K.T. Seeing him would never get old. It was understandable how she’d fallen in love with a man so perfect, so honorable and respectable.
“What is it in the world that you want to see?” K.T. asked.
Bewildered, she could do nothing but turn her gaze to him. “No one has ever asked me that before.”
He grinned, gave a slight nod. “What do you want to see?”
Her mind was blank. “I guess I’m not really sure.”
Using his hand, he gestured, pointed to things surrounding them while asking, “Sunsets, people, the ocean, buildings, flowers, landmarks?”
“I really don’t know,” she answered. “But I didn’t know what I wanted to see here, either, until I arrived and discovered all the things there are to see.”
He nodded and looked out at the sunset. “That makes sense.”
“Does it?” she wondered aloud. “I mean, shouldn’t I know what I want to see? Shouldn’t I really want to see something specific?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “I guess that’s up to you.”
Frustration had her saying, “People sure are good at offering advice that doesn’t have any advice in it.”
Frowning, he asked, “What?”
She shook her head and sighed. “Nothing. Just thinking aloud.”
He scooted closer to her and put an arm around her shoulder. “Well, then, my friend, let’s just sit here and watch the sunset.”
Even though she knew what she felt went deeper, she leaned her head against his shoulder and looked out over the bay. “I like being your friend, Oklahoma.”
“I like being your friend, Nebraska.”
They sat in silence, complete, comforting silence as the setting sun filled the sky with a bright golden haloed prism of red and yellow that reflected off the water, turning it into a matching prism. She couldn’t help but wonder if she’d given him Betty’s letter back in December if he’d be interested in being more than her friend. The desire to be more to him was very much alive inside her, and she doubted it would ever wane, no matter where she was or what she was doing.
Others around them left, but they sat there until the sun had completely disappeared, leaving behind nothing but a horizon of fading colors as darkness slowly rolled in like a huge sky blanket tucking the world in for a good night.
He gave her arm a pat before removing his arm from around her shoulders and reaching down to put on his socks and shoes.
She picked up her shoes and waited until he was done before standing. They walked to the road, where she paused to slide on her shoes, and he removed his, one at a time and emptied the sand from them.
It had been so unfair of her to keep Betty’s letter from him, and she wanted to tell him she was sorry, but was still so afraid. Not just of being abandoned like Gloria said, but of how her life could change. If by some miracle, he did like her more than a friend, everything could change. She could be evacuated to the States, she couldn’t be married and continue with her work; all sorts of things could change that she didn’t want. Letting out a sigh as they began walking again, she asked, “How are the repairs on the Nevada coming?”
“Good, but there’s a lot to be done.”
“Tell me about it.”
“It’s a lot, technical stuff, boring.”
“Not to me.” She missed the mornings when she’d put a bandage on his back and he’d tell her about the things he had to do that day. “I like hearing about it. What part of the ship are you working on?”
“All parts, her steering system was destroyed, her rudder damaged, and the saltwater played havoc on miles of wires that will need to be rewrapped for her electrical mechanics.”
She asked more specific questions about the things he said, and listened as he explained things, answering each question more thoroughly. Everything he said was interesting, but it was how he said it that she was hearing. There was pride and excitement in his voice. She didn’t want things to change for him any more than she wanted them to change for herself.
Their conversation didn’t stop until they arrived at her door. “Thank you for telling me all that, and it wasn’t boring. Not at all. It sounds complicated and I’m amazed by how much you know about so many different things. I’m also happy that you are doing something that you like so much.”
He reached up and softly brushed the hair off the side of her face. Her entire body was tingling again, from head to toe, as it always did when he was near. But it increased in unique and exciting ways when he looked at her like he was right now. It made her breath stall, and her heart thud.
“I’m happy that you are doing what you want to do, too,” he said. “Seeing the world. Good night, Nebraska.”
She hid her disappointment over the fact that she’d wanted him to kiss her, even though she knew he never would do that. Not while believing that Betty was at home thinking they were still dating. What she’d done was so wrong. “Good night, Oklahoma.”
As always, he waited until she was inside before he turned and walked away, and as always, she watched him walk down the road. A thought shifted in her mind. When Gloria had talked about holding on to something so you don’t lose it, she assumed Gloria was talking about her promise to her mother, but that’s not what Gloria had meant.
She’d been holding on to that letter so K.T. couldn’t fall in love with her, because if he could fall out of love with Betty, he could just as easily fall out of love with her. Then she would become her mother. Left with a heart so broken she would never be happy again.
Her stomach knotted.
She’d been holding that letter over his head like some sort of invisible weapon, without him knowing it.
Only an awful person would do that.
A truly awful person.
That was her.
She had to stop thinking only of herself and put things right.
The following day, after her shift had ended, she changed out of her uniform, put the letter in her purse, and left the barracks. She didn’t know when K.T. would get off work, so she’d just wait at his barracks until he did arrive. Knowing what she’d done, and why, was making her physically sick. Her stomach was so upset, she hadn’t dared to eat anything all day, and her head ached. For months she’d told herself that she hadn’t given him the letter because she didn’t want to see him hurt, but she’d only been trying to save herself from being hurt the entire time.
The rumble of a vehicle behind her had her stepping to the side of the road before she turned around.
Her heart leaped with joy at recognizing the driver. Then dropped to her stomach remembering why she was on her way to see him.
“I was coming to see you,” K.T. said as he stopped the jeep beside her.
“Oh.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “Why?”
The guilt inside her was increasing over how she’d wished at times that someone else would write him, tell him about Betty. That, too, had been selfish. No one else had written him because unlike her, they didn’t stick their noses in where they didn’t belong.
“To talk,” he said. “Where are you going?”
She could feel her courage slipping away. “To talk to you,” she said quickly, before losing her last nerve.
“So you heard?” he asked.
“Heard what?” She shook her head. “I haven’t heard anything.”
He glanced around. “We can’t talk here, in the middle of the road. Climb in and we’ll go down to the beach.”
Fear alone caused her to hesitate for a moment, before she climbed in the jeep and clutched onto the handles of her purse, knowing that what it held was going to change everything. The one thing she hadn’t wanted to happen, she had caused to happen.
“I went to the hospital,” he said, “but they said you’d already left.”
“I got off a few minutes early. It was a quiet day.”
It was a short drive to the beach, and once there, he parked the jeep facing the water, but made no effort to climb out after he’d shut off the engine. Twisting in his seat, so he was looking at her, he asked, “Why were you coming to see me?”
She tried, but couldn’t speak.
“Is the Solace shipping out?”
The hard knot that was still in her stomach twisted even tighter, and she shook her head while trying to find her voice. “No. Not yet. Sometime in March.”
He nodded. “Well, I—I wanted a chance to say goodbye, in case you’re gone when I return, and...uh...to say...”
Not expecting that, her heart thudded so hard, she interrupted, “Return? I thought you weren’t leaving for weeks.”
“Plans changed. I’m leaving tomorrow morning.”
She couldn’t think of a thing to say, or maybe it was simply that her throat was burning and her mind knew it wouldn’t work if she tried speaking.
“Not on the Nevada,” he said. “It’ll be weeks before she’s ready. It’s another ship. Going to the mainland. A couple of the men from the Salvage Division that were scheduled to sail with the crew in the event that repairs were needed enroute came down sick and Captain Heinz asked me to fill in for them. I’m taking Adam with me. We’ll be gone for possibly two weeks, maybe three, and, I—I wanted you to know. I wanted to say thanks for all you’ve done.”
She pinched her lips together. All she’d done? He had no idea all that she’d done.
“I’m glad we met,” he said. “Very glad we met, and I—I... Well, um...”
A sob bubbled in her throat and she squeezed her eyes shut against the tears.
His hand, warm and familiar, so familiar, touched hers. “Wendy, I want you to know that while I’m in Calif—”
“I have something you need to read,” she blurted out. With trembling hands, she opened her purse and pulled out the envelope.
“Another letter from your cousin?”
“No.” She handed it to him.
The moment he saw the front of the envelope, his name, he frowned.
She closed her eyes again, unable to look at him. She heard the paper, heard the soft clink of the necklace chain. His intake of breath.
“What the—” He went silent.
He was reading it. That was obvious. Covering her mouth to hold in any sounds, she told herself that she should leave now. Just leave. But she had to apologize first. Still not able to look at him, she whispered, “I’m sorry. So sorry.”
“How long have you had this?” he asked.
It hurt to breathe. Every part of her hurt and she didn’t know if the pain was for herself, or for him. “Since you were in the hospital. I started to read it to you, but you said to wait, and by then, I’d seen the necklace, read the first paragraph to myself. I—I just couldn’t—” Her thoughts were sporadic. Weren’t clear even to her. “You were in such pain. I didn’t want to cause you more. I just hid it. Kept it.”
He didn’t say a word, but she could hear him breathing. Heavily.
What more could she say?
“You’ve had this for three months?” he asked.
“Two and a half,” she clarified. Foolishly clarified! As if two weeks made a difference. She couldn’t justify what she’d done. Nothing could.
“At any time in the past two and a half months,” he asked, “did it ever occur to you that I might want to know—”
“Yes,” she interrupted. “It occurred to me all the time, but I—I’m sorry, I can’t explain why I didn’t give it to you.” She sucked in air to compensate for the tears and sobs making her voice tremble. “I’m just so sorry.”
There was nothing more she could say, or do. Hooking her purse over her wrist, she climbed out of the jeep.
“Wendy, wait—”
“I have to leave.” She swiped at the tears streaming down her face, and blinked trying to see him through the blur. “Please take care of yourself. Be safe. And—and, have a good life. A very good life. Have fun.” Nodding, because that’s what she wanted for him—a good, fun life—she added one last truth. “I just wanted to be your friend and couldn’t stand the thought of... Oh, never mind.” Then, she turned and ran.
Didn’t stop until she was in the bathroom in the upstairs of her barracks. Then, like she had the night of the attack, she stripped down and climbed in the shower and cried her eyes out.
First thing tomorrow morning, she’d tell Gloria she wanted to leave with the Solace. Because this was it. This is what it felt like to have a broken heart, and she’d done it all by herself.
It took two days before K.T. was able to think beyond the insurmountable anger that had consumed him. The fact he was in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, on a damaged ship that looked more like an overgrown PT boat rather than a battleship, had helped in some ways, not in others. He’d ignored the anger while focused on the work at hand.
The USS Shaw’s bow had been blown apart in the attack. The temporary one that had been attached to get her to the mainland was rough at best. The bow was a stubby thing, half the size as it needed to be, so the ship was plowing through the waves straight on, which made for a constant rough ride. Her crew were seasoned men and half of them were seasick because of the never-ending jarring. Six days of this was going to be hell, and he hoped they all lived to see Mare Island.
That could be part of why his anger was mellowing into a simmer. He didn’t want to go out of this world mad at anyone. Not even himself.
The ship’s engineering machinery hadn’t been damaged in the attack and was moving the ship slowly across the ocean, with a destroyer on each side, escorting them all the way to California. He’d call home from there. Talk to his family, let them know that he was reenlisting.
He should have questioned not receiving a letter from Betty harder. Should have figured something had changed. It had just been easier to pretend that it hadn’t, because if he’d known, he would have asked Wendy to marry him. He was sure of that, and just as sure of what her answer would have been.
She’d have said no. Right from the start, she’d made it clear that she only wanted to be friends. That’s why she never gave him the letter.
A letter that had been more of a relief than a disappointment. Betty’s letter had said that she hadn’t expected to fall in love with someone else, had never imagined it was possible, until it had happened.
He could relate to that, because that’s exactly what had happened to him. He’d tried to not let it happen, but it had.
All the guilt over that, and the pain of fighting the feelings he’d had for Wendy, of fighting the desires he’d had for her, had made him so mad, he hadn’t been able to think straight when he’d first read Betty’s letter.
Even with all that anger, Wendy’s tears had affected him, and he’d almost followed her, until her final words had settled into his mind.
He’d heard all of her reasons for just wanting to be friends, but it hadn’t made a difference. He’d fallen in love with her anyway.
That’s where his anger came from now. From how foolish he’d been.
Yes, Wendy was the prettiest woman he’d ever seen. The nicest. The sweetest. Her free spirit alone was enough to make any man fall for her.
But she hadn’t wanted anyone to fall in love with her.
Another thing she’d told him more than once.
She’d also told him that if she wanted to keep her job, her volunteer position, she had to remain single.
Unaware of his own selfishness, he’d ignored all the signs, all the things she’d said. It was a good thing that she’d given him the letter right when she had, before he’d made a fool of himself by telling her that when he was in California, he’d planned on calling Betty and telling her that he’d fallen in love with someone else.
He’d been about to confess everything when she’d given him the letter.
It was a good thing that she had, before he made a complete fool of himself.
A knock roused him from the bed he was lying on, and he smacked his head on the bunk above him. Rubbing the spot, he left the bed and opened the door.
“Sorry, Lieutenant,” a shipmate said. “Got water. Don’t know if it’s from hitting the waves so hard or if there’s a leak.”
“I’m coming,” K.T. replied, not minding the interruption at all. Work, staying busy, was exactly what he needed right now.
Four days later, just as the sun was setting, they arrived at Mare Island. The ship had held up with only minor repairs along the way, and thankfully, no enemies on the water or in the air had spotted the damaged battleship.
Upon disembarking, K.T. accepted a sleeping unit at the barracks, took a hot shower, then fell into bed, where he slept for ten hours straight. The first thing he did, after applying some ointment to his back the best he could because his skin was itching and aching, and after getting dressed, was to find the common room and the telephone.
He asked the operator to connect him to the Tillis Feed Store in Guymon, Oklahoma, and waited through a series of clicks, clacks, buzzes, and several rings before a voice came on the other line.
“Ed?” he asked into the telephone receiver.
“Yes, who’s this?”
“It’s K.T.,” he answered. “K.T. McCallister.”
“K.T.!”
Ed’s shout echoed through the line so loud that K.T. held the earpiece away from his ear for a moment.
“Golly! You calling all the way from Hawaii?”
“No, I’m at Mare Island.”
“Where? What Island? Is it near Hawaii?”
“No, it’s in California, I’m only here for a few days and would like to talk to my folks. Could you get a message to them? Tell them that I’ll call them back at your place around this time tomorrow morning?”
“Of course, I can! I can have them here in less than an hour, if you’d like. It sure is good to hear your voice K.T. What are you doing in California?”
“I had to bring a ship back here to be worked on,” he said, explaining things in the simplest way.
“One that was hit during the attack? We were all glued to the radios that day. You had a lot of prayers going up for you that day. Every day. We are all awfully proud of you. Say, Wendy’s not with you, is she?”
K.T. pulled the receiver away from his ear again, just long enough to stare at it, wondering if he heard correctly or not. “Wendy?” he asked, putting the phone back to his ear.
“Yes, your nurse, Wendy.”
“No,” he answered. “She’s in Hawaii, at the hospital, working.” At least he assumed she still was. He still hated the idea of her sailing away on the Solace, but it was what she wanted and he had to be happy for her.
“Oh, I guess that figures.” Ed sounded disappointed.
“How—” K.T. stopped himself from asking more.
Ed however, still had plenty to say. “The whole town sure would like to meet her someday. Sorry things didn’t work out between you and Betty, she’s a fine gal and all—we all miss her, but it sounds like you got yourself a real fine gal, now. We’ve all met her cousin. Sid Williams, that lawyer from Nebraska. He’s a smart man. Did you know lawyers have to have licenses to practice in other states? Sid got permission to work here with some Oklahoma lawyers and he didn’t let those city slicker lawyers from the oil company trick anyone into signing anything. Folks were all able to keep the mineral rights of their land. Going to get royalties for every gallon of oil pumped out of the ground. ’Bout time we had some good luck around here. Your ma says that was Wendy. She was our good luck. Yours, too. Hear tell she really nursed you back to health.”
His mother would say that, and taking advantage of Ed sucking in air, K.T. quickly said, “I have to go, Ed, but I’ll call back tomorrow morning. This same time.”
“Got it! I’ll have your whole family here by ten in the morning. Probably the whole town. Everyone will want to hear what you have to say!”
K.T. rubbed his forehead, even though he had to grin. The whole town probably would be there tomorrow morning, and they probably did want to meet Wendy. They’d like her. It was impossible not to. “Thanks, Ed. Goodbye.”
“Goodbye, K.T. Talk to you tomorrow.”
The line went dead and he stared at the phone for a moment after hanging up, knowing one thing for sure. He was going to have a hell of a time forgetting Wendy. Even after he went back home. Whenever that might be.
With a head shake, he stood, and made his way outside, and then to the docks to have a look around. There he met men from the Shaw, as well as others and it was several hours later before he made his way back to the barracks. All the while wondering about Wendy, and when the Solace would be sailing. Whether she wanted anyone waiting on her to return or not, he’d had the suspicion that he’d be waiting the rest of his life hoping to see her again.
Adam was at the barracks, sitting in a chair with his feet propped up on another reading a magazine. He reached into his breast pocket. “Hey, they gave this message to me, to give to you.”
It was a slip of paper, telling him to call a telephone number as soon as possible.
“Thanks.” Figuring it had something to do with the ship, K.T. went back to the common room and dialed the number.
It was answered on the second ring, by a woman who merely said, “Hello?”
“I’m not sure if I have the right number. This is K.T. McCallister and I was—”
“K.T., it’s Betty.”
He shouldn’t keep questioning his hearing, yet asked, “Betty?”
“Yes. I live in San Francisco, now. Ed stopped by my folks’ house after going out to your house, and my mother drove into town and called me, told me that you are at Mare Island.”
“I am.” He shook his head. “You live in San Francisco?”
“Yes. Can we meet?” she asked. “I’d really like to talk to you. See you.”
He had no hard feelings toward her. In fact, it would be good to see her, find out when she’d moved. “Sure.”
“Wonderful! When? Do you want to meet someplace? Should I pick you up?”
“Just tell me when and where, I’ll get a ride.”