“You don’t mean that,” Polina said. She wasn’t sure what she feared more, that he might be serious or that he wasn’t.
“I do mean it. I’ve seen what Rick becomes, and he could bust out of this place just by shifting. You’ll change me, I’ll shift, and we’ll be free.”
“You don’t know what you’re asking. This isn’t like a marriage, Logan. It’s not till death do us part. We will be bound for eternity. Mountains will fall and rivers will turn to dust and still we will be bound.”
“I’m willing.”
“But you’re not ready. How could you be? I’ve lived almost five hundred years and I’ve only begun to wrap my head around what forever means. It’s as much a curse as a blessing.”
“I choose this. I have the right to choose.”
“You’re a chef, Logan. You won’t want to eat anymore. Food will give you little joy. You don’t know what you’re saying.”
That gave him pause. Food was his livelihood, his passion. After a moment, Logan stood to approach her. “But I do know what I’m saying. When I met you, I thought the last thing I needed was another witch in my life. I wanted a normal relationship. A house, two kids, a dog in the yard. But you know what? I recently had a chance to adopt a dog and I found out I’m a cat person.”
“What does any of this have to do with you adopting a cat?” Polina asked in frustration.
“A three-legged cat with no tail. See, I didn’t know what I wanted until it was right there in front of me. If you had asked me if I’d wanted a three-legged cat before I met her, I would’ve said no. But I knew the moment I saw her. See, I’m damaged—”
“You are not damaged.”
“I am damaged. I’ve been dead. Do you think any human woman is ever going to understand and accept that not only do I live with my mother, she happens to be dead and visits me occasionally with warnings about the future? No. They’re going to run from me like I’m Norman Bates. I’ve been a ghost, Polina. I’ve slipped under someone’s skin and seen them from the inside out. I’m not normal. I’ll never survive a normal life.”
“You could. It is possible.”
“It’s not possible, because I love you. I risked my life to come here tonight to save you. That plan went completely and totally wrong, as wrong as it could go, actually. But I knew the risks, and even if I knew then what I know now, that I’d end up in this box with you, I would have tried anyway. My life may have worked before you, Polina, but there was no magic in it. I was dead on the side of the road. You resurrected me. My second life was yours from the beginning.”
She was crying now, chest aching. “There’s no going back from this.”
He stepped into her, placed his hands on her shoulders. “All those years, all my life, I’ve struggled to fill the hole my parents made. I worked for security, to create some semblance of family among my friends and my occupation. I’ve been hungry and lonely, loose in the world. I built Valentine’s as a kind of home. A security blanket. Fuck, I’m not making any sense, I know, but just listen. Then there was you. For the first time I felt safe, not because of your power but because of your love. Your love feels endless. It feels true. It fills me. I wouldn’t dream of going back.” He cupped her face and lowered his forehead to hers.
“Come on, Polina. I’m as good as dead. Do what you do best. Save me. Change me. I’m not asking; I’m demanding. Change me now.”
Polina closed her eyes. It was his choice and, goddess help her, she wasn’t strong enough to turn him away. She needed him too much. Putting space between them, she nodded. “Last chance to change your mind.”
“I want this.”
She pointed one hand at his chest and, gathering what power she had left, uttered the incantation, “Akmut ghut rae mud ed tyn.” Caretaker of the light, always.
A forked tongue of lightning flew from her hand, plowing into his chest and sizzling as it wormed into his heart. For a moment, he looked wounded. His face begged her for relief from the pain. She cried out his name, desperate to help him, but there was nothing she could do. The spell had to run its course.
Logan collapsed on the floor seizing, his muscles rigid. Polina knelt by his side. A lock of her hair dropped from her head and fell across his chest as she leaned over him. Her bones ached from the power draining from her.
The immortality she was giving Logan had to come from somewhere. She doubted Logan had realized the implications and was glad her fate didn’t play into his decision. This way, his choice to become her caretaker was about him, not her. Still, as the life force bled out of her like the release of a deeply held breath, her eyes and shoulders drooped. She couldn’t give in to the fatigue. There was one last step. One last part of the spell. She had to give him an element.
A caretaker couldn’t have the same element as his witch, although using the pocketknife would have been the natural solution for her. No. The rules of making a caretaker required sacrifice at every turn. Using another element would further drain her, a demanding price. But which to use? The dirt on the bottom of Logan’s shoes might work for earth or she might be able to shake a drop of water from the bottom of the water bottle. Both of those options would have required her to move, a feat becoming more and more improbable. There wasn’t a sliver of wood to be found. But there was one element close at hand. She pinched Logan’s nose, tipped his head back. Eyes closed, she took a deep breath and blew into his mouth.
As the air filled his lungs, Polina felt the last of her immortality leave her along with a tiny piece of her soul. A twinkle of light exited her mouth and entered his. Her death seemed probable now. The only other person she knew who had done this was Grateful and her first incarnation had died, burned at the stake the day she changed Rick. Polina figured her fate was sealed, but she trusted Logan would find a way to bring her back, eventually.
Logan was quiet now, lying perfectly still on his back. Why wasn’t it working? She didn’t have the energy to consider the question. Instead, she lay down beside him and slipped away.