Aristophanes
Translated by William James Hickie, 1883
A comedy by Aristophanes (c. 446–c. 386 BC), Thesmophoriazusae was first performed in Athens in or around 411 BC. Its tongue-twister of a title translates as ‘The Women Celebrating the Thesmophoria’. Held in honour of Demeter and her daughter Persephone (see Story 11) each year, the Greek festival of the Thesmophoria was celebrated exclusively by women. In this extract, the playwright Euripides attempts to infiltrate the festival to save his own skin. The women of the city have taken umbrage at his harsh characterisation of their sex in his tragedies. Medea (Story 43) and Phaidra in Hippolytus (Story 22) are just two of the many flawed women from his oeuvre. The very idea that women of the fifth century BC might have taken issue with the apparent misogyny of a leading playwright is striking. As Euripides seeks a stooge to do his dirty work for him, the misogyny of which he is accused becomes only too apparent.
EURIPIDES. A great evil is ready kneaded for me.
MNESILOCHUS. Of what kind?
EURIPIDES. On this day will be decided whether Euripides still lives or is undone.
MNESILOCHUS. Why, how? For now neither the courts are about to judge causes, nor is there a sitting of the Senate; for it is the third day, the middle of the Thesmophoria.
EURIPIDES. In truth, I expect this very thing even will destroy me. For the women have plotted against me, and are going to hold an assembly to-day about me in the temple of Demeter and Persephone for my destruction.
MNESILOCHUS. Wherefore? why, pray?
EURIPIDES. Because I represent them in tragedy and speak ill of them.
MNESILOCHUS. And justly too would you suffer, by Neptune! But, as this is the case, what contrivance have you?
EURIPIDES. To persuade Agathon the tragic poet to go to the temple of Demeter and Persephone.
MNESILOCHUS. What to do? Tell me!
EURIPIDES. To sit in assembly among the women, and to speak whatever is necessary in my defence.
MNESILOCHUS. Openly, or secretly?
EURIPIDES. Secretly, clothed in a woman’s stole.
MNESILOCHUS. The device is a clever one, and exceedingly in conformity with your disposition; for ours is the prize for trickery. [The creaking of machinery is heard.]
Agathon refuses to help Euripides so the task falls to his elderly father-in-law Mnesilochus. Dressed up as a woman, Mnesilochus joins the festival where the women are holding a meeting
HERALD. Hear, every one! [Unfolds a paper and begins to read the preliminary decree] “These things have been determined on by the Senate of the women: Timoclea was Epistates, Lysilla was secretary, Sostrata moved the decree; to convene an assembly in the morning in the middle of the Thesmophoria, when we are most at leisure; and to debate first about Euripides, what he ought to suffer, for he has been adjudged guilty by us all.” Who wishes to speak?
FIRST WOMAN. I.
HERALD. Then first put on this crown before you speak. [To the meeting.] Be silent! Be quiet! Give attention! for she is now expectorating, as the orators do. She seems to be going to make a long speech.
FIRST WOMAN. Through no ostentatiousness, by the two goddesses, have I stood up to speak, O women; but indeed I have been vexed, unhappy woman, now for a long time, seeing you treated with contumely by Euripides the son of the herb-woman, and abused with much abuse of every kind. For what abuse does he not smear upon us? And where has he not calumniated us, where, in short, are spectators, and tragic actors, and choruses? calling us adulteresses in disposition, lovers of the men, wine-bibbers, traitresses, gossips, masses of wickedness, great pests to men. So that, as soon as they come in from the wooden-benches, they look askance at us, and straightway search, lest any paramour be concealed in the house. And we are no longer able to do any of those things which we formerly did: such badness has he taught our husbands. So that, if even any woman weave a crown, she is thought to be in love; and if she let fall any vessel while roaming about the house, her husband asks her, “In whose honour is the pot broken? It must be for the Corinthian stranger.” Is any girl sick; straightway her brother says, “This colour in the girl does not please me.” Well; does any woman, lacking children, wish to substitute a child; it is not possible even for this to go undiscovered; for now the husbands sit down beside them. And he has calumniated us to the old men, who heretofore used to marry girls; so that no old man is willing to marry a woman, on account of this verse, “For a woman is ruler over an old bridegroom.” In the next place, through him they now put seals and bolts upon the women’s apartments, guarding us; and moreover they keep Molossian dogs, a terror to paramours. And this, indeed, is pardonable; but as for what was permitted us heretofore, to be ourselves the housekeepers, and to draw forth and take barley-meal, oil, and wine; not even this is any longer permitted us. For the husbands now themselves carry secret little keys, most ill-natured, certain Spartan ones with three teeth. Previously, indeed, it was possible at least to secretly open the door, if we got a three-obol seal-ring made. But now this home-born slave Euripides has taught them to have rings of worm-eaten wood, having them suspended about them. Now therefore I move that we mix up some destruction in some way or other for him, either by poison, or by some one artifice, so that he shall perish. These I speak openly; but the rest I will draw up in the form of a motion in conjunction with the secretary.
[...]
MNESILOCHUS. It is not wonderful, O women, that you who are so abused should be exceedingly exasperated at Euripides, nor yet that your bile should boil over; for I myself hate that man, if I be not mad,—so may I be blessed in my children! But nevertheless we must grant the privilege of speaking amongst each other; for we are by ourselves, and there is no blabbing of our conversation. Why thus do we accuse him, and are vexed, if, being cognizant of two or three misdeeds of ours, he has said them of us who perpetrate innumerable? For I myself, in the first place,—not to speak of any one else,—am conscious with myself of many shameful acts: at all events of that most shameful one, when I was a bride of three days, and my husband was sleeping beside me. Now I had a friend, who had debauched me when I was seven years of age. He, through love of me, came and began scratching at the door; and then I immediately understood it; and then I was for going down secretly, but my husband asked me, “Whither are you going down?” “Whither?—A colic and pain, husband, possesses me in my stomach; therefore I am going to the necessary.” “Go then!” said he. And then he began pounding juniper berries, anise, and sage. But after I had poured some water on the hinge, I went out to my paramour; and then I conversed with him beside the statue of Apollo, holding by the bay-tree. These, you see, Euripides never yet at any time spoke of. Nor does he mention how we give ourselves up to our slaves and to muleteers, if we have not any other. Nor how, when we junket ever so much during the night, we chew up garlic in the morning, in order that the husband having smelt it when he comes in from the wall, may not suspect us of doing any thing bad. These things, you see, he has never at any time spoken of. And if he does abuse a Phaedra, what is this to us? Neither has he ever mentioned that, how that well-known woman, while showing her husband at day-break how beautiful her upper garment is, sent out her paramour hidden in it—that he has never yet mentioned. And I know another woman, who for ten days said she was in labour, till she purchased a little child; while her husband went about purchasing drugs to procure a quick delivery. But the child an old woman brought in a pot with its mouth stopped with honeycomb, that it might not squall. Then, when she that carried it nodded, the wife immediately cried out, “Go away, husband, go away, for methinks I shall be immediately delivered.” For the child kicked against the bottom of the pot. And he ran off delighted, while she drew out the stoppage from the mouth of the child, and it cried out. And then the abominable old woman who brought the child, runs smiling to the husband, and says, “A lion has been born to you, a lion! your very image, both in all other respects whatever, and its nose is like yours, being crooked like an acorn-cup.” Do we not practise these wicked acts? Yea, by Diana, do we! And then are we angry at Euripides, “who have suffered nothing greater than we have committed?”
CHORUS. This certainly is wonderful, where the creature was found, and what land reared this so audacious woman. For I did not think the villanous woman would even ever have dared thus shamelessly to say this publicly amongst us. But now every thing may take place. I commend the old proverb, “For we must look about under every stone, lest an orator bite us.” But indeed there existeth not any thing more wicked for all purposes than women shameless by nature,—unless perhaps it be women.
The women continue to be shocked by Mnesilochus’ utterings. News arrives that Euripides has sent an in-law of his in women’s guise to eavesdrop on them. The women decide to hunt him out. Their suspicions are raised when Mnesilochus gives an inaccurate account of the previous year’s festival.
FIFTH WOMAN. Strip him; for he says nothing that is right.
MNESILOCHUS. And will you then strip the mother of nine children?
CLISTHENES. Unloose your girdle quickly, you shameless creature!
FIFTH WOMAN. How very stout and strong she appears! and, by Jove, too, she has no breasts, as we have.
MNESILOCHUS. For I am barren, and have never been pregnant.
FIFTH WOMAN. Now; but you were the mother of nine children a while ago.
CLISTHENES. Stand upright! Whither are you thrusting down your hand?
FIFTH WOMAN. See there, it peeped out! and very fresh-coloured it is, you rogue.
CLISTHENES. Why, where is it?
FIFTH WOMAN. It’s gone again to the front. [CLISTHENES goes in front of MNESILOCHUS.]
CLISTHENES. It is not here.
FIFTH WOMAN. Nay, but it has come hither again.
CLISTHENES. You’ve a kind of an isthmus, fellow; you’re worse than the Corinthians.
FIFTH WOMAN. Oh the abominable fellow! On this account then he reviled us in defence of Euripides.
Mnesilochus is punished by being fastened to a board so that an archer can shoot arrows at him.
[Enter EURIPIDES as an old procuress, accompanied
by a dancing-girl and a boy with a flute.]
EURIPIDES. Women, if you are willing to make peace with me for the future, it is now in your power; I make you these proposals of peace on the understanding that you are to be in no wise abused by me at all henceforth.
CHORUS. On account of what matter do you bring forward this proposal?
EURIPIDES. This man in the plank is my father-in-law. If therefore I recover him, you shall never be abused at all. But if you do not comply, I will accuse you to your husbands when they come home from the army of those things which you do secretly.
With a little help Euripides eventually sets Mnesilochus free.