TUNE INTO YOUR INNER VOICE

WE ALL HAVE that inner voice that says, “This is what you should do” or “Pay attention to this” or “Don’t be an idiot.” Sometimes, though, it can be hard to hear that voice amidst the chatter in our brain.

Often, we ignore our gut feelings or we second-guess our instincts either because of our own internal “programming” or because of external pressure to behave in certain ways, make a particular choice, or hold specific beliefs. For example, if you were brought up to act or respond in a certain way, that can color how you behave as an adult, even when those patterns don’t serve you. A common one that comes up, for instance, is when we’re taught as children to bottle up our emotions, only to find later in life that this can cause us to struggle with things like unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as keeping things to ourselves until we reach a breaking point and have an angry outburst or an all-out meltdown. Or perhaps you have someone in your life who’s constantly trying to get you to make logical decisions when you’re trying to listen to your intuition?

I’ve learned this one the hard way a few times in my life, but the story I’ll share with you now is one I get asked about a lot—how I came to be a dietitian in the first place.

When I was first living in NYC and working a few part-time PR gigs, I felt totally lost. I’d studied writing in college, but of course writing poems and personal essays wasn’t going to pay the bills. I didn’t feel like my heart was in teaching writing, I’m a terrible waitress, and even though I had my bartending license, no one would take me seriously when they saw how short I was and how young I looked—it would have been like having a twelve-year-old make you a martini. I’d taken a lot of publishing classes in school and had done a marketing internship at a publishing house senior year, so that seemed like the next logical step. Public relations didn’t light me up, but I knew that I could learn a lot there.

When I came home at the end of the day, though, I wanted to write. My boyfriend at the time didn’t really “approve” of my writing and was critical when I shared it with him. I could have taken his criticism to heart or stopped writing, but I’d already published lots of work under various pen names and had edited several literary magazines in college, and I had a degree in writing—sure, this was my partner, but in my gut I knew that maybe he just didn’t speak my language. I stuck to writing when he wasn’t around and hiding my folders with my rough drafts so he wouldn’t find them. I began to realize, though, it wasn’t just a longing to write poems or essays—I wanted to create something that would really help people. I’d always imagined sharing my work with others or having conversations with them about what was bothering them, finding a way to make them feel better. The problem was, I didn’t really know how to make that happen.

My light bulb moment came one day at work when the office manager at a PR firm was showing me what to put in a press kit for a new client. “So you take this bullshit,” he said, shoving a bunch of papers into an envelope, “and you put it in this other bullshit,” he said, adding a CD to the envelope—we still used CDs back then, that’s how long ago this was. “And you make one. Big. Bullshit.”

I don’t know exactly why that set me off, but I excused myself as quickly as I could and ran into the ladies’ room, where I immediately burst into tears. This wasn’t the right place for me, but what was the right place? What was I actually qualified for? What did I want to do—and not just at that particular moment? What was my purpose? I was in full-on ugly-cry mode, shaking, scared, and unsure of what to do next.

I calmed myself down and told myself to dial it back a little. Rather than try to answer those big questions, I thought, maybe I should just think about how I wanted to feel every day, what kind of environment I wanted to show up in.

Sure, there was lots of stuff floating around in my head about what I was “supposed” to want to do (thanks to society, my education, and my impostor syndrome, that sneaky little voice telling me how insignificant and undeserving I was). So I grabbed a pen and paper, tried to tune out the noise, and let the thoughts flow.

What I envisioned was a calm, quiet office with soft lighting. Was it a chiropractor’s office? A therapy practice maybe? I went on Craigslist, like I did for pretty much everything back then—jobs, apartments, and dates (everybody read Missed Connections looking for their good story).

And that’s how I found the job at the acupuncture practice that eventually inspired me to go back to school to become a dietitian. While I’d been interested in that career path as a teenager, my dislike of chemistry class had thrown me off it. This time around, though, something about working in this practice and studying Chinese medicine in my spare time made me realize I wanted to revisit that old dream.

My boyfriend tried to talk me out of it. I still remember the night I told him I’d applied to nutrition school, thinking he’d be excited for me, but, instead, he was furious that I hadn’t talked to him about it first. I guess I had thought that telling him I was checking out programs counted as talking about it? I didn’t know I needed permission anyway . . .

I’m still proud of my younger self for not withdrawing my application. It was actually out of character for me at the time—I was so invested in making that relationship work, and I’d already put a lot of myself on hold, but something about this new idea just felt right.

Going back to school and adjusting to a new way of learning was insanely challenging, and I didn’t feel like I had any emotional support from my boyfriend, who, through his actions, made me feel that I had to be my own cheerleader. It was a stressful situation: I was crying every day, and my hair was even falling out. There were so many times I was so exhausted and frustrated, I questioned whether I would ever get where I wanted to be, but something in me said to keep going, that things would eventually make sense and fall into place.

Throughout school, I’d thought I had to keep my writing and my nutrition career completely separate. Part of it was that I didn’t know any other nutrition students who were writers, and part of it was related to my boyfriend’s opinions leading me to believe that nobody in the health care world would take me seriously if they knew I had a creative side.

Then we broke up, and the craziest thing happened.

I realized I wanted some space. I wanted to get centered instead of uproot myself or find someone else to wrap my life around. I was done feeling stressed out and frustrated— there had to be a sane solution.

So I did some math. I calculated exactly how much money I would need to make the rent on a one-bedroom apartment, plus all the utilities. I was about to start my dietetic internship at the hospital, so taking on another part-time job (I already had a couple) wasn’t realistic. It dawned on me that I could try my hand at freelancing. I reached out to editors at a bunch of different wellness publications, asking them if they printed student work. A few said no, but a couple were more open-minded and said, “No, but send us your portfolio anyway.”

Within a few weeks, I’d secured enough writing projects to more than cover that money, and there was no one there to tell me I wasn’t allowed to do that.

Whenever people ask me how writing became a part of my nutrition career, I tell that story. In a moment of desperation, I asked myself, “What can I do? What do I like to do?” All these years later, I’m actually still in touch with a few of the people who took a chance on me back then, and I couldn’t be more grateful.

So why am I telling you all this?

In the wellness world, we hear so much about taking care of our gut and nourishing our gut health, but it’s just as important to learn how to trust our gut and to establish a clear line of communication with our intuition. When we feel like our compass is spinning, it’s so much harder to make clearheaded choices that align with our values. Navigating a stressful or anxiety-provoking situation can be so much smoother when we feel clear on what really matters and how to respond in a way that supports the outcome we want, or at least makes us feel more grounded during the process.

Learning how to dial down the background noise and tune into what we need to know is also critical to establishing a more balanced relationship to food and fitness.

Consider the following common situations:

• What type of workout would be best for me today?

• I’m tempted to eat that thing even though I said I wouldn’t/I’ll feel like crap after—help!

• My sister wants me to do that diet with her and I don’t want to but I don’t want to say “no.”

• Is it okay that I’m eating more than my date?

When my clients are struggling with stress eating or compulsive behaviors regarding food and exercise, we talk about what’s going on in their heads so they can become more self-aware and redirect themselves from those unhelpful habits. This also comes up when a client is questioning whether to jump on the same diet or workout bandwagon as a loved one, colleague, or social media influencer they follow.

Having to make decisions can also aggravate those feelings of stress and anxiety that trigger unhealthy coping mechanisms. Feeling unable to make clearheaded choices can become frustrating and exhausting and erode our selfesteem. We’ll talk a lot in the gut health chapter about what to feed your gut, but what if you’re having trouble hearing what it’s telling you?

Here are some of the strategies I use with my clients to help them tune into their inner voice. You can write them out or think them through in your head—whatever works best for you.

Figure Out What Trips Your Wires

We all have those things that, for whatever reason, totally set us off. But instead of getting pissed or upset, get curious! Ask yourself why that particular person, thing, or situation gets to you so much. Don’t judge, just see what comes up. This can help you get better at anticipating when you might need to be a little more on top of your self-care (if, say, visiting certain relatives is what does it) or train yourself to take a deep breath when you feel yourself starting to spin into stress mode and tell yourself, “I know what this is. I have the option of dealing with it calmly.”

Explore Different Angles

If you’re faced with making a decision, a good old-fashioned list of pros and cons works magic. If you’re struggling with something more along the lines of an impostor syndrome meltdown, looking for evidence to the contrary will remind you that you’re awesome. If you’re making yourself sick with worry, to get to the heart of whether that worry is founded in actual facts, run down the list of possible scenarios and see how you react. That can give you valuable insight into what you should actually focus on. If you’re feeling like you need help with directions, so to speak, consider different options and their respective outcomes and how you’d feel about each of them.

Ask Yourself What You Really Need

When stressed or anxious, we autopilot ourselves straight to our usual coping mechanisms without giving ourselves the chance to tune into what we really, truly need. When you catch yourself doing this (and you will get better at catching yourself, I promise!), ask yourself, “Will [insert coping mechanism of choice here] really solve this problem?” Usually the answer is, “No.” Okay, so then ask yourself what will? I use this example a lot, but that’s because it rings true for so many of us.

Say you’re having a stressful day at work and are craving ice cream. Sure, you want it because it tastes good, but dig a little deeper. Many of us associate ice cream with summer vacation, maybe taking a trip to the ice cream shop with our family, or enjoying ice cream with friends at birthday parties and other celebrations. It’s something we associate with feeling relaxed and carefree, a feeling we may want to recapture on days when it seems that the demands of our job are crushing our soul. So pick up the phone and reach out to a friend who makes you laugh, or watch some funny animal videos. Take a walk around the block to escape the office vibe. I had a client who would take her bike for a joyride on her lunch break. She’s my hero.

Quiet the Actual Noise

Most of us are surrounded by tremendous amounts of noise on a daily basis. As a self-protective measure, we’ve learned to ignore the noise. But what we may not realize is that, whether we’re aware of it or not, all that noise has interfered with our ability to think and to be aware. Setting aside some quiet time can be tremendously helpful in (re)learning how to listen to your own mind and body. Start with five minutes a few times a week. If you need to set a timer, go ahead. I like to do this while I’m eating breakfast or when I need a short break in the afternoon. Jotting down in a journal the thoughts and ideas that come up during your quiet time is a great way to see what’s going on inside your head.