WHAT HOLDS YOU BACK? IDENTIFY YOUR BARRIERS.

YOU KNOW THAT old saying, “Awareness is the first step”? Well, it’s true. One of the most important steps to reaching a goal is identifying the barriers that get in our way. While it can be uncomfortable, get really real with yourself about what trips you up and triggers you in your life. We all have barriers, and that is 100 percent okay.

Think about those times you’ve veered off from a plan or a promise you’d made to yourself about something you would or wouldn’t do. What diverts you? Here are a few common ones:

• Travel

• A stressful day or event

• Unexpected schedule changes or an unpredictable schedule

• Birthdays, weddings, and other celebrations or events with a lot of less-than-healthy foods and beverages

• An emotionally upsetting conversation

• Bad news

• Feeling overwhelmed by events in your life

• Illness and injuries

• A looming deadline you’re trying to avoid

• Relationship problems (or lack thereof—aka feeling like you’re the only single person alive)

• Loneliness

• Visual cues and external cues to eat, drink, shop, etc.

Identifying our barriers helps us set up a plan to deal with them. A plan, in turn, provides structure and guidance and helps you feel less overwhelmed. Once you’re aware of those things that throw you off, a plan acts as a jumping-off point for fixing that behavior.

For example, if you can’t ever seem to walk away without a pastry at the café where you pick up your coffee (you’ve tried having breakfast first—it makes no difference), you can try getting your coffee somewhere else or making your own so you won’t feel so tempted. Similarly, if you pass a certain shop or bakery on your usual route and find it hard not to go in there, try going a different way so you don’t pass those spots.

If meeting friends for a drink leads to way more drinks than planned (again), tune into what keeps you saying yes to refills. Is it habit? Is it because everyone else is drinking that much and you’re worried they’ll start asking questions or give you a hard time about it? Acknowledging where your tendency to drink too much stems from arms you with the information you need to shift that behavior.

If drinking one alcoholic beverage after another is just an old habit, start alternating with water or seltzer to pace yourself and avoid getting dehydrated. Nonalcoholic beer and virgin drinks are an option too, but keep in mind they’ll still contribute extra calories to your day, so be mindful of how that’s fitting into your plans. If real or imagined peer pressure is your downfall, check in with yourself about which it is. Nine times out of ten, people will barely notice you’re drinking less. I’ve even had clients tell me that when friends did notice, they were actually relieved because they wanted to start drinking less too.

If you keep drinking because you associate that with bonding, you may be caught in a loop of thinking that you have to keep drinking alcohol to prolong the experience. Remind yourself that it doesn’t matter if you’re drinking alcohol or not—it’s about that experience of spending time with your friends. You can also try reminding yourself that you’ll feel better and remember the event more clearly if you keep your intake more moderate.

The feeling of wanting to belong can lead us to make other choices that may undermine our goals, such as overeating, spending too much money, or joining in a group’s negative self-talk. If you’ve ever been around a table of people talking about how “bad” they’re eating or how fat they are or have been, or if you’ve been in a dressing room with friends or relatives talking smack about their own bodies and found yourself compelled to throw in a self-deprecating comment, you know what I’m talking about.

If travel or a busy or unpredictable schedule throws you off your healthy eating game, then take steps to stay on track with a nourishing diet by making it convenient to eat well. For example, you can stock your freezer with frozen produce and keep healthy staples on hand like beans, whole grains, and canned tomatoes. You can also have groceries delivered when you return from trips so you don’t fall into the trap of continuing to eat oversized portions of restaurant food that’s more indulgent (and more expensive!) than you’d like because you come home to an empty kitchen.

If shopping is your “thing,” I feel you. I’m extremely susceptible to emails announcing sales on Old Navy active-wear, particularly when I’m getting tired while working, feeling down, or in need of some escape because I don’t want to focus on something unpleasant.

My impulse is to immediately fill an online shopping cart with stuff I (usually) don’t need. Or I’ll go to a store for one thing I do need and come up with about ten other things I suddenly discovered that I can’t live without. When my dad was in the hospital, I spent a huge amount of time in the ICU waiting area, working on my laptop, but also, yes, shopping. And it’s rarely expensive stuff! So when my clients get down on themselves for seeking solace in the vending machine, I totally get it, even if my struggle isn’t exactly the same. I look at those twelve-dollar sports bras as the emotional equivalent of a pack of M&Ms.

In my case, what helps me keep the habit in check is unsubscribing from those enticing emails (either one by one or using a service like unroll.me) and taking a break from the screen when I feel the urge to shop. That might be a walk around the block, or filling the screen with something else like an online yoga, Pilates, or barre class.

Another thing that comes up a lot for many of us is spending energy on tasks that don’t serve the big picture for us. Ever lost an hour to scrolling on social media, only to wind up feeling behind on your to-do list and despairing that your life isn’t nearly as fabulous as xyz person you’re suddenly comparing yourself to? Social media time can chip away at our self-esteem and derail us from accomplishing the goals we set out to accomplish on any given day. That energy-sucking effect can trickle into other areas of our life, impacting our focus, productivity, and relationships.

If that’s you, when you find yourself reaching for your phone, train yourself to ask why you’re opening that app. If you need to, set a timer to remind yourself to log off before you go too far down the rabbit hole. Tools that allow you to track your screen time can also be helpful for getting a handle on where your time goes.

Whatever your individual barriers are, don’t waste time feeling ashamed. Give yourself permission to be human and set yourself up for success by coming up with a plan to get through those tough spots.