HOW TO TURN MEALTIMES INTO A CHANCETO DE-STRESS

CONFESSION: AS A teenager, I ate most of my meals either in the car or standing up at a shelf I used as a desk while I did homework. We had family dinners on the weekends or went out sometimes, but I was on my own a lot of the time and didn’t really see any point in stopping what I was doing. When I went to college, I lived on campus for the first two years and ate in the dining hall, but when I moved into my first apartment, I ate most of my meals sitting on the floor in front of my laptop while I wrote. When I finally got a table that wasn’t a coffee table, of course I turned it into a makeshift desk.

It really wasn’t until I moved to New York and into an apartment with a boyfriend that the concept of a table you use just for eating and not as your office started to make sense. Oh, right—connecting with another person over a meal. So that’s what all the fuss was about. That said, most of our fights took place over that same table, so I also got a taste of what it’s like when dinner becomes a high-anxiety part of your day.

While I managed to avoid turning that table into my workspace after he moved out, I gradually slid back into my old habit of eating at my desk while working. Then when I started working in a hospital that had no cafeteria, I started eating lunch while catching up on patient notes so that I could use my lunch break to take a walk instead of trying to go find a place to sit. Since I worked the early shift, I usually ate breakfast at my desk while I screened patients before morning rounds.

No wonder I felt like I never got a break! I was eating two to three meals a day in front of a screen.

I definitely noticed a difference in how satisfied I felt after eating when I allowed myself to slow down and get away from the machines. It’s hardly news that “distracted eating” can dampen our perception of satisfaction, making it all too easy to plow through larger portions than we need. If you’re cooking for and serving yourself and paying attention to serving size at home, or eating a packed lunch, it’s less of an issue in the short-term, but it can feel damn near impossible to stay on track when you’re wolfing down takeout, finding your way to the bottom of a bag of chips, or your brown-bag lunch barely holds you over an hour before you start looking for snacks in the break room.

And besides, when we don’t give ourselves breaks in our day to sit and eat and mentally recharge, whatever is stressing us out and making us anxious just keeps gnawing at us all day. Having gone through this struggle myself (and let’s be real—I still go through phases where I have a hard time taking a break), I’ve come up with some simple hacks to help my clients reclaim mealtimes and turn them into a chance to dial down stress.

• Clear a place to sit and eat. I know this one can be hard, but it’s so important. If tearing yourself away for a lunch break feels impossible, remind yourself that stopping—even if it’s only for fifteen minutes—will give you more energy to tackle whatever tasks you’re working on that afternoon. I understand that some workplaces may not be conducive to eating anywhere other than your desk (been there!), so designate a space by moving around papers and facing away from your computer, if possible. At home, get your ass up off the couch or from your computer chair and sit at the table where you eat meals, or if you don’t have a table, turn off the screen or pause what you’re watching. This is often the hardest part!

• Use real plates and silverware. Even if you’re eating a frozen meal or takeout, the thirty seconds it takes to put your food on an actual plate and trade the plastic cutlery for the real stuff can majorly upgrade your eating experience.

• Minimize distractions. Many of us are used to eating with our phone on the table or the TV blaring. We might be so used to it we don’t even realize how much those things impact us. So turn off the set and keep your phone away from the table (if you’r someone who routinely takes a picture of your food, fine, but take the photo and then put your phone out of reach). You can post onto social media after you eat. If the phone rings, you really don’t have to answer it. You could also try putting your phone into Do Not Disturb mode, and if you’re worried about missing a call, adjust your settings so the people you want to be available to will still get through.

And if sitting in silence is just too weird for you, try playing soft music or listening to an audiobook or podcast.

• Slow down. This is one of my favorite hacks: put your fork down between bites. It’s an easy way to pace yourself and avoid overeating.

• Set the mood. Even when you’re dining alone, you want to create a comfortable environment. Turn off harsh overhead lights in favor of softer lighting from lamps (or consider a dimmer switch). Light candles if you want to. It might seem cheesy the first few times you do it—especially if you’re eating alone—but you’ll likely come to find you really enjoy it.

Dining with a partner or family members can have both positive and negative impacts on your meals. It’s not uncommon to notice changes in our eating habits when we’re with others, and as I mentioned above, sometimes conversations that come up around the table may not always be pleasant.

• Practice mindful serving. Many of my clients say that they find it harder to stick to appropriate portion sizes if others at their table are eating more. If that sounds familiar, one thing that can help is plating your meal at the counter and leaving any serving containers there, or even putting them in the fridge, so that if you do want seconds, you have to commit to getting up for it. Many people find they may eat more or less depending on whom they’re dining with, so pay attention to see if you notice any patterns.

• Plan if you need to. When you’re eating with someone who follows a very different diet from you (for example, one partner is vegan but the other is not, or one family member has an allergy or intolerance), navigating what to eat can become stressful and/or anxiety provoking. A little advance planning can go a long way toward tempering that drama in the moment.

If you’re worried about conversations taking a stressful turn, consider making certain topics offlimits over dinner. For example, put a hold on talking about work drama, or set aside time for to-do-list chatter so you don’t feel like you spend the whole meal filling your brain with more stuff you have to do.

Be patient with yourself and others. Sometimes simply taking a deep breath can help you let go of whatever drama you showed up with.