TURN YOUR OWN DIAL: HOW TO TAP INTO YOUR MOTIVATION

OKAY, SO YOU’VE heard all about how awesome exercise is and how important self-care is, but what if you lack the time, energy, or motivation to lace up your sneakers, do a healthy food prep, book a spa appointment, or schedule dinner with an inspiring friend?

As we talked about in the chapter on the power of intention, reframing self-care as a tool in your toolbox as opposed to treating it like a task you need to cross off a list can go a long way toward making it part of your routine. It’s not all salt baths and yoga retreats, either—self-care can be as basic as taking thirty minutes to prep some food for the week or asking a friend if they want to do a workout class together instead of grabbing drinks (or you could always do barre and then the bar . . .).

Tapping into the motivation to take care of yourself goes beyond wanting to look a certain way physically or hitting an arbitrary milestone. Treating self-care as a non-negotiable and rewarding yourself for fitting it into your regular week as opposed to looking at it as a special treat or something you can do only after other tasks is also key. When you can really see the deeper value in how nurturing your mental, physical, and spiritual well-being can help you be more resilient and have a better experience in your personal and professional life, it becomes much easier to make it a priority.

I spoke with Kindbody president Annbeth Eschbach, who is also the founder of Exhale Spa, about the value of empowering yourself to shift your own energy and turn the dial back in a positive direction when you need to. “I’m a big believer in how important and vital energy is to being a flourishing human being,” she says. “Let’s face it, we all go through really tough ups and downs all of the time, and recognizing that and figuring out how to turn your own dial to influence yourself is such a game changer in life.”

Want to learn how? Here are some tips to get you started.

Tune into What Shifts Your Energy

The list of things that shift our energy is as individual as we are. To share a personal example, I know I’m really sensitive to music, so if I’m having a hard day or feeling low, I’ve learned to turn on some tunes that make me feel good and to save the Elliott Smith and Leonard Cohen for another time.

When you can feel yourself getting swept off track, says Eschbach, acknowledge and understand what’s happening, and turn to those things that you’ve learned shift your energy back in a positive direction.

“For most human beings, the levers are fairly simple: It’s moving, it’s connecting, it’s being touched, it’s lying down and relaxing and taking some deep breaths, it’s sweating something out, and then feeling a sense of accomplishment.”

What things give you that sense of accomplishment? If it’s helpful, make a list. You can also note which ones are free and which ones cost money—and how much. This list can serve as a building block for your own self-care budget, so to speak.

Remember: You Have a Choice

While you might get overwhelmed, Eschbach acknowledges, you can control how you respond to what’s going on around you and what energy you give out. “You have a choice—you can either be magnetic and compelling or you can be angry and toxic and stressed out. In my past, I really got caught up in thinking stress was cool and allowing that to fuel me.” It was learning about our ability to rewire the brain through moments of mindfulness and gratitude and smiling and being touched, she explains, that finally enabled her to feel a shift in herself.

She adds that she believes that “People who are able to be present and listen to other people and smile and be grateful are so much more effective because of it than people who are so anxious to prove themselves and compete and stand out.”

Start Small

In her previous job before founding Exhale, Eschbach says she was traveling every single week, and she noticed she would work herself into a negative mind-set from the second she got into yet another cab to go to yet another airport. “I had these mental conversations with myself that got me tied up in knots.”

Finally, one day, she decided to try an experiment, “I said, ‘I’m going to go to the airport and I’m going to smile from the minute I walk in to the moment I get on that airplane.’” She was so struck by how positively everyone around her responded and by what a positive experience she had, that she knew she couldn’t go back to her old pattern.

“I needed to figure out how to flourish in everyday accessible ways that happened in small snippets. So I started playing with it. I would feel the physiological change that would come over me from behaving differently. It was pretty powerful.” That shift—and Eschbach’s experience of tapping into her ability to make it happen for herself—became the inspiration for Exhale.

So often, I hear my clients, friends, and family complain about not having enough time to work out or cook, for example, but when we dig into it a little more, it becomes clear that they’re caught up in thinking they need to spend a lot of time on those things.

I love introducing them to workable solutions like meal and grocery delivery services and online or app-based workouts they can do from virtually anywhere with minimal, if any, equipment. We come up with lists of healthy takeout options and highlight inconsistencies in the stories we tell ourselves.

One of my favorites is that, in the same five minutes you spend ordering unhealthy takeout, you can order something else that better supports your goals. Or how is it that you have ten minutes to spend scrolling on social media (which, let’s be real, often makes you feel like crap) but “can’t” make time for a ten-minute stretch or quick strength workout?

“The world is changing,” says Eschbach. “There’s so much out there that allows you to do this in more accessible, smaller bites.” You’re also seeing more wellness and fitness businesses start to cater more to the needs of people with less time by offering shorter classes and services and products designed to be more portable.

Use Positive Reinforcement

You don’t have to be that person bragging about their run on social media if that stuff makes you roll your eyes, but allowing yourself to enjoy a sense of accomplishment can help you stay motivated on those days when you don’t want to get out of bed or fire up the stove after a long day at work.

Having people in your life to cheer you on and remind you to take care of yourself can also be incredibly valuable. Even an alert on your phone to give you a boost of encouragement or ask if you’re staying hydrated can help.

“The more we get reminders from one another or from our own communities and families or even from our phones, the more this is going to be integrated into the fabric of everyone’s lives. I think we will have a much more well world,” says Eschbach. This desire to build in a “rewards” system was a main reason Exhale partnered with World of Hyatt to offer a program where participants could use points for their travel and their wellness needs.

It might feel weird at first, but practice telling yourself how proud you are of yourself and how great you feel for taking time out of your day to take care of yourself. Chances are, not only do you benefit from that, but so do the others in your life.

Make It a Group Thing

Live and interactive digital group experiences in fitness, meditation, and wellness have become very popular even as isolation becomes more of a public health issue. Eschbach explains, “People are far more drawn to these communal and social experiences than ever before because we’re so, you know, whacked out on technology. Everybody is so lonely.”

As someone who works alone most of the time and has lived alone on and off for so much of my adult life, community is key. Sure, I go to favorite fitness studios for the classes, but it was really about connecting with other people there and building relationships. Learning to meditate in a group setting made it so much more approachable than just sitting by myself, staring into a candle, wondering if I was doing it right. Taking a walk with a friend or colleague is also a favorite way to connect and fit movement into my day.

If you struggle with getting motivated to work out or cook on your own, find a class or pair up with a pal. Making it a shared experience might just be the change you need.