WORK MEDITATION INTO YOUR DAY

WHEN I WAS in the fifth grade, my mom decided to become a hypnotherapist. I thought it sounded interesting, but I was also afraid that someone at school would find out. After my classmates had thrown pebbles at me the year before when I’d made the mistake of talking about the ghosts in our house like it was the most normal thing (Wait, not everyone had ghosts in their house? Whoops.), I was hesitant to share anything even remotely “out there.”

To make it worse, word on the playground was that our friend Brandon’s dad had divorced his mom because “he found her meditating.” That must have been something that the classmate who told me had overheard, because this was the ’90s, and “meditation” wasn’t part of our tween vocabulary. I didn’t really know what meditating was, but it sure sounded scandalous.

Thankfully, my mother explained that actually, meditation wasn’t a bad thing. It was basically just a way of quieting the mind through deep thinking or focusing, sometimes with chanting or someone guiding you through, sometimes in total silence. It was to help you relax or to get more in touch with your inner self—great for relieving stress and anxiety.

To call her a “hippie mama” wouldn’t be quite accurate. I mean, gosh—I think she legitimately lost sleep worrying that my sister and I would try marijuana and that it would lead us down some dark path. That said, my mom practiced on us a lot of what she learned, including guided meditations and breathing techniques. There were Abraham Hicks CDs about the Law of Attraction in the car and tons of crystals scattered around the house.

When my parents had trouble selling the aforementioned haunted house, she brought in a team of “specialists” to measure the, um, activity and attempt to clear it. “You have the most active kitchen we’ve ever seen,” was their assessment. It was finally a consultation with a feng shui practitioner that did the trick. You already read about how I used aromatherapy as a tool to help me on my SATs. Other people’s moms hosted Tupperware parties—mine hosted meditation workshops.

Especially at that time in the 90s and early 2000s, a lot of the things that were part of my experience were considered way out there, but my mom was always very grounded in reality and tuned in to my sister and I. She also eventually became a psychotherapist so she could better support her clients.

During my teenage years, I went to a lot of wellness fairs, where I chatted up naturopaths, massage therapists, and energy healers. Some of it seemed totally legit to me, whereas some of it set off my “oh, hell no” radar. To my mother’s credit, she never shoved anything down our throats, but I wanted to support her and didn’t want to let anyone down.

I always tried to be respectful, even if I thought something was totally bogus, but there was this one time when I was seventeen, and I found myself sitting on the floor in a drum circle. I hadn’t wanted to be there—I was at a place in my life where I really craved alone time and found other people’s energy super draining, but I hadn’t yet learned how to articulate my needs or protect myself from that. This circle of strangers crammed into a crowded office made me want to run and hide. I was pissed at my mom for pushing my boundaries—or maybe mad at myself for not pushing back.

Anyway, the leader of the circle beat on her drum and started shaking out her long mane of hair, asking us to channel the buffalo. “Can you feel the buffalo?”

I got up and walked out.

My own relationship to meditation was a bit rocky for a long time after that. I went through a (thankfully short-lived) rebellious phase in college when I turned my back on some of those wonderful things I’d been raised on: yoga, positive thinking, The Beatles . . .

I resisted meditation or anything that involved sitting still for more than a few minutes. Even when I found my way back to yoga when I moved to New York after college, I always tuned out during any chanting or meditation. I would be that person rolling up their mat and sneaking out during Savasana. It felt too much like being a teenager forced to do something I hadn’t chosen for myself.

It wasn’t until I was thirty and questioning everything that I finally felt ready to establish a new relationship with meditation. Meditation apps were the thing that made it accessible enough to me to actually do it as a regular practice. I was so excited to talk to Megan Jones Bell, the Chief Science Officer at Headspace, the popular meditation app, about how to make this ancient practice approachable.

She explains that even a little can go a long way toward improving our mental state. “A lot of the research on meditation has consistently shown an impact on reducing stress and reducing anxiety, and that’s also what we found in our research on Headspace,” she explains. “Study after study shows a consistent effect, and I think often when you hear that, you may think it means a ton of practice, and that’s actually not what we found at Headspace. A lot of the studies that we’ve done that have shown stress reduction or reduction in anxiety say that using our app for just ten minutes a day, about four times a week (we recommend using it daily, but we found that four times per week is about average), for anywhere from over a month to two months is where we start to see good effects for stress and anxiety reduction. We know that even after ten days, it does result in about a fourteen percent reduction of stress.” She adds, “We also know that meditation changes our stress resilience pathways in the brain, changing it in a way that makes you more resilient to stress.”

Meditation can also help you reframe unhelpful thoughts or avoid going down an anxiety rabbit hole. “With stress and anxiety,” she says, “our thoughts become truth without us even realizing it. They impact our emotions without us even being aware that that’s what’s happening. With an awareness-based practice, you’re slowing that process down. You’re able to see that thought arrive—whatever that anxiety or stress-provoking thought is—and with a mindful approach, you’re able to recognize that it’s just a thought and you’re able to let it go. Essentially, it’s disrupting the cycle of thoughts leading to stress and anxiety.”

Want to make meditation a regular part of your life but aren’t sure how to get started? Here’s how.

Start Small

Jones Bell recommends, “Start by anchoring your meditation to a routine that’s already well established. The example I often give is that we never think about brushing our teeth—it’s just an automatic part of our morning and evening routine. How can you link a new meditation practice to something that’s already on autopilot for you? Maybe after you brush your teeth, you start a three- to five-minute meditation session.” Starting small like that gives you the flavor of it without the pressure of committing a huge block of time. It’s also pretty hard to say you don’t have three minutes for something.

Something else to try: “Maybe in those moments where you’re waiting in a restaurant or you’re on a bus or in a taxi you have that moment of pause.” Rather than immediately whipping out your phone, says Jones Bell, “you could take a moment to focus on your breath and have that be just the very beginning of getting in your body and being aware of how your breath feels in your body.”

You can gradually build up to longer meditation sessions as you feel ready and able.

Focus on Your Breath and Body

If you’re having a stressful day at work, here’s a tactic you can use from Jones Bell: “Concretely notice, you’re sitting at your desk, having stressful thoughts. Close your eyes and focus on the breath and how it feels in your body.”

You can also try a moving meditation like a walk and just focus on how your feet feel as they touch the ground. “Really simple things like that can bring you back into your body and out of your mind.”

Build It into Your Schedule

If structure is helpful for you, block out the amount of time you want to meditate for. There are a ton of different answers to the question of “what’s the best time of day,” but especially as you’re starting out, the best time is whatever time feels like the right time for you. I know tons of people who swear by a morning meditation, but after lunch can be a great time too. Or maybe for you, evening might make sense. Try out a few different times and see what feels good. Making meditation a regular part of your schedule, though, will make it a lot easier to actually do it, so you don’t feel like you’re trying to squeeze it in somewhere.

Meditate with Someone Else

Sometimes having someone meditate with you can help it feel more normal. “I’ve seen people say they wanted to try it,” says Jones Bell, “and then actually do it by making it a shared practice. That can be done with friends, family, your partner, or even at work.”

At the Headspace office, they have group meditation sessions twice a day, at 10 a.m. and 3 p.m. “All you have to do is walk into the room and sit down, and it eliminates that negotiation we have with ourselves because we see other people doing it, and it makes it accessible.”

Jones Bell is a big believer in the power of creating a shared experience. “Meditation was something that previously I had done solo, and it was through experiencing our work environment, where we have these well-attended group meditation experiences, [that it felt like I was] part of something.” There’s also the benefit of increased focus afterward. “It feels like when I go back into my back-to-back meetings, I’m much more deliberate, I’m much more present, and I’m still energized, but I’m more clear and focused, and I’m very intentional, and it’s a lot easier to be present.”

Let Go of the “Empty Mind” Ideal

Yes, meditation can be powerful tool to declutter gunk that’s in your brain, but it’s completely normal to become aware of thoughts that flutter to the front of your mind when you’re meditating.

And if you feel yourself starting to get stressed out by those thoughts, says Jones Bell, “There’s not something wrong with you! Accept that our mind takes us places that sometimes aren’t very helpful for us to go.”

However, she adds, cultivating an enhanced awareness of your thoughts through a meditation practice can actually help you spot those thoughts that could send you on a stress spiral and empower you to “step alongside them. You may not be able to reverse them, but you can step alongside them and say, ‘I’m going down that rabbit hole.’ Bringing awareness to your body is a great way of disrupting your stress response. Focusing on your breath and activating your relaxation response can help unglue those thoughts in your mind.”

Meditation, she explains, is “not about distracting. It’s about redirecting our attention to our body as opposed to those stressful thoughts. It’s a helpful way of releasing those thoughts instead of getting attached to them.”