LET GO OF FOOD GUILT

I’M FORTUNATE ENOUGH to work with wonderful, amazing clients and to interview successful, brilliant people who are at the top of their field, and I’m struck by how many of them experience or have struggled with feeling guilty about what they eat.

While it’s totally human and normal to be, like, “Okay, I don’t feel so great after eating that,” heavy-duty food guilt, especially when it gets tied in to feelings of self-worth, can drag us down in many areas of our life.

Negative self-talk, which we’ve discussed previously, can distract us from other things that need our energy and attention. If you’ve ever tried to focus on work when the voice in your head was sneering at you (Why did you eat that? You’re disgusting.) then you know what I’m talking about. When we feel guilty, it also can cause us to criticize or punish ourselves by making choices that don’t support our goals. Guilt is an energy-sucking emotion that negatively influences how we feel about ourselves and how we interact with others around us. It also chips away at our self-esteem, which can make it hard to feel motivated to invest in ourselves and make choices that support our overall wellness. For example, if you feel guilty about something you ate earlier in the day, you might have a harder time feeling confident about your ability to make a positive choice at your next eating occasion.

Here are some of the approaches I take with my clients to help them let go of food guilt.

Know What Triggers You

We’re all different, and that’s okay. The foods and situations that cause one person to spiral down into food guilt may be no big deal to someone else. And these triggers can be specific—maybe you feel like you can’t be around pizza without overindulging in it, but feel no guilt around the regular Sunday pancakes you enjoy with your family.

Oftentimes these are learned behaviors. For example, if you were brought up in a home where everyone was always on a diet or there was a lot of talk about how unhealthy certain foods were, you may struggle as an adult with guilt around eating those things. It’s not uncommon to have a hard time being moderate with “forbidden fruit” items, or to feel like you have to bash yourself for enjoying a treat.

Of course, we can also pick up messages from our friends and colleagues. When the people around us are following a certain regimen or swearing off a particular food (or food category, like sugar), it’s easy to feel pressured to follow suit, even if no one directly says anything to you. That pressure often stems from wanting to feel like part of a group or from self-doubt that manifests in a lack of confidence in our food choices.

When my clients ask me if they should be drinking apple cider vinegar or whether carbs are going to make them fat or if they should do a juice cleanse, my first question is usually, “What made you interested in that?” Similarly, if someone expresses feeling guilt for eating a particular food, we talk about where they think that might be coming from.

While we may not be able to control all of the triggers we encounter, we do hold sway over how we respond to them. Cultivating awareness of the situations in which we’re most prone to feeling guilty empowers us to recognize when we’re about to go down that path and redirect our thoughts to something more constructive.

Be Careful with Social Media

What we see in our social media feeds can have a huge impact on how we feel about ourselves, and that, in turn, may influence the choices we make about our health, food, and fitness. Surround yourself with images and messages that make you feel good, and avoid the ones that make you feel pressured to adhere to an impossible standard or that make you feel less-than.

One of my favorite expressions is “compare and despair” because it’s just so true. When we compare our internal blooper reel to the highlight reels we see all around us, it’s a losing game. Even though we know, logically, that people curate, it’s hard to keep that at the top of our mind when we’re in the middle of scrolling.

For example, if you feel guilty for eating a donut for breakfast after you see a post of a vegan smoothie bowl on Instagram, and will punish yourself with an extra-long run or by skipping lunch, you just got a very clear sign to unfollow that account.

The chapter on the power of intention with Lisa Skye Hain delves more into how following social media accounts that make us feel uplifted and inspired can foster a more positive, can-do mind-set. You want that time you spend scrolling to help you feel inspired, not inferior.

Focus on What Makes You Feel Good

It’s so easy to fixate on what you did “wrong,” but I encourage my clients to instead focus on what makes them feel good. Rather than thinking you have to make up for “bad” behavior or punish yourself, set an intention to move forward by enjoying foods and activities that help you feel well.

To go back to the donut example, if you ate a donut for breakfast, take a moment to note what you enjoyed about it. It’s normal to have some negative thoughts about it, so if those float to the surface, acknowledge them and then let them go. Sure, it might not be the most nutritious way to start your day, but what enjoyment or positivity did it offer you, and why was that important? Then, rather than chastising yourself, simply plan to have a protein-rich lunch with lots of vegetables to help you get your blood sugar and energy on track and to get some important nutrients into your day.

If you wake up feeling like crap after an indulgent night out, you can file away that feeling as motivation not to have that third drink next time, but then don’t starve yourself and try to sweat away your sins at a balls-to-the-wall bootcamp class or whatever you think you’re supposed to do to atone. Drink a tall glass of water, enjoy a balanced breakfast, and set an intention to enjoy whatever type of movement your body is asking for that day—or to rest, if that’s what you need.

Be Patient with Yourself

Unlearning food guilt is a process that takes time. Be patient with yourself. It gets easier with practice to spot when you need to let go of guilt, but if you do find yourself caught in the current of food guilt, you haven’t failed. You’re working on building a new pattern, and even the times you struggle can teach you something.

Take a deep breath and give yourself permission to move on mindfully. A mantra I often have my clients repeat to themselves is, “You are making steady progress.” Because this is often such a private struggle, you may not feel like you have a lot of positive reinforcement when you need it. Reminding yourself of how well you’re doing can help you keep at it.

Just a side note: If you feel that your food guilt is having a severe impact on your quality of life, seek help from a therapist or dietitian. While the techniques discussed above can help, working one-on-one with an appropriate professional may be necessary when you’re really struggling.