One

The Wild West barbecue was in full swing. Lily Chamberlain didn’t have to search for the area where it was being held. Huge clouds of aromatic smoke drifted from the common area outside the dining room, and the happy shouts of young campers filled the air.

Her son tugged on her arm. “Mom, walk faster.”

Her body ached. She didn’t want to walk at all, let alone speed up. She and Todd had done the three-legged race, scooted on their stomachs through a cardboard maze, jumped rope, leaped over hurdles made of hay bales, and climbed an artificial wall. She’d be lucky if she could even move the next day.

“Look, it’s Ric!” Todd broke loose and ran toward the serving line, his hair gleaming golden red in the late afternoon sun.

She hobbled painfully after him, vainly calling, “Wait! Todd William Chamberlain, get back here!”

One of the servers zipped around the table and caught her son in a bear hug. “Gotcha!” he said. “You’re supposed to listen to your mom, young fellow.” He set Todd down and held out his hand. “I’m Ric Jensen. I have Todd in my arts and crafts class.”

His bright blue eyes sparkled under a thatch of summer blond hair that was now wind strewn. Charcoal was smeared across one cheekbone, and a spot of barbecue sauce had dried on his chin. She couldn’t help but like him immediately.

“Pleased to meet you,” she said. “I’m Lily. I hope Todd’s doing well.”

“He’s the best five-year-old painter I’ve got!” Ric declared. “He’s been working on his Noah’s ark quite diligently.”

“It’s purple,” Todd added.

“Yes, it is indeed.” Ric grinned at Lily. “I’m glad to meet you. Todd talks a lot about you.”

“Ah.” She didn’t dare ask what he said. Todd had an unusual knack for sharing the most interesting tidbits about her life. “Well, I believe we need to get in line here, Todd. It sure smells good.”

“Usually you’d begin down at that end,” Ric said, motioning to his right where grills were sizzling and steam was billowing from large open vats. “But since you’re here, let’s start.”

He handed them two plates from under the table. “Make sure you sample all the sauces. As you can see by my apron, I’ve tried them all!” His body was swathed with a white apron that was stained with sauces of many varieties and colors.

“This splotch is Pastor Jack’s southwestern marinade. Packs a kick, so you might want to be cautious. This mustardy bit is from a legendary concoction straight out of Fargo. And this,” he said, pointing to another, “well, I don’t know what it is. But it was mighty tasty. Yup, this apron tells a story all right. A story of gluttony and greed.”

“It looks like an artist’s apron,” Todd said, somewhat in awe of the messy garment.

“Hey, I like that! I’m the Van Gogh of the barbecue world!” Ric spun his tongs with a flourish. “But today, corn is my canvas. May I interest you in trying some?”

He plopped an ear of corn on each of their plates, then he spooned a yellowish glob on, too. “My specially seasoned butter,” he announced. “It makes plain old corn on the cob a gourmet delight.”

“What’s in it?” Todd asked suspiciously.

“Family secret, young man. Family secret.” He winked at Lily as Todd examined the dollop of butter. “Say, if you two don’t already have a place to sit, I’ve got a spot marked over by the teeter-totter. I’m just finishing up here, and I’d love some company.”

It was blissfully close. After getting a hamburger for herself and a hot dog for Todd, she added brownies to each of their plates and picked up paper cups of lemonade. She gave Todd his plate and lemonade, which he promptly spilled down his shirt. “We’ll just share mine,” she explained to the young woman pouring the lemonade. “It’s safest. And cleanest.”

She limped over to the picnic table and sank down gratefully. There wasn’t a part of her body that didn’t throb, sting, or pound with pain. Todd, though, joyfully leaped past the slide and sandbox and headed toward the teeter-totter, the food on his plate in severe jeopardy of falling off. He circled the teeter-totter, dodged the swings, crossed the merry-go-round, and returned to her, out of breath.

“Isn’t this the greatest place ever?” he asked as he took a bite of his hot dog.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” she said automatically. “And yes, it is the greatest place ever.”

“Why?”

“Well, because it’s got a lake and a church and a playground—”

“No, I mean why can’t I talk with my mouth full? It saves a lot of time. I can chew and talk at the same time. Watch.”

He provided a vivid demonstration.

“That’s dreadful, Todd. Nobody wants to see chewed-up food.”

He wasn’t convinced. “It’s not that gross.”

“Gross enough. Just don’t do it.” She tapped him lightly on the nose and leaned over to hug him, but he wriggled out of her grasp. “Cooties!” he said with pretend disgust.

She shook her head. He came up with the strangest things.

Any conversation with Todd was interesting, but she didn’t object when he abandoned his plate of food to accept another little boy’s invitation to play on the teeter-totter. It gave her one of those brief moments of respite that were so rare with a five-year-old.

It wasn’t easy raising Todd by herself, but they’d managed. Out of the heartbreak of early widowhood, God had sent the blessing of a baby, and she had been able to move through her grief.

Todd was bundled energy, but he kept her focused on what was real and important in life.

Who knew it would be so complicated? For the millionth time, she revisited the choice she’d made in Chicago. Which was more important: one man’s ethics—or lack thereof—or the survival of a program that would benefit many women? Had she been wrong to leave? Should she have reported the wrongdoing and jeopardized the Nanny Group’s existence?

The image resurfaced of the head of the Nanny Group smiling as he voiced threats so veiled that she’d often wondered if she had, in fact, understood him correctly. Everything goes forward without any problem, he’d said, and all will be fine. Nothing is ever to get in my way. But you understand that, don’t you, Lily? You know the importance of silence.

In the back of her head, she could hear her mother’s voice: Nothing happens by accident; it’s all part of God’s plan.

“Mom, look! I’m the king of the camp!” She looked up just in time to see Todd standing on top of the monkey bars, waving his arms at her. Before her heart could completely stop, he slithered down the metal railing to safety.

The child had to be part monkey. That, or he had a guardian angel working overtime.

❧

Ric knew Lily was worried about something. Almost all the parents at Shiloh Family Camp had come here because they had burdens of some kind or another. If she wanted to share, she would, but he knew that took time. He would be here when she was ready.

He had seen the way her eyes glowed when she watched her exuberant son at play and the twinkle they took on during the exchange about talking with his mouth full. Her love for her son was clear.

“Todd’s a great kid,” he said, sliding in beside her at the picnic bench. “We’re having a super time in class. He does like purple, doesn’t he?”

Lily laughed. “It’s his favorite color. Is he really painting Noah’s ark purple?”

Ric nodded. “He is. Mrs. Noah is purple, too.”

“Probably not historically accurate, is it?”

“But infinitely more interesting than brown.” He tore off a piece of bread. “Are you from North Dakota?”

She nodded, her light brown hair swirling around her shoulders. “I’m a returnee. I’ve been working in Chicago for the past couple of years, but I’m back now.” She looked down as she spoke, hiding eyes that were so dark blue they were nearly indigo.

“Chicago? This must be quite a change for you. What did you do in Chicago?”

Lily swirled the lemonade in her cup as she answered. “I was a case administrator for a nonprofit organization.”

“She worked with babies.” Todd had joined them, and Ric watched with a smile as she wiped a smudge of dirt from his forehead.

“Really?” Ric asked. “What kind of work did you do at this place?”

“It was a child-care program for single parents. I’m a single parent myself, so I was especially committed to seeing it succeed.”

“Sounds interesting. How did it work?”

“It was actually two programs that dovetailed. One was supplying day care for single parents who were being trained for careers, and the other was training people to be nannies and day care providers. So one program served the other.”

Did he hear a slight break in her voice? Perhaps he’d imagined it because she looked at him and smiled. “It’s a lifesaver for many women who otherwise would be stuck in a life of welfare.”

In the back of his mind a plan started to grow. Maybe—

“What a great idea!” he said as he started to dream of the possibilities. “Well, we’ll get you back to them nice and relaxed, ready to face a whole new group of people who need your help.”

“We’re not going back,” Todd interjected. “We don’t know where we’re going. Maybe Gran’s. Mom doesn’t have a job anymore. We’re almost poor.”

“Is that true?” Perhaps this was what was weighing on her heart.

She looked trapped, and he quickly added, “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. But if you need some help, that’s what we’re here for. Shiloh Family Camp is a place for families to relax in a supportive Christian environment, and that means unsnarling the snarls that occur in any family’s life.”

Lily laughed. “You sound like the brochure.”

He grinned a bit sheepishly. “I wrote it.”

He could hear children laughing on the playground, and below the sound, the steady murmur of adult voices. He loved his time at Shiloh. It was a stress reliever for him, too.

“People come here for many reasons,” he continued. “We don’t ask that you reveal any more than you feel is necessary, but I do want you to know that we are here if at any time your burden becomes too great, and you want a friendly ear to listen, a friendly shoulder to cry on, or a friendly spirit to pray with you. Take it at your own pace.”

Before she could respond, he knelt beside Todd. “I’d better go make sure we have enough purple to finish Mrs. Noah tomorrow, and I’m on cleanup duty, too. See you both tomorrow, I hope.” He ruffled Todd’s reddish gold hair and straightened up. “Don’t forget there’s a trail ride after church. And then the rodeo!”

Did he actually hear her groan?

❧

“Todd, hurry up.” She knelt to tie his shoes and winced. There wasn’t a muscle in her body that wasn’t protesting loudly. No way was she was going on a trail ride after church. Just the thought of getting onto the horse’s back made her cringe.

She’d rather spend the day resting in the sunshine with a book and a glass of lemonade, like any sane woman.

“Church is going to start soon, buddy. Let’s get going.”

As they followed the path to the chapel, Todd sang a song. “God is my friend, I’m God’s friend, you’re God’s friend. God likes dogs, God likes cats, God likes hamsters. God made potatoes, God made carrots, God made pudding.”

“That’s an interesting song,” she said at last.

“Yes,” he told her proudly. “I wrote it myself.”

“Ah. It’s lovely.”

“Thank you.” He continued, “God loves purple, God loves red, God loves blue. God can hear, God can see, God can talk.”

He stopped so suddenly that she almost fell over him. “He can, right? He can talk?”

“Sure He can. We just have to listen. Now, let’s go into church and see if we can hear Him.”

The chapel was almost full, and they took the last seats available. She felt herself relax as the service began with the call to worship.

Her priority now was getting back in tune with what was real and eternal in life and reaffirming her priorities. She had it all figured out: God would do it. He could fix anything. She needed to focus on Todd.

Todd, like any five-year-old, had a mixed view of church services. He was enthusiastic the first five minutes, and then his interest waned as his attention span faltered.

Lily pulled the illustrated children’s Bible from the bag she always carried to church. Experience told her this would occupy him for another five minutes or, if she were lucky, ten.

Pastor Jack asked them to join him in silent prayer.

And that was when the meeting of woman and Lord became unavoidable.

She started to pray but found instead that she was listening as her soul poured itself out.

It wasn’t fair that Douglas Newton had managed to get into her life—just as she was straightening it out—and once again destroy it.

She’d loved her job, and she’d taken great satisfaction from knowing she was helping others in a situation like she’d been in herself. She’d tried to see it with his rationalizing explanation, but no matter how she’d turned and twisted it, what he had done—using the Nanny Group as his personal babysitting service—was wrong.

What scared her the most was the look he had given her when she quit. She had never seen anything quite so cold—and so menacing—in her life.

He scared her. There was something about him that made her wary, that set every cell in her body on edge.

He had revealed himself to be ruthless, as if he would let nothing get in the way of what he wanted. She’d seen the way he’d treated anyone he considered to be beneath him.

His impatience was legendary among service staff. She’d seen it herself, and what she hadn’t seen, she’d heard about. Waitresses at the high-priced restaurant where he enjoyed lunches dreaded having him sit at one of their assigned tables. If he considered anything on his plate not up to the quality he expected, he created a scene that often ended with the server being fired or quitting.

They’d had a secretary at the Nanny Group for a while—actually, they’d had several secretaries—but he’d demanded so much of them that they usually quit within a day or two. The employment service they’d tried had finally quit sending applicants over.

Even the old woman who had cleaned the office at the Nanny Group had met with his wrath. When he’d deemed that the poor woman, her back twisted with arthritis, hadn’t cleaned under his desk well enough, he’d thrown a pencil at her and dumped a potted plant onto the floor and told her to clean the soil and shattered crockery from the carpet. When she had finished, he fired her.

She had seen enough to make her very careful around him, but when she became the focus of his anger, she’d taken special care. Not only did she have to worry about herself and her job, but she had a little boy that God had entrusted her with, and she would walk over hot coals, crawl through broken glass, whatever it took, to keep him safe.

Maybe she was being melodramatic, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that Douglas Newton would do whatever it took to keep her quiet about what she knew.

Why had God sent this wretched person into her life? How many trials and tribulations must she endure—must Todd endure, too?

First, the loss of her husband after only three weeks of marriage, a victim of a drunk driver, had nearly destroyed her. The total emptiness and the eerie sensation of being adrift, like a boat that had escaped its mooring, had haunted those first blind days of grief.

Then she discovered she was pregnant. That little life inside her had saved her, and now Todd was everything to her.

“Amen.”

She raised her head as Pastor Jack pronounced an end to prayer. Guiltily she realized that she hadn’t even prayed. She’d relived her problems again, without getting one step closer to a solution.

Maybe there wasn’t a solution. Maybe God—

A sharp elbow in her ribs brought her back to the present. “Mom! Get up!” Todd whispered loudly.

People were standing again, singing a familiar old hymn, “Rock of Ages.” As she sang, she paid attention to the words of the opening verse. If only she could hide in the Rock.

Pastor Jack’s sermon was brief, about the partnership God offers His creation. He encouraged those attending to be an active partner, not a silent partner, in their relationship with the Lord.

Prayer, he said, was the most effective and dynamic when you offered yourself as a participant.

The service ended with a brief moment of silence. Here was her time to redeem herself, to pray honestly.

God, guide me. Please, I need a little help here. And then, although she’d been trained not to do this, not to tell God what to do, Lily couldn’t resist adding, You used to send angels as your messengers. Send me a sign. It doesn’t have to be an angel, but I would like a sign. Please, God, I need some help.

“God answers prayers.” Her head spun around as Ric spoke beside her.

Her confusion must have shown on her face because he laughed easily. “I prayed that I’d get a chance to talk to you this morning. Do you have a minute?”

Before she could answer, he continued. “Here’s the deal. If you really are looking for a job, I have one that needs you as badly as you need it. Want to help me set up an emergency day care in a flooded community?”

Lily could only stand there, astonished. Todd tugged on the hem of her shirt, but she ignored him.

Well, it was true that God answers prayers. But somehow she’d never thought a response would be this quick or that her angel would be wearing a neon green T-shirt that read Shiloh Family Camp, Where Playing and Praying Meet.

❧

“I can’t go.” The sunshine glinted in Lily’s eyes as they walked toward the playground area where Todd could play while she and Ric talked.

Ric tilted his head and studied her for a moment before saying, “You don’t have to commit now. You can think about it.”

“I have thought about it.” As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she knew they weren’t true. Her response had been automatic.

Ric didn’t respond. He simply continued to walk until he came to the swing set. He caught one of the rope-and-metal swings and sat down on it.

He began to swing silently, first slowly and then with continuing speed. She could feel herself frowning against the sunshine as she watched him progress higher and higher into the sky while she stood to the side, one hand lightly touching the frame of the swing set.

It seemed like a metaphor to her. Somehow she had to make sense of it all, bring it into focus.

She felt the need to speak. “I can’t do something like that. I have Todd. I can’t just pick up and go.”

Her son tugged at her sleeve. “Where, Mom? Where?”

“Where what?” she asked almost absentmindedly as she ruffled his reddish gold hair. “You’re supposed to be playing.”

“Where are we going?”

“We’re not going anywhere, honey.”

“But I just heard Ric say—”

“Todd, we can’t just pick up and move.”

“Are we going to live with Gran then?”

The reminder of her situation rose in Lily’s mind like a gigantic monolith, unavoidable now. Where were they going, anyway? She loved her mother, but she couldn’t stay with her.

“No, no, Todd. We’re not going to live with Gran.” She knew anxiety had crept into her voice, but she couldn’t keep it away.

“Then where are we going to live?” Todd insisted.

“Somewhere, sweetheart, somewhere. I just don’t know where.” Inside her chest the claw of tension tightened.

Ric spoke quietly. “Think about this job. These people could use you and your skills. Right now they have nothing. And what you have—knowledge, caring, and time to work—will help them more than you could ever know.” He smiled at Todd. “Disasters are bad enough, but they shouldn’t happen to children.”

“Are we going to live in a tent?” Todd asked. “We don’t have a tent, do we, Mom? If we don’t live with Gran, then where are we going? Are we going back to Chicago? I thought you said—”

“That’s enough, Todd.” Her words shot out like bullets, and she instantly regretted her tone. She knelt beside him and ran her finger down the bridge of his nose. “We’re going to be okay. You know that.”

She sensed him closing up. Suddenly everything in her melted, and she clutched him to her in a near-desperate hug. “Honey, please don’t worry. Leave that to me.”

Something inside her began to move, like a glacier edging its way onward. But as quickly as it began, it stopped. She wasn’t ready.

“We could go where Ric says.” Todd’s voice was muffled against her shoulder.

The block of ice jolted away from her heart a bit, just enough for the pain to penetrate briefly. He was so little, so defenseless against a world that had been totally unfair.

“I will take care of both of us,” she promised him softly in his ear. “God will be with us, like He always has been. He will not leave us.”

“I want to go home.” Her son’s words were so quiet that she wasn’t sure he’d spoken at all until she felt the tears moistening her blouse. “I want to go home, but I don’t know where that is anymore.”

The glacier lurched inside her, nearly ripping her heart from its moorings.

She looked up at Ric. “Let’s talk about that job.”