IT was…pleasant. That she’d started to enjoy herself came as a surprise to Caera. The first twenty minutes or so had been a little stressful as she worried over where to sit in relation to Saul’s proximity, how to sit, whether breathing through her mouth was as noisy as it sounded.
In the end, she tried breathing through her nose and only ended up paranoid that she’d picked up a shrill nasal whistle. Of course, she hadn’t. Well, she was fairly sure she hadn’t. Had she?
Saul gave her first choice of movies, and even that small task perplexed her. Was he an action man, a comedy or horror guy? She didn’t have a clue what movie came under which genre, so she’d picked a film at random from the graphics on the screen.
By the time the electric fences cut out in Jurassic Park, Caera had shifted inch by inch across the couch until Saul’s arm pulled her close to his side and tucked her in. She shivered in reaction. To the movie or to his nearness, she couldn’t tell.
His fingertips stroked up and down the bare skin of her arm, tracing over goose bumps. All too well, she could imagine those fingers touching her elsewhere. Her imagination was beyond compare; it was her crutch when things got rough. Picturing Saul caressing her more intimately did funny things to her insides.
Heat surrounded her and made her drowsy. The crackle of the fire and the steady rise and fall of Saul’s chest as she leaned against his side lulled her further.
“Here, baby.” Saul shifted carefully, and suddenly she found herself laid on her side, stretched out on the couch with her head on his strong thigh. “Go to sleep, Caera. I’ve got you. Just catch an hour or so if you need it.”
His hand rested on her hair. His fingers began to massage her scalp gently, as though he played with her rather than acting out of sensuality. When she risked a peek up at him, his attention was riveted on the battle between dinosaur and man. She sighed and let herself relax.
After a while, she drifted, balanced on the fine line between consciousness and sleep. She nuzzled against Saul’s leg more than once, and his hands were there to stroke and soothe. Every so often, her eyes popped open to blearily peruse her surroundings and make sure she was where she was supposed to be.
“Movie night has not gone to plan.”
It was no more than a whisper, but Caera heard his voice clearly. She stretched a little, snuffled, and settled. His hand rubbed gently over her shoulder.
“Something tells me you’re going to be a lot of trouble, baby. I think you’re going to be worth whatever you throw back at me. I just don’t know if I’m ready for you. I hope I am; you need someone solid and stable in your life. Maybe I can give you what you need, be what you need me to be.”
Oh please, she thought dreamily. Please be mine. She curled her fingers into the material of his pants and held on. Wouldn’t that be lovely? To have someone who wanted to stay with her, be with her, support her? Her family, the ones who were supposed to love and cherish her no matter what, had thrown her aside like trash.
This was so different than what she could have imagined. When she’d thought about being with a man in the past—an imaginary one, of course—she’d pictured herself as shy, remote, nervous. All of which she had been when Saul had walked in on her in the bathroom.
But he’d been so…patient with her. He’d pickpocketed his way into her head and found some magical way to soothe all her sore points. Caera kind of liked the fact he knew how to calm her and how to keep the anxiety from rising up and smothering her.
It was like finding the missing half to make her whole.
“You are,” she whispered softly and felt the hand on her shoulder tighten. “I think you could be my everything.”
“You’re awake.” Saul sighed deeply. “Ooops.”
“Ooops?” Caera mumbled.
“Yeah, big ooops. I thought you’d fallen asleep.” He tucked a lock of hair around her ear, and she felt her heart swell in her breast. “It’s stupid, I know, to think along these lines when we’ve known each other all of twenty-four hours. But I want to take you places, Caera. I want you to know who I am, what I do. There’s so many wants running wild in my head.”
Caera pushed against his thigh and struggled to sit up. His hands were warm, the sensation of his skin on hers simply electric, as he helped her gain her balance. “We can get to know each other, Saul. You’re on first-name terms with my inner monster already. Nobody in my life has ever been able to deal with it as easily as you have. That includes me.”
Saul’s eyes were dark and deep when he captured her gaze. “There’s no monster, Caera. It’s just emotion, tightly wound emotion, with no place to go. It rips and tears at you when your defenses are down because it’s the only chance it has to be free.”
“Whatever it is, it’s the spanner in the wheel of my life.”
“It’s what brought you here, brought you to me. Who knows, without it, you could be a millionaire, a wife, a mother.” Saul leaned forward and pressed his lips to her forehead. “Or you could be living in a cardboard box with only a feral rat as company. Personally, for me, I like where you are right now.”
Her bottom lip trembled. He was right. She could have had a family, children, a husband. Her parents might have still loved her instead of throwing her away. Or she could be dying from starvation and disease, cold and alone, in the shadows of the streets. “Kiss me? Properly.”
“Come here.” He lifted her so she straddled his lap. “I do like this pretty mouth of yours, baby. It makes me think of so many naughty things I could do with it.”
Caera gripped his shoulders, her knees clutching his thighs. This position left her feeling vulnerable, open. She was spread wide and although she was essentially fully dressed, she couldn’t help looking down between her legs to check there weren’t any holes in the crotch of her sweatpants.
Saul set his feet on the coffee table and then slid Caera down his legs until the firm bulge of his erection pressed unavoidably to the heat of her sex. She gulped audibly and cursed the warmth that rushed to her face when he chuckled.
“There’s someone I’d like you to meet when we leave here,” he said quietly, tracing her mouth with his fingertips. The look in his eyes radiated intent, salacious and intense. “She’ll be delighted to make your acquaintance, although I’m not entirely sure she won’t be a bad influence on you.”
“I don’t…I’m not interested in meeting another shrink.”
“Oh, she’s not a shrink, believe me. Tess is…unique.”
Caera pouted. “I’m sat on your crotch and you’re talking about another woman? That’s one blow too many to my ego, Saul. You’ve given it a hard enough time as it is.”
He smirked at her and touched his index finger to her bottom lip. “You think this is bad, wait until I get you naked, baby. Hard will be the understatement of the year. Now, suck.”
“I can think of something much more appetizing to suck on than a finger, Saul. I thought you were going to kiss me.”
“Here, then.” Those magic hands of his trailed up either side of her neck and cupped her head firmly just below her ears. A wicked spark flashed in his eyes. “Have you ever been kissed, Caera? Before we met?”
“No.”
“Hmm, so eager to experience what you don’t know.” His mouth was only a hair’s breadth away from hers. The easy flow of his warm breath whispered over her skin. “You’re going to have to tell me what you like and what you don’t. I can be…demanding.”
All she wanted was him. Caera had discovered in herself a searing need to be with Saul, however he would have her. Demanding or not, he ignited something exciting and alive inside her, in the places where darkness and cold fear had reigned for so long.
Saul must have read something accepting in her face, because before she could stutter a reply, he claimed her. She moaned longingly, thrilled by the press of his lips against hers and the sweep of his tongue along the seam.
With a laugh, he broke the kiss and lifted an eyebrow. “Your inexperience is delightful, baby. This time, open your mouth a little.”
Baffled, she blinked at him. “Whatever for?”
“Just…trust me.”
Caera waited eagerly for the connection again and welcomed it when it came. As Saul had told her, she parted her lips when his tongue traced across them.
Everything erupted from there. Her heart leaped into her throat as he made love to her mouth. It was an experience completely apart from anything she could have imagined.
The way he held her head, his fingers gently threading through her hair and massaging lightly against her scalp. The warmth of his body seemed to pinpoint into focus on her mouth. She tasted the vague sweetness of the soda he’d drunk, the salty tang of popcorn.
He possessed her. The gentle plunge of his tongue inside her mouth inspired her to reciprocate. After a few shocked moments, she mirrored his actions and just let herself feel what Saul was doing to her, inside and out.
Caera moaned again, shocked by the wealth of desire surging through her veins. Addictive, intoxicating, a shot of pure adrenaline to a system already revved high. Instinct took over and made her arms lift and curl around his shoulders. Of their own accord, her hips rocked, rubbing her needy cleft along the ridge of his erection.
“Caera.” Saul groaned her name.
“Please. Please, I need more, Saul. I need…” She couldn’t believe the words coming from her mouth and yet she was unable to stem their flow. She gripped Saul at every point she could manage.
They tipped to the side, Saul cleverly twisting them so she landed beneath him on the couch. His hands gripped the waistband of her sweatpants, and without hesitation, Caera helped him shove the offending article of clothing down her legs and off.
“Fuck.” Saul’s eyes went black as midnight.
She’d foregone underwear, and as she lay beneath Saul, legs spread and hips arched to beg for his touch, her pussy was open and unobstructed to his searing gaze. “Saul, please.”
“You fucking tempt me like no one else,” he muttered, his eyes locked on the treasure before him. He glanced up at her and the look on his handsome face did something to her insides.
It amazed her she could be a temptation. Years of sliding through life, passing by people, and someone found her desirable. Heat flashed in her blood. A gorgeous man wanted her.
Saul shifted between her legs, notching his shoulders beneath her thighs so her knees hooked over them and held her secure. She wiggled uneasily, unsure what he intended, but he simply shook his head.
“Saul?”
“Lesson number two,” he growled and nipped at the inside of her thigh. “How to come with my mouth on you after you’ve pushed me to the limit of my control.”
His mouth? There? Caera swallowed hard. She honestly thought he’d been joking when he’d mentioned the second lesson earlier. People didn’t really do that, did they?
“Reach back and grab hold of the couch arm,” he ordered gruffly. “Both hands, and don’t let go, Caera.”
She did as she was told. Her fingers dug into the material, and she held on for dear life. He was winding her up, surely? He was making a point, punishing her for constantly driving him toward consummating the sexual act. He wouldn’t actually put his mouth on her, she thought.
That magic tongue of his stroked from bottom to top in one long swipe. She cried out in surprise. “Saul!”
Instinctively her legs tried to snap shut, her thighs closing around Saul’s head in an effort to deny him. He simply curled his arms around her thighs and held her open. “You poked the big, bad bear, baby. Lesson three: This bear bites back.”
As if to prove his point, his teeth closed gently around her clit and added the slightest pressure to send a hint of pain flicking through her body. She tensed and bucked into the sensation.
Lost was all she could think as he went to work with his skillful mouth on her hot flesh. She was lost in feeling, in needing. He gave her the same care with her sex as he had when he’d kissed her. The lick and lap of his tongue sent sparks of something wonderful coursing through her heated blood, ready to ignite an explosion.
The strangest sound filled the room, a high keening whine. Her eyes darted around the living room, trying to source the noise but when she couldn’t place it, anxiety ramped up to critical.
“It’s you, Caera.”
She looked down at Saul and watched him press a kiss to the blonde thatch of hair between her thighs. “What?”
“That sound? The one that has you so worried all of a sudden? It’s you, baby. It’s how you’re voicing your arousal, how I know I’m doing this right. Just relax and let yourself enjoy it.”
She loved his voice. The softness, the understanding laced through it calmed every tense nerve. She swallowed hard, nodded, and tried to sink back into the couch.
“I want every part of you, Caera. I’m going to do things to you, with you, that you might not understand yet. It’s part of who I am but only part. The other part will never hurt you, will never push you beyond what you can handle. Everything I do will give you pleasure. Do you trust me?”
Caera blew out a long, unsteady breath. She didn’t really know him, she reminded herself. The only reference she had was Jennifer and James’ verification that he was a good man. She had no qualms in believing they would never send her away to be alone with a lunatic.
And he did things to her, for her, that soothed whatever it was inside her instead of running away like just about everyone else in her life had. The people in her life had labeled her with a big psycho, all but stamped it on her head as a warning to the world.
Either Saul couldn’t see it or he saw past it.
“I trust you,” she managed to whisper.
“Tell me again, sweetheart. Stronger, definite.” His fingers stroked along the line of her wetness and dipped inside enough to make her breath snag in her throat.
“I…” Caera cleared the hitch from her voice. “I trust you.”
“Again,” Saul demanded.
“I trust you!” It was almost a shout this time. She wanted him to believe it, to be as sure of her as she was of him. “I trust you, Saul!”
“Good girl.” Those questing digits drove inside her without warning, hitting the spot that blew her mind. Over and over, he thrust into the liquid heat of her arousal as his mouth came down to envelope her clit.
That keening whine started again and to her shock, Caera felt her eyes start to roll back in her head. She released the couch arm and desperately clutched at the thickness of his hair. Her hips pushed relentlessly against the drive of his hand, seeking that final peak.
“Come, Caera. Come for me now, baby.”
The snap of his order and the ministrations of his hand pushed her over the edge. Her limbs went rigid, shaking and jerking in the throes of orgasm. Heat suffused every muscle, a wash of pleasure blinding her brain and dulling her senses. She could vaguely feel the ministrations of his mouth prolonging her release, and she sensed the vibrations of his hum of enjoyment throb against the sensitive nub in his mouth.
Then everything just went black.
*
Saul grinned to himself as Caera’s entire body went lax. Her grip on his hair fell away, the hold her thighs had around his head and in the cradle of his arms released. He looked up and chuckled; his girl had passed clean out.
Carefully, he disengaged himself from her limbs and settled her properly on the couch before dragging a blanket over her. Leaving her only for a moment, he disappeared into the bathroom for a warm washcloth, unwilling to leave her for too long and have her wake alone.
He studied her face as he cleaned gently between her legs. How had he been so damned lucky to have a jewel the likes of her fall in his lap? Because she was a jewel, something so special, he really shouldn’t be putting his hands on her. He couldn’t quite comprehend why no other man hadn’t already claimed her as his.
Too late now, Saul thought smugly. Caera was his and he would do whatever it took to keep her that way. Once she’d gotten used to him, once she’d been introduced to his dominant side, he would make damn sure he marked her as his, in all ways.
He was eager to introduce her to the people who held high places in his life; Tess and Mac would be big parts whether he came to like his job and stayed at Fothergill House or not. Not to mention the added benefits of having all those rooms and toys at his disposal.
Oh yes, he could get incredibly creative with what he had to play with.
Caera woke as he finished tending to her. The big green eyes he adored blinked open slowly, blurred with confusion and the after effects of a killer orgasm. When she focused on him, he saw the most wonderful thing happen—her face lit up with an emotion he could only name as joy.
“Hey, baby. You okay?”
A smile lifted the corners of her mouth. “When do we go all the way?”
He couldn’t help the laugh. She was direct, he had to give her that. It made him wonder about how her mind worked. He was positive she’d be a stellar submissive. There was no doubt in his head about that. But he knew there was something making her push toward full-on intercourse. Maybe that something was also the cause behind her insomnia.
“That wasn’t enough for you?” He helped her sit up and tucked a cushion behind her to keep her propped up. Deftly, he tucked the blanket securely around her.
“That was…” She looked around blankly. “There are no words to accurately define what that was. Did I pass out?”
Saul lifted an eyebrow. “Pass out might be an understatement. Your eyes rolled back in your head after a full-body orgasm. Beautiful to watch.”
She blushed. “What, me passing out?”
“No.” Saul leaned forward and ran a line of soft kisses down the graceful column of her throat. “You in the middle of climax. You become radiant. Orgasm only enhances your natural beauty, like shining a spotlight on you in the dark. All I can see is you.”
“Do I have to beg?”
The question surprised him. He cocked his head thoughtfully. He was sure there was a touch of desperation in her voice. Instinctively, he took her hand and held it. “Why would I make you beg, Caera? Don’t get me wrong, it can be damned sexy, but that’s not what I want from you.” Yet.
“I just don’t understand. I want this. You want this. What do I have to do?” Tears glistened in her eyes and nearly undid him. “Is it because I’m a virgin?”
Saul sighed and sat beside her. “Part of it, yes. We’ve known each other for a few days, baby. It would break me if you turned around now and said I wasn’t the one for you. I want to be the one for you. But on the other hand, I’d rather you broke me now than I hurt you by doing what you’re not ready for. Does that make sense?”
Caera sniffled. “People sleep with each other on much shorter acquaintance. Like, ten minutes.”
“Casual, often meaningless fucks. Both parties usually pissed out of their heads with no clue what they’re doing, no thought to protection, no emotion toward each other except lust. There’s no affection, no need to please one another. Don’t you want more than that for your first time?”
She met his gaze directly, her face full of resignation. “You’d give me more. I know you would.”
“I will,” Saul corrected vehemently.
A tear slipped free. “I just want to be normal, Saul.”
Whoa, wait a minute. Saul grasped her face in his hands and stared into her eyes. “You think having sex will make you normal? Baby, there’s nothing wrong with you.”
“Then why did no one want me before you?”
Saul kissed her, hard. Almost brutal. Anger boiled inside him, fueled by the indignation of his inner Dom. “Because everyone who has ever looked at you and turned away has been a brain-dead, blind, moronic fuckwit who never saw you, baby. And that fault? It lies with them, each and every time.”
She wept then, her heart visibly shattered in her breast. All Saul could do was gather her into his arms, cradle her into the warmth of his body, and let her purge some of the toxic emotion poisoning her fragile system. Such a troubled soul, he mused as he rocked and murmured endearments.
When she settled, her head tucked into the curve of his shoulder, he pressed his lips to her hair. “I’ll make you a deal, Caera. I want to make love to you; you want the same. We’ve established this. I have a couple of stipulations. Interested?”
“Yes.”
“For the next two nights, you will go to bed at a decent time. You will close your eyes, try your damnedest to get to sleep.” He sssh’d her when she tried to protest. “You will trust me to take care of you if and when you fall asleep. Agreed?”
She shuddered and cuddled closer to him. “Okay.”
“Second, you’ll sit down with my friend Tess when we head home. I know you think she’s a shrink, but she’s really not. I’d like to take you to where I’m going to be working, and she’s there. It would be nice for you to have a couple hours with another female while I’m busy.”
She sagged in defeat. Her resigned sigh was dramatic. “Fine.”
“Excellent.” His tongue found the shell of her ear and licked at it. “What do you say to another movie night on Friday? A nice dinner, a movie, and an early bedtime?”
Caera twisted so she could look at him. The hope in her eyes was blinding. “Friday night? You’re…we’re going to have sex on Friday night?”
“Well, we’ll have to wait and see if you’re in the mood, but we’ll plan for that.” He laughed when she squealed and threw her arms around his neck. The kiss she treated him to made his cock rise to full mast once again. “I hope you’re this excited come Friday, baby.”
* * * *
Friday morning rolled around quickly, much to Caera’s shock. Time seemed to fly by since the night Saul made their deal, and she’d waited for this day with bated breath, scared witless and yet so damned excited.
She’d tried so hard to please him. Truth be told, he was easy to please; every little battle she won, he showered her with praise. She’d spent the last nights in bed with Saul wrapped around her like a guardian blanket. When she woke screaming, covered in cold sweat, her hands battering Saul as he tried to calm her…he didn’t humiliate her or goad her with the fact her subconscious was an unruly, disruptive bitch.
He held her, kissed her, and wiped away the tears of disgust and despair.
Caera knew she’d fallen in love with him and didn’t bat an eyelid at the knowledge. She, after being alone and lonely for so long, finally loved an actual human being. A sweet, caring, funny guy.
The man was hell-bent on feeding her, pushing a plate under her nose at least three times a day, supplementing meals with a choice of coffee and chocolate. It frustrated him, she knew, that he had to all but spoon feed her and strap her mouth shut to make her swallow.
They’d spent the days walking in the woods and once venturing to find the beach. They had gotten ridiculously lost, wandering around through trees and undergrowth, talking about their pasts and what they wanted for the future. It had been almost dark by the time they reached home.
Now the day had come. Caera adamantly believed she was ready for what would happen when the moon rose in the sky and the lights went off. Her body trembled in anticipation of being wrapped around Saul and of having him entwined with her, inside and out.
The seed of doubt in her mind, however, cowered at the thought of the sun going down. Taking him inside her, the part of him that felt so big and hard when it pressed against her, seemed like a monumental feat more and more as the seconds ticked away.
She could hear Saul chatting away on the phone to someone. He was busy preparing the evening meal, the one to kick off the night’s events. There were things she knew she needed to do—have a bath and shave in all the important places.
The thought of shaving worried her. She’d heard about women taking off all the hair…down there. Was Saul going to expect her to be smooth? If so, how did one go about applying a razor to that very sensitive place without cutting something vital off?
Caera battled back nausea and silently begged her hands to stop trembling. She’d already gnawed off several fingernails in the past hour with nervous nibbling. Unbidden, tears sprang to her eyes, born of stress and exhaustion.
In the bedroom, she paced like a caged tiger. She couldn’t take her eyes off the bed where she and Saul had slept tangled together the past nights. He’d all but kept his hands off her since they’d made the deal. No touching that could in any way be called sexual.
Full to the brim with emotion she didn’t know how to deal with, Caera picked up one of Saul’s sneakers and heaved it at the door with an anguished cry. She sank to the floor and wept.
God, could she be a bigger idiot?
“Caera? Caera, you okay? Well, shit.” Saul stared at her for a moment from the doorway, the phone still pressed to his ear. “Tess, I need to put you on hold for a couple minutes. Or have you got time for me to call you back?” His eyes were grim. “Give me a few, I’ll let you know.”
Mortally embarrassed at being caught this way, Caera averted her gaze as he ended the call and tossed the phone onto the bed. She might not be able to see him, she thought mournfully, but she could smell the scent of forest on him. She loved how he smelled.
“Cold feet?”
Her bottom lip quivered.
“Honesty, Caera. This is where I need you to be honest with me.” Saul sat beside her and touched his hand to her damp cheek to draw her attention back to him. “You look absolutely miserable, baby.”
Caera reached out for his hand, relieved when he took it, and linked their fingers together. “I don’t know what to do.”
“You don’t do anything you’re not ready to. Sex can be fun, baby. Exhilarating, serious, playful. It can be whatever you make it. But this, what you’re doing to yourself at only the thought…” Saul brought her hand to his mouth and kissed the knuckles. “I think we should postpone tonight, maybe be more spontaneous. Taking the planning route is only winding you up.”
“No. No, we’re not postponing.”
“Caera, you’re a wreck,” Saul said gently.
“I just need answers.”
“What are the questions?”
“I don’t think I can ask you. They’re stupid questions but important to me.” Oh yes, she could definitely be a bigger idiot.
“Fair enough.” He sounded calm and relaxed. “I have just the person you can talk to. One phone call and she’s all yours. Trust me?”
“Do you trust her?”
“Absolutely,” he replied with a grin. “She’s my new boss.”