2.5 YEARS EARLIER
The digital screen buzzed as I tapped the map of the shadow plains and zoomed in on the area I wanted to investigate. We had mapped many mutant colonies in this area over the last couple of weeks and spread the serum throughout the region during the previous three flights. Five colonies were targeted, so we expected to find mutant children in these locations, and the main base wanted at least three.
“Lieutenant Colonel.”
I turned around to a saluting soldier. “Yes?”
“The General is here,” she said. “I’ve sent him to your office.”
“Thank you.” I turned back to the screen and turned it off.
Once every two months, someone from the capital came to check the mission’s progress. This time, I’d heard from Hunter that Nikolai was coming to check if we were well on our way with the set targets.
But it wasn’t Nikolai who awaited me inside my office.
It was Jordan.
I halted briefly as everything inside me wanted to turn back around. The two sides of me conflicted as I shut the door behind me. It was a weird contradiction; the butterflies fluttered at the sight of him, and my stomach wanted to empty itself.
“Lieutenant Colonel Renée,” Jordan said, but I detected irritation in his tone.
I inhaled deeply before replying, “Jordan.” I didn’t feel like playing his game.
“Seriously, Raven?” he exclaimed; the words aggravated. “This is what I have to do to speak with you? Get a response?” He kept standing in the corner.
Carefully, I forced myself to sit down behind my desk, the movements of my limbs stiff. Seeing him after this time felt like a blow to the face.
“Why are you here, Jordan?”
“Why am I here?” He cocked his head like he was seriously wondering if I was sound in the head. “The question is, why the hell are you here? You think it’s normal to disappear without saying a word?”
“I did—say something.”
“You left me a fucking message!”
And I told Hunter. “Listen, Jordan, I don’t know how you got Nikolai to let you take over, but let’s just review the progress.”
“I’m not doing anything before I get answers.”
“That’s it, isn’t it?” I yelled suddenly, slamming my hand on the table as I rose. “You think you’re owed answers?”
Jordan stared at me, clearly taken aback, but his rage was far from gone.
I walked up to him and pointed my finger at his chest. “I owe you absolutely nothing.”
He was shaking his head in disbelief. “I thought you cared about me.”
“That’s the fucking problem, Jordan!”
He pushed a hand through his hair. “Gods. What did I do for you to hate me so much?”
My fury ebbed away, but the void was replaced with grief. I didn’t desire this gap between us. Of course, I didn’t. But I needed to protect myself.
I tried to hide my feelings. “There’s still a lot to discuss,” I said coolly—far from how I felt as my body was burning.
Jordan’s nostrils flared. “I don’t know where to start,” he answered sarcastically.
“Then please don’t.” I turned away from him. “I can’t do this, Jordan.”
He touched my hand, his fingers grazing mine. “Do what?”
“Being near you.” It hurts too much.
Jordan’s eyes widened, and he dropped his hand in shock. I looked away from him. I couldn’t handle the rejection in his face.
“You didn’t have to go, Raven,” he murmured. “If you had told me…”
“You’re building a family, Jordan.”
Jordan rubbed a hand over his face and folded his lips together as he stared at the ceiling. Then he bowed his face, his eyes finding mine.
“You think I planned for this to happen?” he asked. “Please come back. We’ll be able to figure it out—together.”
My laugh was cynical. “You mean we, as in, the three of us? This is hardly the moment to forget Ashley.” Who was carrying his child.
Jordan swallowed. “No. I meant us.” He pointed between us. “It doesn’t make sense without you.”
My swallow was visible. “I owe you nothing,” I repeated.
“I would have picked you,” he said, voice hoarse with desperation. “But I promised Ashley to try.”
I cringed away from him. I tried to push back the floodgate of tears. He might just as well have stabbed me in the heart.
“Why are you here, Jordan?” I asked him.
Silence.
“To get you back.”
“Do you even hear yourself?” I asked him, irritation flaring. “You say you would’ve chosen me, but you won’t end your relationship with Ashley because you gave her your word. And I get it, Jordan, I do. But please don’t ask this of me.”
Jordan turned my way, and I saw I had hit a little too close to home. “I know that—”
“Please go back to Barak.” I closed my eyes and fought back the tears swelling behind my lids. “Right now, I want nothing from you, least of all your excuses.” I cleared my throat and straightened. “I’ll send a report to Nikolai about the progress. You can go now.”
We stared at each other for a moment and saw the truth mirrored in each other’s eyes. Finally, he nodded and left the space.
I folded my arms around my body. When I was confident that Jordan had left the building, I let my tears flow freely. My heart throbbed painfully because the truth hurt. He still had the power to twist the knife in my heart even deeper.
And I still wanted everything he had to offer.
* * *
NOW
I woke up disorientated.
At first, I thought I was having a nightmare; my nightmares usually starred my old home.
But no. This was real life—and I was really there.
We ate a quick, dry meal and drank some water, careful about not consuming too much. We were already a third through our stock, and the mission wasn’t over yet.
Our black field uniforms weren’t the comfiest clothes to sleep in, but it had been unsafe to wear anything else in such an unprotected area. I redid my braid and noticed the golden star embroidered on my shoulder.
I got this.
I inserted my earpiece and turned it on. “Renée, checking in.”
Vlad’s voice sounded immediately. “Copy that, Renée.” Only Jordan and I had a direct line with him, as he was the head of the monitoring room while we were outside. The knowledge that he was on the other side assured me. “We flew a hover plane over Damruin a couple of hours ago, and the mutant locations are still the same. Good luck.”
“Thanks, Brigade General,” I said, muting the line as my eyes locked with Jordan’s from across the room.
After we had packed our stuff, I looked back one last time—my childhood home, the place that had haunted my dreams and nightmares. I wasn’t planning on coming back here. Not even when the city is rebuilt. Things would never go back to how they once were. My Damruin chapter was closing, and I had no intention of ever opening it again.
Shutting the door behind me, I walked out of the tiny, one-story home where a small family had lived, loved, and lost.
“Ready?” Jordan asked me.
I nodded firmly. “Let’s go.”
Jordan gestured to the rest of the group to walk, and we made our way through the city together to the hospital, where the answer to the most pressing question of my life would hopefully be answered.
* * *
It took a couple of hours before the hospital finally loomed up in the distance, but we couldn’t move faster because of the constant threat of mutants hanging over us. The rest of the group hadn’t asked why we were going to the hospital—Jordan had informed them as if it was a pit stop along the way to our final destination.
The hospital was large. Larger than I had expected. Which made the half hour Jordan had granted me even less than I would probably need. I would have to scour the eight-floor building by running.
I wondered where they kept patient folders.
We stopped in front of the main entrance, consisting of a glass wall with glass doors that had almost entirely been destroyed.
Someone took my arm, and I jumped a little. Jordan took me aside. “You’re sure?”
I nodded. “I’m sure.”
He let go of my arm.
Colonel Keano stepped closer while the rest of them started inspecting the street. “You’re going in alone, Brigadier General?”
“I am.”
“I can come with you,” she offered.
I shook my head. “You stay here. I will do this alone.”
“All clear,” we received through our earpiece as Major Britton walked back out of the hospital. The others were scattered on the streets surrounding the enormous building.
Jordan was still looking at me, so I turned to him. “If there’s any sign of danger, you leave me behind.”
He said nothing.
I focused on Colonel Keano. “You copy that?”
“Yes, Brigadier General.”
Jordan looked at his watch. “You’ve got thirty minutes. Go.”
I sprinted away from them through the broken glass, careful to make no sounds as I maneuvered my way around the shards on the ground. As soon as I was clear, I ran for the nearest floor plan I could find. What was I looking for? An archive of sorts? Surgery—no. Orthopedics—no. Neurology, no? Genetics, maybe?
Hurry, Raven.
Then I saw it; a sticker covering one of the departments, with crisis printed on it. Yes! I trailed a finger over the board to the right, finding it was on the fourth floor.
Stairs—there would be stairs at an emergency exit. There had to be. Noticing an exit sign, I ran to it.
I opened the door, inhaling sharply as I saw the stairs. Taking three steps at a time, I sprinted up, up, up until I almost jumped on another flight of stairs before I noticed the large four on the wall.
Focus.
I pushed open the large door and entered the abandoned hospital floor. Glass littered the floor here, too. Hospital beds stood in the hallway, and stuff belonging to people no longer here lay scattered over the floor like they had been in a hurry to get away from there.
To be fair, walking through a long-abandoned hospital with no one there was scary as fuck. I grabbed my heartbeat sensor out of habit, checking if there weren’t any mutants—or other living creatures—lurking around.
I continued walking, trying to ignore the dried blood and the remnants of a skeleton that had probably been there for decades. When I thought about it, this would probably have been one of the most terrifying floors to have worked at.
Just keep on walking. Keep on walking. Keep on—
I passed a door that said staff only and tried to push it open. It wouldn’t budge. Taking out my silenced gun, I shot the lock, destroying the wood surrounding it. I found myself in a larger room with a small kitchen, but continued and looked at a glass wall that led into a small office containing archive drawers.
One of the archive drawers said current patients, but as I looked through the names, there was no Natasha.
“Fuck,” I cursed, looking through the office—to no avail.
I rushed out into the hallway and ran the length of the hall, looking into most rooms, until I found another locked door with staff only on it. I tried the door, which was unlocked, and entered a storage room containing different devices, more tools to help the sick, and—more filing cabinets!
Opening the drawers, I noticed they were in alphabetical order, arranged by last name, and I gasped as I found hundreds upon hundreds of folders. Clicking on my light again, I clamped it between my lips.
I looked for Renée, but couldn’t find anything. My heart hammered viciously in my chest. I checked the rest of the drawers in case the order had been tampered with or someone had replaced a file the wrong way. The last names were blurring into each other, so I started looking for a Natasha instead.
I was sweating now. Had my mother gone to this hospital? Damruin didn’t have another hospital, right? I opened a Natasha’s file, but the woman staring back at me wasn’t my mother.
Gods-fucking-damnit.
“Raven, it’s time to get back,” Jordan suddenly bellowed in my ear. “Now.”
There was no need to panic.
I looked at my watch. Inhaled. I reminded myself to keep breathing. To relax. To Keep looking. I had ten minutes left. My fingers skimmed through the folders. Caution braced me for the disappointment that would no doubt come any minute.
She wasn’t there.
A bead of sweat trickled past my brow.
“Mutant activity has been spotted two streets from the hospital,” another voice boomed, and I took the flashlight from my lips.
“Vlad?” I hissed. “Are you serious?”
“Fucking hell, Vlad,” Jordan’s voice thundered. “I said not to tell her.”
My fingers clamped around another folder that said Natasha, but I didn’t care that the last name was Bruna as I opened it and saw my mother staring back at me.
“She has to get out of there, and she wasn’t listening to you.”
“Don’t—”
“Shut the fuck up, both of you, or I’ll mute you.”
I had to concentrate on the words before me, and my eyes were getting tired.
It really was my mother in the photo. They must have messed up her last name. And her maiden name… The name was vaguely familiar.
No. That wasn’t important right now. My fingers almost tore the folder open as I scanned the documents inside. It contained a birth registration, which I couldn’t look at now—medical history and intake forms, including a diagnosis.
It had been the mutation.
And my mother—she…
She had died here.
She had died here!
My relief was potent. It wrapped a blanket of reassurance around my body like the one I had lost when my father and I had fled. I closed my eyes. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
“Now, Raven.” Jordan’s voice was uncompromising. Suddenly aware of my surroundings, I didn’t care. My mother wasn’t a mutant, and my heart thudded with renewed strength because of it.
I tore her picture from the file with the rest of the papers, stashed them inside my uniform, and got out of there.