May 1944
Gracie had no intention of giving up her boyfriend just because her father didn’t approve of Yankee soldiers for she knew by now that she really did love Chuck and needed to find ways of being with him. And Chuck had told her that he loved her just as much in return. Despite her misgivings that he wasn’t being completely honest with her, she knew that whatever the future might hold she didn’t want to stop seeing him now. The problem was that now that her father knew, and had forbidden her to see him, they had to be constantly on their guard to make sure they weren’t seen together by someone who might tell tales to her parents.
Chuck came into the Rovers regularly whenever he had a night off-duty, as did many of his fellow GIs, but Gracie was careful not to be seen to be flirting with him. Her father still threatened to throw her out of the house if she ever dared to bring an American soldier home again or if he heard that she had been going out with a GI behind his back. Thankfully, her mother showed a little more compassion.
‘I know your dad doesn’t like Americans after what happened to him out in the Pacific an’ all that,’ Mildred confided to her daughter, ‘but what he’s really worried about is that American soldiers have a reputation for “loving and leaving” women high and dry. I’m sure you know what I mean. They’re not always known for their dependability, now are they? Or for their complete honesty when it comes to their families back home.’
‘I don’t know, Mam. I can’t say as I knows enough of them to judge.’ Gracie was not going to tell her mother about her own reservations regarding Chuck’s stories of his home life.
‘They tell you one thing, but the truth can often be something quite different.’ Mildred sighed as if she’d had personal experience of such deception. ‘I know you might think you love him,’ she said, ‘but do be careful, I’d hate to see you get hurt.’
Gracie was startled to think that her emotions were so transparent. She had hoped she was giving the impression that she and Chuck were no longer seeing each other. ‘It seems like it doesn’t matter how I feel about him,’ she said. ‘If it’s up to you and Dad, I won’t be seeing him at all apart from serving him the odd pint at the Rovers.’
At that Mildred smiled. ‘But we both know that when you’re in love you don’t always do as you’re told,’ she said and she gave Gracie a knowing wink.
Gracie was surprised that Annie Walker was sympathetic too. When she finally broke down and confessed to Annie how she had received her black eye, Annie offered her and Chuck a bolthole.
‘You know the two of you could sit in one of the booths in the pub after hours when everyone’s gone home,’ Annie said, ‘if you ever need somewhere private to talk.’
‘That’s really kind of you, Mrs Walker.’ Gracie hoped she sounded grateful enough. ‘As it happens, there are several things me and Chuck need to get sorted.’
‘Well, I know how difficult it can be when you’ve nowhere you can go, where you won’t be disturbed. So long as it’s only talking that you’ll be doing,’ Annie added as an afterthought, giving Gracie a knowing look. She suddenly frowned. ‘I shall trust you – and please bear in mind that I don’t expect you to betray that trust.’ Annie sounded severe and her lips were set in a straight line. ‘But you’ve got the keys so you can lock up as usual whenever you’re ready to go home.’
And that’s how things stood as the summer of 1944 approached, though they rarely took advantage of Annie Walker’s kind offer, not wanting to arouse Gracie’s father’s suspicions if she stayed out late too often. It was now May and Chuck had been away a lot during the previous few months but they had managed to snatch precious moments together whenever he was in Weatherfield. If it was raining they went to the cinema, but when it was nice out they preferred to go for long walks. Gracie’s favourite was to hire a rowing boat on Heaton Park Lake. She would lie back while Chuck managed the oars and, if no one was looking, they would pull up at the tiny island in the centre of the lake and disappear into the bushes, hoping no one could see them. At times like that they could forget the war and pretend they had their whole lives in front of them without interruption.
There had been rumours flying around Weatherfield for several months after the successful campaigns in North Africa and on the eastern front, that the allies were planning an invasion elsewhere in occupied Europe to push the German lines back. Chuck had been hinting for some time that he could be called away at very short notice to be part of such an invasion, though there was no certainty about where or when that would happen.
There had been much talk in the Rovers about how quickly a round-up of all available serving soldiers might happen, given the limited time that would be available in order for the Big Brass to make their decisions. According to all the ‘experts’ in the pub there wouldn’t be many times in the course of a month when all the conditions could be met that would be needed to make such an operation successful.
‘It depends on the moon.’ Albert Tatlock made it sound almost mystical.
‘Course it does! But ’e’s right you know, without bloody moonlight no one will be able to see a bleeding thing.’ Elsie Tanner quickly demystified his comment and everyone laughed.
‘You can mock,’ Albert said, ‘but it depends on the amount of clouds in the sky an’ all if it comes to that. And the winds; not to mention the rise of the spring tides, if they want to land troops off boats.’
‘I hope you realize that we shouldn’t be talking like this,’ the ever-practical voice of Ena Sharples said as she sat down and banged her bottle of milk stout on the table. ‘You know what they say, “Careless Talk Costs Lives”.’
‘This isn’t careless talk, this is a carefully thought out plan,’ Elsie chipped in again with a laugh. ‘If the allies are going to invade then it seems to me that the more the Germans are confused about the when, the how and the where, the better.’
‘Well, we don’t have to worry there, then,’ Albert said. ‘We’re confused enough so I’m sure the blooming Germans will be too.’
The American soldiers were also buzzing with stories about a possible invasion, for it could mean that they would be shipped out at a moment’s notice. But they didn’t seem to know any more about it than the customers in the pub.
‘Is it true, all these rumours I’ve been hearing about you lot dashing off abroad?’ Gracie asked Chuck when the rumour-mongering threatened to get out of hand one night. She didn’t want to be seen lingering over Chuck’s order but she did take her time pulling his pint and wiping up the spilled froth from the countertop.
‘I’m afraid so,’ Chuck’s mate answered for him. ‘So, if you’ve anything special to say to any of us, now’s the time to say it.’ He seemed to be addressing the room at large.
He carried several pints of beer off to their colleagues who were squashed together in one of the booths but Chuck hung back. ‘Actually, Gracie, there is something I want to talk to you about. Privately.’
Gracie looked round to make sure no one else was listening before she said, ‘Stay on after closing, then.’
Chuck nodded as he picked up his pint and Gracie was wondering what on earth this could be about.
‘Would you like another drink before I tot up the till?’ Gracie asked when there were only the two of them left in the pub later that night. ‘Someone bought me one earlier that I had no time to drink, so I’m going to make myself a port and lemon. Well, a port with a splash of soda anyway, I haven’t seen a real lemon for years.’
‘No, thanks,’ Chuck said. ‘I’ve had my ration for tonight.’
Gracie poured her drink and brought it over to the table in the booth. She slid in beside him on the bench seat and sat close enough so that he could put his arm round her shoulders should he choose to. But he didn’t. In fact, he moved further round the table so that they were almost sitting opposite each other. She was surprised, then, when he directly met her gaze. His blue eyes were steady and serious looking.
He cleared his throat before he began to speak. ‘Gracie, if I do get called away – as you know, it could be sudden – and I don’t know when, or even if, I’ll ever be back. So it’s very important that we have this conversation before I go.’
Gracie felt a cold shiver run down her spine. She wanted to tell him to stop, she didn’t want to hear any more, but she couldn’t. He was speaking again.
‘I know we’ve talked about the possibility of you coming Stateside some day to meet the family, and as far as I’m concerned that stands. I would still love to think you would do that. But before that happens I think there are a few things you need to know.’
Gracie closed her eyes. This was it. There was something he’d been holding back. So was this going to be the moment when he finally told her the whole truth?
‘Are you all right?’ he asked. ‘Can I get you some water or anything?’
She opened her eyes. He looked genuinely concerned. ‘I’m fine,’ she said. ‘I was just wondering what you’re going to say, that’s all. Go on.’
‘I don’t know how to say this so I’ll just come straight out with it. The fact is – and I know I should have told you this long ago – but the fact is, I’ve been married before.’ He rubbed his eyes between his index finger and his thumb, leaving wetness on his cheeks. Gracie sat in silence, shocked by his confession. That was not what she was expecting to hear. Was he still married? Did that mean he wasn’t free to love her and everything he had told her, including how much he loved her, was lies?
‘Eleanor and I were childhood sweethearts,’ he said, ‘and we got married as soon as we were out of college. Well …’ He hesitated. ‘Truth is, Ellie didn’t actually finish college.’ He had been looking directly at Gracie but now he looked away. ‘We jumped the gun and she got pregnant and had to drop out of school when her parents washed their hands of her.’
Now Gracie gasped. It was one thing to hear about a wife, but a child as well!
‘My parents were great,’ he went on. ‘This was going to be their first grandchild so they were quite excited and they helped me to finish college. We got married straight away, of course, soon as we found out, and my folks bankrolled us so we could rent a small apartment on the East Side.’
Gracie gulped back the tears. How could he expect her to sit and listen to him talking about another life she was no part of and another woman he so clearly loved?
‘We’d always intended to get married and have a family, though maybe not quite so soon …’
He stopped talking for a minute and Gracie thought he had finished, but then she could see that his eyes had filled and he didn’t seem able to go on. She took a deep breath, about to ask him where Ellie and her child lived now, but he was speaking again. ‘When the baby was born—’ He broke off and it was several moments before he could continue. ‘Ellie died in childbirth,’ he said at last, his voice breaking. A lump rose to Gracie’s throat at the thought of the horror and she caught her breath. ‘I’m so sorry.’ She put out her hand across the table but he made no move to touch her.
‘My son … my son’s name is Donald, though everyone calls him Buddy.’ He fumbled inside his jacket. ‘Here, I’ll show you.’ He pulled out his wallet and produced a small, much-handled black-and-white photograph of a little boy in a sailor suit. He had a head of light-coloured bubbly curls and he was grinning into the camera. An older woman with shoulder-length dark hair was bending down beside him and waving.
Gracie stared down at the photo, not quite able to take it all in. ‘How old is he?’
‘He’ll be four in January.’
‘Does he live with you?’
Chuck nodded. ‘I moved back in with my mom and dad after Ellie died. They’ve continued to help me in ways I can never repay. I mean, like, since I’ve been over here they’ve been bringing him up.’
There was silence while Gracie studied the picture for a few more moments then she handed it back to him. She was remembering the letter to his mother Chuck had been sending home the night they first met.
‘Why didn’t you tell me before?’ she asked, finding it impossible to keep the accusation out of her voice.
Chuck looked away. ‘I know, I should have done. But the truth is, I thought I was coming here to fight a war. I didn’t expect to fall in love.’
Gracie couldn’t look at him. ‘And if I’m honest, I thought the fact that I had a child might put you off.’
‘In other words, you couldn’t trust me.’ Gracie sounded scornful.
‘Oh no! I do trust you. But, I suppose I thought that a dead wife and a child was more than I could ask anyone to take on.’
‘Is there anything else I should know?’
‘No. I swear that’s it. I’m really sorry I left it so long to tell you,’ he said. ‘I can see now that it was wrong.’
Gracie pushed her drink away; she no longer had any appetite for it. Chuck spread his hands across the table, palms up, inviting her to place her hands within his. But she couldn’t. She sat back and folded her arms until eventually he did the same.
‘When I came here tonight I intended to ask you a very specific question,’ he said.
‘Oh yes? And what was that?’
‘It doesn’t matter. I can’t ask it now. I realize it wouldn’t be fair.’ He leaned forward and took one of her hands in his. ‘We could be shipped out at very short notice, and where would that leave you? Of course I’ll do my best to come back, and at worst I’d write to you and send for you.’ He gazed at her fondly. ‘But I’ve only just dumped my entire life story on you. You need time to digest it.’
He continued gazing at her. Was she sure it was love she was seeing in his eyes? Gracie stared back at him, her eyes searching for the truth. He had told her what he claimed was all of his story, but could there be anything else he was hiding? She was no longer sure. She withdrew her hand from his.
‘I’ll admit it’s been a bit of a shock and I’m glad you told me about Buddy now, but I wish you’d felt able to tell me before. I’m not sure what it says about us in the future. I really do need time to take it all in.’
‘You’re right and I understand. It’s no more than I deserve. And seeing your parents’ reactions to us Yanks has made me stop and think that maybe things are not as straightforward as I might like to believe. We both need time to let things settle. That’s why I don’t want either of us to say any more now, but I want you to know that I do love you, with all my heart. I’ve loved you from the first moment I set eyes on you. Oh, and you’re nothing like Ellie, by the way,’ he added as an afterthought. He suddenly grinned, so that his face looked like a schoolboy’s.
Gracie didn’t sleep much that night. She lay tossing and turning until it was almost dawn, and every time she closed her eyes all she could see was little Buddy’s face in the grainy photograph. She loved Chuck, she knew she did, but could she trust him when he said that there were no more secrets? And did she love him enough to accept his son as her own? For that was what it would mean if they were ever to have any kind of future together. It would be difficult enough for his parents to cope with – what they might see as an English girl taking away their grandson – but what would her parents say to it all, she wondered? Not that she could let their prejudices get in the way of her life. Particularly as she would be moving to New York. But if that time ever came, could she really think of defying her parents by going halfway round the world to bring up another woman’s child, for that’s what it would mean. Did she love him enough – and did he really love her?
The following morning when Gracie finally woke it was at a much later hour than she usually emerged and she realized she had better move quickly or she would be late for her first shift at the Rovers. She ran to the corner shop to see if she could get some kind of milk for her breakfast. Not fresh milk, of course, she would have to settle for the condensed stuff that came in tins. But as she ran she was surprised to hear the loud revving of engines and to see men in uniforms rushing back and forth in all directions. There were none of the shire horses with their carts like there usually were at this time of the morning, leisurely trotting down the street as their drivers made their deliveries. Instead there was much more movement and bustle and the normally quiet Weatherfield streets were clogged with motor vehicles. She didn’t know what to make of the trucks that had begun to pass by, rattling and bumping over the cobbles. But when she saw soldiers peering out from behind the rain flaps, waving and wolf-whistling from the backs of the trucks as they bounced around on the wooden bench seats, it soon became clear that it was the US troops that were on the move. Gracie was shocked. She had not imagined their departure would happen so fast. She scoured the faces of the soldiers as they passed by but she didn’t see Chuck in any of the vehicles. She began to panic, and as she ran she worried whether she would ever see Chuck again – and what it might mean if she didn’t. What if he had already gone? She didn’t bother going home after she picked up the tin of milk, but ran straight round to the Rovers Return.
Annie ushered her into the pub through the private side entrance and immediately handed her a note that had been stuffed into an envelope addressed To Gracie. ‘I’ve just found it on the doormat underneath my own letter,’ Annie said. ‘I don’t know how long it’s been there.’
Gracie looked at her anxiously, then she tore open the envelope and scanned the contents. Chuck’s words were scrawled in his large, spidery writing across the page but the message was brief and to the point.
We are shipping out today – like now, this minute – even as I am writing this! I doubt I’ll be able to see you before I go, but like I said last night, I hope I’ll be back again before too long. Remember me fondly as always, as I will love and remember you. Your Chuck xx
She folded the paper as her tears splashed onto the words, washing them across the page in a web-like mess. She looked up, wondering what she should say to Annie, and was surprised to see that Annie’s face was wet with tears too.
When Annie had picked up her own letter from the doormat she thought it was just one of Jack’s regular weekly communications. She had begun to feel she could almost write those letters herself as he said the same things over again, using the same words and phrases each time. But this time, as she started to read, she realized it was different in tone from his usual letters and he was saying some very different things. She saw Gracie beginning to weep over the scrappy note she had extracted from the envelope that looked like it had been torn from a child’s exercise book, but her hand was shaking too much as she read her own letter to pay Gracie much mind. Jack’s words were unusually thoughtful, philosophical even, for him, and as she tried to absorb all he was saying it put her into a thoughtful mood too. Jack was reflecting on his role in the army, talking about how he would much rather be pulling pints with her at the Rovers than dodging bullets in some inadequate bunk hole hundreds of miles away. But at least I can sleep well at night, he wrote, with a clear conscience as I know that I am doing the right thing. I’m doing my bit for my country and helping to keep safe all those I love and cherish. And that, of course, means you, dear heart. He went on to tell her how much he loved her in words that made her blush to read them, and when she finally got to the end where he had signed his name with an unusual flourish she felt the wetness trickling down her cheeks.
She was glad Jack felt that fighting for his country was the right thing to be doing, for she felt that way too, even though she missed him and would have preferred to have him by her side. He had every right to be proud of the service he was doing on behalf of his family.
But was Annie’s own conscience clear? Annie left Gracie in the hallway and went up to her bedroom. She needed some time to be on her own. She sat down in front of the cheval mirror and put her head in her hands. Yes, she had acted promptly and appropriately when she had admitted her naiveté and broken off her friendship with Roy. But how had she treated Annette? That poor young girl had pricked her conscience several times recently, even though it had been such a long time since she had seen her. She had come a long way, looking for her mother, and it couldn’t have been easy. She had obviously had a hard life in the orphanage, and never known much in the way of love. Yet, had Annie told her the truth? Had she really told her everything she knew?
She looked again at Jack’s letter that he had written with such openness and honesty, and she thought of all the things that had happened since she had left Fletcher’s Mill, things she had clammed up about soon after they had happened and had never discussed with anyone.