37

The Young Magicians stood there, petrified, as five canine heads pierced through the rose bushes, their teeth glinting in the pale moonlight.

Jonny gulped. Wow! They never look like this when they’re being paraded about by the Queen!

‘Everybody just stay calm,’ said Sophie quietly, not taking her eyes off the princely pack. ‘I’m just going to try something … There you go – good boy, goooood boy!’

The dog furthest to the left let out a snapping bark of warning.

‘Easy, eeeeasy.’ Sophie didn’t move a muscle.

‘Does anyone have any food?’ asked Zack hoarsely.

‘I don’t think now is the time for a picnic, mate!’ said Jonny.

Zack shook his head incredulously – Jonny made jokes in even the most delicate of situations!

‘Don’t worry, you two,’ said Sophie a bit more confidently, slowly raising her hand towards the dogs’ eye level. ‘I’ve got this.’ And then, all of a sudden, Sophie barked.

Alex allowed his eyes to drift over to the back of Sophie’s head, wondering if she’d suffered some kind of blow when she fell off the zip-line.

With a tiny movement of her arm, Sophie changed the tone of her bark, causing the dogs to blink in unison, now following her every move like she was wafting some delicious bone in front of their noses. With another wave of her other hand and a little grunt they sat down, somewhat droopily, their teeth now hidden behind thick, drooly gums, their tongues lolling. And then, with a final click of the fingers and a tiny celebratory howl, that was it – they were under her spell.

Zack, Jonny and Alex looked at her, gobsmacked. ‘Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me!’ said Jonny slowly as he looked at the dozy dogs.

Sophie gazed back at them and lowered her hands. ‘Didn’t think that would work, to be fair.’

‘You really are quite extraordinary!’ said Jonny. ‘But you don’t half bark like a girl!’ he added.

‘Yeah, save it for later, Haigh. We’ve got work to do. This way – quick!’ Sophie took off again as the dogs began to wander dreamily across the lawn.

The four of them crossed a gravel path, trying to keep as light on their feet as possible, passing under a large archway that led to the inner courtyard.

Zack looked up at the windows on the first and second floors, searching for a clue as to where the Queen might be at this time of an evening. ‘There!’ he said excitedly, pointing up to a small lit window in the far corner of the courtyard.

Alex cocked his head, looking a little like one of the corgis. Was that humming he could hear? The others strained their ears as he held up a cautionary hand.

‘Do-doo-doo gracious Queen, do-doo-doo noble Queen, do-doo-doo Queen, DO DO DO DO!’

The four stared at each other as the sound of a flushing loo drowned out the rest of the National Anthem. From the same lit room came a scraping sound as someone lowered the window before pressing down on what had to be a giant can of air freshener. Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff. And then again. Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff. Followed by a second flush.

Jeez, thought Jonny, grinning at Zack.

All of a sudden the light went out and the next three windows lit up brightly. The Young Magicians could just make out the silhouette of a small lady with perfect hair bobbing up and down as she walked along the corridor, switching lights off as she went towards …

‘That must be her bedroom right there!’ Zack pointed to a dimly lit room a few windows along. ‘Look – the curtains are different to all the others.’ It was true: whereas the other curtains were royal blue and creamy white, these were distinctly more garish. And perhaps even patterned with dogs and horses.

‘This way!’ Zack took off again, desperate to reach Her Majesty before the clock struck six.

The four hugged the wall, Alex still with hoe in hand (which he could have easily put down but had actually grown rather fond of), as they traversed the edge of the inner courtyard, keeping to the shadows, their light steps making little impact on the perfectly laid gravel.

Zack slowed down as they approached the area directly beneath the window. Did Buckingham Palace really have this little protection? wondered Jonny, worried that their current progress seemed a bit too good to be true. He needn’t have worried, for just at that very moment a long line of Buckingham Guards paraded through the archway where the four had just been standing, marching around in a large square looking a bit like some strange breed of Chinese dragon.

‘Quick – over there!’ rasped Jonny, spotting a small door in the wall ahead set behind a freshly planted patch of marigolds, which the slugs were already fiendishly devouring. (OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!)

Alex rushed up ahead as the guards approached, their heels scraping up the gravel in quick-time, like the trot was beating out a countdown to them being caught. Crunch, crunch, crunch. Alex reached the doorway, fishing the tool he’d fashioned the night before out of his pocket. He stared at the keyhole in front, assessing its shape carefully, biting the end of his pick like a famished rabbit and carefully altering its shape. He slowly inserted it into the keyhole of the polished, metal-studded door.

There was no doubt about it, if they were caught now, then this really would be the end, Alex thought. No amount of hypnosis was going to work here.

Jonny, Sophie and Zack caught up with him and huddled in the doorway, breathless. ‘Not that you need to redeem yourself, Alex,’ joked Jonny, ‘but if there was ever a time for picking a lock in record quick time, it’s now!’

Sophie punched Jonny on the arm, but couldn’t help grinning.

Alex gave Jonny a confident nod as he twisted the piece of dowelling and pushed the pick deep into the lock. Almost instantly the door clicked open like the locking mechanism had simply melted away.

They rushed inside, closing it silently behind them just as the guards crunched past.

‘Nice one, Alex!’

‘Yeah,’ said Jonny. ‘I think we can call it quits now!’

‘Right then,’ whispered Sophie, taking charge. ‘Upstairs, is it?’ Ahead of them she saw a beautiful staircase leading to a long corridor.

‘And keep an eye out for, erm … the lady!’ said Zack, feeling apprehensive now they were actually inside the Queen’s house, for this was Trespassing with a capital T! Perhaps even the definition of the word, thought Sophie alarmingly, imagining some old Royal coming up with the term in a fit of rage several thousand years ago when he saw some unwanteds crossing his luscious gravel pathways and beautiful plush carpets. TRESPASSERS, OFF WITH THEIR FEET!

The others grinned nervously. Could the lady they’d spied earlier really be that lady? The only lady that had her own piece on the chessboard. The only lady they so desperately needed to see right now.

‘This way!’ said Zack, hurrying them on excitedly.

The four tiptoed up the stairs, Jonny quickly taking off his shoes and leaving them neatly at the bottom, partly to stop him from clomping about, but also because he didn’t want to get his muddy size-eleven footprints strewn all over the soft, thick carpet. Plus it only seemed polite when (breaking and) entering into the Queen’s home!

They reached the top of the stairs and moved silently over the long landing, trying to stay low every time they passed a window. Alex couldn’t believe they’d made it this far. It was one thing to have survived his solo flight across Jonny’s zip-line, quite another to be standing on a landing, about to invade the Queen’s bedroom.

Despite everything though, for all his previous worries, all Alex could now feel was excruciating excitement. Perhaps it was the adrenalin of having survived his ordeal with Henry and being reunited with his three best friends … Whatever it was, he wanted to bottle the feeling!

The four of them stood facing the corridor ahead of them. Light spilled in through five windows, making the doors on the opposite side glow like choices in a game show. ‘Will it be … door number one? Or maybe door number two? How about door number three …?’

Zack turned to the others, whispering, ‘I guess we just try them all.’

They crept slowly down the corridor towards door number one. With a careful hand Zack rotated the gilded, crested knob. Nope, not this one. Locked.

And – more tellingly – cold, observed Sophie, placing her palm against the fancy metal door-plate. No, this room hadn’t been used in a while. Perhaps it was one of the grandchildren’s.

They continued to door number two – nope, locked again – before pausing outside door number three. A small shaft of light filtered out from underneath the door. Sophie took hold of the doorknob, withdrawing her hand almost immediately and nodding her head. Warm! It had to be this one!

Zack pressed his ear against the – frankly gorgeous –bedroom door, listening intently. Was that more singing he could hear? He removed his ear, rubbing away the oily mark left on the polished surface with a grubby sleeve, sort of making it a bit worse. He nodded at the others. There was only one way to find out …

Cautiously he inched the door open and a warm, floral wave of air wafted out, reminding Alex of a particularly intense brand of putrid bubble bath his mother sometimes used to chill out.

Zack pushed the door open a smidgen further, just enough to allow the four of them to squeeze through one at a time and close the door behind them.

It was a truly glorious sight! The kind of room that you dreamed might be waiting for you on the other side of the door when you checked into a hotel. The kind of room that you could only really upgrade to if there were exceptional personal circumstances! The kind of room fit for a queen.

Zack, Jonny, Sophie and Alex gazed around, mouths open. It was a room of spectacular proportions, its four-poster, queen-size (naturally!) bed surrounded by antique chests, cushioned sofas, costly cabinets, ornate coffee tables boasting large bouquets of flowers. Zack smiled at how the duvet had been folded back to reveal a couple of neat, brilliant white towels – complete with a tiny bar of fine soap – on top. There were even some mint chocolates on the bedside table should Her Majesty desire a naughty little night-time treat. Even though he couldn’t see it, Zack was sure that the end of the toilet paper would have been folded into a triangle – like you might find in a B&B to categorically prove that the owners were making an effort.

Sophie studied the coffee table more closely, spotting a copy of the Radio Times beneath the bowl of potpourri, the string of pearls and the textured stationery set. What on earth were they going to say to the lady when they finally came face to face?

From behind the bed, on the far side of the room, came a voice: ‘What the bloody ’ell do you four want?’

The Young Magicians froze as a lady in a dressing gown and frilly pink slippers strolled out from behind the large bed, rubbing moisturizer into her small, aged hands.

There were no two ways about it. The lady they now faced, the lady whose bedroom they had invaded, was the lady they watched after lunch every Christmas Day: none other than Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

‘Well? Come on, then!’ she shouted. ‘I’m waitin’ for a bleedin’ answer!’