Horribles
Official name of a group of ten rabbits, organized for self-protection. Although enlarged later to include some thirty rabbits, there is now a long waiting list.
We are the Horrible Ten,
Neither animals nor men;
Neither men nor animiles,
And we’re meaner than crocodiles,
Much wickeder and horrider
Than alligators in Florida.
And we take our enemies’ lives
With our ten sharp little knives,
In using which, our system
Is to stick ’em in and twist ’em.
Our teeth are blue and our eyes are red;
We’ve got bad manners; we’re not well bred.
We think it silly to be polite,
So we snatch and snarl and scratch and bite.
Oh, horrible indeed are we;
To look at we are awful!
We shout and howl and yell with glee
When doing deeds unlawful.
So let our enemies beware,
And hide in caves and cellars,
For when we catch one by the hair,
We pinch him till he bellers.
Oh, we are the Ten, the Horrible Ten,
Bears, when they hear us, cower in their den,
Elephants tremble, and lions shudder—
Hide their heads and yell for their mudder.
Shut your eyes. Cover your head.
Or better still, get under the bed.
For the Horrible Ten are out tonight,
And they’re full of meanness and rage and spite.
Oh, what is that! Does something crawl
Among the shadows along the wall?
In the dark—under the chair,
Do you see red eyes? Is there something there?
What’s that reflection in the mirror?
Is it a Horrible creeping nearer?
Look! Look! Run for your lives!
I see the flash of the Horribles’ knives!
Yes! Yes! We’re out tonight
To giggle and dance in the pale moonlight.
Run! Run, if you’d save your skin,
For we’re mean and wicked and full of sin.
We love to pinch our little sisters,
To make ’em yelp and raise large blisters;
To stick long pins in our favorite aunts;
Pour ink on our uncles’ Sunday pants.
Our mothers cry and our fathers roar,
But we just run out and slam the door.
Our knives are sharp and we’re close behind you;
You haven’t a chance; we’re sure to find you.
We’re really awful; you might as well
Just lie down flat and begin to yell.
PURSUIT OF BANNISTER BY HORRIBLES
Oh, here we are back again,
The horrible, Horrible Ten,
More horrible than ever,
It’s our conscientious endeavor
To catch a butler once a week,
To tie him up and make him squeak,
We make him squeak and we make him squeal
As we chop him up for our evening meal.
And since Bannister’s a butler, he
Had better beware of our cutlery,
For it’s getting late, and this time of night
We always have a good appetite.
We are the Horrible Twenty,
Of ferocity, boy! we’ve got plenty!
Plenty, sufficient and lots!
We weave diabolical plots
To capture our victims alive.
And when we have caught four or five
We sing and we yell and we dance and we haul
Them down to the kitchen and chop them up small,
Add lemon and peper and salt, and a dash
Of Worcestershire sauce. For enemy hash
Is the dish of all dishes that crowns all our wishes,
We eat it for breakfast and dinner and lunch,
We munch and we crunch, we gobble and scrunch,
Oh gosh, we’re a terribly villainous bunch!
O Sniffy, we salute you,
And hereby constitute you
A Horrible (first class) and we
Do therefore solemnly agree
To back you up in any fight.
Provided you’re not in the right.
But in the wrong, we’ll stand by you.
(Good deeds of course, we never do.)
If you have enemies, we’ll help
To make them holler; squirm and yelp;
We’ll pinch them black, we’ll punch them blue!
Oh, we’ll do anything for you!
We are the Horrible Thirty,
Wild-eyed, blood-thirsty and dirty!
Our manners are simply atrocious—
Impudent, rude and ferocious.
At home, disobedient creatures;
In school, we throw things at teachers.
Punished, we stick out our tongues,
Scream at the top of our lungs.
Folks we don’t like, we attack ’em,
Out come our knives and we hack ’em.
Even the bravest are nervous
When in the gloom they observe us.
As through the trees we come creeping
Even the boldest start weeping,
Even the calmest will bellow,
Shake like a bowlful of jello.
Oh, how we laugh when they holler!
Sometimes they offer a dollar
Not to be hashed up and fried.
Often we’ve laughed till we’ve cried,
Keeping—of course—right on hashing,
Paying no heed to their thrashing
All we want’s enemy hash;
Don’t give a hoot for their cash.
We are the Horrible Thirty,
Red-eyed, bloodthirsty and dirty.
We like to hear our enemies squall,
As we chop ’em fine and we chop ’em small.
We like to hear our enemies squeal,
As we chop ’em up for our evening meal.
We like to see our enemies squinch,
As we chop ’em slowly, inch by inch.
