CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR

Waking up from DSR, I find myself feeling much better. Crosby was right, as usual, and this time I’m glad he is. The throbbing pain in my face has been replaced by a dull ache, and my ribs no longer have me feeling like I’m being crushed under a boulder. It’s more like a cinder block. I can deal with a cinder block.

It occurs to me that I haven’t seen the damage I sustained, and I feel compelled to find out how bad I look. With great care, I swing my legs over the side of my bed, preparing to stand up and head to the bathroom.

“You need some help?” Hannah asks. She’s already up and dressed.

“I think I can manage. I feel a lot better than I did last night.”

“That’s good. Looks like your calendar is pretty full this morning.”

“Really? They’re not giving me a sick day or something?”

She shakes her head. “Afraid not. Crosby is out in the lounge waiting to see you, and you know Charlie is anxious. Plus, Franklin wants to talk to you about what happened, if you’re feeling up to it. You are being released from the schedule for today, though.”

“You know what would be nice? A boring day filled with nothing. No sessions, no meetings, no drama, no chaos.” I stand up, groaning from the sudden burst of pain, and have to stop to catch my breath.

“Would you quit being so stubborn and let me help you?” Hannah asks, exasperated.

“Fine,” I relent, too tired and sore to argue. “I want to get cleaned up. I need to see for myself how bad it is.”

Hannah helps me to the bathroom; the five-second walk takes a painful couple of minutes this time. She shuts the door behind me. “You want me to get some clothes for you?” she asks through the door.

“Sure. I’d appreciate it.”

My reflection makes it clear what everyone was so upset about. My cheek is battered and puffy, and my eye is bloodshot. I look like a victim from a horror film. Or a Lifetime movie. I prod my face, testing to see how tender it is. That is a short-lived experiment with clear results. Note to self: stop poking your face.

Next up is the painful procedure of taking off my pajama top to check my ribs. The sharp, crushing pain is almost enough to make me change my mind, but with my shirt off at last, I stand in profile to get a better look. And it’s ugly. A violent display of swollen, scraped skin spreads across my side, running from my armpit down to my hip. “Damn.”

Alonzo did a number on me, but he still got the worst of it. The image of Alonzo tumbling over the edge and the sickening sound of him hitting the canyon floor runs through my head in a continuous loop. Pushing aside the memory, I set to work cleaning myself up.

I decide to take a shower, hoping the hot water will soothe my aching body. This is not a well-laid plan. It takes me several agonizing minutes to finish undressing, and the soothing shower spray I’ve expected turns out to be quite painful. I almost scream when the jets hit my side, but I manage to get myself turned around so my sore ribs are away from the spray.

Even wrapping a towel around myself hurts. I’m suffering from the result of trying to do too much, too soon. Once out of the shower, I limp to the door. Luckily for me, Hannah is waiting, and she helps me over to my bed.

“Ready to get dressed?” she asks.

“No, but let’s do it anyway.”

She helps me into clean clothes, and, despite the pain, I feel better. Clean and sore beats dirty and sore any day.

Hannah helps me get situated on the window seat with an extra pillow under my legs. “If you’re ready, I’ll go get Crosby.”

“That’s fine.”

The view of the sprawling city enthralls me. So many of the buildings are an exercise in architectural impossibility, but I guess anything’s possible in Atman. It’s sad to know I’ll never get closer than this again, but after the past few frightening days, I think I’ll be able to make my peace with staying away.

Hannah lets Crosby in before ducking back out to Morning Mediation. Something in his presence, right in this moment, pulls at me. Perhaps it’s the recognition of what he’s been trying to do, what he’s been trying to protect me from despite my resistance and rebellion. Whatever the trigger, I’m overcome with a sense of sorrow and regret.

“How you feeling today?” he asks, joining me on the bench seat.

“Better, but not great.”

Any lingering grudge I may have been holding is officially over, halted by my awareness of what lies outside the safety of our towers and administrative complex. “Crosby?”

“What is it, kiddo?”

I swallow back a lump in my throat. My voice gets small. “I’m sorry. For everything. I know I’ve been … ” I lean my head on his shoulder, exhausted.

“Where’d this come from?”

“I just, I had no idea how bad it could be. You tried to warn me. If I’d listened instead of—”

“Shh,” Crosby says, giving me a gentle squeeze. “Don’t do this to yourself. It’s over. You’re going to be okay, Dez.”

“Hope so.”

“You think I’m going to give you a choice?”

“Why start now, right? Somebody as bossy as you doesn’t change his ways.” I sniffle, smiling a little.

“See, you’re learning. Now you just need to learn to listen the first time.”

“You think I’m going to make your job easy?”

“Hardly.” He laughs, and reaches in his coat pocket. He pulls out a small jar. “I brought you something.”

“What’s that? Anti-dead cream?”

“You wish. Sorry I didn’t have it last night, but the stuff isn’t exactly abundant. Took me a while to track it down.”

“So, what is it?”

“You’ll see.” He opens the jar and dabs what looks to be an ointment on his fingers.

The scent makes my eyes water. “Wow, that stinks.”

“You won’t be complaining in a second.” He reaches over and dabs the foul stuff on my cheek.

The pain is instantly reduced. I touch my cheek and it feels like a bruise that has almost fully healed. Only the tiniest dull ache remains. “Ooh, get my ribs. That’s amazing stuff.”

“Told you.” He lifts up just the corner of my shirt and pats the ointment all over my side.

I groan in relief. “I love you, Crosby.”

“I figured you might.”

“So if I only got hurt because I believed I could, does this stuff heal me because I believe it will? Or does it have some sort of otherworldly properties?”

“If I told you, it might stop working,” he says with a mysterious smile.

“Where did you get it?”

“Let’s say I have my ways, and leave it at that.” His voice has an odd tone, one that doesn’t encourage further questions.

I take a deep breath to test my ribs and feel only a slight twinge. “Well, wherever you got it, thanks.” I pull my shirt down and lean back against the seat. “You’ll be glad to know that between Delphine and yesterday’s hike, I’m cured of any desire to visit the city again. I mean, it’s still beautiful, but if there are more Alonzos in there, you can keep it.”

Crosby lets out a sigh of relief. “I’m glad to hear it.”

“Not to mention, uh … you have a bit of a temper.”

“Damn straight.”

“And you kind of freaked me out.”

“Good.” Crosby puts his legs up on the bench so we’re sitting feet to feet. He nudges my foot with his. “You and I are going to be spending some quality time together, you know. Doctor’s orders.”

It takes me a minute to realize what he’s talking about. “Right, Kay. So what did she decide?”

“She’ll tell you the details, but the nuts and bolts of it is I’m your go-to guy.”

“What’s that mean?”

“You come talk to me anytime you need to, and I keep checking up on you, keep after you to follow Kay’s direction, that kind of thing. Kay has some more specific tasks for us, but that’s the gist of it.”

“Like bringing me magical healing salve when I need it.”

“Exactly. Although, we’re going to do our best to make sure you never need it again.”

“You get no argument from me.”

Crosby nudges my foot again. “You want to get out of here?”

“You read my mind.”