Julie Peters is a writer and yoga teacher in Vancouver, BC, where she runs Ocean and Crow Yoga Studio with her mom, Jane. She has a biweekly column for Spirituality and Health Magazine and has published articles on feminist film critique and other topics on various websites and magazines. Julie’s first book, Secrets of the Eternal Moon Phase Goddesses: Meditations on Desire, Relationships, and the Art of Being Broken, was published by SkyLight Paths in 2016. This is her second book.
1 Taylor, Shelley E., Laura Cousino Klein, Brian P. Lewis, Tara L. Gruenewald, Regan A. R. Gurung, and John A. Updegraff. “Biobehavioral Responses to Stress in Females: Tend-and-Befriend, Not Fight-or-Flight.” Psychological Review 2000, Vol. 107, No. 3, 411–429, University of California, Los Angeles.
2 Donaghue, Erin. “More than half of the women slain in 2017 were killed by family or partners, study finds.” CBS News, Nov 27, 2018. https://www.cbsnews.com/news/more-than-half-of-women-slain-in-2017-were-killed-by-family-intimate-partners-study-finds/
3 “What is Traumatic Stress?” International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies webpage accessed Nov 2018. https://www.istss.org/public-resources/what-is-traumatic-stress.aspx
4 “Definition and Typology of Violence.” Violence Prevention Alliance, World Health Organization. Nov 2018 http://www.istss.org/public-resources/what-is-traumatic-stress.aspx
5 Stack Pole, Gregory. “Peter Brown on Augustine on the Libido Dominandi.” Into the Clarities, Feb 19, 2016. https://intotheclarities.com/2016/02/19/peter-brown-on-augustine-on-the-libido-dominandi/
6 Brooks, Douglas Renfrew. The Secret of the Three Cities: An Introduction to Sakta Tantrism. Chicago, University of Chicago Press (1990) 96.
7 Lorde, Audre. Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches. Berkeley: Crossing Press (2007): 53–54.
8 Lorde, Audre. Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches. Berkeley, Crossing Press (2007): 56.
9 “Cardi B Says She Feels Butterflies in Her Stomach and Vagina At Grammys Red Carpet (Looped)” Jan 28, 2018. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GR4VnAu58UI
10 Wolf, Naomi. Vagina: A New Biography. New York, Ecco (2013): 278.
11 Lindberg, Tracey. Birdie. New York, HarperCollins (2015): 230.
12 DiClemente, C. C., & Prochaska, J. O. “Toward a comprehensive, transtheoretical model of change: Stages of change and addictive behaviors.” In W. R. Miller & N. Heather (Eds.), Applied clinical psychology. Treating addictive behaviors (pp. 3–24). New York, NY, US: Plenum Press.
13 Falcone, Tatiana. “Childhood Emotional Trauma Closely Linked to Problems in Adulthood.” Consult QD, clevelandclinic.org. Nov 6th, 2014. https://consultqd.clevelandclinic.org/childhood-emotional-trauma-closely-linked-to-problems-in-adulthood/
14 Lorde, Audre. Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches. Berkeley, Crossing Press (2007): 53.
15 Fey, Tina. Bossypants. New York: Little, Brown and Company (2011): 143–144.
16 Lerner, Harriet. The Dance of Anger: A Woman’s Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships. New York: HarperCollins (2005): 1.
17 Herman, Judith. Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence—from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. New York: Basic Books (1997): 72.
18 Herman, Judith. Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence—from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. New York: Basic Books (1997): 61
19 Freyd, Jennifer J, Melissa Platt and Jocelyn Barton. “A Betrayal Trauma Perspective on Domestic Violence.” E. Stark & E. S. Buzawa (Eds.) Violence against Women in Families and Relationships (Vol. 1, pp. 185–207). Connecticut, Greenwood Press (2009): 201.
20 Digby, Love and War: How Militarism Shapes Sexuality and Romance. New York, Columbia University Press (2014): 133.
21 Ibid, 145.
22 Friends. “The One With Phoebe’s Birthday Dinner.” Season 9, Episode 5. Directed by David Schwimmer. Written by David Crane, Marta Kauffmann, and Scott Silveri. Bright/Kauffmann/Crane Productions, Warner Bros. Oct 2002.
23 “Fact Sheets—Excessive Alcohol Use and Risks to Men’s Health.” The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. March 7 2016. https://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/fact-sheets/mens-health.htm
24 O’Regan, Ellish. “Men four times more likely to die by suicide than women.” The Independent, March 16, 2018. https://www.independent.ie/irish-news/health/men-four-times-more-likely-to-die-by-suicide-than-women-36710994.html
25 Albert, Paul R. “Why is depression more prevalent in women?” Journal of Psychiatry and Neuroscience 2015 Jul; 40(4): 219–221. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4478054/
26 Tetyana, “Eating Disorders: Do Men and Women Differ?” Science of Eating Disorders, July 3, 2012. https://www.scienceofeds.org/2012/07/03/eating-disorders-men-women-differ/
27 Hunt, Jerome. “Why the Gay and Transgender Population Experiences Higher Rates of Substance Use.” Center for American Progress. March 9, 2012. https://www.americanprogress.org/issues/lgbt/reports/2012/03/09/11228/why-the-gay-and-transgender-population-experiences-higher-rates-of-substance-use/
28 Gordon, Allegra R. “Shining a Light on Gender Identity and Eating Disorders.” National Eating Disorders Association. 2017. Accessed Dec 2018. https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/blog/shining-a-light-on-gender-identity-and-eating-disorders
29 Real, Terrence. I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression. New York: Scribner Paperback, Simon and Schuster (1997): 83.
30 Ibid, 83–84
31 hooks, bell. The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love. New York, Washington Square Press (2004): 66.
32 Lerner, Harriet. The Dance of Anger: A Woman’s Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships. New York: HarperCollins (2005): 3.
33 Real, Terrence. I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression. New York: Scribner Paperback, Simon and Schuster (1997): 123.
34 Diamond, Stephen A. “You Can’t Punch Your Way Out of Anger.” Psychology Today, Sept 24, 1999. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/ulterior-motives/200909/you-cant-punch-your-way-out-anger
35 Perel, Esther. Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence. New York: Harper (2007): xv.
36 These tips are condensed from Harriet Lerner’s fantastic book The Dance of Anger. If you want more on this, do read that book.
37 Herman, Judith. Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence—from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. New York: Basic Books (1997): 65.
38 Herman, Judith. Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence—from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. New York: Basic Books (1997): 73.
39 Ibid.
40 Milano, Alyssa. “Status.” twitter.com. Oct 15, 2017. https://twitter.com/alyssa_milano/status/919659438700670976?lang=en
41 Sayej, Nadja. “Alyssa Milano on the #MeToo movement: ‘We’re not going to stand for it any more.’ ” The Guardian. Dec 1, 2017. https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2017/dec/01/alyssa-milano-mee-too-sexual-harassment-abuse
42 Chatterjee, Rhitu.”A New Survey Finds 81 Percent Of Women Have Experienced Sexual Harassment.” National Public Radio. Feb 21, 2018. https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2018/02/21/587671849/a-new-survey-finds-eighty-percent-of-women-have-experienced-sexual-harassment
43 hooks, bell. The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love. New York, Washington Square Press (2004): 73.
44 Wolf, Naomi. Vagina: A New Biography. New York, Ecco (2013): 153.
45 Ibid.
46 Ibid, 153–154.
47 Winton, Richard, Rong-Gong Lin II and Rosanna Lia. “Isla Vista shooting: Read Elliot Rodger’s graphic, elaborate attack plan.” LA Times. May 25, 2014. https://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-isla-vista-document-20140524-story.html
48 Yang, Jennifer. “Facebook post linked to Alek Minassian cites ‘incel rebellion,’ mass murderer.” The Star. April 24, 2018. https://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2018/04/24/facebook-deletes-post-linked-to-alek-minassian-amid-questions-about-its-authenticity.html
49 Digby, Tom. Love and War: How Militarism Shapes Sexuality and Romance. New York, Columbia University Press (2014): 133.
50 Wolf, Z. Byron. “Trump basically called Mexicans rapists again.” CNN Politics. April 6, 2018. https://www.cnn.com/2018/04/06/politics/trump-mexico-rapists/index.html
51 Flagg, Anna. “The Myth of the Criminal Immigrant.” The New York Times, March 30, 2018. https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2018/03/30/upshot/crime-immigration-myth.html
52 “Number of mass shootings in the United States between 1982 and November 2018, by shooter’s race and ethnicity.” Statista, Nov 2018. https://www.statista.com/statistics/476456/mass-shootings-in-the-us-by-shooter-s-race/
53 “Number of mass shootings in the United States between 1982 and November 2018, by shooter’s gender.” Statista, Nov 2018. https://www.statista.com/statistics/476445/mass-shootings-in-the-us-by-shooter-s-gender/
54 Digby, Tom. Love and War: How Militarism Shapes Sexuality and Romance. New York, Columbia University Press (2014): 166
55 hooks, bell. The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love. New York, Washington Square Press (2004): 99.
56 Ibid.
57 Ibid, 123.
58 Sunnucks, Jack. “Being Lonely Is Worse Than Smoking 15 Cigarettes a Day.” Vice, May 2, 2018. https://www.vice.com/en_asia/article/ywxypm/being-lonely-is-worse-than-smoking-15-cigarettes-a-day
59 Ginter, E. And V. Simko. “Women live longer than men.” Bratisl Lek Listy 2013; 114 (2): 45–49.
60 Scott-Heron, Gil. “I’m New Here,” 2010, I’m New Here, XL Recordings.
61 Masters, Robert Augustus. Spiritual Bypassing: When Spirituality Disconnects Us from What Really Matters. Berkeley, North Atlantic Books (2010): 21–22.
62 “Bechdel Test Movie List.” Dec 2018. https://bechdeltest.com/statistics/
63 Wemple, Erik. “CNN is getting hammered for Steubenville coverage.” The Washington Post. March 18, 2013. https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/erik-wemple/wp/2013/03/18/cnn-is-getting-hammered-for-steubenville-coverage/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.3452633bee1e
64 The Pervert’s Guide to Ideology. Directed by Sophie Fiennes. Ireland: Blinder Films and the British Film Institute, 2013. Film.
65 Digby, Tom. Love and War: How Militarism Shapes Sexuality and Romance. New York, Columbia University Press (2014): 136
66 I, Survivor. “Covert Affairs.” Wondery, Oct 9, 2018. https://wondery.com/shows/i-survivor/
67 Wolf, Naomi. Vagina: A New Biography. New York, Ecco (2013): 105–106.
68 “Most Victims Know Their Attacker.” National Institute of Justice, Oct 1, 2008. https://www.nij.gov/topics/crime/rape-sexual-violence/campus/pages/know-attacker.aspx
69 Way, Katie. “I went on a date with Aziz Ansari. It turned into the worst night of my life.” Babe. Jan 13, 2018. https://babe.net/2018/01/13/aziz-ansari-28355
70 Thomas, Megan. “Aziz Ansari responds to sexual assault allegation: ‘I was surprised and concerned.’ ” CNN. Jan 16, 2018. https://www.cnn.com/2018/01/15/entertainment/aziz-ansari-responds/index.html
71 Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness. “Why is Abstinence Still Being Used to Treat Addiction? w/ Dr Adi Jaffe.” August 14, 2018. https://www.earwolf.com/episode/why-is-abstinence-still-being-used-to-treat-addiction-w-dr-adi-jaffe/
72 Orbey, Eren. “Aziz Ansari’s New Standup Tour Is a Cry Against Extreme Wokeness.” The New Yorker, Oct 4, 2018. https://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/aziz-ansaris-new-standup-tour-is-a-cry-against-extreme-wokeness
73 Singh, Anisha. “How ‘Consent Classes’ In Kenya Reduced Cases Of Sexual Harassment.” NDTV, Oct 27, 2017. https://www.ndtv.com/education/how-consent-classes-in-kenya-reduced-cases-of-sexual-harassment-1767943
74 Ariely, Dan, and George Loewenstein. “The Heat of the Moment: The Effect of Sexual Arousal on Sexual Decision Making.” Journal of Behavioral Decision Making 19 (2006): 87–98.
75 Herman, Judith. Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence—from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. New York: Basic Books (1997): 190.
76 I Survivor. “Covert Affairs.” Wondery, Oct 9, 2018. https://wondery.com/shows/i-survivor/
77 Dockterman, Eliana. “Can Bad Men Change? What It’s Like Inside Sex Offender Therapy.” Time. May 14, 2018. http://time.com/5272337/sex-offenders-therapy-treatment/
78 Kelly, William R. “Why Punishment Doesn’t Reduce Crime.” Psychology Today, April 25, 2018. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/crime-and-punishment/201804/why-punishment-doesnt-reduce-crime
79 Dockterman, Eliana. “Can Bad Men Change? What It’s Like Inside Sex Offender Therapy.” Time. May 14, 2018. http://time.com/5272337/sex-offenders-therapy-treatment/
80 Wolf, Naomi. Vagina: A New Biography. New York, Ecco: (2013): 113.
81 Brown, Brené. Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, and Lead. New York, Gotham Books (2012): 124.
82 Wolf, Naomi. Vagina: A New Biography. New York, Ecco: An Imprint of Harper Collins Publishers (2013): 59.
83 Ibid, 96.
84 Ibid, 203.
85 Ibid, 60.
86 Ibid.
87 Lorde, Audre. Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches. Berkeley: Crossing Press (2007): 53
88 Wolf, Naomi. Vagina: A New Biography. New York, Ecco: An Imprint of Harper Collins Publishers (2013): 25.
89 Loeb, Matt. Instagram message to Julie Peters, Sept 19, 2018.
90 Radin, Jeremy. Instagram message to Julie Peters, Sept 17, 2018.
91 Fine, Cordelia. Delusions of Gender: How Our Minds, Society, and Neurosexism Create Difference. New York: W.W. Norton and Company (2010): xxv.
92 Ibid, xxvi
93 Ehrenreich, Barbara, and Deirdre English, Witches, Midwives, and Nurses: A History of Women Healers. New York: The Feminist Press at the City of New York University (2012): 34.
94 Ibid, 35.
95 Ibid, 52.
96 Ibid, 68.
97 Federici, Silvia. Caliban and the Witch: Women, the Body and Primitive Accumulation. New York: Autonomedia (2014): 92.
98 Wolf, Naomi. Vagina: A New Biography. New York, Ecco: An Imprint of Harper Collins Publishers (2013): 136.
99 Ibid, 149.
100 Herman, Judith. Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence—from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. New York: Basic Books (1997): 11–12
101 Ibid, 14.
102 Ibid.
103 Nagoski, Emily. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life. New York: Simon and Schuster (2015): 149.
104 Wolf, Naomi. Vagina: A New Biography. New York, Ecco: An Imprint of Harper Collins Publishers (2013): 234.
105 Dworkin, Andrea. Letters From a War Zone. New York: Lawrence Hill Books (1993): 230.
106 MacKinnon, Catharine. “Feminism, Marxism, Method, and the State: Toward Feminist Jurisprudence.” Signs Vol. 8, No. 4 (1983): 647.
107 MacKinnon, Catharine. Only Words. Cambridge, Harvard University Press (1996): 20.
108 “Child Sexual Abuse Statistics.” National Center for Victims of Crime. Dec 2018. http://victimsofcrime.org/media/reporting-on-child-sexual-abuse/child-sexual-abuse-statistics
109 “Pornhub 2017 Year in Review.” Pornhub Insights. Jan 9, 2018. https://www.pornhub.com/insights/2017-year-in-review
110 “Fuck Your Period.” Pornhub. Dec 2018. https://www.pornhub.com/fuckyourperiod
111 Mufson, Beckett. “Sex Bloggers Say Tumblr Is ‘as Good as Gone’ After Porn Ban.” VICE. Dec 4, 2018. https://www.vice.com/en_ca/article/ev3ayk/sex-bloggers-say-tumblr-is-as-good-as-gone-after-porn-ban
112 Nagoski, Emily. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life. New York: Simon and Schuster (2015): 225.
113 Rathbone, June. Anatomy of Masochism. New York, Kluwer (2001): 261.
114 Ibid
115 Kerner, Ian. Passionista: The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Pleasuring a Man. New York: Collins (2008): 69.
116 Ibid.
117 Kasl, Charlotte Davis. Women, Sex, and Addiction: A Search for Love and Power. New York: Harper & Row Perennial Library (1990): 65.
118 Maté, Gabor. In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction. Berkeley, North Atlantic Books (2010): 116.
119 Kasl, Charlotte Davis. Women, Sex, and Addiction: A Search for Love and Power. New York: Harper & Row Perennial Library (1990): 184.
120 Ibid, 187.
121 Ibid, 183.
122 “Eating Disorders in Men and Boys.” National Eating Disorder Association. Dec 2018. https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/general-information/research-on-males
123 Sanci, Lena, Carolyn Coffey, Craig Olsson, Sophie Reid, John B. Carlin and George Patton. “Childhood Sexual Abuse and Eating Disorders in Females: Findings From the Victorian Adolescent Health Cohort Study.” Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine, Volume 162, No. 3 (2008): 261–267.
124 Kasl, Charlotte Davis. Women, Sex, and Addiction: A Search for Love and Power. New York: Harper & Row Perennial Library (1990): 183.
125 “Victims of Sexual Violence: Statistics.” RAINN.org. Dec 2018. https://www.rainn.org/statistics/victims-sexual-violence
126 Bonheim, Jalaja. Aphrodite’s Daughters: Women’s Sexual Stories and the Journey of the Soul. New York: Fireside (1997): 310.
127 Ibid.
128 Gerstein, Julie. “Here’s What The Average Woman In The US Spends On Makeup—And It’s A Lot.” Buzzfeed, March 2017. https://www.buzzfeed.com/juliegerstein/heres-what-the-average-american-woman-spends-on-makeup-and?utm_term=.ih7j3xAeN).anx9qPnyo
129 Sheth, Sonam, Shayanne Gal and Skye Gould. “6 charts show how much more men make than women.” Business Insider. August 2018, https://www.businessinsider.com/gender-wage-pay-gap-charts-2017-3
130 “Ever Been Made to Feel That Your Afro Is Unprofessional?.” Vice. Nov 2012. https://www.vice.com/en_ca/article/znqkv5/ever-been-made-to-feel-that-your-afro-is-unprofessional
131 Harmon, Stephenetta (isis). “Black Consumers Spend Nine Times More in Hair and Beauty: Report.” HypeHair.com. https://www.hypehair.com/86642/black-consumers-continue-to-spend-nine-times-more-in-beauty-report/
132 Nagoski, Emily. Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life. New York: Simon and Schuster (2015): 58.
133 Ibid, 49.
134 Ibid, 84.
135 Wolf, Naomi. Vagina: A New Biography. New York, Ecco: An Imprint of Harper Collins Publishers (2013): 30.
136 Ibid.
137 “Race and Attraction, 2009–2014.” OkCupid. Sept 2014. https://theblog.okcupid.com/race-and-attraction-2009-2014-107dcbb4f060
138 Mayer, Emeran. The Mind-Gut Connection: How the Hidden Conversation Within Our Bodies Impacts our Mood, Our Choices, and Our Overall Health. New York: Harperwave (2016): 66.
139 “New Survey Reveals More than Half of Americans are Living with Gastrointestinal Symptoms and Not Seeking Care from a Doctor.” Abbvie. Nov 6, 2013. https://news.abbvie.com/news/new-survey-reveals-more-than-half-americans-are-living-with-gastrointestinal-symptoms-and-not-seeking-care-from-doctor.htm
140 Mayer, Emeran. The Mind-Gut Connection: How the Hidden Conversation Within Our Bodies Impacts our Mood, Our Choices, and Our Overall Health. New York: Harperwave (2016): 31.
141 Ibid, 17.
142 Invisibilia. “High Voltage (Emotions Part Two).” NPR, June 1, 2017. https://www.npr.org/2017/06/01/530936928/emotions-part-two
143 Sepulveres, Danielle. “My Anxiety Makes Me Want to Throw Up on Dates.” Cosmopolitan, August 21, 2017. https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a12028878/anxiety-dating-stomach-issues-dating/
144 Possanza, Amelia. “I really like you. Now how do I keep myself from throwing up?” The Washington Post. Feb 3, 2017. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2017/02/03/i-really-like-you-now-how-do-i-keep-myself-from-throwing-up/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.4b5e52a11654
145 Kassel, Matthew. “The Revolting Truth Of Dating Anxiety.” Buzzfeed News. June 22, 2015.
146 Lorde, Audre. Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches. Berkeley: Crossing Press (2007): 55.
147 Ibid, 54.
148 Margolis, Jonathan. O: The Intimate History of the Orgasm. New York: Grove Press (2004): 14.
149 Anami, Kim. “Sexual Flow = Financial Flow.” kimanami.com. July 2012. https://kimanami.com/sexual-flow-financial-flow/
150 Kerner, Ian. Passionista: The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Pleasuring a Man. New York: Collins (2008): 28.
151 Ibid.
152 Brotto, Lori. Better Sex Through Mindfulness. Vancouver, Greystone Books (2018): 20.
153 Bearman, Steve. “Why Men are So Obsessed with Sex.” Interchange Counseling Institute. Feb 13, 2013. http://www.interchangecounseling.com/blog/why-men-are-so-obsessed-with-sex/
154 “Child Sexual Abuse Statistics.” The National Center for Victims of Crime. Dec 2018. http://victimsofcrime.org/media/reporting-on-child-sexual-abuse/child-sexual-abuse-statistics
155 “Dan Savage: Why Gays are Better at Sex.” HuffPost Live. Dec 2018. https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/entry/dan-savage-why-gays-are-better-at-sex_us_5b509ae5e4b01e373aabf5af
156 Brotto, Lori. Better Sex Through Mindfulness. Vancouver, Greystone Books (2018): 18.
157 Margolis, Jonathan. O: The Intimate History of the Orgasm. New York: Grove Press (2004): 11.
158 Kerner, Ian. Passionista: The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Pleasuring a Man. New York: Collins (2008): 95–96.
159 Ibid, 29.
160 Brotto, Lori. Better Sex Through Mindfulness. Vancouver, Greystone Books (2018): 98.
161 Ibid, 146.
162 I Survivor. “Covert Affairs.” Wondery, Oct 9, 2018. https://wondery.com/shows/i-survivor/
163 Brotto, Lori. Better Sex Through Mindfulness. Vancouver, Greystone Books (2018): 147
164 Wolf, Naomi. Vagina: A New Biography. New York, Ecco (2013): 10.
165 Ibid, 19.
166 Margolis, Jonathan. O: The Intimate History of the Orgasm. New York: Grove Press (2004): 72.
167 Kasl, Charlotte Davis. Women, Sex, and Addiction: A Search for Love and Power. New York: Harper & Row Perennial Library (1990): 10.
168 Tourjée, Diana. “‘I Was a Slave to Testosterone’: How Sex Changes for Trans Women on Hormones.” Broadly, Feb 18, 2016. https://broadly.vice.com/en_us/article/jpy7g7/i-was-a-slave-to-testosterone-how-sex-changes-for-trans-women-on-hormones
169 Thorpe, J.R. “What Happens To The Body After Orgasm? How Women & Men Experience Post-Coital Bliss Differently, According To Science.” Bustle, August 25, 2015. https://www.bustle.com/articles/105437-what-happens-to-the-body-after-orgasm-how-women-men-experience-post-coital-bliss-differently-according
170 Wolf, Naomi. Vagina: A New Biography. New York, Ecco (2013): 72.
171 I Survivor. “Covert Affairs.” Wondery, Oct 9, 2018. https://wondery.com/shows/i-survivor/
172 Kasl, Charlotte Davis. Women, Sex, and Addiction: A Search for Love and Power. New York: Harper & Row Perennial Library (1990): 10.
173 Ibid, 31.
174 Ibid.
175 Ibid, 35.
176 Ibid, 37.
177 Perel, Esther. The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity. New York: Harper (2017): 156.
178 Ibid, 155.
179 Ibid, 185.
180 Ibid, 184–185.
181 Ibid.
182 Ibid, 245.
183 Ibid, 115.
184 Ibid, 71.
185 hooks, bell. All About Love: New Visions. New York, W. Morrow (2000): 187.
186 Wolf, Naomi. Vagina: A New Biography. New York, Ecco (2013): 26.
187 de Botton, Alain. “Why You Will Marry the Wrong Person.” The New York Times, May 28, 2016. https://www.nytimes.com/2016/05/29/opinion/sunday/why-you-will-marry-the-wrong-person.html
188 Ibid.
189 Traister, Rebecca. All the Single Ladies. New York, Simon & Schuster (2016): 175
190 Ibid, 176.
191 Ibid, 175.
192 Ibid, 177.
193 hooks, bell. All About Love: New Visions. New York, W. Morrow (2000): xxiv.
194 Ibid, 5.
195 Ibid.
196 Ibid, 30.
197 Masters, Robert Augustus. Spiritual Bypassing: When Spirituality Disconnects Us from What Really Matters. Berkeley, North Atlantic Books (2010): 21–22.
198 Lorde, Audre. Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches. Berkeley, Crossing Press (2007): 57.
199 hooks, bell. All About Love: New Visions. New York, W. Morrow (2000): 186.
200 Ibid, 171.
201 Black, Michele C. et al. “The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey: 2010 Summary Report.” National Center for Injury Prevention and Control Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. November 2011. https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/nisvs_report2010-a.pdf
202 Digby, Tom. Love and War: How Militarism Shapes Sexuality and Romance. New York, Columbia University Press (2014): 14.
203 Ibid, 20.
204 Ibid, 33.
205 Ibid, 103.
206 Ibid, 62–63.
207 Ibid, 149.
208 Ibid, 142–143.
209 Ibid, 118.
210 Ibid, 137.
211 Livingstone Smith, David. “‘Less Than Human’: The Psychology of Cruelty.” NPR, March 29, 2011. https://www.npr.org/2011/03/29/134956180/criminals-see-their-victims-as-less-than-human
212 Digby, Love and War: How Militarism Shapes Sexuality and Romance. New York, Columbia University Press (2014): 77.
213 Taylor, Anthea. Single Women in Popular Culture: the Limits of Postfeminism. London: Palgrave Macmillan (2012): 53.
214 Ibid, 54.
215 Desta, Yohana. “30 Years Later: Why Fatal Attraction Never Sat Right with Glenn Close.” Vanity Fair, Sept 18, 2017. https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2017/09/fatal-attraction-30-year-anniversary-glenn-close
216 Ibid.
217 Gras, Patricia and Rose Marie Salum. “The Objectification of Women with Martha Nussbaum.” Literal Magazine, July 2012. http://literalmagazine.com/the-objectification-of-women-a-conversation-with-martha-nussbaum/
218 Ikea “Lamp” Commercial-Hi Res. Directed by Spike Jonze. Online video. Dec 20, 2007. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBqhIVyfsRg
219 Peters, Julie. “The real reasons Get Out was the most profitable film of 2017: White absolution and toxic masculinity.” Feminist Current. August 30, 2017. https://www.feministcurrent.com/2017/08/30/real-reasons-get-profitable-film-2017-white-absolution-toxic-masculinity/
220 Digby, Tom. Love and War: How Militarism Shapes Sexuality and Romance. New York, Columbia University Press (2014): 37.
221 Ibid.
222 Marcus, Jon. “Why Men Are the New College Minority.” The Atlantic, Aug 8, 2017. https://www.theatlantic.com/education/archive/2017/08/why-men-are-the-new-college-minority/536103/
223 Bradshaw, Carolyn, Arnold S. Kahn, and Bryan K. Saville. “To Hook Up or Date: Which Gender Benefits?” Sex Roles, Volume 62, Issue 9–10 (2010): 661–669.
224 “African Americans’ Lives Today.” NPR, Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, and the Harvard School of Public Health. June 2013. https://www.rwjf.org/content/dam/farm/reports/surveys_and_polls/2013/rwjf406076
225 Trainor, Meghan. “Me Too.” 2016, Thank You, Sony/ATV Music Publishing, Universal Music Publishing Group, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.
226 Steinfeld, Hailee. “Love Myself.” 2015, Jem and the Holograms soundtrack, Warner/Chappell Music, Inc, Universal Music Publishing Group.
227 Drake. “One Dance.” 2016, Views, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., BMG Rights Management, Sentric Music.
228 Puth, Charlie. “We Don’t Talk Anymore (Feat. Selena Gomez).” 2016, Nine Track Mind, Warner/Chappell Music, Inc, Universal Music Publishing Group, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.
229 Arthur, James. “Say You Won’t Let Go.” 2016, Back From the Edge, Ultra Tunes, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.
230 Marshmello and Anne Marie, “FRIENDS.” 2018, Speak Your Mind, Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
231 Digby, Tom. Love and War: How Militarism Shapes Sexuality and Romance. New York, Columbia University Press (2014): 90.
232 Ibid, 94.
233 Traister, Rebecca. All the Single Ladies. New York, Simon & Schuster (2016): 8.
234 Ibid, 5.
235 DePaulo. Bella. Singled Out: How Singles are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After. New York, St. Martin’s Press (2006): 36.
236 Ibid, 48.
237 Ibid.
238 Ibid, 164.
239 Digby, Tom. Love and War: How Militarism Shapes Sexuality and Romance. New York, Columbia University Press (2014): 73–74.
240 hooks, bell. The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love. New York, Washington Square Press (2004): 31.
241 Weisenstein, Kara. “Ariana Grande, Mac Miller, and Why We Blame Women for Male Substance Abuse.” Vice, Sept 19, 2018. https://www.vice.com/en_ca/article/a38g5k/ariana-grande-mac-miller-and-why-we-blame-women-for-male-substance-abuse
242 hooks, bell. The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity, and Love. New York, Washington Square Press (2004): 61.
243 Ibid, 143.
244 Ibid, 7.
245 Ibid, 11.
246 Herman, Judith. Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence—from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. New York: Basic Books (1997): 133.
247 Osho. “Loneliness is the absence of the other. Aloneness is the presence of the self.” Oshoworld newsletter, Sept 2008. http://www.oshoworld.com/newsletter/sept08/pdf/14_loneliness_is_absence_of_the.pdf
248 Hafiz, Trans. Daniel Ladinsky. The Gift: Poems by Hafiz, the Great Sufi Master. New York: Penguin Compass (1999): 277.
249 Stone, Michael. Awake in the World: Teachings from Yoga and Buddhism for Living an Engaged Life. Boston, Shambhala (2011): 12.
250 Ibid.
251 Stone, Michael. “Mindfulness & Social Action: Towards a Secular Spirituality.” Lecture, Semperviva Yoga Studio, Vancouver, Jan 2015.
252 Stone, Michael. Yoga for a World Out of Balance: Teachings on Ethics and Social Action. Boston, Shambhala (2009): 30.
253 Perel, Esther. Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence. New York, Harper (2006): 13.
254 Ibid.
255 Ibid.
256 Ibid.
257 Buckley, Norman. “Davyd Whaley’s Birthday 2014.” normanbuckley.com, Dec 6, 2014. http://normanbuckley.com/blog/davyd-whaley/davyd-whaleys-birthday-2014/
258 I, Survivor. “Life After Death.” I Heart Radio, Oct 2, 2018. https://www.iheart.com/podcast/272-i-survivor-29655305/episode/life-after-death-29931005/
259 Stone, Michael. “Mindfulness & Social Action: Towards a Secular Spirituality.” Lecture, Semperviva Yoga Studio, Vancouver, Jan 2015.
260 In hooks, bell. All About Love: New Visions. New York, W. Morrow (2000): 30.
261 Stone, Michael. “Mindfulness & Social Action: Towards a Secular Spirituality.” Lecture, Semperviva Yoga Studio, Vancouver, Jan 2015.