JESSIE LED THE gelding into his stall, trying not to dwell on Nathan or his insult. She needed to stay focused on this particular horse. Jet was doing remarkably well in spite of still being a bit nippy, which she expected; however, she still didn’t trust him enough to let anyone else work with him. She threw him a flake of hay and turned both mares out into the small pasture behind the barn so she could clean their stalls.
How dare he! How dare he accuse me of not letting people in?
She’d let him in once, like she’d never let anyone in before, and it ended in heartbreak. In a way, she was grateful for what he’d done. He’d taught her early never to completely trust anyone, never to give herself completely again. She might be alone, she might bear scars, but she was whole.
She paused the in the aisle of the barn. Why was she even angry? She knew she let people close, the ones she knew she could count on. She trusted her family with her life.
Then why haven’t you told them your dream for the ranch?
Because she didn’t want to open herself up to rejection again. She didn’t want her dreams to be shot down without giving them a chance. She didn’t want them to see her as a lost cause and abandon her.
She’d learned from an early age that people came and went in her life with regularity, like the guests who came to the ranch and stayed for a few weeks before returning to their lives. Relationships were great while they lasted, but the problem was that they never lasted. And once they were off the ranch, you were forgotten. Nathan had been the last and most painful. He’d promised her they would be together, told her he loved her, and then disappeared, taking her heart with him. Then her parents were gone as well.
She could empathize with Aleta and Michael, which was part of why she’d opened her home to them any time they wanted to come to a place where there was a semblance of permanence and acceptance. She wanted to offer them a place where they knew someone would always remember them and be excited to see them. Just because she didn’t expect that same for herself didn’t stop her from longing for it, or for someone who would see the woman behind the mask of courage she wore. Someone who wouldn’t forget her. Someone who wouldn’t leave her behind. Just like the kids and her horses, she was tired of being overlooked, cast aside, and left alone.
Jessie tossed two bags of pine shavings into the wheelbarrow and rolled them to the first stall, dropping them off at the doors. Grabbing the rake, she went inside, grateful for the physical labor that required nothing from her mentally. She scooped up the manure, dropping it into the wheelbarrow with a satisfying thud. She’d just started the second stall when she heard footsteps on the cement floor in the aisle way. The tiny hairs on the back of her neck lifted, and she could feel his presence like electricity in the air. She knew without looking that Nathan had followed her. She didn’t want to be this sensitive to his nearness, didn’t want to respond to him with a craving far stronger than she’d ever experienced before and doubted she ever would aside from him.
“Go away, Nathan.”
“I came to apologize, Jess. I shouldn’t have said those things.”
She ignored the way her nickname slid easily from his lips and the way it made her heart trip over her ribs and start fluttering like a baby bird learning to take flight. She’d quit buying into romantic notions a long time ago, thanks to him. Now, if only she could convince her body to let them go. She set the rake against the wall and walked into the aisle way.
“It’s Jessie. Jessie. We are not friends, remember?”
His green eyes flashed, the golden flecks lighting them from within, and she saw frustration in the set of his jaw. “No?”
“No. Let’s keep our roles in perspective. You’re the financial genius here to do a favor for my brother, and I’m just his idiot little sister who bought your load of crap years ago and can’t manage to keep this ranch afloat now.”
His long strides ate the distance between them in seconds, but she stood her ground, staring up at him, daring him to argue. His lips were tight, set in a grim line and a deep crease lined his perfect brow. She wanted to back away, but years of working with her father wouldn’t allow her to show any signs of intimidation. Cowgirl up, she recited the mantra in her head, although not nearly as confidently as she usually did.
“Don’t do that,” he ordered, staring down into her eyes, his voice quiet but insistent.
She could feel the heat emanating from him as sparks of desires burst in her chest, sending shivers over her skin. She tried to control it, to stop herself from trembling at his nearness but she couldn’t stop her breath from catching in her throat. “Don’t do what?” Her voice was a hoarse whisper.
“Don’t belittle yourself. You are far more than that. You’ve always been more than that to me.” His hands grasped her upper arms and he dipped his head toward her, his eyes never leaving hers. “You’re a talented, kind, giving, passionate woman.”
It wasn’t what Jessie expected. His words were a balm to her chapped and aching heart, exactly what she needed to hear, but she knew she couldn’t let him break past her walls. Who knew what damage he could cause her heart when he left again. She’d barely managed to piece together the shards last time. She pressed her hands against his chest, intending to push him away from her, but he gently circled her wrists with his fingers. Their eyes locked and she refused to be the first to look away.
“Nathan.” She meant for it to be a warning but it came out sounding more like a plea.
“What, Jess?”
He placed his palms over the back of her hands and twined his fingers between hers. His touch made her weak, and she felt a wave of need break over her, threatening to drown her. She’d been so in love with him, and it had left a gaping hole in her, one she’d never managed to fill, not even with her work.
Nathan walked her backward until she felt the stall behind her. With the hard wall of his body pressing against the front of her, pinning their hands between them, there was nowhere for her to escape the explosion of yearning that began in the middle of her chest, spreading outward, heating her and leaving her breathless. Every inhalation filled her with the scent of his expensive cologne, reminding her again how out of place he was. He didn’t belong here. But seeing the desire in his eyes, feeling it in every inch of him pressing up against her, made Jessie want to wrap her legs around his waist and let him take her right here in the barn.
She couldn’t possibly feel this way about him again. She couldn’t imagine feeling any other way about him. She needed this man. Not just wanted him, needed him, and that scared the crap out of her.
He was going to kiss her, and she was going to melt under his touch. There was no doubt in her mind. If that happened, she was a goner. Because, for her, this wasn’t about sex; this was about how Nathan made her feel, how he’d always made her feel—understood and validated and worthy. The only other time Jessie felt that way was when she worked with her horses.
How had this man recognized the weakness in her, buried deeply, and unearthed it so easily? Panic set in. She had to protect herself. She couldn’t let Nathan in, couldn’t let him get close again. She shoved against his hands, using her body to knock him off balance, so he stepped backward, knocked against the handles of the wheelbarrow, and fell into the bucket.
“You can finish the stalls.”
She ran out of the barn, refusing to look back at the man trying to piece together a full sentence from where he landed, inside a wheelbarrow full of fresh horse manure.
NATHAN PRESSED HIS hands into the wheelbarrow, trying to find his balance, and felt them sink into the foul muck his rear had sunken into. What in the hell was wrong with that woman?
She’d wanted him to kiss her. Almost as much as he wanted to do it. He’d seen it in her eyes, in the way she leaned into him. He’d felt it in the way her pulse raced against his fingertips at her wrist and the way her sweet breath fanned against his face when he dipped his mouth toward hers. The next thing he knew, he was butt-first in a pile of horseshit, and she was running for the house like she was on fire. He rocked himself forward, nearly toppling the wheelbarrow, and stood up just as Aleta came into the barn.
“What are you doing?” The girl’s eyes were wide with shock as she covered her mouth with a hand. Her hand slid down slowly to reveal a broad smile. “Jess?”
Nathan flipped his hands, trying to shake the smelly mess from them, but only succeeded in getting the disgusting, wet filth on his face and shirt. “How’d you guess?”
“What’d you do?”
He quirked a brow in disbelief. “What makes you think I did anything?”
“Well, Justin was the last person she pushed into a manure pile, the first time he suggested calling you. He didn’t see it coming either.” She giggled at the memory. “Trust me, you got the better deal. He ended up face first.”
“Great.” He wiped his dirty hands down the side of his new jeans and looked around, wondering where he was going to clean up. It would serve Jess right if he used her washer since the irrational woman had caused the damage.
“I’ll finish up in here. Go, shower and clean up before dinner because Jess will kill you if you come to the table like that.”
“Thanks. It’s Aleta, right?”
She slid the stall doors closed and reached for the handles of the wheelbarrow. “That’s me. June is in the house, and she can show you where to wash those and take a shower, since you can’t wash them in the cabin.” She stopped in front of him. “And, trust me, you do not want to track that into the cabin or you’ll have Bailey to worry about.”
“I’m not going into that house with—”
Aleta laughed, her brown eyes twinkling merrily. “Jess already left. Didn’t you hear her peel out of here in the truck? Go, but you’d better hurry up before she gets back.”
If he was going to get his clothes cleaned and take a shower, this was his only chance because if Jess caught him in her house, she’d probably push him off the side of The Ridge.
JESSIE HAD READ an article once about yogis who could stop their pulses just by thinking about it. Right now, she’d have given anything to be able to slow hers even slightly. She wanted to believe it was anger that fueled her racing heart, an adrenaline rush that had her blood pulsing almost painfully though her temples, but she knew better.
It was Nathan—the way he touched her. The way the flecks of gold in his eyes glowed like she’d ignited a fire in him. He certainly made parts of her burn and throb. He had a way of looking at her that made her feel like she was his next conquest. And, Lord help her, but a part of her wanted to be conquered by him, knowing she would enjoy every second of it. She wasn’t even sure what was stopping her from saying yes.
That wasn’t exactly true. She knew why she wasn’t giving in to him—he scared her. More precisely, the way he made her feel, the way he made her hope, scared her. Nathan Kerrington dredged up images of long nights of lovemaking and mornings of waking in his arms. He made her fantasize about lazy summers, swimming holes, fairs and rodeos, date nights, and picnics in the park. All of those things were part of a serious, lasting relationship, which was something she’d never allowed herself to long for after he’d abandoned her.
She’d given Nathan everything she had to offer. Once he was gone, she devoted every waking moment to the ranch, throwing herself into work in order not to feel the emptiness in her chest or the hollow ache where her heat once beat. Everything she’d offered Nathan, she poured into Heart Fire and her horses. In spite of every effort, it still wasn’t enough to keep it running smoothly in the black. She wasn’t enough for either.
Nathan’s words echoed through her mind: talented . . . kind . . . giving . . . passionate. Who was she kidding? Nathan didn’t make her tingle because he wanted to know her. She’d turned her back on every one of the cowboys her parents introduced her to because their touch left her feeling frigid. How was it that a financial analyst could light up her body like a fireworks show on the Fourth of July? From the first time he brushed her hand, passing her in the barn, she’d felt tingles in her fingers. And that first kiss at the river so long ago—even then, she’d known there was dangerous tinder burning between them that was likely to blaze out of control.
She couldn’t be in love with Nathan again. If she were to fall for someone, it had to be someone who loved Heart Fire as much as she did, someone who would share the load to make it great again, not some city boy playing cowboy for a week before heading back to New York, leaving her and her visions of a happily-ever-after ending behind. Not someone who would make her a quickly forgotten notch on his bedpost.
Happily-ever-after endings didn’t exist in the real world. At least not for her. Hers was a life where things weren’t always fair, parents went away and didn’t come back, men who claimed to love you left and never called.
Damn Justin for asking him back here in the first place.
She pressed the button on her steering column to call her brother, intent on giving him a piece of her mind. Someone was going to take the brunt of her anger. It might as well be him. Nothing happened. She slid her hand into her purse, searching for her cell phone and realized, in her hurry to get away from Nathan, she’d left it at the house.
“Damn it!”
She seriously considered just continuing to the store without it, but inevitably, there would be an emergency. She wasn’t so far from the house she couldn’t turn around. She slowed the truck onto the shoulder of the road and flipped a U-turn, heading back home. Within a few minutes, she pulled up to the house and ran in the back door, looking in the kitchen for her phone near the key rack on the back wall. Not seeing it there, she headed for the stairs, assuming it must be in her room.
What a waste of a day! She still had to get to the store and back, and she’d just gone nearly twenty minutes out of her way for nothing.
Jessie opened the heavy oak door to her room, and her stomach dropped to her toes, followed by her jaw. Standing in front of her, in nothing but a towel, was the very subject of her frustration, with droplets of water clinging to his chest and hair, looking only slightly guilty. The breath seemed to stop in her lungs, even as her heart pounded against her ribcage. Her entire body ignited with desire as her eyes slid down his body and she watched him tuck in the edge of the towel. Her eyes jumped back up to his face as a lopsided grin slipped over Nathan’s lips, and for the first time, she noticed a dimple in his left cheek. How had she never noticed it before? She wanted to be pissed, but that stupid indentation took anything left of her senses and scattered them, leaving her unable even to speak.
“No knock?” His eyes glinted playfully and it reminded her of why she was angry at him in the first place. His sly comment loosed her tongue.
Who in the hell did he think he was? “It’s my room. I’m not used to finding strange men standing nearly naked in it.”
She spotted her phone on the nightstand beside the bed and hurried past him to grab it, thankful for a reason to look away from his perfectly chiseled body.
How did a guy get muscles like that sitting behind a desk? Her mouth was suddenly dry, and she was finding it difficult to put together a coherent thought, knowing that a simple flick of her wrist would have him standing in front of her in all of his slick, nude glory. She clenched her hand into a tight fist to control the urge to do exactly that.
“That’s good to know.”
His voice was right behind her. Surprised, she straightened and spun only to smack into the solid wall of his damp chest. She jumped away from him, tripping herself and falling against the nightstand, toppling the lamp. Leaning to catch it, she lost her balance and fell into the bed on her hip.
Nathan chuckled at her clumsy attempt to right herself and offered her a hand to pull her up. She took it and tried to stand as he stepped backward, but the heels of her boots tangled in the soft down bedding and she fell again, dragging him down on top of her. His thighs straddled her knees, pinning her to the bed, bracing himself with his arms above her shoulders.
She could feel every inch of him pressed against her. The denim of her jeans and the soft terrycloth towel did nothing to hide the taut muscles of his body. She felt every part of her respond with shock waves of desire. She pressed her hands against his chest and instantly froze, regretting her decision as her fingers tingled where they touched him, sending pleasurable warmth coursing through her arms.
“Where are you going, Jess? Why do you keep running away from me?”
Why was she still running? Why was she even bothering to fight this? Why shouldn’t she have one blissful moment? Deb’s voice practically shouted in her head to seize the opportunity even as memories flooded her mind. Memories of how good they had been together, how beautiful it had been the short time it had lasted. Any argument she might have made disappeared as he brushed a stray curl from her forehead.
“I’m not going to hurt you,” he whispered.
“Yes, you will,” she disagreed. Her voice choked with emotion she didn’t want him to see. “You’re going to destroy me.”
The acknowledgment did nothing to lessen the need burning within, spreading through her like an unwelcome flood, filling her with sweet agony. Without waiting for a response from him, she curled her fingers around his nape, shutting out the warnings her mind offered, and surrendered to the sensations coursing through her, electrifying her and making her feel suddenly free. She pulled him down to meet her mouth.
The kiss wasn’t slow or gentle. It was hungry, primal, and fierce. She was tired of convincing herself she didn’t want him, that she didn’t still love him. From the moment he’d stepped foot on the ranch, she’d felt the attraction still burning within. She couldn’t deny it any longer.
Unlike their sweet, tender kisses on The Ridge the night before, his tongue plunged into her mouth, tasting, branding, mating with hers, as he buried his hands in her hair. She couldn’t hold back, even if she wanted to. She didn’t have that kind of control when it came to Nathan. But he didn’t have to know that. She might not be able to stop herself from loving him, but she didn’t need to let him know the power he held over her.
Jessie wrapped one leg around his hips and rolled him onto the bed so she straddled him, her hair hanging down over them like a dark curtain. Gasping for a breath, she dragged her mouth from his, her lips swollen and tingling.
“I can’t deal with any more complications,” she warned. “This has to be a straightforward arrangement. If you can’t handle that, you should leave now.”
He cupped his hand around her jaw, and his eyes heated to emerald fire. “Jess, I’m not going anywhere.”
Jessie felt her heart do a flip in her chest as a piece broke off and soared skyward. She quickly yanked it back into place, scolding herself for the momentary elation. She’d heard that promise from him before. She had too many responsibilities to the ranch to fall for his happily ever after, forever and ever fairy tale. She couldn’t let herself fall into the trap of believing in him again. Even knowing that didn’t stop the longing that flooded her veins as his hands slid up the sides of her spine.
Jessie planted a hand in the middle of his chest. “Don’t get all serious on me, Wall Street. We’re just two adults having consensual fun for as long as we both want to.”
He blinked, his brows shooting upward on his forehead, as if her words surprised him, and for a moment, she thought she saw disappointment in his eyes. It passed before she could question it, and that damn sexy dimple appeared in his cheek again, stealing her breath and making it hard to concentrate.
“Just what every man wants to hear.”
She wasn’t sure if his words were serious or in jest, but when his hands moved to the edge of her shirt, teasing the skin beneath with his fingertips, fire spread across her skin. The only way she was going to maintain any sort of sanity with this man was to be the seducer instead of the seducee. She grasped the bottom of her shirt and pulled it over her head, tossing it the foot of her bed.
“Make your decision.” She smiled down at him and reached behind her back for the clasp of her bra, her back arching toward him.
Nathan’s eyes darkened, and she felt every muscle in his body tighten under her thighs, coiling with tension. His hands found her waist, his long fingers sliding up her ribs causing shivers of delight to trip down her spine.
She wanted to cry out at that simple touch. Her entire body felt as if flames were engulfing her slowly, sweetly.
“No expectations, is that what you’re saying? You’re sure that’s enough for you?”
Without waiting for an answer, Nathan’s hands replaced hers and he unsnapped her bra, brushing aside the material to cup her breasts in his hands. His thumbs stroked the already taut peaks to aching points of agonizing pleasure. There was no way she could answer him truthfully while he was touching her, so she bit her lip, stifling the moan threatening to betray her. Jessie reached for the edge of his towel.
Nathan laughed, grasping her hand with his, and settled it against his firm abs. “There’s no way I’m going to hurry this, Jess. I want to look at every inch of you.”
His fingers reached for her belt buckle, unclasping it and unbuttoning her pants. His fingertips moved to her lower back, and he slowly slid them along the inside of the waistband of her pants, circling them over her hipbones and back to her zipper. Goosebumps broke out over the skin of her back and stomach, and she felt a shiver of longing travel up her spine. Nathan unzipped her jeans with painstaking slowness, and she bowed instinctively, which only pressed her fully against his groin. She wasn’t sure when they’d switched roles and he’d become the seducer, but at some point, she’d lost all leverage over him. Needing his hands on her, she’d let him take control.
He stood quickly, surprising her, and lifted her to her feet, kneeling before her. His big hands slid over her rear, pushing her jeans down her thighs to the floor. With her hands on his shoulders for balance and his face at her navel, he removed her boots, and she stepped out of her pants. She could feel his hot breath fanning against the skin of her abdomen, warming her flesh, and need spiraled through her hot and fierce, making her wet with desire. He slid his hand down the back of her thigh, his fingers tickling the back of her knees, and her head fell forward with a sigh of delight. He knew exactly where to touch her to make her body turn to putty. Curling his fingers around her heel, he removed her socks while he pressed his lips to the skin at her waist.
Her body ignited, every inch of her feverish, flames of desire licking at her, melting her resolve to keep her heart distant from him, locked tightly away. Nathan’s arms curled around her hips, his hands moving up the back of her thighs to cup her butt. Gripping the edge of her underwear, his lips found the curve of her belly and his eyes looked up at her, meeting her gaze between her breasts.
“Jess, you’re beautiful.” His lips moved against her skin, but his eyes locked on hers, as if speaking to her soul. “Every curve, every inch.”
She didn’t want to believe him. She was too curvy, her rear too big. She’d heard enough snide comments growing up. Unlike her sister and cousin, she’d inherited her mother’s short legs and generous endowments. But when Nathan said it, when his eyes shone hot and needy as he looked at her, she didn’t doubt his words. She felt beautiful, feminine, and desirable.
Nathan hooked his fingers into the edge of her underwear and slid the scrap of thin material down her legs, letting it pool at her feet. Bringing his hands back up to her hips, his thumbs trailed over the sensitive skin of her inner thigh, making her gasp with white-hot yearning. His hand traced the wet seam of her womanhood, and he slid one finger inside. Nathan rubbed his thumb against the nub as she arched against him. Jessie’s knees buckled, and her fingers dug into his shoulders. Holding her to him with one hand under her rear, his lips against her belly, he locked eyes with her again and watched her pleasure.
Part of her wanted to move away, to deny herself the thrill of his touch, and to prove that she was the one in control of this situation, not him. She could never let him know how deeply her emotions were involved.
Just when her mind seemed to gain control of her body again, Nathan dipped his head. His mouth sent every thought splintering into shards of meaningless gibberish. His tongue left her forgetting her name, pushing her past caring who was in control. She cried out, bucking against him, quivering as an orgasm, more savage than she’d ever experienced, left her clinging to him, trying to stand, panting for breath.
Nathan stood slowly, his body pressing against hers, the sensation making her gasp, shivering against him in renewed pleasure. And then he was gone, leaving her on weak legs as disappointment coursed through her. She watched as he walked away from her, into the bathroom. She heard the shower turn on just before he leaned back into the room.
“Are you joining me, or did you want me to carry you?”
“What?” Her voice was still breathless.
Nathan strode back into the bedroom, and she couldn’t help but let her eyes take in his physical perfection. His entire body looked carved from granite, and she felt her desire reawaken. He reached out and grasped her hand, pulling her toward him. “Where are we going?” she whispered.
“I got a shower, but you didn’t.” He slid his arms around her back and ducked his head, sucking her bottom lip between his.
She gasped at the pleasure spiraling through her, making her dizzy. Nathan walked her backward toward the shower before tugging the towel from his hips and tossing it over the door. He stepped inside, pulling her with him as steam enveloped them. His hands slid over her slick body as his lips worshiped her neck and shoulders. It was all she could to do to cling to him as she gave in to the sweet agony of his touch. Grasping her thighs, Nathan lifted her, and she wrapped her legs around his waist, winding her arms around his shoulders.
Nathan turned so her back was braced against the tile wall as the hot water pelted his back. The movement pressed him fully against the center of her pleasure, and she cried out, her breasts against his chest, as the water sluiced between them. The renewed fervor coursing through her surprised her, and Nathan growled deep in his throat, dropping his head against her shoulder.
“Don’t move, Jess.” His voice was strained. “Please, don’t move.”
After what she’d just experienced at his hands and mouth, her self-control was nonexistent. The water washed over his shoulder and down her breasts, making them intoxicatingly slick. His fingers dug into the firm muscle of her butt, and she could feel his restraint caving as his body throbbed against her. Nathan pressed his mouth against her collarbone, licking at the water that created a trail down the valley of her cleavage, before taking one breast into his mouth. His tongue flicked at the nipple, licking the water from her skin. Need, raw and fierce, exploded in her anew. Jessie gripped his shoulders, tightening her thighs around his hips. She wanted to feel all of him. Right now. She couldn’t wait another moment.
“You can be slow later. I want you now.” She inched herself down over the length of him, covering his mouth with her own. Her body enveloped his, encasing him completely as he gripped her thighs.
How could anything feel this incredible?
Her entire being surrounded him. Arms, legs, mouth, and heart, clutching him greedily as he drove into her. Her tongue swept against his as he held her against the wall, controlling each thrust with his hands cupping her rear. For the first time, she was content to simply feel, to let him guide her through the maelstrom of her desire, as he carried her to a new height of pleasure.
She cried out as the waves broke over her, releasing emotions she hadn’t wanted to admit she was holding back. Nathan followed her, whispering her name against her neck, like a prayer, as he poured himself into her. She trembled against him as he continued to embrace her, unwilling let her move out of his arms. She felt wetness on her cheeks and assumed it was water until she tasted saltiness.
She was crying? She tucked her face into his neck and inhaled the sweet scent of the soap he’d used for his shower.
Please, don’t let him realize I cried.