HOW DID SHE always manage to end up in his arms? How was it so easy for him to break down every barrier she set up? She’d come out here to figure out her future, and that included a decision to stay away from Nathan Kerrington. He was bad for her. There was nothing between them but lust, a fiery attraction that would leave her scorched and bleeding when he left—and he was bound to leave—but she was finding it increasingly difficult to not give in to the longing that seemed to pulse through her veins every time she saw him.
When he’d shown up, dusty and slightly sweaty from the ride to find her, her heart began its staccato beat and refused to slow. The man was sexy and virile. Had she not known where he was born and raised, he could have passed for a cowboy without any trouble. If he were from here, fit in here, she might consider pursuing what they had.
But he’d already made it clear, he was leaving next week. Back to the city where he belonged, back to other women she was sure he’d loved and a job that offered him far more than a broke cowgirl on a mission to save some horses. He might be adapting, learning to fit in here for the moment, but that made him even more dangerous to her heart. He might say he would stay, but eventually he would choose to leave her behind again. She couldn’t continue down this doomed path. She still hadn’t recovered from the last time they’d been together.
“No,” she whispered, more for herself than for him, steeling her will as she put her hands against his chest. She felt his muscles tense under her fingers and tried not to inhale his musky scent. “Thank you for helping me with the ranch, but I think that now, with everything you suggested in the works, you should head back to New York.”
She could barely catch her breath as she looked up at him through her lashes, waiting for a response she didn’t really want to hear. His half-smile and the dimple in his cheek were the last things she’d expected to see.
“That’s what you think, huh?”
“I . . . ” She took a step backward, putting some space between them so she could clear her head and form a logical argument. Wasn’t that what he dealt in—logic? Reason? “Thanks to you, the ranch will be in the black again this month, and we have guests this weekend. I don’t see any reason for you to stay now.”
She took another step away from him, and he folded his arms across his broad chest. He didn’t touch her, but he was imposing nonetheless. “And what about next weekend or the one after that?”
He took a step toward her, and she immediately retreated. His frown spoke volumes. “I already made plans to stay through the weekend and help with the guests, Jess. They aren’t expecting me back in New York until Tuesday morning to finish the merger I was working on there. Until Monday afternoon, I’m all yours.”
Her heart skipped a beat, and she wondered if he was deliberately making innuendos. She took a deep breath, trying to still the desire pumping through her body. Her stomach did that flutter she was coming to expect whenever he was around.
The damn man was teasing her. She could see it in his deep emerald eyes, in the flecks that danced within them. She tried for a serious look, one that would remind him that they were discussing her future, not some weekend fling.
“Nathan, you don’t even know what you’re doing.” She let out her breath on a sigh, realizing her own words held a double meaning as well.
What if I want you for longer? Like forever? She cursed her childish fantasies.
He took a step toward her, closing the distance she was working hard to maintain. “Jess, stop running away from me.” He reached for her hand and pulled her back into his arms, holding her hips. “You’re right. I don’t know what I’m doing. But I’m willing to take as much time as I need to until I do.” His finger traced her jawline. “Don’t deny me the chance to show you I’ve learned a thing or two over the past eight years. I’m asking for a chance to correct my mistake.”
She shook her head. “You were right to leave. Look at what you’ve accomplished. What happened between us was the mistake.”
“You were never a mistake, Jess.” His voice was a husky rasp of sound. His fingers buried in her hair, doing the most wonderful things to her scalp, making desire curl in her chest and warm parts of her it seemed only he could. “Let’s be honest, neither of us knows what we’re doing. We’re both so used to being in control that neither of us knows how to let go. Maybe it’s time we find out how and just enjoy it, for as long as it lasts.”
“Nathan,” she began, resting her hands at his hips. He knew exactly what he was doing to her.
She wanted to curl her arms around him, to fall against him and let him make her forget again. Her fingers dug into the firm flesh of his waist through his cotton T-shirt and she dropped her forehead to his shoulder, fighting the need to press her body into his, to feel the warmth of his lips, to lose herself in his touch again.
“I can’t Nathan. I thought I could but I can’t.”
“I thought you said—”
“I know what I said.” She could feel the heat rising in her cheeks. She didn’t want to admit to him she’d been fool enough to have fallen completely head over heels for him again. “I said it was until one of us wanted out. I want out.” She quickly moved away from his hands. “I appreciate you staying to help, but if you need to get back, feel free to leave.”
Jessie ran to the top of the hill where the mare waited for her. She didn’t wait around to see if Nathan would try to stop her. She refused to look back. If she did, she’d change her mind and give in to the desire that begged her to stay in his arms.
NATHAN STARED AT the files in front of him. He couldn’t concentrate, no matter how he tried. Besides, he’d been over these same documents at least twenty times. Until Brendon e-mailed him the bank statements he’d asked for, he wasn’t going to get any answers. He glanced up as yet another round of laughter, coupled with a splash and cheers from teens, came from the backyard near the pool. The church group had arrived earlier in the day, and Jess had managed to avoid him all day, staying busy with the kids. He’d seen only seen her from a distance, and she’d been so focused on the group, she hadn’t even looked his way.
Right now, the only thing Nathan could focus on was the memory of Jessie in her bathing suit, water dripping over her curves just before she pushed him in. She was so certain he would leave and never come back, or that he wouldn’t stay if he did, that he wasn’t sure how to convince her otherwise. She didn’t know it, but he’d already made arrangements to cut his meetings from a week down to just a few days, letting his partners handle most of the details with the merger. But if Jessie didn’t want him back, if she continued to deny them both this chance, he was just buying himself too many free hours in the day to think about what he couldn’t have. God help him, but he wanted her, and not just for a few days or a week. She had him rethinking what he wanted in his future. With that woman, forever wouldn’t be long enough.
He walked to the window and watched the teens playing in the backyard as Jess directed them in a game. Water splashed and a shriek sounded from one of the teenage girls, and he saw several boys laughing. He barely remembered being that age, enjoying the freedom that came from youth. He watched Jess laugh with the boys and wave to the girl who’d ended up in the water.
He was happy to see her having fun, enjoying her guests and them loving her in return. The adult chaperones sat off to the side, in the shade of the porch, laughing at the antics of the kids but obviously thrilled to have some time to relax.
Jessie was in her element.
He’d seen her working with the horses and thought it was where she belonged, but seeing her with these kids, the way they lit up under her attention, was incredible. If only he could help her see how special she was, to see herself the way others did.
He spun on his heel and made his way to the patio where the other adults sat, absently chatting.
“She’s so good with them,” one woman commented.
“They love her,” said another
“We need to plan an entire week here next time.”
The murmurs stopped as he sat down in one of the chaise lounge chairs. “Don’t mind me,” he said. “Just had to see what all the commotion was about.”
“Sorry,” the man apologized. Nathan guessed he was the youth pastor by the way three others look to him for direction. “Are you a guest?”
“Yes, but I’m also a friend of the family. I’m staying in the first cabin.”
“Then you’re right beside us. I’d like to promise you a quiet night, but with this crew”—he waved a hand at the four boys now having cannonball contests—“I think they’d make me out to be a liar. I’m Steve.” He held out a hand and smiled.
Nathan returned the gesture. “What does Jess have planned for you guys?”
“She showed the kids some horse basics today and taught us a little about roping, not that I was any good at either.” He chuckled. “We’re having a barbecue and campfire tonight by the lodge, then in the morning, we’re supposed to go riding and having a picnic lunch on some ridge. She said something about doing some fishing at the river, if anyone wants to.” He looked around. “This place is like an oasis, isn’t it?”
Nathan’s gaze remained locked on Jess, taking in every relaxed smile as she joked with two of the girls. Maybe he could cancel his meetings in New York altogether. “I’ve been around the world, and I’ve never seen anything quite like it.”
The woman on the other side of Steve laughed and Nathan tore his gaze from the vision across the pool. “Something tells me it’s not the landscape you’re talking about.”
Nathan couldn’t remember the last time he’d blushed, but that didn’t stop the slow burn from creeping up his neck at being caught staring at Jess. Her eyes slid over the adults and stopped when she saw him, a frown creasing her brow, and he cursed himself for being the cause.
“She’s great with the kids,” the woman said quickly.
“I should get inside and help get ready for the barbecue.”
“Uh, okay.” Steve seemed surprised by his sudden departure. As Nathan started to leave, he saw Steve lean over to one of the woman and heard, “You made him uncomfortable and chased him off.”
“I didn’t,” she argued just before he closed the kitchen door on the rest of their conversation.
Nathan went to the cupboard and grabbed a glass, pouring himself water and chugging it quickly. He slid the glass onto the counter and braced his hands on either side of the sink, his head hanging low. Every part of his body hummed with desire for Jessie, but it couldn’t even compare to the ache in his chest at the thought of leaving in two days. Jessie had him so tied up in knots, he wasn’t sure which way was up any more. He doubted she did either. But he couldn’t deny it. He simply didn’t want to go. Every time he thought about it, it felt wrong.
“What the hell are you doing?” He muttered, rubbing a hand over the tense muscles at the back of his neck.
“That’s exactly what I was wondering.” Nathan spun to find Jess standing in the doorway, hip cocked to the side and her hands at her waist. She looked sexy as hell, and his body hummed to life. “I told you, I don’t need your help.”
“I heard you.”
“Then what are you doing here?”
“I just thought I’d come see how things were going.”
He was lying, but she didn’t need to know that it was killing him to stay in the cabin, giving her the space she asked for, and not be near her. She didn’t need to know he’d been standing at the window watching her, feeling like a stalker. But he was compelled by her, like a child near a fire. He instinctively knew it would hurt to touch, but he was powerless to stop himself.
She seemed to accept his excuse. At least, she let him believe she did.
Jess walked to the refrigerator and took out a bottle of water, twisting off the cap and taking a long swallow before smiling, looking back at the door. “I’ve forgotten how much fun it can be.”
The smile on her face made his pulse speed up. “What’s that?”
“Kids.” She jerked her thumb toward the pool, where he could still hear splashing and laughter. “They’re kind of like horses, slightly wild, but tamed with a little direction and the right coaxing.”
She finished her bottle of water, and he couldn’t stop staring at the elegant way her neck arched. She brushed past him to throw the plastic bottle into the recycling bin, and he moved behind her, slipping his hands to her waist. She stilled instantly, as if afraid to move.
“What are you doing?” she asked, her voice quiet yet demanding an answer.
“Nothing.” He brushed her thick braid from her shoulder, letting it dangle down her back, while his lips moved to the edge of her ear, his breath brushing over her cheek. “Why?”
Her jaw clenched and her hands gripped the edge of the kitchen counter. “Nathan, we had an agreement. Just friends.”
“Um-hmm.” His hands circled her waist and drew her back against him. “Friends hug, don’t they?”
Technically, that’s all he was doing, but his body responded like it was far more. She was hot against the front of him. He fought the urge to kiss her neck, to taste her again, to force her reaction to him, choosing instead to remain as still as his throbbing body would allow. He felt himself harden when she sighed and leaned back into him, her body softening into his embrace. But she hung her head forward in defeat.
“Nathan, please.”
“Please what?” He pulled her closer and felt the goosebumps break out on her arms. He rested his chin on her shoulder where he could smell the sweet vanilla of her body wash. Just the scent was enough to conjure the image of her wet and soapy in the shower. He fought the groan of yearning that rolled through him like a thunderstorm.
She turned in his arms and put her hands against his chest, but her eyes focused on her hands instead of his face. “Please, don’t.”
His hands held her waist, refusing to let her go. “Would it make a difference if I wasn’t leaving?”
Jessie’s lashes fluttered as she looked up at him, as if trying to determine his sincerity. “But you will. If not this week, later.” She ducked under his arm and scooted away from him. He saw the resignation in her eyes. “I can’t do this again, Nathan. When you left last time, you took a part of me with you. A piece I’ve never retrieved.”
Her admission surprised him. He leaned a hip against the counter and crossed his arms, waiting for her to say more. When she didn’t, he shook his head. “I know why I didn’t call, Jess. But why didn’t you?”
“Me?” She backed away. “If you want a girl who’ll beg you to stay, you’re barking up the wrong tree. I wasn’t going to be the summer fling that chased you when you wanted to disappear.” She shook her head. “When you didn’t call, I knew exactly what I’d meant to you.”
“I could say that same thing.”
Anger flared in her eyes and she clenched her jaw, pointing a finger at him. “Don’t you dare. You were—”
“What, Jess?” Nathan held her wrist and pulled her back into his arms. “I was what?”
She looked away, refusing to meet his gaze. “Nothing.”
Nathan held her chin between his thumb and finger. “Well, let me break down the situation then, since you won’t. I was your first.” Her eyes widened and she licked her lips, pressing them together. “Did you think I didn’t know? I know you, Jess. I know what kind of woman you were and the kind of woman you still are.”
“Nathan, stop.”
“You were—are—different than any woman I’ve ever known. You aggravate me and confuse me, but you also excite me and make me feel things like no one else. There’s something between us, there always has been.”
“Whatever this attraction between us is, it’s going nowhere. We’re too different, worlds apart. You’re smart and kind and attractive, but I know you, Nathan. You will wither out here. Don’t you remember how antsy you were to leave?” She moved away from him, starting toward the door.
She had no idea his desire to leave had been due to his father’s demanding phone calls and the increasing threats. He wasn’t going to let anything, or anyone, come between them this time.
She sighed. “It’s just part of who you are.”
“Then I guess that leaves me with two options.”
She spun back toward him, her braid whipping around. “No, that leaves no options.” She raised a hand as if she was trying to ward off any argument.
He reached for her hand and pulled her to him again, continuing as if he hadn’t heard her protests. “One, I can prove to you that we have several things in common. Like that you are also intelligent, and kind. Not to mention that I find you incredibly attractive.”
Nathan could read the desire in her eyes and wound his arm around her waist, wanting her to feel his body respond to her nearness. “For the record, I didn’t get antsy to leave. I was catching hell from someone who shouldn’t have mattered.” He tipped her chin up, forcing her to meet his gaze. He could see the fear there.
Her blue eyes clouded. “What’s option two?” she whispered.
Nathan laughed. “Are you sure you want to know? Because it involves me carrying you back up to your room and proving to you that our differences don’t matter. Why do you keep fighting, Jess? Why can’t you just accept that maybe, just maybe, this isn’t something that I’m just going to turn my back on a second time? I made that mistake once; I won’t do it again.”
She slipped out of his arms again. This time her eyes were somber and wistful. “Because right now, this is a novelty, Nathan. I’ve seen enough people come here for a taste of being a cowboy and it always fades. What happens when you decide staying was a mistake? That you miss your old life? Where will that leave me? Brokenhearted and alone. I won’t be anyone’s booty call.” She walked out the back door, leaving him staring after her yet again.