NATHAN SPENT THE entire morning watching Jessie laugh with the kids, taking them up to The Ridge, keeping them herded like cattle as Mitch and Clint pulled up the rear of the group. Everyone was having a great time on the ride. Everyone but him. He kept replaying his conversation with Justin and wondering why he didn’t just tell his friend how he felt about Jessie.
He cared about Jessie more than he’d ever cared about anyone. He knew what they shared was special: She was a one-of-a-kind woman and had opened up doors he’d locked for years, even a few he’d forgotten about. He couldn’t imagine a day without her. So, why didn’t you just say that?
Because he was afraid Justin wouldn’t believe him. They might have spent years without communicating, but Justin knew him. He’d filled his loveless life with other women, not caring how shallow those relationships had proven. In fact, he’d wanted them that way. Nathan had spent his entire life trying not to be like his father, but in the end, he’d become just like him, living the life his father had laid out for him. Instead of shedding the life of privilege and entitlement, he’d embraced it with both hands. Sure, he had become successful in his own right, earning more than most men ever would, but it wasn’t enough to fill the void. He’d gone searching, letting the hollow pursuit lead the way down this path he had grown to hate.
He had to find a chance to talk to Justin, to make him understand how he felt about Jessie.
“Kinda quiet today,” Steve said as he rode up beside him. “Susanne told me there was some tension in the kitchen this morning.” He chuckled. “I’ll never understand how that wife of mine seems to get herself into the middle of everything.”
“I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”
Nathan hadn’t really said anything, but Steve nodded as if he understood. “Could it have something to do with a pretty girl who fell asleep on you last night by the fire?” Nathan turned to look at the other man. “I don’t mean to pry, but I’ve seen the way the two of you look at one another.” He laughed and looked at the kids ahead of them. “We all have. The two of you were all the girls wanted to talk about when they went to their cabin last night, according to Susanne.”
“We’re just old friends.”
“Friendship is a good place to start. But I think you have more than friendship in mind,” Steve agreed. “Looks like she does, too.”
“I’m leaving on Monday to head back to my regular life.” Nathan said. Dread made his stomach roll, coiling it up in a knot that made him feel sick.
Steve shrugged. “When are you coming back?”
“I’m not.”
“I see.” Steve wiped a hand over his mouth. “I know it’s none of my business, but why wouldn’t you? You don’t seem thrilled about leaving, so what do you have there that’s so much more important than what you have right in front of you? You said it yourself the other day; you’ve never found anything quite like it.” He turned his solemn brown eyes toward Nathan. “Trust me, when you find a woman worth fight for, you fight for her.” A smile crept to his lips as Susanne looked back at him and waved. “I know.”
JESSIE SET UP one tent, while Mitch and Clint set up the tents for themselves and directed the kids on setting up theirs. They’d been perfect employees—great at entertaining the kids, full of boundless energy, and neither complained at doing any of the tedious chores. In short, she was planning to talk to Jennifer early next week to feel out the possibility of hiring them full time. They were exactly what she needed on the ranch, whether she took in guests or only horses.
She watched Nathan as he and Steve unsuccessfully tried to set up their tent, laughing at their own incompetence. She wandered over to where they stood, pausing to throw the horses some hay in the corral.
“You boys look like you need some help.”
Steve chuckled, looking up from the directions as he tried to pry two mismatched poles apart. “What gave it away? That we are the furthest from being done or because even my wife can put one up faster than I can?”
Jessie looked over at Susanne, who was sliding the last pole into her tent, and shrugged. “It’s a woman thing. We read directions.”
Steve made a promise to Jessie. “I’ll tell you what, you put this one together with Nathan, and I’ll be in charge of the kids at the campfire tonight and let you get some sleep.” He shot a glance at Nathan and immediately handed off the instructions, walking toward his wife.
“What was that about?”
“I’m not exactly sure, but I think it has something to do with the fact that Susanne and Steve have aspirations of becoming matchmakers.”
“Oh.” Jessie wasn’t sure whether Nathan would balk at the idea or not. This morning since walking in on him and Justin at breakfast, he seemed withdrawn. She wasn’t sure whether they were moving forward or if he wanted to take a leap backward.
Nathan stared down at the instructions in his hands. “I think we need to talk tonight.”
Her heart stopped for a moment before her stomach dropped to her toes. “Okay.”
It didn’t sound promising. In fact, he sounded apologetic. She took a deep breath, preparing for the stab of the knife that would cut out her heart. If she busied herself with the tent, maybe he wouldn’t see the pain she knew she couldn’t hide. She squatted down on the balls of her feet, stuffed a pole through the top of the nylon tent, and moved to the other side to repeat the movement with the next pole.
“Jess.” Nathan’s voice was quiet, gently cajoling, and she looked up without wanting to. “It’s not what you think.”
“I’m not thinking anything,” she lied, quickly looking away.
Nathan moved to squat beside her and took her hands in his, his eyes gleaming with intensity. “We’ve already established what a bad liar you are. There are just a few things you and I need to figure out. Get some of the stuff in here,” he said, pointing at her forehead, “out into the open and deal with it. For both of our sakes.”
Her heart thudded painfully against her ribs. Since she had no real baseline to establish where this conversation might lead, he was scaring her. It could be anything from him wanting to say good-bye now to him not wanting to say good-bye at all. Her initial instinct was to hide, to run away from either extreme, and remain safe in the cocoon of the ranch, sheltered from anything and anyone who might demand more of her than she was comfortable giving. But Nathan was different. In spite of her fear and their past, she wanted to give him everything, to give a relationship with him a chance. Now if only she had the nerve to tell him how she felt.
“All right,” she agreed.
“But we should probably get this tent up first.” He looked back at the laughing teens. “And feed this crew.”
“Bailey is bringing dinner when she comes up.”
He arched a brow. “Bailey’s coming?”
“In a little bit. She’s fixing dinner at the house and bringing it up, along with dessert. Then she’ll stay with me in my tent and help fix breakfast in the morning. Why?”
“Just what I need.” Nathan shook his head. “Another ball breaker watching me like a hawk.”