CHAPTER 2: Shipping Out: Leaving Home

Leaving home may feel like the hardest thing about going to college, or it may feel like the biggest advantage. Either way, leaving home will be a huge change for you and for those closest to you. Your family and friends will be facing an emotional transition as you leave. Being mindful of your feelings and also the feelings of your loved ones will help ease the transition for all involved.

Saying Goodbye

Depending on how close you are to your family and friends, saying goodbye might be one of the most difficult things you face when leaving for college. Despite how much or little you think you will miss your parents, almost everyone will experience some form of homesickness. Even those who cannot wait to get out of the house and away from annoying siblings and overbearing parents will have times when they will miss home. There are sure to be evenings when you are sitting alone in your dorm room wondering what is going on back home. You might even start missing those annoying things your parents and siblings used to do. Plus, because life at home moves on without you there, you may start to feel lonely and not important to them anymore.

Combat homesickness by bringing home to you. That does not mean asking your mom to drive to campus every time you miss her. Also, if you are attending college far from home, you cannot ask your whole family to move to another state just to be closer to you while you are in school. But it is important to not forget to stay connected to family and friends back home while also setting boundaries and establishing your own individuality. You also need to realize you are not the only one saying goodbye. If you are the first of your siblings to move away from home, the transition will be even harder on your family. And no matter what, your friends will miss you. Being understanding of the changes your family and friends are going through will help ease the transition for all of you.

Your Parents

Of course, your parents will be facing a big change as you head off to college. They may be supporting you financially in your college life, whether through loans or helping to cover your living expenses. Be sensitive to the fact that they have an interest in your success. Plus, you are their “baby,” and now you are all grown up. They may even cry, so be prepared. Before you leave for school, schedule some alone time with your parents. Whether you plan a fishing trip with your dad or coffee with your mom, be sure to spend some time with them before you go. Yes, you will still see them after you leave, but it will mean so much to them (and maybe even to you) to share some quality time before you go. “Quality time” may seem cliché or even a bit lame, but it will help ease the transition for them. It may help them not cry as much when they drop you off at school.

When you spend time with your parents before you leave, ask them for advice, and listen to the advice they give you. They may have attended college during the Stone Age, but some advice still applies. You may be surprised by what you learn. Maybe your mom was in a sorority and can give you advice on the benefits of joining one yourself. Or maybe your dad played sports in college and you are too. He might have some excellent tips on juggling sports, scholastics, and a social life. Even if your parents do not have college stories that will help you, or even if they did not attend college, listen to what they have to say. They will feel better for having had the chance to give you last-minute pointers before you go. Your parents will be a quality support system while you are in school. Having the lines of communication open before you leave will help make it easier to talk to them after you are facing challenges in school. Tell them your own fears about college. Share with them any of the possible insecurities you may have about your first year.

Case Study: Parental Advice

Elizabeth Boyle, 1999 Graduate

North Carolina State University

Elizabeth Boyle said her father put down two rules for her before she could go off to college. Rule No. 1 was, learn to touch type — no hunting and pecking allowed. Rule No. 2 was learn to drive a stick shift car.

She recalled fighting her father about these rules, with pleas of “Why would I ever need to drive a stick shift?” and “This computer thing will never catch on, and besides that, I have my own way of typing.” When she figured out he was quite serious, she did learn both and then went off to school on schedule.

Much to her dismay, she recalled that during her first weekend at school, she found rule number two quite handy. She was at a party in an unfamiliar apartment belonging to a group of boys. She was the only one who had not been drinking heavily, and by the end of the night, she said she and her friends wanted to head back to the dorm. The problem was none of her girlfriends had a car. They

found a guy willing to let them drive his car to a parking lot between school and his apartment, but, of course, it was a stick shift. (As luck would have it for Boyle.)

So, Boyle drove the guy’s stick shift car, which, thanks to her dad’s rule, she knew how to drive. She said they fit an extremely large man in the front seat and five people in the back seat of this tiny hatchback and got safely home. To this day, Boyle has not told her dad about this story for fear that she may never stop hearing the phrase, “I told you so.”

Your Siblings

If you are the oldest child or first to leave for college, you should schedule some time with your siblings before you head out. Your younger brother or sister might be annoying you now, but maintaining a close relationship with your siblings is important; you are a role model to them. They look up to you, so spend some one-on-one time before you go. If you have older siblings who are already in college, ask them to go to lunch with you one afternoon. Ask them what they recall of their freshman year in college. Listen to their advice and try to learn from any mistakes they might have made in their first year of school.

Some colleges offer “little siblings” weekends where the little sisters and brothers of students can come and stay overnight and participate in special activities. This can be a great bonding time for siblings and will be something that younger siblings will be very excited about. If your school doesn’t have this program, talk to your resident assistant and see if you could arrange to have your sibling spend the weekend with you anyway.

Your Friends

Have a party. Most high school seniors hold a graduation party, but you may want to hold a going-away-to-college party as well. Invite over all your high school friends or plan to meet them all at your favorite local hangout spot. Not only is going to college a good excuse for a party, but it will serve as a good way to say goodbye to all your friends in one sweep; plus, parties are fun. So, send out an Evite (www.evite.com) or text message to all your friends and celebrate your leaving for college. Be sure, if you do not already have a list, to get everyone’s e-mail addresses before you go. You will want to be able to keep contact with your high school buddies while you are in college.

Packing

Visit your dorm room before moving day. If your college is too far away to visit, talk to your advisor about the size (or lack thereof) of your dorm room. If you are able to do so, talk to your roommate or roommates before you pack. Certain items such as TVs and small fridges can be shared. Also, be sure to check out your college’s unapproved items list. Certain appliances, such as microwaves, hot plates, and even coffee makers may not be allowed by your school; find out before you go what items you cannot take. You do not want to get caught at school with a bunch of items you cannot have and be forced to ship them all home in the first week; shipping is expensive and a hassle. Finding out what you can and cannot bring before you get there will help the move be smoother and save room in the van.

The following sections note must-haves, might-wants, and leave-at-home items. You might disagree with some of these items, or you might be adamant about bringing your prized baseball card collection, despite the fact that it is not recommend. Tailor these lists to your own needs and personality, but first, read through why such items are or are not on the list. There are reasons behind why certain items are on certain lists.

Must-Haves

Computer: Although most college campuses have computer labs, if possible, bring your own. You do not want to have to wait for a computer when you actually need one, be limited in the hours you can access a computer, or be confined to doing all your computer work in the computer lab. Having your own computer will give you unlimited access to your files. You will not have to make sure you have your flash drive with you as you head out to the lab. You will not even have to go to the computer lab. If you do invest in your own computer, most college students prefer laptops to desktops. With a laptop, you can study wherever you need to, be it your room, the library, a local café, or even in the park. Make sure your laptop has a wireless Internet card, either external or internal. Having your own computer will also make it easier to store your school files (as opposed to a flash drive), keep pictures from home, and check your e-mail at your convenience.

It is important to find out if your school has any requirements or recommendations on the type of software your computer should have installed and if they require you to have a PC or a Mac. Make sure that you also check the requirements with your major, as different majors require different software. Also, it is a good idea to see what type of Internet connection you will be using in your dorm room or apartment so you can make sure you have the necessary equipment and cables. Also, be aware of your school’s Internet policy. In the past, students have received major fines for music piracy. Be sure to understand what you can and cannot download from the Internet at school.

• • Flip-flops and shower bag: If you have a community shower, you will want to wear flip-flops — both to and from the shower and in the shower, unless of course, foot fungus and warts sound like fun to you. If you have to walk down the hall to get to the shower, having a waterproof shower bag or basket with all your showering needs will make the walk easier. If you have a shower in your room and share it with more than one roommate, you may also want a shower bag. There may not be space in the shower to leave your shampoo and conditioner, plus you run the risk of roommates using your supplies.
• • Clothes: Obviously, you are not planning on attending college in the buff, but make sure you bring an adequate and appropriate supply of clothing. If you attended high school in Florida but will be going to college in Colorado, you may need to go shopping. Bringing tank tops and shorts may not be helpful in Colorado in September, so pack appropriately. Although you cannot bring your whole wardrobe with you, you need to bring enough clothes to not have to do laundry every other day. Laundry will be expensive, and honestly, it can be a pain. Also, it is always a good idea to pack extra socks and underwear.
• • Clothes hamper: There are many choices of clothes hampers. Pick one that can hold a good amount of dirty clothes without taking up too much room and that will be easy to carry when you are doing laundry. A collapsible hamper may come in handy while carrying it empty back to your room after throwing your clothes in the washing machine.
• • Storage bins: To judge your storage needs, see your room beforehand or talk to someone about your room. Find storage bins that can fit under the bed or stack neatly in your closet.
• • Music: Do not bring your entire CD collection. Bring an MP3 player and dock. Having your favorite hits should not take up half of your dorm room.
• • A touch of home: The key word here is “touch.” Do not bring every picture you have of your high school friends or all the posters from your room at home. Pick a few things to take to remind you of home and to personalize your dorm room. Be selective, though, with which keepsakes you choose to take with you, and bear in mind that your dorm room is not much larger than a tissue box, and you will not be the only one living in it.
• • First-aid kit: You do not need to bring your mom’s entire medicine cabinet. At least pack bandages and some headache medicine.
• • Alarm clock: Whether your first class is at 7 a.m. or noon, you will need an alarm clock to make sure you are awake in time. Make sure you get one with battery backup and that you put batteries in it. College professors will not care about any excuse.
• • Backpack: Unless you want to have shoulder and back problems in your 30s, do not be cheap with your backpack. College books are much heavier than your high school textbooks. Check out such brands as Columbia®, L.L. Bean, Jansport®, and North Face. It is best to look at backpacks in the stores and find the model you like the most. Then, write down the brand, model number, and price; go home, get online, and start searching for the best deal.
• • Cell phone or calling card: Most high school seniors already have cell phones — even some elementary students have cell phones. If somehow you are rebelling against technology or still believe cell phones cause brain tumors, at least get a calling card. Unless you are going to school locally, you will want an easy way to make long-distance calls home. Do not forget the charger.
• • Day planner or organizer: Time management might be one of the most important factors in successfully completing your freshman year of college. Get a day planner or organizer that works for you. Be sure it has enough room to write in daily class schedules, homework assignments, and social events.
• • Address book or list: Before you leave for college, start gathering phone numbers, addresses, and e-mail addresses of family and friends that you will want to maintain contact with while you are at school. An excellent starting point is using the list of people you sent graduation invites to. When you hold any graduation parties or pre-college fiestas, pass around your address book.
• • Bedding and pillow(s): Make sure you know the size of the bed in your dorm room before you buy sheets, because some beds in dorm rooms are longer than normal twin beds. Consider getting some good-quality sheets. If you decide to spend a few extra bucks (or a few extra bucks of your parents’ money) to invest in quality sheets, look for some with high thread counts. The higher the thread count, the better quality and the softer the sheets. As a college freshman, sleep will be important, and although you may not get enough of it as you would like, you will want to be as comfortable as possible.
• • Cleaning supplies: Do not be voted messiest dorm room. It is not a good reputation to have and may hinder your dating ability. Buy some basic cleaning supplies such as a broom and all-purpose cleaner and a sponge, dish soap, or scrub brush for washing dishes.
• • Dishes, glasses, and coffee mug: Chances are you will either get tired of cafeteria food or want some late-night snacks when nothing is open. Having a handful of basic, easy-to-cook food items in your dorm room will be a lifesaver for late-night study sessions and mornings when you barely have time to eat breakfast while running to your first class.

Might-Wants

Board games and cards: Cards are perfect. They are small, offer many choices in games and can be played with as few as, well, just one. You may want to bring a favorite board game. A frisbee is also a great item to bring as there is no limit to how many people can play and it is a great way to meet neighbors. Games can be excellent ways to blow off steam after a big test and can be perfect icebreakers with your new roommate(s) and neighbors.

Allowed appliances: If your college allows these items, you may want to bring them along: a microwave, coffee maker, toaster, hot plate, George Foreman grill, and an iron. If you cannot bring a hot plate, check with your college’s housing department to see if you can bring a crock pot.

Bed Risers: These can be helpful to create more space under your bed for extra storage. You should check with your housing department or apartment manager to see if the beds in your room are compatible with bed risers.

Desk lamp: Some sources suggest halogen lamps are the best because the softer light is easier on the eyes. Just make sure that halogen lamps are not on the unapproved items list for your school. Either way, you will need a desk lamp. It will help for any late-night study sessions when your roommate is already asleep.

Rug: If your dorm room or apartment is not carpeted, you may way to bring a floor rug to make your space more livable. Check with your housing department or apartment manager to see if your room is carpeted and if not, what size the room is.

Guitar: If you play the guitar, bring it. It can be a good outlet for dealing with stress and is a wonderful conversation starter. You will be able to entertain your new friends, roommates, and, of course, your dates. If your guitar is expensive or has an especially important sentimental value, be sure you think ahead about security. Even if you would trust your roommate with it, you may not trust everyone else who might be in and out of your room.

Sewing kit: Even if you have never used one and do not think you ever will, sewing kits are small and can come in handy. Your kit should include buttons, safety pins, sewing needles, and thread.

TV and DVD player: If your roommate is not already bringing one or both, you will most likely want some way to watch television and movies in the comfort of your dorm room.

Dry-erase board: These are good for leaving messages to roommates and writing out grocery lists as you run out of things. You will not need four of them though, so talk to your roommate before you buy this as well.

Bicycle: If your campus is large and designed for easy bike access, you might want to bring your ten-speed along. Bikes can serve as a mode of transportation on and off campus and also as a form of exercise (which you will need to avoid the freshman 15 mentioned later in this book). Before you decide whether to bring your bike, ask your advisor about how bike-friendly your campus is and also about bike security. Sometimes, bikes are stolen even if they have locks on them, and certain colleges have a higher prevalence of bike thefts than others.

Journal: If you decide journaling is a good outlet for you, bring one along. Find a journal that is easy enough to carry around so that you can journal in between classes or when sitting in the park on a nice day.

Leave at Home

Jumbo-sized anything: Although Mom may want to send you off prepared for the entire year of school with jumbo shampoos or 20 rolls of paper towels, there is just no room for it. Buy smaller sizes and restock often.

Your entire library, DVD collection, or photo albums: Again, there just is not space. Plus, you will be so busy with homework, hanging out with new friends, and studying like mad that you will not have time to reread all your favorite books, watch all your movies, and reminisce about home with your baby pictures. Select a few of your favorites, and leave the rest at home. You can always have your parents send a care package with things you forgot or switch out some movies on one of your visits home.

High school yearbooks: High school is over. Bring a few pictures of your best high school buddies, but leave the yearbooks at home. They will take up too much room, and to be honest, it is time to move on.

Out-of-season clothes: You will be moving into your dorm room around late August or early September. Research the weather of the local campus. If you are attending college in colder climates, it may still be warm when you move in. But the warm weather will not be lasting long. Pack clothing you can wear until the next season change. Do not bring your entire tank top collection for the chance it might be hot for a few days. You will not have room to store all your clothes, and you will be visiting home before summer rolls around again.

The kitchen sink: No, you would not truly plan on packing the kitchen sink, but I do have a point with this one: You cannot take everything with you. If you overpack, you not only will not have enough room to move around, but you will also most likely end up mailing stuff back home, which is inconvenient and can be expensive. Or you will be carrying it back to the car or driving it back home the following weekend. As you are packing, be honest about how often you will use an item, how much you need it, and if there is room for it.

Table of Contents