As Lang headed through the Morgan’s Run gates, he thought about what he wanted to say to Beth. What could he say? What was there to say? It was after three, and he hoped she would still be at the farm. He didn’t think he could face a whole contingent of Morgans at the big house. As he headed up the rise to the farm road, Maggie’s truck passed by. She waved and gave him a thumbs-up.
When Lang pulled up beside the farm office, Ruthie and Raoul were perched on a fence rail, chatting. “Hey, Lang!” she called, hopping down as Raoul turned and headed toward the processing barns.
“Hey, Ruthie. How’re you doin’?”
“Great. I hear you’re leavin’ us soon?”
“Tomorrow morning bright and early, I’m ’fraid. Is Beth around?”
Ruthie paused, unsure of what she should say. She knew her sister had been ignoring Lang’s calls. Should she risk her sister’s wrath and tell him where to find her? “I’m not sure she wants to see you, buddy.”
“I know she doesn’t, but please, Ruthie. Give me a break. I only want five minutes to say goodbye. Then I’ll be out of her hair and everyone else’s.”
“I’ll probably regret this tonight, but she’s down in the west beds or maybe with the lambs, a little further out. Behind the barns—just follow the path, or ask one of the guys when you get out there.”
“Thanks, Ruthie.”
“If I’m not here when you get back, good luck. Sorry you couldn’t stay around longer. You’re missin’ a great fair this weekend.”
“So I hear. Take care, Ruthie.” He gave her a hug. “Maybe by the next time I’m back in Saguaro, you’ll be hitched to a certain cowboy.”
She laughed. “Yeah, right. And, our pigs’ll be flying round the Valley, too.”
The afternoon sun still scorching, he walked between fields of corn on one side and all manner of vegetables, fruits, and flowers on the other. The farm gardens stretched for miles in all directions. He was again awestruck at the vastness of their operation. After asking several farm hands along the way, he finally spotted Beth in one of the open meadows, brush in hand, beside a lamb whose mother stood nearby, watching. Even from a distance, he marveled at her gentleness as she brushed the tiny creature, its head resting on her shoulder.
Afraid of startling her, he called as he approached, and she turned. She nodded, but kept her place on the ground, continuing to stroke and brush the lamb.With Lang’s appearance, the day’s calm was shattered. She leaned against the creature, deriving small comfort from its warmth as she struggled to collect herself. “Getting her ready for Saturday,” she said softly, gazing up to meet his eyes.
“She’s a beauty.” As are you, he thought, watching the curve of her strong arm as she cradled the lamb against her chest. It seemed almost a dream now, their lovemaking, as if his head had never rested against that same chest, and his lips had never traced every inch of her. His own chest ached with emptiness and longing.
“Yes, she is. Course, I’ll have to do this all over again Saturday morning. Soon as I’m through, she’ll go roll in mud or worse.” She turned back to the lamb, unable to look at Lang. The man she had loved so wantonly, so intensely. Of course, he looked gorgeous as usual, a slight tear on the sleeve of his faded Rambler Sports tee shirt revealed the strong shoulder she had kissed, bitten, and stroked with a passion she didn’t know she possessed.
“Beth, I’m sorry.”
Reluctantly, she stopped brushing and gave the lamb a pat on her rump. She scampered off to join her mother. “For what?”
“For taking advantage of you at a vulnerable time.”
She stood and grabbed her backpack, then walked toward him. “We’ve been through this before, Lang. You didn’t do anything that needs an apology. I was a willing participant in all of it.”
“Yes, but—”
She raised one hand. “No buts, please. You’re leaving. Let’s just say goodbye and get on with things.”
“Is that what you want?”
She shrugged, eyes full of sadness as she gazed out across the fields. “I believe we’ve already established that at this moment in my history, I am incapable of knowing what I want.”
Lang surprised himself by saying, “You could come to Boston?” He did not want to let her go. Suddenly going back to his well-ordered life, stepping back into his apartment and work, seemed empty without her.
“For what?”
“To get away, clear your head, figure things out.”
“Not a good idea.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m a basket case.”
“That’s why it’s a good idea. Get some distance from all this.”
“I can’t. I may be a basket case, but I’m a basket case who’s in love with you.”
“Oh, Beth,” he said, reaching for her as one of the trucks approached, several guys riding on the tailgate.
She stood back, gesturing to the driver to stop as she put herself out of Lang’s reach.
“Please don’t. I don’t need your pity, and I don’t expect you to say anything. I know you aren’t in love with me, and I really don’t want to hear any more.”
The truck halted a short distance away, waiting for her. Beth’s eyes softened as they met his. “I’ve got to go. I hope you have a safe trip.”
“Beth, please, there’s so much more to say.”
“Not for me,” she said softly. “Do you want a ride back?”
“No, thanks. I’ll walk.”
“Goodbye, Lang. Take care.” She gave him a brief hug but refused to let him draw her closer. Then, without another word, Beth hopped up on the tailgate, and the truck disappeared in a cloud of dust.
When Lang reached the Rover, her truck was gone. That’s it, then. Why do I feel lonelier than I’ve ever been in my life?