THE TOP 10 (DIS)ORGANIZATIONAL COMPLAINTS—AND OUR SOLUTIONS
Think disorganization and what’s usually the first example people will come up with: car keys left on the kitchen table, sunglasses forgotten on the counter of a convenience store or an umbrella abandoned under the table at a restaurant.
Good old-fashioned “forgetfulness.” There’s nothing new about that. However, the almost quaint aspect of such behavior—the idea of the “absentminded professor”—belies the fact that in a world with greater choices, more technological options and increasing complexity in almost every aspect—social, work, family—the issue of disorganization and inattention has become serious enough to warrant its own label among the parade of public health crises bedeviling society today: the Distraction Epidemic.
In the preceding chapters, we have talked about the new advances in our understanding of how the brain is organized, in order to give you greater insight into how you can tap into some of the intrinsic tools and skills available to you—our Rules of Order—in order to better organize your life.
However, there may be times when you face very specific organizational challenges. Hopefully, by the time you read this, you will have learned and practiced some of our “big picture” skills; our Rules of Order. But sometimes you might just want a quick-fix, at-a-glance approach to dealing with some of the most common problems of distraction and disorganization.
It’s not a substitute for everything you’ve read in this book. But in a pinch, these specific solutions to the most common problems—provided by our coauthor, Coach Meg—will help.
When we lose our mindfulness, meaning our complete presence and attention to the task at hand, it feels like we’re losing our minds. But there’s a difference between your mind and your mindfulness! When we’re in the shower, we’re thinking about a conflict with a work colleague. When we’re driving a car, we’re thinking about how our kids will be upset by being home late. When we’re eating a delicious meal, we’re worried about paying bills. When we set down our keys or park a car in a parking garage, we’re already on to the next task and don’t notice where we left them.
It wasn’t always that way. We were good at being mindful when we were children. As adults, our minds fill up with stresses, strains and huge responsibilities as we grow more mature. There are many routes to recultivating that mindfulness we once had. Here’s one path to follow that will also lead you back to your car keys!
We’ve become a society of instant gratification. We can’t wait. We want to know. We need to know. Right now! Sometimes this training is just what we need so that we are responsive to urgent and valid needs and requests. Unfortunately, most new information isn’t urgent and perhaps not even important. However, we haven’t trained our brains to handle the second step: a quick set-shift to ask, “Is this urgent?” If not, return quickly and effectively to your current focus. If so, do you need to rejigger your priorities or not?
To do this, you need to develop a two-step brain pattern.
Step 1: Evalute.
Step 2: Shift back to the present focus if the information isn’t urgent, and jump off and focus on the new information if you deem it high priority.
A helpful way to do this is to rate the urgency and importance of each new message or input. Give it a rating of 1–10. Anything 7 and over demands immediate attention, so you’ll need to set shift from what you’re doing to this new information. A rating of 4–6 depends on the task at hand. If this new message or stimuli pops up at a time when you’re not feeling swamped or busy with something else, attend to it. If not, respond later. Anything below 4, you can probably ignore for the time being. (Remember here that technology can help us in this process: most cell phones now ask us if we want to listen to a new call or read a new text now or later; with e-mail you have the option to click on the pop-up announcing a new message or not.)
It’s amazing how clutter can impact our brains, making our minds feel as cluttered as our sock drawer. Don’t you envy the people who can tolerate, even enjoy, chaotic messes and seem immune to this effect?
Decluttering your life requires a long-term plan—at least three months, possibly up to one year. Take the small, gradual measures needed to untangle the messes and restore order, both outside (your home/office) and inside (your brain). But fear not, follow these steps and the end of clutter will be in sight! (Along with the bottom of your desk that probably you haven’t seen in months.)
Also, while it may seem that the onus is on you and you alone to clean up the mess you’ve made, this is where we can tap into your undiscovered forces.
Recall the last time you were able to focus on one thing 100 percent—a movie, a book, a sports event, a riveting or important presentation or a doctor’s appointment. Think about that time. Is it just that you have forgotten how to focus and need some practice in reclaiming that knowledge? Or have you never had the experience of true focus? Either way, we can help.
If you can remember a time when you could focus, recall the conditions—where were you, what time of day or week and what were the conditions that enabled this focus? What are the conditions under which focus can flourish? No doubt the saliency or interest of what you were focusing on was a big part of it. You can’t control that, but you can recreate the conditions surrounding it.
Think: perhaps it was in the morning when you were fresh. Maybe it was after a good night’s sleep, a fun evening with friends, an intimate connection with your mate or a nutritious breakfast? Come up with the top three things that helped you focus on that day of “full focus,” and start experimenting. Try to recreate or at least reimagine those conditions before your next important task or moment.
If you can’t recall a time when you could focus—then you need to start now by becoming very deliberate and mindful. Say to yourself, “Now is the moment I want to focus and learn this skill, just as an infant brings his entire attention to getting off of all fours and up on two legs.” Take some deep breaths and clear the noise in your mind. Then work on focusing on a task—a monthly report, a memo, preparations for an important meeting—for five minutes. Stop at five minutes (unless you lose focus earlier) and clap like we do for a child who takes his first steps (or at least give yourself a pat on the back). You made it to five minutes of full-throttle focus. Fabulous!
Now go for ten. Notice what’s working and what isn’t. Like walking or riding a bike, it’s about practice and your willingness to fall down and get back up again.
This may be a sign that your commitments are beyond your personal bandwidth. You may have simply exceeded what you can carry. If so, consider the following suggestions:
If by this, the concern is that you can’t multitask, don’t fret. Despite the conventional wisdom, research has shown that multitasking isn’t very effective anyway.
Each task, brief or otherwise, is best done with your full attention, not a quarter, half or even three quarters of your attention. The new skill to learn is to bring your entire consciousness to each task, whether it’s talking to your kids, answering an e-mail, even looking out the window to appreciate something pretty. Imagine it like turning your head and fixing the gaze of another and connecting fully, as we do when we are falling in love and want to send a sign of our feelings. You need to make a clear break, a mental transition from task to task and not let the previous task or future task infect the current one. When you bring your full presence to a task, time slows down and expands and much can be done even in moments.
This is about attending beautifully to each thing, not about getting lots of things done half-baked.
How do you avoid the sense that you can’t get ahead because you’re just trying to keep up with the constant wave of demands on your time? To stop treading water, and start moving forward, you need a sense of greater control. This will help give you confidence that the things you need to get done will get done as well as the peace of mind that comes with knowing you are moving in the right direction.
To regain these important qualities, I recommend you go on the Time-Zone Diet! Here’s what I’m talking about:
Granted, who isn’t stressed out these days? But this is the kind of stress that is often caused by distraction and disorganization and is leading to an overall deterioration of physical and mental health.
“I can’t find the time to get to the gym, I’m too crazed to take the time to prepare meals so I grab fast food, and I’m so frazzled that I can’t sleep. I’m a stressed-out wreck!”
We hear this a lot, and while our clients don’t say it in so many words, it’s a cry not necessarily of depression but of disorganization and distraction. When you get to this point, your check-engine light is flashing brightly. Time to stop. Time to hit the reset button. How can you shift from being a wreck to being someone people look up to as you appear to effortlessly glide through your day—fit, healthy, well-nourished and well-rested?
You say you’ve got the big things under control? You seem to have things prioritized and running smoothly in your life—but you still feel you could be more efficient?
First, congratulate yourself on the fact that you don’t feel like you’re coming apart at the seams, as so many people do these days. Now, let’s look more closely at what you’re trying to do: what does efficient mean? The dictionary describes it as performing or functioning in the best possible manner with the least waste of time and effort. So where are you losing time in your day? There’s probably not much “fat” left to trim, but perhaps you can find some small things. Let’s look at some possible ways to reduce time/effort waste:
A lot of people today have this nagging sense that they are teetering on the edge and that all it will take is one more assignment or one more new technology they have to master to send them plummeting into an abyss of chaos.
If you feel that way, remember this: while it may seem that you’re about to go over the edge, you haven’t—at least not yet. The thing to deal with is your “nagging sense.” You are choosing to have negative thoughts that nag you. Perhaps you could jump out of the nagging-thought pattern in your brain and find another thought pattern; one like “I’m doing a good job; I’m keeping my cool and balance in face of the risk of going over the edge, like a sure-footed mountain goat perched on a cliff edge.”
So shift your mental picture from one of you trembling on the edge of the precipice to you confidently walking along the edge, filled with the promise of discovery. Yes, that’s you, on your way to great new things. Enjoy the view!