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We walk inside hand in hand, and Jax leads me to the living room where his parents and grandpa are gathered and his mom is resting in a reclining chair.
There’s a loveseat opposite her where Jax and I sit. There’s plenty of room, but Jax sits so our thighs are touching.
“Are you hungry?” Penny says to me. “We can get you some food.”
“You stay there, Mom.” Jax says. “I’m the one who’s hungry, so I’ll get the food.”
I feel weird with Jax leaving me alone, especially since he just announced we’re dating, but he gives me a reassuring glance, so I let him go.
“I’m so glad Jax found you,” Penny says, even before Jax is out of earshot. “To be honest,” she continues, watching him disappear until he’s out of earshot. “I was starting to worry about him.”
“You were?” I ask. He seems to have his priorities together better than I do, but a mother’s perspective can be insightful.
“Don’t tell him I told you this,” she lowers her voice so I have to lean in, “but something happened to him that made him afraid, and I wasn’t sure I’d ever see this side of him again.”
My face is smiling, but my stomach feels like a rock. I’m in this beautiful living room, in a cozy chair with a fire blazing in the hearth, and loving warm hearts around me. And I’m lying to them.
I have a feeling his leaving Take5 might be what made him afraid, but I can’t let on.
“He’s pretty amazing,” I offer, trying to ease my guilt. It doesn’t work.
Jax comes back with a cracker and cheese platter. He fills up a plate for me first before getting something for himself. I nibble on the food as Jax keeps himself the center of attention.
I get quieter than I mean to, and at one point Jax asks me if I’m okay. But I’m not. I really like Jax, and I feel terrible for not coming out with the truth, but I also don’t want to destroy everything I’ve built.
“I should probably go,” I announce. “I’m sure you all need your rest.”
Jax stands up with me. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah,” I say, forcing a smile. “My mom will probably be looking for me soon.”
“Let me walk you to your car.”
He opens the front door for me and takes my hand as soon as we’re outside. The combination of the crisp fall air and Jax’s hand in mine settles the worry I had growing inside me. I still can’t believe he’s chosen to be with me.
“I’ll charge my phone,” he says, “so text me when you get home.”
“I will,” I promise.
We both stand there, staring at each other. I should be getting in my car and driving away, but Jax is so irresistible.
“One more kiss,” he says, and leans in for a quick peck.
I end up giggling, and he laughs with me. It’s a funny feeling to laugh and kiss at the same time, but somehow it seems just right for Jax and me.
We say goodbye over and over until eventually I’m in the van, and he’s closing the door. He waves as I turn around and head out the dirt road I came up.
As soon as I get home, I text Jax to say I made it safely, then I send a message to my group chat with Gracie and Alyssa.
Jax kissed me!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh my gosh, Alyssa responds.
Was it any good? Gracie asks.
It was amazing! And he told his family we’re dating! He’s just so sweet, awesome, perfect, and I can’t believe this is happening!!!!!
My finger should permanently be on the exclamation point button because I’m feeling all the things.
This is incredible! Alyssa says.
No fair you got kissed before I did, Gracie responds. But congratulations!
I’m so happy I could fly! I answer them.
I hate to be a spoil sport...Alyssa starts. But what happens when he goes back to Take5?
I was afraid they were going to ask this, so I tell them what I hope for. I don’t think he’s going back. His mom still needs him.
I’ve been doing some research on Take5, Gracie texts, and I think it would be weird if he didn’t return to them. Or else, why would he keep it a secret? Why disappear instead of announcing it to the world?
That’s a very good question. One I don’t want to answer.
I don’t know...I type. I wish I could ask him, but I’d have to unmask myself as his fan if I want to do that. I just want to see where this goes for a little longer.
I don’t blame you, Alyssa texts, and I’m grateful at least one person agrees.
***
A week goes by, then two. I ache as I watch the clock count down to the end of school each day, knowing that Jax will be waiting for me at Music to My Ears. We talk and laugh, and I learn to play the drums from the internet.
I teach him the basics of trumpeting, and he sounds worse than a screechy cat. But that’s about how my voice sounds compared to his, so I don’t complain.
Every day I tell myself I’m ready to be honest. That this will be the moment I stop lying and let the weight of my guilt go. But then I see Jax’s face, and the thought of losing him hurts too much.
Before I know it, it’s been a month. I’ve pushed my lie so far back in my mind I no longer let it bother me. It’s better this way. Jax is happy, which is all I want.
When I arrive at work, Jax is packing online orders for shipping, so I sit next to him and help.
“You kids have fun,” Penny says before heading out the door.
I’m so happy she’s doing well and it feels like I’ll always be filled with this much light.
The second she’s gone, Jax plants a kiss on my forehead, pushing all my happy buttons.
“How was your day?” he asks.
“Oh, you know,” I say, “it was school. I had a math test, but that’s about as exciting as it gets.”
“There weren’t any guys trying to snatch you up?”
I give him a playful shove. “Please.”
He smiles. “They’re all idiots.”
I roll my eyes, he’s such a tease. “I don’t know what you see in me.”
He leans in, taking my hands as his gaze roves my face. “Your light is so bright I’m surprised everyone else isn’t as blinded as I am.”
My goodness, his words are like sugar. I rest my forehead to his. “How did I get so lucky?”
I expect him to cuddle me more, but he sits back, releasing my hands. “You’re not lucky.”
I have all the luck in the world, and he can’t tell me otherwise. Scooting my chair around so I’m facing him, I then tip my head so I’m in his line of vision. He has to know how much he means to me. “Hey, why would you say that?”
“I was texting with your mom today—”
“You have my mom’s number?”
He waves me off. “Oh yeah, I text her all the time.”
Okay, that’s adorable.
“Anyway,” he continues, “she told me your birthday is next week.”
Of course my mom would mention that. I didn’t want to make a huge deal of it. As long as I get to be with Jax, it’ll be just as amazing as every other day.
“What about it?” I ask him, as his lips turn downward.
“I can’t take you out for a big fancy dinner like I want to,” he says.
I scrunch my brows. “I don’t need that.”
He looks me dead on, and I’ve never seen his face so straight. “I know you don’t.”
“So, there’s no problem, then.”
He inhales, arching his head back and closing his eyes. “You don’t get it.”
“What?”
He stands up, clenching his hands. “You deserve everything.” His tone isn’t harsh. In fact, it’s the stillness of it that unnerves me.
I say nothing because I can see more thoughts swirling through his head.
He falls into his chair, his hands now hanging. “You deserve someone who can spoil you in ways I can’t.”
Of all the dumb ideas he’s ever had, this is the worst.
Laughter bubbles up from my belly and comes out in loud, unrelenting waves. It’s so strong I double over and pound my knees. My body wracks with the motion of it, my belly throbbing and my jaw aching.
“It’s not that funny,” Jax grumbles.
“But it is,” I say through my laughter.
He places his hands on his waist like he’s about to lecture me.
That stance makes me laugh even more. It takes a minute, but I get him to crack a smile.
“Alright, fine,” he says. “You win.”
I try to calm myself down. “Seriously though.” I breathe, a few stray laughs still trying to force their way out. “You have no idea.”
My chest rises and falls as I work to breathe.
“What?” he says.
“You have no idea what a gift you are to me. I don’t need anything else for my birthday.”
He presses his lips together. “You say that, but you’ll care. I just...I feel awful. But I’ll figure something out.”
I reach out for him. “Whatever you do, don’t beat yourself up about it. That would be the only thing that could ruin my birthday this year.”
The Family