CHAPTER 26

Carly tried to drop Cynthia off at home before going to Landon’s, but she was having none of it.

“I want to come—even if you think I’ll be in the way. I’m coming. I want to help.”

“Sure, fine. Okay,” Carly said. “We’ll be quick, because Mom…”

“Mom, Mom, Mom,” Cynthia said, rolling her eyes. “Blah, blah, blah. I don’t care. I call shotgun.”

Cynthia jogged to the passenger side door and did up her belt in seconds. Carly and Ashley took to the backseat, while Landon did up his belt. When Landon remained quiet through the drive, Cynthia shifted closer to him and playfully punched him in the arm.

“C’mon. I know this sucks, but we can fix it. Right? That’s the whole point about the zines you’ve been giving me.” When Landon still didn’t respond, she went on. “I’ve been training, too. I could tackle your landlord. Circle them like a vulture.”

Landon cracked a smile then and muttered “thanks” under his breath. Cynthia elaborated her plan more, knowing somewhere it was a fiction to keep Landon from breaking down behind the wheel. Carly was so relieved for her sister in that moment, because she had no idea what else to say.

The four of them met Magda on the street. Her light colored hair was pulled back in a tight ponytail, and she wore heals with her jeans. She turned around as his car approached, but she only relaxed her stance as soon as Landon got out.

“I’m so sorry, sugar,” she said. “I should have been watching more.”

“You got my stuff before someone stole it,” Landon said. “And considering there was an expensive computer there, and all of my clothing, I’m so grateful.”

At first, Carly was confused as to why Landon put his clothing in the same category as his three thousand dollar computer. Then, it hit her; almost all of Landon’s masculinity was expressed through his clothing. From his boxer shorts to his suit jackets, Landon was a man of clothing—and a man of software. They were the two things that made him who he was, and he needed to keep them as close as he could. And preferably, not scattered all over someone’s front lawn.

Carly had only been to Landon’s apartment a handful of times. His building was a large, gray building with roughly five floors. Landon was on the third, facing the street where Magda’s clothing store stood. The two of them had met in group therapy for transition and formed a closer friendship as soon as Landon realized her place was across from him. They often went to the clinic together, though there was easily a thirty year age gap between them. Magda was an old drag queen from NYC, who had come to Vermont when gay marriage was legal, only to decide when she got here, and away from the ball scene, that she missed it—more than normal. She and Landon transitioned around the same time, and in the same way that high school friends stick together, they had done the same.

“I put most of your stuff that I could carry in my place,” Magda said. “It’s hard, though. I just don’t have the strength that I used to.”

“I know. It’s okay, M,” Landon said. He surveyed what was still on the ground in front of Magda’s store. The couch, a bedframe, mattress, and a couple of dressers too large for someone to carry by themselves were still by the building’s front lawn, whereas Magda had emptied much of the shelves and kept the books and other trinkets in boxes by her feet. She assured them that the computer and clothing were already indoors. Carly marvelled at how much stuff was there. Landon’s place had been small and there had still been tons of space leftover once he had set up, but she wouldn’t have guessed that judging by the amount on this lawn. It looked like it could fill an entire house.

“Is this all yours?” Carly asked. “Was anyone else kicked out?”

“I don’t think so,” Magda answered. “It’s not the beginning of the month, so no one is moving in or out—and they’re not evicting people. This just seemed like you, dear. And again, I’m so sorry.”

“No time for apologies,” Landon said. “Let’s get this together.”

Cynthia and Ashley teamed up with one another to gather the larger stuff from across the street, like the bedframe and smaller items they could carry together. Carly was compelled to go and help, but she was still trying to piece together the mystery. She was so upset, so angry—but mostly at why Magda and Landon seemed unmoved by all of this.

“What’s next?” Carly asked. “I mean, does the building manager know about this? Was stuff just tossed because you didn’t pay rent or…?”

“No, I gave them all postdated checks.”

Okay, good start. Landon was always good with money. He had to learn to budget when he had to save for surgery. “Then, shouldn’t they have given you some type of notice? Surely, they can’t just go up and toss the place like you’re a criminal. What do they even expect you to do, move back in?”

“Most likely, my key won’t work,” Landon answered. He eyed Magda, who nodded.

“Thought I saw the maintenance man earlier, when I was grabbing stuff. He probably changed locks.”

“That…um…” Carly said, still unsure what to say. She turned around and watched, as Ashley and Cynthia laughed as they tried to balance a glass coffee table and move it across the road. It almost looked like a cartoon sketch, and she half expected someone to run into the glass plate and break it into a million pieces.

“This seems to be the lay of the land,” Magda said with a sigh. “People will accept you when they think they know you. Then they freak out when you violate an unspoken rule. I just don’t get cissies sometimes. Or straight people. But it gives me too many wrinkles to get angry.” Magda gazed at the stuff on her lawn and shook her head. “But you’re going to do something about this, right, sugar?”

Landon shrugged. “What can I do?”

“Sue him. He violated your lease.”

“He could say that I’m a fraud,” Landon said. “That I misrepresented myself.”

“Isn’t that discrimination?” Ashley asked. She and Cynthia set the coffee table down.

“Yeah. Aren’t there protections for LGBT people? There have to be,” Carly reiterated. “I mean, if you get a good lawyer who knows the law around gender issues, then there has to be something better than this. It doesn’t matter if you misrepresented yourself if you are who you say you are. You’re just a trans man—not a con man.”

“I wish other people would see it that way,” Landon said. “I think if I was a con man, I’d have more rights than the LGB variety.”

“What about the T?” Cynthia asked. “There’s usually a T in there.”

“That’s the thing. With a lot of laws and liaison groups, everything but the T is represented. There is no law in this state for the T.”

“There are never laws for the Ts,” Magda said with a sigh. “That’s why I watch out.”

Carly’s mouth hung open. She looked away from the small conversation and back toward the pile of clothing. This whole situation felt like her mother’s disapproval all over again, only on a larger scale. Gay and lesbians were okay. Bisexuals seemed to be a myth or used as the butt of a joke. But transgender people? They got their stuff thrown out and were completely invisible. No one fought for their rights. Everyone just cared if Neil Patrick Harris could get married, but not if Chaz Bono changed his mind about who he was.

Carly sat on the curb and began to fold some of the towels and bedding, before placing them in some of the stray boxes, as the conversation and chatter continued around her.

“That…doesn’t make any sense,” Ashley said. “You can’t have selective equality. That defeats the purpose.”

“Well, c’est la vie,” Magda said. “I still think you should do something, Landon. Maybe not necessary the legal way, but you can’t let him get away with it.”

“What do I do, M? Take out a hit?”

“Maybe not that drastic,” she said with a sly smile. “But I know people. Let me take care of it?”

Landon huffed. He grabbed some of the boxes of books by Magda’s feet and began to toss them into the trunk of his car. He sighed, each movement caught between anger and fear. There was only so much space inside his sedan. And at nearly two in the morning, no way a U-Haul place would be open.

“You know,” Landon remarked. “I may be considering that hit right now.”

Magda laughed, the dry kind that came from years of smoking. “Well, it’s like I always say: Let those without sin cast the first stone. I’ll add a bunch of stones to his pile and wait to see if he throws.”

Landon laughed a little, in spite of himself. He picked up another couple of bags and continued to add them to the trunk of his car.

“Most of this stuff,” Magda stated, stepping forward and grabbing a bag or two, “can stay at my place overnight. A few days, even. I’ll just separate it from the stuff I need to sell, so you can get organized.”

“Really, M?” Landon asked.

“Of course. Someone has to look out for you. That’s what I’m here for. And the rest of these wonderful people.”

Magda extended her hand, smiling at all of them as she did. When she glanced back at the building, and the rest of the furniture that was still stuck on the other side, she let out a belabored sigh. “Silly straight people. Now, who is going to help an old queen with the couch?”

“I’ll go,” Ashley said. She extended a hand to Magda, who took it with a smile.

“Such manners,” Magda said, as the two of them crossed the street. Carly kept folding, trying to give Landon some encouraging smiles, when Cynthia ran over to him and threw her arms around him.

“Hey, hey, Cyn,” Landon said, grasping her shoulders. They both spun slightly from the sudden aggression of the act. “What’s up?”

“You’re staying with us tonight,” Cynthia said. “I don’t even care what my mom says.”

Landon patted her back and sighed. “Thanks, sweetheart. But I don’t know.”

“No,” Carly said. “Cyn is right. You’re staying with us and fuck my mom.”

Some snickering followed from Magda and Ashley, as they crossed the street.

“I’m serious,” Carly reiterated. “I want you to stay with us. We’ll find you a better place in the morning and get you properly moved.”

“With what money?” Landon said, his voice catching. Magda stepped forward, placing a hand on his shoulder.

“I have people. I know them. We’ll find you a place to stay, a better one in a good neighborhood with people just like you.”

“All that easy, huh?”

“It is when you have people looking out for you,” Magda said. “It took me years to build up a network, Lando, but once I did, they are indispensable.”

“Thank you,” Landon said. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You would be playing World of Warcraft,” Cynthia said. “But now, you’re going to amuse me and tell me stories all night, instead.”

“Okay,” Landon laughed. His eyes caught Carly’s from across his pile of stuff. “Okay? Can I stay with you tonight? Just one night, I will be out as soon as…”

“Yes!” Carly said. “Yes, of course, Landon. Yes.”

After another round of thanks and a couple more hugs, they all went back to work. Carly focused on folding and organizing Landon’s stuff into boxes, while Cynthia dragged most of them to the back of Magda’s store or into Landon’s car. Landon and Ashley, with occasional help from Magda, worked on bringing the couch and mattress, along with other furniture items, into the back, too. It only took another hour and a half, before all of Landon’s life had been packed up again.

“I don’t think there’s much room left in here,” Landon said, peering into his car. “I can maybe take one person to Carly’s place. I should have planned this out more.”

“Don’t worry,” Cynthia said. “I was the one who packed that. I knew we wouldn’t all fit there. I can skate, though. Yeah?” She glanced toward Carly. “We’re not that far from home.”

“Um,” Carly said. Ashley linked hands with her, and stepped toward Cynthia.

“Only if we can follow along, right, Car?” Ashley asked. “If we walk, and your sister skates, that would leave Landon with more room in his car for another box of comics. Very vital.”

“Come on,” Landon said, laughing. “I don’t have that many issues of Spiderman.”

“Wouldn’t matter if you did,” Ashley said again, before turning to Carly. “How does that sound?”

“Good, actually. It’s not that far of a walk for us to tow Cyn around,” Carly teased.

“Pfft. More like I’d be pulling you,” Cynthia said.

“Okay,” Landon laughed. “Well, in that case, I may stop off and get some money out of the bank, cancel some checks. But I’ll be at your place…” He looked down at the clock on his dashboard, his eyes wide. “Before three, for sure. Sound good?”

“Yes,” Carly said. “Come home, Landon. I can’t wait to see you.”

“It’ll be good to be back, I’m sure,” Landon said, as he slipped behind the wheel.

* * *

Carly’s keys jangled in her hand. Everything they did seemed to make too much noise. Each time the key scraped against the lock, the sound seared itself into Carly’s brain. Ashley shifted behind her, looking around for Landon and helping Cynthia take off her Rollerblades. As soon as her foot came out of the blade, Carly gasped at the blood around her white sock.

“Don’t worry,” she said, holding her hand up before Carly could even respond. “I’m fine. Just a few blisters. I skated a lot tonight.”

Cynthia said the last part with a wry smile, full of pride. As Carly finally slipped the right key into the door, she heard the house shift. The door opened, wood expanded, and then she waited for the next sounds; footsteps, followed by the flicking of lights. A rush of movements toward the stairs and the hiss of bitter indignation from her mother.

In all of her years of high school, Carly never once had to sneak out or stay out past curfew. She never really went out at all. But she had heard horror stories from other kids who had parents with tight curfews and liked to ground them. Carly knew they were three hours later than they had sworn to be. She anticipated every motion of her mother, every scorned look, every heated word. Carly had never acted out as a young kid, so this sudden and final rebellion when she was twenty-four—now almost twenty-five—was a strike against her pride as well as herself.

“Carly,” Jillian announced from the top of the stairs. She folded her arms over her chest, her dark eyes as piercing as a knife. “Where on earth have you been?”

“I’m sorry, Mom. There was a bit of an issue tonight.”

Jillian walked down the stairs slowly, her gaze fixed solely on Carly. A bathrobe in mint green hung over her body, with Lululemon pants and an old varsity shirt underneath. Her brown hair was pulled back in a clip, some of her long curls down her shoulders.

Her silence became a heavy weight in the room. Her stare communicated all the anger that Carly had worried about. She had to look away before her mother even reached the bottom of the stairs.

“I’m sorry we were out so long, but something came up.”

“Yes.” Ashley stepped in. She put an arm around her waist, pulling her close.

“I apologize, Jillian. That was mostly my fault.”

Jillian ignored Ashley. She walked down the rest of the stairs, her eyes now jumping from Cynthia to Carly.

“I don’t care whose fault it was. It was still someone’s responsibility to text me to let me know what’s going on. Do you know how late it is? I was this close to calling Richard.”

Carly worked hard to stifle her laughter. It seemed too perverse to even find the situation funny, but she couldn’t help it. What on earth was Richard going to do? Use his chiropractor skills to locate them? Why not get the cops or even call Landon’s parents? It was clear that Jillian didn’t think something was wrong, by calling Richard she merely wanted someone to comfort her in this time of need. She wasn’t really worried about her girls. She knew that they were probably fine, with someone who could drive and take care of them. It was the fact that they had ignored her, not answering any texts, and implied that there was something else that deserved their attention.

“Well, don’t worry,” Carly said. “We’re here. Everyone is fine.”

“Cynthia looks more scraped up than usual,” Jillian observed. She stood on the bottom of the steps, her eyes moving toward her bloodstained socks. “Should I be worried about any Roller Derby people calling me and telling me my daughter was injured?”

“No,” Carly said harshly. She always hated it when her mother talked about Cynthia without addressing her. It was the same way that some of the bosses at work did not address people in the room by their names, but instead talked around them, as if they were not there at all. It was removing Cynthia from the situation entirely. That was when Carly knew that her mom wanted to fight with her like an adult. At least I’m not a kid anymore this way.

“Are you okay, Cyn?” Carly asked and gestured toward Cynthia.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’m tough, remember?”

“Yeah, well, it’s late,” Jillian said. “You’re covered in scars and the children’s aid is going to start asking questions. Get into bed and don’t do this again.”

She was about to turn around, when another car appeared in the driveway. When Landon stepped out, Jillian’s eyes followed him as he moved up the driveway with a bag over his shoulder.

“What is…?” Jillian never finished.

“Mom, can Landon stay?” Cynthia said. “Please? He’s having a hard time. Just for the night.”

“He got kicked out, Mom,” Carly added. “The landlord pulled a terrible trick on him.”

“Did Landon apply as a man or as a woman?” Jillian’s voice was calm and even, though her eyes betrayed the same casual hatred that always came across them when Landon was mentioned.

“That doesn’t matter,” Carly insisted.

“Yes, it does. And from that omission I’m going to say that there is no case there. Landon should have been more honest.”

Carly clenched her jaw. She knew she was not going to win this battle. “Okay, fine. Whatever. Landon isn’t going to pursue a case anyway, because he knows there is no way he can, unfortunately. But he is going to stay here until he gets things sorted out. That’s why we were late. We were helping him move. All of his stuff was in the middle of the street. He was kicked to the curb, Mom, literally. I don’t care what you think about him, but please have a heart.”

“I do have a heart,” Jillian said, turning her callous gaze toward Carly. “I do. Don’t ever say that I don’t.”

“Okay,” Carly said. “I’m sorry. Can he stay, then?”

“Not with Cynthia around.”

“I’m right here,” Cynthia cried.

Jillian turned toward Cynthia so quickly that Cynthia flinched. “In that case, I want you to go to bed. Now.”

Cynthia, no matter how much she wanted to rebel, crumbled under those words. She flung her Rollerblades over her shoulder and then walked up the stairs, two by two. She slammed her door, playing up her exit. As Jillian turned her attention back toward Carly and Ashley, Cynthia tiptoed back out of her room. She lay down on the landing, peering out of the posts like a small child. Before Jillian started to chastise again, Landon came through the door. He nodded to Cynthia’s small waving hand, just before his gaze fell.

“I apologize for bringing the girls home so late, Jillian. I take full responsibility for that. We had everything packed and ready to go, when I found out about my housing situation.”

“We just finished informing her,” Carly said. “But I don’t think she cares.”

Jillian stared at Carly dismissively. “I understand that life can be hard, Landon. Carly is an adult and can do what she wants. Often, she does just that. But Cynthia is still young. Do not involve her in your problems.”

Landon was about to open his mouth to apologize again, when Carly held up a hand. “Don’t. Mom, Landon’s problems are hardly his fault. He is…”

Ashley took a step forward, placing a hand on Carly’s back. She cut her off midsentence, even as Carly’s eyes pleaded with her to not bother trying. It’s not worth it, she wanted to scream at Ashley. It’s just not.

“I understand your concern, Jillian,” Ashley said quietly. “But I really think you should be proud.”

“What?”

“Of Cynthia, I mean. She’s one of the most intelligent and caring people I’ve met. The fact that she was willing to give up her Friday night to help out a friend of a friend, in spite of these odds, is incredible.”

Jillian remained stock-still. She didn’t yell or talk back to Ashley, something that only happened because Carly had worked so hard at keeping both of them apart over the past few months. Jillian had only met Ashley once or twice, approving of her each time. They only knew one another peripherally, and therefore, Jillian had no ammunition, no reason to think that Ashley was deluded by something, like Cynthia, or a menace, like Landon.

“Do you know what I was doing at fifteen?” Ashley asked. She didn’t wait long to respond. “I was playing video games. I was pretty much failing most of my high school classes. I didn’t care about anyone else.”

“And this is supposed to make me feel better?” Jillian asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes, because that is normal, fifteen-year-old stuff. That’s rebellion that doesn’t help anyone else. But look at Cynthia. She spent tonight at a Roller Derby for something she loves, talking to some of those women after the show, because they are her role models. And when her friend gets thrown out of his house, she doesn’t ignore him. She helps him. It doesn’t matter who you are, you do not deserve to get kicked to the curb. Cynthia knows that, and she fights for those people, no matter who they are.”

The room was silent. Carly felt the tension shoot over her like a pinched nerve in her back. She waited, feeling as if she was on the edge of a cliff, for something bad to happen.

Jillian sighed, running a hand through her hair. “I understand the good that was supposed to come out of the situation, no matter how misguided. But I am still very upset. I am still livid because it is late. But that’s just the thing, it is late. There is nothing we can do now. Landon. Stay. But leave Cynthia out of this.”

“No problem—”

“How about,” Carly said, cutting in. “We talk more about that issue later.”

Jillian shrugged. “Whatever. Both of you seem determined to do whatever you want anyway. I guess I may as well face the fact that I can’t stop it. Only another three years.”

“Yeah,” Carly said. She let out a low breath, as Jillian turned toward the stairs. Cynthia jumped up from her place on the ground and ran into the hall bathroom, seemingly unnoticed.

“Goodnight. And don’t forget,” Jillian said, looking at Carly. “You’re with Dorothy tomorrow. Richard is going to come bright and early. I suggest you get some sleep.”

Carly let out a breath, as soon as she heard Jillian’s door close. The room slowly eased with tension, and they all let out an uneasy laugh.

“Well, that was new,” Carly said.

“Yeah,” Landon agreed. “Can we count that as a win for the night?”

“Definitely,” Carly said, with another laugh. “Now, come on. Let’s go to bed.”