SIR,” TODD GREETED Nick’s father with a smile, but the grin became more mocking when he turned it on Ethan. “Maybe next time, eh, Dr. Tulane?”
“Congratulations on being named chief,” Ethan murmured, his face carefully blank.
“Thank you. I’m thrilled, just as I’m sure you would’ve been.”
Jenn winced at the slight.
“Well, enjoy your dinner.” Todd’s gaze locked on hers. “Jenn,” he murmured, nodding once before turning his attention to Nick. “You haven’t changed a bit since school, Nick. Not a bit.” That said Todd walked away, but Nick’s family remained, silent and imposing.
Jenn glanced at Nick and waited, thinking he’d remove his arm from around her shoulders since they faced the others and had told everyone they were just friends. But he didn’t.
Alan Tulane inhaled deeply and sighed. “You’re determined to wind up in a fight tonight, aren’t you?”
Jennifer blinked. “No, Dr. Tulane, Nick wasn’t…He was just showing his support for me. Todd…Dr. Dixon…is my ex-husband and things have been…I’m sorry. Nick was just standing up for me and being a friend. It’s not his fault.”
Alan Tulane’s gaze shifted to Nick. “Maybe not, but you know your brother’s celebration dinner isn’t the place for such scenes.”
From across the room Todd inclined his head toward her with a deceitful smile and it dawned on her that Todd had done it deliberately, drawn Nick to her side to start trouble so that Nick’s father would be upset. Of all the manipulative—She wiggled her fingers slightly and saw Todd’s gaze drop to the movement. Having his attention, she pinched her thumb and forefinger together and held them about an inch apart. Todd’s face flushed a dull burgundy as he caught on to what she was silently indicating. He downed the last of his drink with a glare and turned away.
Nick’s father and brothers remained, staring at them with a mixture of expressions. Disappointment and upset from Alan Tulane. Curiosity and protection from Luke. Then her gaze moved to Ethan and her eyes widened when she saw him barely suppressing a cocky grin. Surely he hadn’t caught her hand signal to…Oh, but he had!
She bit her lip to control her embarrassment as Ethan winked, his expression one of whole-hearted approval and appreciation.
“Dinner will be served soon,” Alan Tulane continued. “I expect we’ll have all cooled off by then.”
One by one Nick’s family left them standing there in the corner of the large dining room like two errant children. Ethan was the last to depart, pausing long enough to squeeze Nick’s shoulder before he walked away.
Now that they no longer had an audience, Nick released Jenn and stalked out the nearest door. Jenn considered the group assembled around the table but she didn’t want to face them alone. So she sucked in a calming breath and prayed for the best.
Outside, a starry sky glittered above their heads. The sound of crickets and frogs thrummed from the wooded area surrounding the golf course. Nick strode to the edge of the rectangular patio, his hands knuckle-down on the long railing as he stared distractedly at the foggy greens.
The door had barely closed behind her when Nick’s fist punched the rail and a raw oath left his lips, more potent than any of the few she’d ever heard him say aloud.
“Nick, I’m so sorry.” She moved to stand beside him, taking his hand in hers when it looked as if he might lash out again. Hitting that wrought iron had to hurt.
She smoothed her fingers lightly over his rough knuckles before lifting his hand to her lips for a kiss. It was something her mother had always done, and Jenn did it automatically, not thinking about how intimate the gesture was until it was too late.
Determined to offer him the same support he’d shown her, she lifted his battered hand to her chest and held it close. “Nick, Todd did what he did to embarrass you, because of me. I saw it on his face after he’d walked away.”
“You’re not responsible for either one of us.”
“I am when I’m used as a catalyst. Todd wanted to act like a big shot in front of everyone, and he knew you’d react when you saw him harassing me. Which in turn would draw your father and brothers over and make a scene. I’m so sorry. We fell right into his childish game.”
Nick shook his head, his eyes dark and turbulent as he stared down at her, his hand warm against the bare skin above her camisole. She told herself to let go, but for some reason she felt the need to maintain the contact. Nick needed contact. Couldn’t any of them see that?
“It doesn’t matter. This just proves I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t have come.”
Oh, the look on his face. She’d seen Matt wear the same expression so many times recently, a mixture of pain and anger, as deep as his soul. “This isn’t about Todd, is it? Not all of it.”
Nick was silent a long moment.
She didn’t know what to say. She’d certainly sensed the tension between Nick and his family, and Nick had told her that they didn’t get along, but to reduce a man like Nick to his current state? That comment about Nick acting out…Alan Tulane should have taken Nick’s side and not put him down in public. In front of her. Didn’t his father see that Nick was worth a hundred Todd’s?
“It’s always been like that,” Nick said, his voice low and soft. “When I was Matt’s age, my father would call me into the study and stand over me, lecturing me loud enough that everyone in the house heard what he was saying. And he gave me that same look. Sometimes it was my fault, but other times…”
“Fathers expect a lot of their children, and even though Todd provoked you, maybe your father thought…I don’t know, that you should’ve ignored Todd or something.” It’s what her father had always expected of her. “I shouldn’t have asked this of you and I’m so, so sorry I did. I know exactly what it’s like to feel as if you don’t measure up.”
Nick turned and fixed her with a disbelieving stare. “I’d like to meet the person you don’t think you measure up to.”
Jenn tried to smile and failed. She hoped Nick never met Megs. One look and he’d probably fall at her feet like all the others, and she didn’t want that. “You’re not the only one with family problems. Some of my insecurities may have been of my own making, but some are the result of how people treated me. How my sister treated me. I could never compete.”
She watched as his gaze swept over her, lingering close to her heart where his hand rested.
“She couldn’t possibly be better than you.”
“She’s everything I’ve never been,” Jenn corrected him. “A beauty queen, prom queen, homecoming queen, cheerleader. Miss All-around Everything. And if she wanted something I had…?” Jenn rolled her eyes and laughed. “She stopped at nothing to get it or something better. That included my…People in my life.”
Nick’s gaze met hers. “Including Dixon?”
Unable to help herself, Jenn smoothed her thumb over the texture of Nick’s jacket sleeve. “No. Todd and I met at college and we didn’t travel to my parents’ house much because of his schooling and his schedule. When we did, I was smart enough to make sure my sister wasn’t going to be there. But my father…No matter what happened, he expected me to forgive her. Just like that. It became the saying in the house that my sister was Daddy’s girl and I was my mom’s. Mom was the only one who ever took my side. You were right,” she forced herself to admit. “This morning when I couldn’t say I was worth it…I couldn’t say it because I’ve never felt that way.”
Nick pulled her against his chest and held her close, his chin resting on her head. “You’re worth more than Dixon or your sister put together, and I’m going to keep saying it until you believe me.”
Inhaling the musky, tantalizing scent of him, she ignored the warnings her brain was giving her to pull away, to doubt him. Nick smelled so good. Man and musk and spices, the warmth of his body enveloping her, comforting her.
“What did they say to you? Your sister and dad?”
She closed her eyes and thought of those days at home. “Dad had a habit of comparing us, and I always came up short. He said he was being helpful by pointing out problem areas so I could work on them, but…”
“He picked you apart in the process. That’s a lousy thing to do to a kid.”
She nodded. “Megan was the only one he didn’t talk to that way. She looked more like him, whereas I took after my mom. Anyway, he always said how pretty she was. How Megan was his princess.
“Maybe I took the comments too seriously. Anyway, I grew up. Got to a point in my life where I just tried to ignore them both, and then I met Todd and…He did the same thing. I thought it was normal. Except then I realized that he was worse—and there was a difference.”
Nick’s arms tightened around her. “What?”
“I think in his heart my dad tried to be helpful, but Todd pointed out my flaws simply to be mean. He did it when we were arguing about something or he wasn’t getting his way. I felt like a failure all the time, because no matter what I did I didn’t do it right. Didn’t look right.”
“According to Dixon or your father,” Nick said. “I’m sure you were fine, better than fine,” he soothed her. “Just like you are now.”
“Just like you are, Nick.” She lifted her head and stared up at him, able to see the pain in his eyes. “There’s a difference with your father. I see it, even if you don’t. Your father and mine are alike. Both might get upset with us, both might point out our flaws, but they still love us. Anger didn’t bring your father over to talk to us a little bit ago, love did. Concern.”
“You feel that way about Dixon?”
“No. I think I was convenient for Todd and that was all. I’d just graduated, so I was out of school and could work and take care of our home, pay the bills. I think for Todd I was a stand-in, until he found the woman he really wanted. I just wish I had seen it before I married him, so I wouldn’t feel like such a failure now.”
“You’re not a failure.” He squeezed her gently. “Hear me? If anyone is a failure here, it’s me,” he said with a heavy sigh. “I’ll never be what my father wants me to be. It’s impossible.”
“What does he want you to be that you aren’t already?”
Nick went silent, his expression becoming guarded. Jenn tried a different tactic. “Nick, you don’t have to be anyone but yourself. You’re an adult, a successful man people admire. Maybe the answer lies in you and your father having an honest heart-to-heart. Have you ever tried that with him?”
A look of longing flashed across his face and then it changed to resignation. “That work for you?”
She couldn’t hold the eye contact. “I’ve forgiven my sister, but some things can’t be forgotten. It would be foolish to turn a blind eye to them when I’m the one who’s usually hurt. Trust is…fragile.”
Nick lifted her face with a hand under her chin. “I meant with your self-image. You ever look in the mirror and decide to deal with what you see? The majority of the world isn’t a size six, sweetheart.”
Her shoulders sank. “I know, but—”
“No buts. Exercising for health, or to relieve stress, is one thing. Doing it because you have some impossible, unhealthy image in your head that you’re hoping to achieve is another. You do that, and you still tear yourself down. Just like Dixon and your father.”
“Is that why you were so insistent today? Trying to make me say that I…was worth it?”
“Not was. Are. You are worth fighting for. You need to exercise and eat right for you, because you want to do it for yourself, no one else, and not for some image.” He leaned back a bit as if to get a better look at her face. “That inner diva you’re looking for? The one who dances on tables?”
“Do you have to keep bringing that up?”
“Yeah, because to find her, you have to acknowledge your good qualities. That woman is a combination of things—health, happiness and inner strength. Attitude,” he said with a knowing expression, “takes self-confidence. Self-confidence means believing in yourself and your abilities as a woman. That takes strength, both physical and emotional and all of that,” he murmured, his finger sliding up to her temple to stroke it, “is right here.” A wry smile pulled at his lips. “And trust me, sweetheart, you’ve got more than enough brains to do this. All you need is the right attitude about yourself and you’ll be able to dance on any table you choose.”
“You make it sound easy.”
“It’s not. But it is a decision. You have to make a choice, once and for all, to think, behave and be a certain way. We reap what we sow, that’s what my grandfather always said. If you’re negative, it shows. If you’re happy and feeling good about yourself, that shows. But you have to believe you are worth fighting for. You have to be able to say it, too.”
“I’m worth it,” she whispered softly, thinking of Todd, Megan, letting their cruel words fuel her drive to succeed. “We’re worth it, Nick.”
As Jen spoke, Nick’s gaze lowered, became hooded, silver-blue, fastening on her mouth until she felt compelled to part her lips to draw in more air.
Nick stilled at the sight, the tension between them rising like a flash flood, all rush and noise and chaotic thoughts before he lowered his head as if he simply couldn’t help himself, and gave her a serious open-mouthed kiss.
A low groan escaped him, rough and seductive, bone-meltingly hot. She shivered in response, her hands slipping beneath Nick’s lightweight suit jacket to the expanse of his back. The heat radiating off his body warmed her like no blanket ever could. Nick’s big, calloused hands slid down her neck to her shoulders, wrapped around her and moved lower to her hips. He cupped her behind.
“A confident woman turns me on,” he whispered against her mouth.
Oh, baby. She gasped, then held him tight as Nick kissed her. He had all the experience of a man familiar with women, but there was also a heartbreaking tenderness there, indicative of a tortured soul. Thanks to his father, Nick understood the hurt and pain that loved ones had the power to inflict; understood Jenn better than just about anyone, despite their differences.
In that moment, Jenn wasn’t big or overweight or fat. She was simply the woman Nick wanted. Honest with him and hot because of it. She might be above average in dress size but he was bigger, taller and broader, all hard muscle and man. Nick made her feel small and feminine. Made her appreciate her softness. Made her believe he appreciated it because she was worth appreciating.
Tears burned her eyelids, but Nick’s tongue stroked hers and distracted her from her thoughts. Molasses-slow and lazily erotic. Her senses reeled.
Their noses brushed, their breath mingled, but all she could focus on was the feel of Nick’s touch. His taste. The stroke of his tongue on hers, the nip of his lips and teeth as he played with her mouth before ravishing it with the sort of piratical delight she’d only read about in books and magazines. This was what she needed. Him.
Farther down, the patio the doors burst open and a laughing group of people emerged, loud and boisterous. Young. Jenn froze and broke away from the kiss, embarrassed to have been caught in such a public display. A quick peek at the group had her stifling a moan and praying the group didn’t look over their shoulders, but thankfully the parade of local teens disappeared down a set of stairs on the far end.
“Um…” She cleared her throat and slid sideways along the railing. She couldn’t look at Nick. If she did she was afraid she’d throw herself into his arms and beg him to continue. But where would that leave her at the end of summer, when his kisses made it nearly impossible for her to remain standing?
You know perfectly well he’s out of your league. He always has been. You want a summer of fun, not a broken heart.
“We should probably go back inside. Your family will be waiting for us.”
“They can wait.”
Nick might not care that his family loved him and wanted him to celebrate with them, but she did. She missed her parents. At times she even missed her sister. When they were little, they’d been close, and it wasn’t until they’d gotten older that the battles had really begun.
Nick took a few deep breaths. His profile was cast in moonlight, the harsh angles and planes sharpened by the shadows.
Out of your league.
The door opened nearby and Matt walked through. “Dad?”
Nick sighed, the sound rough and exhausted. “Over here, Matt.”
“Everyone is waiting for you and Ms. Rose.”
Nick looked at her, his expression growing dark again. “Half an hour. Then we’re out of here.”