MATT’S IN RECOVERY. The break was a bad one, but with physical therapy Matt should be just fine,” Ethan informed Nick.
His knees felt weak.
“Thank goodness.” Jenn’s arm slid around his waist and held him tight. Despite what they’d have to go through the next time they talked, Nick welcomed the comfort now, pulling her close and breathing in the sweet scent that was hers alone. Eyes shut, he sent up a prayer of thanks.
“When can we see him?” Marilyn asked.
“Tomorrow would be best. He won’t really come to until then. The surgeon had to do some digging for bone fragments and Matt will be in less pain if we keep him under for a while. Nick, come with me and I’ll let you see him before you go home.”
“I’m staying.”
“No, you’re not. I’m on duty all night. I’ll keep a close eye on him. There’s no sense in you spending the night out here in the waiting room.”
“Why can’t I stay in the room with him?”
Ethan frowned. “Don’t be alarmed by what I’m going to say. With any surgery there is a risk of blood clots, so since there was an open bed in ICU I asked that Matt be put there. He’ll be monitored more closely that way. Hospital policy states no overnight visitors in ICU, however. Not even for children.”
ICU? Was something going on that Ethan wasn’t telling Nick? What if Matt woke up and he wasn’t there?
“ICU is a good precaution,” his father murmured. “He’ll be fine.”
His mother took his hand and squeezed. “Nick, you’re going to have a lot to deal with when Matt wakes up and can’t move around. Children aren’t known to be patient patients.”
“You’ve got that right,” Ethan confirmed. “Come on. I’ll take you back for a short visit, and then Jenn can take you home to get some rest.”
“I’ll wait here for you.”
Jenn released him and took a step away as though she hadn’t been aware he’d held her in his arms the entire time. “Thanks.”
“Nick?” Tears brightened his mother’s eyes, and as they overflowed she rushed forward and brought his face down to hers with her hands. “Will you give him a hug and kiss from me?” She kissed his cheek, gave him a quick hug and then stepped back, dashing away the tears with her fingertips.
“Uh…sure.”
“Ethan, keep me apprised of the situation.” His father waited for Ethan to nod before he looked at Nick, an intense expression on his face. “We’ll be back tomorrow to visit with you both. Go get some rest, son.”
It was as much a declaration of love as he’d gotten from his father since he was a kid. Nick nodded.
Ethan led the way to the ICU unit. Nick’s throat grew tight when he saw Matt connected up to an IV, with an oxygen tube clipped to his nose. Matt’s leg was wrapped from his toes to above his knee and suspended from a metal prop at the end of the bed.
“He’s going to be fine. Dr. Potter did an excellent job, and other than a scar I doubt Matt will have any long-term after-effects.”
Thank God. Nick leaned over the bed and ran his hand through Matt’s soft hair. Matt hated the cowlick that made him look as if he had a curl on his forehead. Nick smoothed his fingers over the swirl, pushing it to the side because he knew Matt would want him to. He was growing up so fast. He needed a mother’s touch, someone to soften the edges and teach him manners so that Matt would learn that farting and burping weren’t the best ways to win a girl’s heart.
Leaning against the cold bed rail, Nick stared down at him and listened for every beep of his heart on the monitor overhead. Jenn was waiting outside, but Nick didn’t know how to face her. Now that the day was over.
Now that they were over.
NICK WAS SO QUIET on the drive home that Jenn began to worry. He hadn’t eaten all day—he’d been too worried about Matt to have an appetite. Her? She’d had to eat something to fend off her frustration so she’d munched on carrot sticks she’d found in the cafeteria. That just showed how much she wanted to change her unhealthy ways. What else could’ve turned her cravings for junk food into a veggie fest? Being with Nick made her want to be healthy, thinner, but more importantly it now made her realize that as perfect as Nick seemed, he wasn’t.
Is anyone perfect?
Was she really only just figuring that out? Why not like herself, be herself? Love who she was as an individual. She wasn’t a saint, but she wasn’t a bad person, either. She had good qualities. Worthwhile qualities. Sighing deeply, she turned Nick’s truck down the quiet street that led to her house.
“Come home with me.”
Jenn slowed her driving at his words, the first he’d uttered since they’d left the hospital.
“Stop and get a bag. I don’t…” He shook his head. “I can’t go home by myself and know he’s not there. I can’t stay here, because it’ll stir up too much gossip for you if I’m here again. Just stay one more night—like last night. Nothing else.”
One more night. He was setting a limit to their relationship. Probably smart, since she was already in over her head. But he had a point about being discreet. The gossips were probably having a field day already, and she had to consider what her students and their parents might think. Set an example.
Jenn pulled into her drive, her heart absolutely racing. Just one more night. Unable to deny herself, she put the truck in Park. “Give me five minutes.”
Ten minutes later she drove around the alley behind the gym and garage and parked. Nick just sat there and stared.
But as much as Jenn wanted to stay and be with him, they had to talk about what happened today at the hospital. “We have to talk, Nick.”
His mouth tightened into a flat line. “I don’t want to talk.”
“I do. I insist, actually.”
“Then maybe it would be best if you—”
“Let me rephrase that,” she said, unwilling to let him off so easily and yet surprised by her boldness. “I’m coming up with you to talk about what happened today. As a friend—your friend. After we talk, we can decide if I stay.”
No way was he going to give her the brush-off now. It might have been a split-second moment of weakness that had prompted him to ask her, but now she was there and she was staying until she had answers.
Without a word, Nick opened the passenger door. Jenn climbed out the driver’s side of the big Dodge, grabbed her tote bag, just in case, and followed him in. She led the way up the back stairs, wondering how things could have changed so much in twenty-four hours.
How could she bring it up? I noticed you were having some trouble reading back there. Been doing that long?
Yeah, that wasn’t going to go over too well. Maybe he would raise the subject?
They entered the dark apartment and Jenn was glad when Nick ignored the lights. Sometimes it was easier to talk that way. Just like dancing. If you couldn’t see it, maybe it wasn’t so bad. This was bad, though. She knew it, sensed it in his behavior. And there was just enough moonlight streaming in at the edges of the curtains to show her that truth on his face.
“Nick, whatever you say stays between us.”
He made eye contact, his jaw working as if he were grinding his teeth. He turned away and paced the floor like a caged animal. “It’s my fault.”
“What is?” She followed him into the living room, needing him to spell out whatever it was.
“The trouble Matt’s having in school.”
He stopped in front of the pictures on a wall near the hall leading to the bedrooms. School photos of Matt from kindergarten through third grade hung in black frames along with snapshots of Matt and Nick together. Fishing, at a football game. Guy stuff that dads did with their sons.
“Tell me why you think it’s your fault. Is it about the papers today?”
Nick shot her a glare over his shoulder before turning back to the wall, a child being punished for bad behavior. “Dixon would…”
“Todd has nothing to do with this. Neither does your family. I already told you, what you say stays between us.”
Nick ran a hand through his hair, down his neck. “You know I dropped out of high school, but…you don’t know why.”
“I assumed it was because you had trouble.”
A raw laugh burst from his chest. “Yeah, I definitely had some trouble. The same trouble as Matt. I can’t…”
Her fears were confirmed. Nick’s shoulders were lined, his back tense, and she searched for the right words to see her through without blowing everything. “Can’t?”
Nick swore again, his head hanging low, nearly touching the frames in front of him. His hand fisted and hit the wall hard enough to make the frames clatter. “Don’t make me say it.”
“It sounds as though you need to.”
“What I need…” He hit the wall two more times before dropping his forehead to his fist. “I don’t need to be admitting this. Especially not to you.”
Nick turned and pierced her with a glare. How many times had Matt worn the same expression? A combination of anger and pain and frustration. “I know what it’s like, Nick.”
“A brainiac like you? I don’t think so.”
“Oh, so that’s how it is, huh? You think it was easy admitting to one of the most gorgeous men in Beauty that I have a problem overeating? That for way too long my best friend was a tub of Chunky Monkey? That in less than two years I’ve outgrown two sizes of clothes?”
“The weight isn’t who you are—it’s a product of what happened to you. You’ve gotten control of that now. This isn’t as easy. It’s not something I can get over. It’s me.”
“It’s me, too. You’re not getting it. And I’ll never be completely over it, Nick, because with my body shape it will always be a battle. I doubt there will ever be a bad day when I don’t hear the things my father and sister said to me. How many times have you told me that the key is to move on? That if I let them get the best of me, they win?”
“You can’t compare the two.”
“Why not?”
“That’s not the same. I can’t read.”
His voice was low, so pained, she barely heard him.
“This isn’t about willpower or bad habits. You think I don’t want to help my son? You don’t think it kills me having to sit there and listen to him, when I want to help him, but I can’t because I don’t read much better? All it says to me is that I’m the loser my father and the rest of my family think I am.”
“But you’re not. No, you’re not. Do you think Matt’s a loser?”
“Don’t try to psychobabble me.”
She wanted to scream. “I’m trying to get you to see that if you have problems with reading, it’s because you have a problem and not because you’re a loser or lacking intelligence.” Jenn hesitated, then put her hands on his back, smoothing them over the taut muscles. She used brute force to turn him around and was surprised when he let her. “While we worked out and spent time together, I told you things. Now it’s your turn. Talk to me.”
“What do you want me to say?”
Her eyes stung, but she forced herself to maintain contact. “I want to hear you say that you’ll let me help you. Knowing this? What you just said? It doesn’t change who you are, Nick. Not to me.”
A rough laugh rumbled out of his chest.
“What?”
“You. You’re actually going to stand there and tell me you don’t look at me and see a big, dumb jock?”
“I see someone who knows what it’s like to not be the person other people say they should be. I see a loving, caring father, an astute businessman who’s attuned to his employees’ needs and limitations. And I see a man I want to help, not change.”
Nick stared at her a long moment, searching her eyes, her expression, for any sign of hypocrisy. “I’ve liked spending time with you.” He lifted a hand and stroked her hair away from her cheek. “But for a brainy teacher you’re not very smart. Dixon would say you should run.”
“Todd has nothing to do with this—or me.”
“It doesn’t bother you that I’m this way?”
Jenn turned her face into his hand and pressed a kiss to his palm. Bother her? Yes. But not the way he meant. “Does it bother me that you went out of your way to get Matt the help he needed? That you’re a great trainer and an honorable man? No, it doesn’t. Nick, you’re not an ogre. If it bothers me at all, it’s because now that I know, I understand the struggle you’ve had to accomplish everything. I can only imagine what you’ve been through to get where you are today.” He looked away as if it weren’t true—or maybe the praise was hard to accept? Were they both products of their upbringing? “You’ve had to work ten times harder than anyone else, but you’ve done it and I admire you more for it.”
A muscle ticked in his jaw, a slow, thready pulse. “My father used to call me lazy. He said I wasn’t trying hard enough, that I fit the stereotype to a T, even though I sucked at sports. I wasn’t a big, dumb jock, I was just big and dumb.”
Her heart broke. Nick’s hands were clenched, his face lined with pain, and however strong he was, he was equally vulnerable. “He didn’t know what you were dealing with.” To look at Nick one would think he had everything, but inside he was as flawed and messed up as she was. “Do you really think a person lacking intelligence could have had the success that you have? Nick, most dropouts only dream of owning their own businesses, much less owning two and running them successfully. It’s a testament to the quality of your mind. To your drive to succeed despite the odds.”
“Be careful,” he murmured. “You’re laying it on a little thick.”
“Every word is true.”
Nick slid his hand to the nape of her neck and tugged her closer. There they stood in his shadowy living room, their pasts laid bare, finding solace in each other.
“If it’s so obvious to you that I’m intelligent, why isn’t it obvious that you’re every bit the diva that you want to be?” he asked gruffly. “You think someone other than a diva would have confronted me like this?”
A pleased smile pulled at her lips. “Really?”
“Like I said, it’s a state of mind.” He stroked her cheek. “Right now I’m seeing major diva qualities. And I like it. I like it a lot, sweetheart.”
Meaning he liked her. It was there in his eyes. She saw it, wished he could say more, be more specific. But she knew better than to push. It was too soon, especially after what they’d just shared.
Jenn stared up at him, knowing from the human development class she’d taken that men saw acceptance differently than women. Women were emotional and men were physical. And right now Nick equated her acceptance of his reading ability or lack thereof with her physical acceptance of him. Her presence there in his arms. She knew that, but it didn’t stop her heart from wanting it to mean even more.
He leaned his head back against the wall and sighed. “I don’t ever remember being this tired. All I’ve done is sit in hospital chairs, but I feel as if I’ve run a marathon.”
He practically had, pacing back and forth for an entire day. Working two jobs of his own plus managing his uncle’s business for the last few weeks. Poor guy. “Worry will do that to you. Come on.”
She took his hand in hers to lead him to the living room couch since the bedroom might prove to be too tempting.
He didn’t move. “Are you sure you want to stay?”
Her heart pounded. What was she doing? What had Suzanne gotten her into? She felt way too much for her guy friend. “I’d love to,” she whispered. Because it was the closest thing to I love you that she would allow herself to say.