The rain was cold. Not wintery, but still chilling after the ninety degree days they'd been suffering. Alex didn't notice. His mind in turmoil, he stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked. His phone rang, but he didn't answer. In his struggle to understand what happened, his mind replayed the scene with his mother on a continuous loop. Jared's voice formed a constant background murmur, warning him to tell her. He should have listened. By embarrassing his mom in front of her friends, he never got a chance to try and help her understand. Now she hated him. His mother hated him. He disgusted her.
It was dark, cold, and wet. Alex wanted to see Jared but the idea terrified him. He hadn't done what Jared told him to and look what'd happened. He couldn't face disappointing someone else, not right now. He could go to Clark's but there'd be a million questions. Alex's mother rarely asked questions as long as he didn't bother her. Clark's mother was a fount of them. Alex couldn't tell the perfect mother what his mother had said and done.
He'd never understood his mom. Possessions and prestige were important to her. His father was laid back, happy to have enough without asking for more. In Alex's mind, they didn't fit together. He'd adopted his father's affectionate acceptance for her, never doubting that she loved him back. In stark contrast, Clark's mom was like some poster parent. Alex bet Clark's mom knew everything about him, at least everything important. She talked to Clark, not at him. Alex sighed, head down against the rain. She'd listen to him, if he went there.
She'd care, but he didn't want it. Real or not, he didn't want her caring, her pity. Not tonight.
The stark reality of what had happened tore through him, the pain unbearable. He hunched over, sobbing in the rain. He didn't notice when a vehicle stopped at the curb beside him. The driver jumped out and rushed over to him.
"Alex, thank God!"
He looked up into Jared's worried face. "I'm sorry, Jared, I'm sorry." He couldn't stop crying. He shook with the force of his sobs and shivered from the cold.
"Sorry? What the hell are you talking about? God, Alex, you're soaked to the bone. What are you thinking?" His voice softened. "I've been looking for you for hours. Get in the truck."
Alex ducked away when Jared tried to touch him. He’d told his mother he hadn't changed, that she was the only one who was different. That wasn't true. Her words had changed him, he felt things he'd never felt before. For the first time in his life, Alex was ashamed of being gay. He felt dirty and didn't want Jared to touch him. But he didn't have the strength to resist and when Jared reached for him again, Alex let him help. In the truck and cuddled under a blanket, he couldn't help but sigh with pleasure.
"I'm going to take you home, but I have to call your father first," Jared said.
Alex sat up, panicked, the blanket falling away unnoticed. "No! I can't go back there. She hates me, Jared, she hates me!" Sobs wracked his slim frame. Afraid he sounded like a baby, some broken little boy who needed his mother and wasn't going to get her, he tried to choke back his tears but he couldn't stop crying.
"Shh, shh, Alex. It's okay. No one hates you. God, stop crying. You're going make yourself sick." Jared cuddled him close. Alex calmed a little in his arms. Jared held him close and pulled out his phone. "Frank, I found him." Jared paused and Alex wondered without much interest what his father had to say. "I think so, he's not hurt physically. I don't think he tried to… he's okay. I'm going to take him to my place. He's soaking wet, I'll feed him and dry him out." Another pause. "Sure, of course. Anything I can do, you know that." After another few seconds Jared ended the call.
Alex watched Jared intently. "You're taking me home with you? You aren't mad at me?"
Jared smoothed his damp curls back from his forehead. "Why would I be mad at you? Just because you scared the crap out of me for the past four hours?"
He felt stunned. "It's been that long?" His teeth chattered on the words.
"Or longer, it's been that long since your dad called to ask if I'd seen you. Why didn't you call?" Jared pulled the truck into the driveway of his house. Alex had been wandering only blocks away. He sniffed and wiped his nose on Jared's blanket.
"I keep forgetting about my phone. I broke the habit at school, I guess. It might be drowned now." He patted his soaked pocket. "I was scared, Jared. You told me to tell her and I didn't. Someone sent pictures of us from this morning. I thought you were going to be mad at me, too." The tears came again and Alex let Jared bundle him out of the truck and into the house.
Jared was heating soup when Alex wandered into the kitchen fresh from the shower, roughing his hair with a towel, and Jared's clothes bagging on him. Alex settled on the bar stool and watched him work without comment.
"I made chicken noodle, but I have chili too," Jared offered.
Alex's eyes widened like a deer caught in the headlights. The smell of chili and cornbread would probably always make him sick now. "No, no, the soup is fine." He leaned on the bar and buried his head in his arms, hiding from the light, from Jared, and the world in general. He wasn't ready to discuss anything. He didn't want to think. He just wanted to… He lifted his head and watched Jared cooking. After a minute, he got up and padded on bare feet to stand behind him. Alex hesitated. The newly awakened feelings from his encounter with his mother were still there, the shame, the vague unease that he was doing wrong, but countering that was the simple fact of Jared. He was safe. He wrapped his arms around Jared's waist, pressed his face against his back. Jared moved the pan and turned off the stove. Then he turned in Alex's arms and held him close.
"I don't want soup." He lifted his face. Jared cupped it in his warm hands and kissed him tenderly.
"Then no soup." Jared led him out of the kitchen, turning lights off as they went. Minutes later they were nestled in their chair. Jared kissed him, lips lingering. So tired he could barely keep his eyes open, Alex snuggled close. "Sleep." Jared pressed a chaste kiss to Alex's forehead. He burrowed his face under Jared's chin.
"You know what I wish?" Alex's voice was muffled.
"What's that?" Jared petted his back and held him closer.
"Mom said 'I love you' more than anyone I know. I wish she was like you. I wish she hadn't said it so much and just did it."