Spiritual Journaling

“Putting others down becomes a path to identity, a path we would not need to walk if we knew who we are.”

A teen client came to me the other day and put into one sentence what being in her last year of high school is like: “We don’t want to be here but we’re not ready to go.” The ease of being a junior has passed, as has the comfort of childhood. She still likes being a “kid” but wants to be trusted to make her own choices. She knows she is leaving school and home soon, but still she has another year of high school to negotiate. Ideally, this big transition from childhood dependence to young adult freedom is done in a way that can be repeated in other transitions throughout your life. There will be many times you will have to let go of one stage of life to move into another.

“Every stone is different. No other stone exactly like it … God loves variety. In odd days like these … people study how to be all alike instead of how to be as different as they really are.”

—MONICA SHANNON, AMERICAN AUTHOR, RECIPIENT OF 1935 NEWBERRY MEDAL

“I just can’t believe that I’m this muddy thing you see crawling about in the muck… . I simply can’t tell you how I feel inside! Clean and bright and beautiful—like a song in the sunlight, like a sigh in the summer air.”

—RUSSELL HOBAN, AMERICAN CHILDREN’S AUTHOR

Going back and reading these verses makes me sad. I remember how much I loved going to school at the Waldorf school. I miss it sooooo much.

Now at the public school there seems to be so much negative energy—not that there isn’t good too, but … There also seems to be a lot of separateness between everyone—unless it’s just me. People complain more about all they have to do—and I just am realizing how much I have fallen into that.

I used to be so excited to go to school, and it just isn’t the same anymore. I don’t have that same love and drive. I still want to do well in school. It’s just that now everything is based on the next test score and what percentile it falls in. I have a hard time with this because I often try really hard and don’t do as well as someone who hardly tries. This makes me feel discouraged about school sometimes.

Off the Page

Read the book or watch the movie Finding Forester by James Ellison. Read The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants by Ann Brashares.

“When we learn how to be truly present with our joy and our sorrow, with our longing and our desires, layer upon layer of ourselves and the world are revealed.”

“Every passage has its price.”

—FROM WHERE THE WILD GEESE GO BY MEREDITH ANN PIERCE

I have shouted at the page many, many times. Sometimes I write best when I am upset. I sit down and I shout at the page—I let it all out. Most times, I feel some shift in perspective, some resolution, after getting my thoughts and feelings out and looking at them on paper. This helps me find a way to deal with the difficulty.

When I write about my anger, hurt, and frustration in my journal, I don’t worry about offending anyone. You can write whatever you want in your journal, releasing your negative energy without injuring others. Anger and frustration are necessary emotions. They need to be felt and expressed. They are both part of your humanity. It is what you do with these emotions that matters. “Smothered rage” may become depression and fester inside until it bursts into an emotional or physical illness, or it may be kept quiet only through damaging addictions, such as overeating or abusing drugs.

Frustration is a particularly robust emotion. There are two things you should know about frustration: it is always there for a reason (so trust this feeling), and it usually means it is time for a change. This change can take place inside of you (your attitude, your feelings) or outside of you (in your relationships and behaviors). When we continue to try and make something fit that doesn’t, we usually become more frustrated. So if you find yourself feeling frustrated, answer the following questions in your journal—and be ready to make some changes.

”Reexamine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul and your very flesh shall be a great poem.”

—WALT WHITMAN, AMERICAN POET

Off the Page

When you find yourself frustrated and in need of some advice and guidance, consult an oracle (see pages 59–61). A good book that is not an oracle but offers great guidance is Conversations with God for Teens by Neale Donald Walsch.

Is your high school like the one where I work? Drama! Drama! Drama! Not a day goes by without a tearful visit to my office from a distraught young woman. She sits in my office sobbing, “I can’t stand this place anymore! I hate the drama. It isn’t fair. I can’t even trust my friends. They’re spreading rumors that aren’t even true and everyone believes them. I hate being in the halls, it’s the worst. What am I going to do? I just hate this place!”

For many teens, especially young women, going to school each day can feel like a daily walk or run through a drama minefield. There are many “drama bombs” just waiting to be tripped, only to explode in someone’s face. Do you recognize some of these drama bombs—rumors, name calling, excluding, labeling, judging, gossip, put-downs, breakups, pressures, expectations, injustices?

The Buddha said; “See yourself in others Then whom can you hurt? What harm can you do?”

It is normal to feel overwhelmed with the daily job of figuring out where these drama bombs are going to be, how to avoid them if possible, and what to do when one or more “explode” and disrupt your day, your life. Just knowing the minefield exists is a constant pressure. Even if you don’t find yourself personally tripping over the drama bombs, you are affected each time others like you face the explosions. It can take a huge amount of energy to make your way each day through your high-school minefield. You may not be able to deactivate all these drama bombs since you can’t always control their makers, but you do have the POWER to render them less powerful in your life.

There are many kinds of powerful “protective gear” you can put on to help with your daily walk or run down the hallways of your high school. The main thing to remember is that, whichever ones you choose to use, always make sure they are safe and healthy for you and those around you. Here is a suggested list of protective gear. You can add more ideas to the list.

“To gossip is like playing checkers with an evil spirit: you win occasionally but more often you are trapped at your own game.”

—HOPI PROVERB

It is not really enough to just survive all this high-school drama stuff. Maybe it is really important to try to understand it so that life can feel more peaceful. After listening to so many young people telling me that it is just a part of school life and will never change, I now half-jokingly suggest to the students I counsel that if what they say is true then we ought to host a weekly High School Drama Fest. Each Monday morning students could pick up their “scripts” and have at it! We might as well charge admission and help the school budgets! This usually brings a nod and a smile and the comment that yes, it is pretty sad and ridiculous that there has to be so much school drama.

Unfortunately, so many young people believe that nothing can be done about this: That’s just the way it is, so get used to it, deal with it, and hope that you can survive it. Sadly, many young people do not survive so well. Some find ways to drop out of school. Some find other ways to survive—withdrawing, becoming angry and striking back at others, acting in self-destructive ways, even joining forces with the drama bomb–makers.

So what is this drama stuff all about anyway? Once again I rely on the experts … you young people who help me understand it. Through the sharing of your stories you teach me that you often feel vulnerable and unsure of yourself at this age and that this feeling is scary. It can be difficult to find a way to communicate this fact, so it becomes easier to mask these feelings with behaviors like gossiping, labeling, judging, excluding, spreading rumors, and bullying. Maybe you want so much to feel like you belong to a group that you may resort to behaviors that aren’t truly in keeping with your inner spirit, your true self.

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. “

—FROM OH, THE PLACES YOU’ LL GO BY DR. SEUSS, AMERICAN CHILDREN’S AUTHOR

You are very aware of how the media influence you to believe that if you don’t look the “right” way then you are not okay and won’t find happiness or success. The media even decides what it takes to have a satisfying relationship and we all know what the media says: the right labels, lots of money, the right body type, and the list goes on. Speaking of relationships, you make it very clear that there is pressure to be in one even if it is not a healthy one. How sad that it becomes more important to be in an unhealthy relationship with another person than in a healthy relationship with your own self.

We don’t live in a perfect world so you are probably right about the fact that the daily school dramas will not go away; but—you do not have to go away from yourself. You have shown me that you have incredible energy, goodness, power, and spirit. You can use these gifts to help you turn down these drama scripts even if it is only one script at a time. You can help others to do the same. There is a quote on my wall that reads: I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something. I will not refuse to do the something I can do. (Author Unknown)

“What you can do is often a simple matter of what you will do.”

—FROM THE PHANTOM TOLLBOOTH BY NORTON JUSTER

Off the Page

It is most important that you honor what you know to be your truth. If at some point your school becomes an unsafe place for you to be, physically or emotionally, PLEASE don’t stay stuck. Talk to trusted people—your folks, a school counselor, a teacher, or other supportive people. If it becomes necessary, explore alternative methods to get your education. If you are now in crisis, make this commitment—that you will not let another day go by without talking to someone who can help you figure out what to do. Good luck to you and peace always.

Sometimes it is best to keep our truths to ourselves. A teacher or some other adult may be the hungry tiger in your life—hungry for your dignity. This is a sad reality. If you have a hungry tiger in your life, write your truth in your journal, and walk safely away from the hungry tiger. Do your best to avoid such people and not engage in their “cat and mouse” game. Don’t be a hungry tiger’s meal.

“[A flower unfolds] slowly and gently, bit by bit in the sunshine, and should too never be punished or driven, but unfold in its own perfect timing to reveal its true wonder and beauty.”

“‘What time will dinner be tonight?’ said Frances. ‘Half past six,’ said Mother. ‘Then I will have plenty of time to run away after dinner,’ said Frances.”

—FROM A BABY SISTER FOR FRANCES BY RUSSELL HOBAN, AMERICAN CHILDREN’S AUTHOR

We’ve all heard the expression Timing is everything. Discover and honor your own timing. It is uniquely yours and you must listen for and follow its rhythm, beat, speed, and pace. (Journaling helps you do this.) So often the timetable for the things you do is forced upon you. Many projects and expectations involving you are based on other people’s timing. If you work for someone else, you are obliged to adhere to your boss’s timing. If you are in school, you are obliged to comply with your teachers’ and professors’ timing. If you live with your parents, you must adhere to their timetable. You will always be interacting with the timing of others. But ultimately there will be much that is yours to choose.

You can begin to claim more of your sacred timing before you leave high school. Sacred timing is in tune with nature’s clock. Your timing is unique to you—it is your own pace and rhythm for life. It is not something that is forced—it feels natural to you. What things can you claim now to be on your terms, your timing? You have to get a paper in to the teacher by Tuesday. Can you write it late at night, as you prefer to do? Are you a crammer or do you take your time with things? How much time do you want to give to this particular project?

“Be mindful of how you approach time. Watching the clock is not the same as watching the sun rise.”

—SOPHIA BEDFORD-PIERCE, AFRICAN-AMERICAN AUTHOR

“What’s wrong with grown-ups … is that they think they have all the answers.”

—ZILPHA KEATLEY SNYDER, AMERICAN CHILDREN’S AUTHOR

My history teacher wants me to take his honors class my senior year. This is a great compliment but mostly it is a huge stress! He can be a good teacher, one I have learned a lot from—but basically it is his way or the highway. He is always right. Well, I know this isn’t so.

He sometimes humiliates students. And this is wrong. He approached me in the hallway and “invited” me into this special class. Right there on the spot I declined. I was very polite and said no. He frowned at me and shook his head. He said he was very disappointed in me. But I felt great! He had complimented me by inviting me into his class but I took care of myself by saying no. I am already stressed out by my last year in high school. I have a lot on my plate already. This choice respects my timing.

He approached me again in the hallway and scolded me for not coming into his class. Julie reassured me that having this ability to take care of myself and not allowing myself to be pressured into doing what others want, doing things in my own way and according to my own timing, will help keep me healthy my entire life.

There are bigger timing issues ahead, such as when to go to college, when to get married, when to travel. I know a lot of parents who get uptight if their child doesn’t want to attend college right out of high school. Perhaps you have another idea of what you want to do right out of school.

I just want to take a year off to feel what it is like to be out of school. This really freaks out my dad. He thinks if I don’t go to college right away, I won’t ever go. He said he regrets never getting his degree. And I’m afraid if I force myself to go to college right away I will hate it and then really blow my chances. I wish I knew what to do.

“Ten thousand flowers in spring, the moon in autumn, a cool breeze in summer, snow in winter. If your mind isn’t clouded by unnecessary things, this is the best season of your life.”

—WU-MEN, ZEN MASTER

Off the Page

Take a road trip to the closest nature preserve. Take your travel notebook with you and write about what is being preserved. Why do you think these things need preserving?

Write about what needs preserving in you.

I teach a yearlong class on intuitive development and creativity. After the class has gone on for several months I look around the group to all the faces. Some students have expressed their hopes of “doing great,” getting things done, making things happen. Some feel stuck, sad, or uncreative. Others are on the fence or have a mix of good and bad going on. Usually someone wants love to come into their life, while another is falling in love. I look at them and say: “Close your eyes for a moment and breathe. Think about your life right now, the good, the bad, the beautiful, the difficulties… . Just bring your attention to all this stuff going on inside and outside of you. I realize some of you are in a lot of pain and confusion. Try not to push it away; open up to whatever your life is, right here, right now.”

After a few moments of silence I say, “This is what a creative life feels like, looks like. A creative life is whatever your life is right now.”

You have gotten this far in this book. You are living the creative life. Your creative life looks like this … sometimes empty, sometimes full. Sometimes moving, sometimes stuck. There is no one way for the creative life to look or feel. Once you are open to your creative genius, your true nature, it is harder to close the door on it than it is to continue to open to it. You have come this far—there really is no going back.

“A poem, a sentence, causes us to be ourselves. I be and I see my being at the same time.”

—RALPH WALDO EMERSON, AMERICAN POET, ESSAYIST, TRANSCENDENTAL PHILOSOPHER

Okay, let’s say you did “go back”—you stopped writing in your journal, you stopped believing in yourself, you fell back into unhealthy habits. Maybe, like me, you didn’t write, watched too much nighttime television, and ate too much salty food. Here’s what happens then: The “going back to old ways” feels less real, less right, less fulfilling. You have already tasted the divine—you are not about to settle for less for very long.

“Learning to listen to ourselves is a way of learning to love ourselves.”

—JOAN BORYSENKO, PH.D., MEDITATION TEACHER, AUTHOR

Off the Page

Close your eyes and take a few moments to check in with yourself. Reflect on the idea that however you feel—whatever is happening—is part of living a creative life, walking a spiritual path.

It was difficult to let go of my only child three years ago and send her into the hands of strangers. Like many children, she had spent the first five years of her life almost exclusively with her father and me. Day after day we taught her about life, sometimes its basics (walking and talking), and sometimes its more mystical elements (where did Cayce, her pet dog, go when she died?). Public education felt scary to me (I am one of those adults who does not have favorable childhood memories of school).

I thought the best way to really get a feel for what goes on at school was to volunteer in the classroom. The kindergarten teacher was gracious enough to let me come in and “help” during the last hour of class every Monday. It wasn’t all that easy for me, at first. I was on the lookout for problems. But during this time I witnessed the beauty and power of teaching and got a small taste of what goes into a day of teaching kindergarteners. What surprised me most was that not only was my daughter learning the academic basics, but I found us both leaving with many life lessons learned.

“Wherever you are is the entry point.”

—KABIR,15TH-CENTURY SUFI MYSTIC, POET

In addition to gaining fresh meaning from these lessons, I witnessed the joy of teaching our children to read and listen to stories, to participate in something that benefits everyone, and to learn how to figure stuff out for themselves.

I don’t know a lot about the teacher’s life outside of school, but I know she has a full one. I know it includes raising children of her own; building a log home; kayaking; enjoying folk music; and being an active participant in her community. I am not only relieved that my daughter had an opportunity to be taught by such a fine human being but also grateful. I feel I graduated from kindergarten again myself, with some worthwhile life lessons.

“We don’t know who we are until we see what we can do.”

—MARTHA GRIMES, MYSTERY WRITER

Every fall I am psyched for school… . I feel ready to do better, even my clothes and outlook are new. Then I show up for the first class and instead of getting a new teacher, last year’s history teacher sits at the front. And I sink, fast and deep. He doesn’t like me, he thinks I am lazy (he has told me so) and I look up to see him frowning at me again. What’s the use? I think. What’s the point to start again if you keep returning to the same old stuff?

It can be a challenge to begin again if others around you hold on to an old image of you. You’ve seen how writing can be a way of “inventing” yourself. It can also help you to reinvent yourself.

Try this creative visualization (give yourself about five minutes). Sit in a comfortable position. Image a sign you carry taped to your chest. This “sign” is a message you send out to others—it is the energy people feel coming off you when they are around you. What does the sign on you say? Is it angry, kind, protective, judgmental? Is the message one that you want others to be reading?

We all carry these signs. Sometimes we have different ones for school, for home, for work, and for travel. When you become conscious of the message you are sending out, you will gain more understanding of the response you seem to be getting from others. This can influence their response to you and affect how you feel. Your sign carries with it intentions and energy. Energy always speaks the truth, and it is the energy of a person that we tend to respond to.

For years the invisible (energetic) sign on me read “F#*@ You.” I was an angry young woman, especially when it came to authority. I thought this message was what I needed in order to protect myself. But its usefulness wore out quickly and I found myself getting a lot of negative responses from people. So, I decided somewhere in my mid-twenties to rethink the message I wanted to carry out to the world. I was still angry. I was still defensive and protective. But the hostility was melting and I felt more open to others, even to those in authority.

The breezes at dawn have secrets to tell, Don’t go back to sleep. You must ask for what you really want, Don’t go back to sleep. There are people crossing over the threshold between this world and the next, The door is wide and open Don’t go back to sleep.

—RUMI, 14TH-CENTURY SUFI SAGE AND POET

So I changed my sign. I changed “F#*@ You” to “Don’t mess with me.” It is one of many I still carry. I know this message is read loud and clear in the places I wear it. I feel protected and confident—without triggering people’s negativity. And people are much less likely to mistreat me.

Audubon defines the word zugenruhe as the restlessness that precedes migration. It forces the animal to migrate, pushes it on to its next destined place. This zugenruhe is just what animals (and humans) need to get them to take the next step. It helps the birds to migrate and can help you to make necessary changes.

Listen to your impatience, your restlessness. What does it want? What is it restless for? Impatience and restlessness have a negative rap. But as Brenda Ueland tells us, restlessness—and the freedom to see where it leads—are keys to unlocking your true self. Feelings of restlessness and impatience remind you of your desires and goals and push you to move toward them. If you find yourself feeling restless, listen to this feeling. What needs to change; where do you need to go? It may be your instinctual nature nudging you to take flight, to migrate on to the next place in your life. There are times throughout your life when your restlessness will arise to move you forward. If you are not feeling this restlessness at these times, such as during your senior year in high school, then you are probably doing things to numb yourself out.

“You don’t need endless time and perfect conditions. Do it now. Do it today. Do it for twenty minutes and watch your heart start beating… . “

—BARBARA SHER, CAREER COUNSELOR, AUTHOR

You can either listen and respond to your restlessness or desensitize yourself to it (in which case it will hover under the surface). If you turn off your restlessness through substance abuse or by dulling it in other ways, you are silencing the call of Spirit, which wants to assist you in hidden and mysterious ways. You are numbing out something intuitive and instinctual that will help you attain your life’s goals. Shutting yourself off from these sensations can result in depression and anxiety. These are natural and rhythmic feelings inside of you that you need to listen to in order to flourish in your life. Stop being comfortable with hanging out in the same old way, in the same old place, if it is time to move on. Venture out to new vistas. It is time to migrate!

Off the Page

Watch the wonderful movie Winged Migration. Can you feel your own zugenruhe rise up inside of you?

To feel your zugenruhe, do one or more of the following for ten days: Take yourself off television; if you use drugs, alcohol, or even too much caffeine or sugar, stop during this time; spend at least five minutes in nature every day (include one morning sunrise); spend some quiet time with yourself everyday; journal every day. Get ready for zugenruhe!