I didn’t have any appetite, so I didn’t eat dinner that night. I remained in my room and started reading Moby Dick to escape from the pain I’d caused. The next morning I woke up very early. I was awake before anyone else in the house. I opened my door to go to the bathroom but stopped when I saw an envelope sitting outside of my door. I reached down to pick it up and saw that a letter from my Grandmother Rubylee had arrived. I went back inside my room and shut the door. I sat down on my bed, ripped the envelope open and read her letter.
Dear Keysha,
It has taken me a while to get my thoughts together enough to write you. Prison life isn’t easy, but I’m making the best of it. I’m working on my getting out of here so that I can have my freedom back. The prison guards in here aren’t very nice, and the food is nasty. At night I sleep on a hard bed with bedsheets that have a sour odor. The bedsheets smell like they’ve been inside of a Dumpster filled with spoiled food. Adding to my misery are the large spiders that chew on me all night while I’m asleep. Sometimes I don’t sleep at all. I just stare up at the ceiling and try to make myself believe I’m not in here. The prison guards tried to break my spirit but I won’t let them. I’m too strong, too smart and too tough for that to happen.
I was trying to think of things you’d want to know about my life as it is now. The best I can do for you is to describe a typical day and what it’s like on the inside of this place. I’m not in a prison cell like you see on television. I’m in a dorm room setting. Everyone is in a big room with a mattress and a locker. You can’t hang any posters or pictures because the walls are solid white brick. The floor isn’t carpeted, it’s gray and made of concrete. Let me tell you, it gets bone-chilling cold in here during the winter. Prison is supposed to be about rehabilitating a person so that they can go out and function in society. However, I’ve run into more corruption in here than I ever did out on the streets. I’ve got myself a little trading hustle going on in here. One of the girls in the stockroom and another one in the cafeteria used to run the streets with me back when I was messing around with Stanback. I’m not sure if you remember Stanback. He was your grandfather but he was killed a long time ago. Anyway, my girl in the supply room makes sure that I get extra toiletries in my weekly care package so I can trade them for cigarettes or other things I may need. Believe it or not, you only get one roll of toilet paper every seven days. If you run out before then you’re up shit’s creek without a paddle. So women come to me when they need hygiene products and I give my girls a percentage.
When I wake up in the morning I have at least two or three women putting in orders with me. When I go to the cafeteria for breakfast, I give my order to my girl who is serving food and she gets it to my girl in the supply room who then makes sure that my weekly toiletry bag is filled with all of the right stuff.
After breakfast I head to the break room where I sit and talk to people while playing cards or some other game to take my mind off of where I’m at. Around one o’clock we get an hour of free time out in the prison yard. I mostly walk around and talk to people but you have to be careful about that because not everybody around here gets along. You could easily end up in a fight and if you get jammed up you have to go to a hearing in front of a prison judge who then disciplines you by adding time to your sentence. So far, I’ve had four altercations and I’ve had seven months added on to my time. I’ve taken on the meanest and baddest women in this place and have whipped them all. You can’t walk around this place with fear in your eyes because the women in here will take advantage of you. From two o’clock to six o’clock, I’m in the library shelving books. The small amount of money I make is placed on the prison books. The money is supposed to help me start over when I get out. It’s nice doing that type of work but I don’t think it’s going to serve me well when I get out of here. I just do it to pass the time. After that I go back to the cafeteria and eat dinner, which isn’t very good. After dinner they usually have a movie for us to watch, and then after that I go back to my locker and fill my orders. After that’s done, I lie on my back and try not to let the spiders chew on me.
I’m not sure how you found out who your real daddy is. Your mama was out running the streets with so many guys during the time she got pregnant. It sounds like your father is a good, quality man with some money. Money is what makes the world go around, Keysha, even in prison. So when you do come to see me make sure you have some money for me. In fact, I want you to send me any allowance money that you get so that it can be put on the books for me. Since you’re living in high society now, I know you can afford to send your Grandmother Rubylee some money. In fact, I know I shouldn’t be writing this because sometimes the guards read your mail, but I’m going to risk it. Look around your daddy’s house and see if you can find his bank account information as well as his social security number. If you can get that information to me, I know some people who can make sure that you and I both can reap all of the benefits of a man with good credit.
Let me know when you’re coming my way.
Your Grandmother,
Rubylee
* * *
I was sick after I read her letter. I couldn’t believe she had the nerve to ask me to rip off my own father. I buried my face inside my pillow and screamed as loud as I could before I began crying.