The next morning, the cold light of day is like the smoke from an extinguished fire. A raging inferno that has left ashes in its wake and the acrid smell of betrayal.
Miranda and James left soon after the others and Arabella stayed with me because she couldn’t bear to go home. Darren also stayed, and the three of us are now staring at each other across the breakfast bar, as we struggle to understand what last night now means for all of us.
Darren must feel a little uncomfortable because he says with concern, “Listen, you probably want some time to talk. Perhaps I should head home for a bit.”
I say quickly, “Please stay. Maybe just have a workout or go to work, but please stay.”
I don’t know why, but Darren has fast become someone I can’t do without. Perhaps it’s the comfort he brings me, or the fact he’s not involved in any of the betrayals, unlike my so-called friends, but I’ve come to depend on him and can’t bear the thought of him leaving me too.
He nods and smiles reassuringly. “I won’t go anywhere, don’t worry. I’ll head into the garden and have a workout and let you talk. You know where I am if you need me.”
I breathe a sigh of relief and look at him gratefully and as the door closes behind him, Arabella says, “You like him, don’t you?”
I stare at her in shock and she smiles. “It is ok to have feelings for somebody else, even if you love another. Surely you learned that last night.”
She laughs at my expression. “Anton was in love with you and James, and the love he had for each of you was equal. He wouldn’t want you to turn your back on happiness out of loyalty to him. I know that for sure.”
The tears fall yet again as I stutter, “You know, Arabella, everybody always believed I was with Anton for his money. They saw me apparently living the high life at his expense, but it wasn’t like that.”
Arabella smiles, “I know.”
“You were the only one then. The thing is because I loved Anton so much, it’s as if I’ve lost my right arm. I suppose I never really realised how much I did love him until he died and now I’m struggling. However, there was always something between Darren and I. An invisible cord that bound us together and kept me anchored to him. I think even Anton saw it. Darren was the first person I turned to when it happened, and it wasn’t just because of Eddie. I’m not sure why, but I need to be with him; does that sound cold?”
Arabella shakes her head sadly. “We can’t choose who we fall in love with, or when. When you look around us, love has featured heavily in this mess and the lengths things people will go to for it. Take Matthew as a prime example. He was prepared to do anything to keep Venetia, and she was driven by wealth and greed. James was prepared to do anything for love, as was Anton, because they couldn’t bear their secret coming out. We all love in different ways and now, in the cold light of day, I’m starting to realise that the person we need to love the most is ourselves. If we’re happy, then the rest will follow.
I stare at her in sympathy and say gently, “So, what now? I’m sure you have some unfinished business across the road to take care of.”
She nods and looks worried. “Yes, this won’t be pretty, but I know what I need to do. Wish me luck, Fleur, because I am about to sweep out the trash in my life and start again.”
I hug her tightly and say with feeling, “Good luck, Arabella. I’m here if you need me. I think we’re the only two people in this whole mess who can hold our heads up high.”
She nods sadly. “You can, but I was still trying for a baby against Anthony’s wishes. I suppose he has the right to be angry about that.”
Shaking my head, I fix her with my best frown. “You’ve done nothing wrong but want what most women do - a family. If anything, he’s in the wrong for not seeing what was important. What are you going to do?”
Arabella pulls herself up and says in a strong voice, “Get on with the rest of my life—without him in it.”
As I watch her walk away, I’m afraid for her. This is a difficult path she’s chosen, and I’m not sure if she’s strong enough against a man like him. However, I was telling the truth. I’m here for her and will see her through what is sure to be a turbulent time.
As I turn to clear away the breakfast things, I catch sight of the canvas I had made of Anton looking down at me and smile. “I love you, babe. Always have done and always will. You can rest in peace now because it’s over.”
I feel a lightness to my spirit that wasn’t there before as he smiles out at me. Yes, I always loved Anton and I always will, even if I do find love. Arabella’s right, there is more than one type of love and I owe it to myself to be happy. It won’t dull the memories or feelings that I had for Anton. Those will never change, but I want to be happy—isn’t that the dream, after all?