Agency, Control, and Responsibility
I mean, I chose the route I’ve took, solely myself … I’ve chose it, so really my destiny as such was laid out by me. It wasn’t laid out before and said, “Right, your destiny is to end up in Broadmoor in 30 years’ time.” I mean I actually walked the road that led me here. You know, no-one pushed me along.
I can’t get it off my mind, for starters. Initially, obviously, it won’t go away and I can’t sleep. It makes me restless. It just plays on my mind … It worries me that eventually I will do these things and I don’t want to particularly want to—difficult for me actually to say “no” to them … They involve kidnapping, rape and violence, and murder, so … If you could choose not to have these thoughts? I am trying to. That’s a choice that I’ve already made, that I’m trying … At the moment I’m trying chemical castration, to work on the fantasies, which will do away with the sex and the murder/violence fantasies that I have, but I ain’t having a great deal of success with it.