Chapter Four

Free Falling

Me on the other hand? Purple sparkles engulfed me. This kaleidoscope of crap is blinding. More sparkles invade the insides of my nares. Sneezing ensues. My balance is blown backward, and with that it is all downhill.

Literally.

Laughing one minute, freefalling the next.

There it is, or was, the silver lining I just belly-flopped through.

The word, “Crap,” escapes me. I censored out my potty-mouthed glossary just in case anyone heard me. I will not go down in history as anything other than a true gentleman.

There is a first time for everything. And from the looks of it, possibly a last.

Don’t know how it happened, but it did. I am in the process of being greeted by Gaia’s quintessence. Please note the sarcasm swirling through my brain since I am rather occupied screaming, “Crap!” My body twists, writhes in attempts to recapture my balance but there are forces greater than I weighing me down, my lard-butt being one of them. My one hand reaches, fingers fully extended trying to grab anything solid. Physics one-o-one, hot air is not solid while my dear lard butt is.

This party took a drastic turn for the worse if I do say so myself.

Humor? Check!

I remain able to catch glimpses of both the world I departed and the world I am about to make a smashing entrance to…

Sarcasm? Check!

Faces linger along the edges of the gateway. I see my father reaching for me yelling, “You dumb twit!” Apollo, Hercules, Thor, Eros, each wear the ugliest masks of fear I have ever witnessed, but no wife peering over the edge wondering what happened to her beloved husband. Hera is laughing and dancing. I can so dance better than her.

I see father shove two individuals off the edge, pointing at me, commanding things I can no longer hear, but I can understand. The man wants me back. I love him. I should probably tell him more often. It is a guy thing. Really stupid guy thing if you ask me. Sentiment is more lethal than Achilles’s fragile little heel. Enemies look for weakness and showing love is an open door to kissing someone’s tush good-bye. Is this why I am currently doing a header through time and space?

I read once it takes nine days and nine nights to fall from my home to earth. Unless time truly speeds up the way it has here, I believe someone used Common Core for mathematics.

A skyscraper with a lightning rod deflector, shiny, pointy, ruinous, threatens my cushy landing.

This is really going to hurt. Even more than the absentee wife. At least one pain should cancel out the other.

“Jelly belly! Look up!” And yet another nickname that gets spread around due to my love of all things grape. Out of the corner of my eye I see my younger half-brother streaming towards me, his helmet and ankle’s wings propelling him with more gusto than NASA could ever dream of having in their entire taskforce of spaceships.

Hermes, my savior. I reach for him… and miss.

I should probably lose a pound or two.

Not looking too good for me. Within what I guesstimate to be a half-centimeter of being a body on a spiked tower, something Vlad would have appreciated, a burning grip sears into my flesh around my ankle, and I find myself catapulted skyward like a bungee cord that hit the end and snapped, all the inertia now riveted in a new direction. Thor latches onto me and flips me upward through the air into the hands of Hermes.

I will need more wine if I am to survive this.

Sensibility still intact?

Did I ever have it? With a quick glance my crown is secured within bulging white knuckles, the gold embedded into my flesh.

Thor sidles up beside us with the devilish grin he owns. “You did not have to prove your father correct by falling.”

“I love you guys,” I huffed, still breathing way too hard. I won’t tell him someone dusted me with magic sparkles. It sounds ludicrous even thinking it, yet someone wanted me off my high horse.

With a soft landing I am placed in front of my father. A rare scene unfolds. His eyes are filled with unshed tears. His arms latch onto me, drawing me close. He feels safe. Smells like the wildness of the horses running free. I don’t think he has ever hugged me like this. It’s comforting.

“You dumb twit,” he mutters as he grabs the back of my head, cradles it, gazes into my eyes, his smile tight lipped, before crushing my face into his huge, solid shoulder. He finishes, “You really dumb twit.”

Sentiment. Comes in all forms. He slaps my back a few times and then holds me out in front of him, I guess to check me over.

“If you’d just gotten me the glass of wine I asked for an hour ago, this wouldn’t have happened.”

“Love you too, father.” I turn to see all the guests. Relief prevails. Well, all but one. Zeus placed a hard kiss on my forehead and walked away, the lilt usually found in his step, now as absent as you know who.

With his arm strung around my shoulder Apollo muttered in my ear, “Who’s the moron now?” I love that man too. “She could have come out by now, Dion. I gave her salve hours ago to relieve the allergic reaction. She is as good as new. She is stalling.” Apollo released me and shrugged his shoulders adding, “I am sorry,” and truly meaning it. Thor handed me a challis of wine.

“Thank you for looking out for me. I owe you one.”

“Find me a woman.” Thor’s grin is ridiculous.

“Deal. Just not today. And there will be no complaints when I hand her over to you. I cannot guarantee her response.” I laughed at my own joke.

Thor held his cup out. “Blood does not make brothers. Friends you trust with your life does.” Thor and I clinked our challises. The day’s tension drained away in the same fashion my goblet of wine did as the last drops slipped easily down my throat. The old ticker fluttered once more. An eyebrow arched as I eyed the empty challis. Even went as far to twirl the pewter container in my fingers high, waving the glass like a white flag so those serving could take notice. Surely someone would recognize my distress over the void that filled my cup instead of my beloved brew.

And there she was, headed my way, challis in hand, a mischievous smirk on her sensual lips, my favorite wedding crasher.

Said no one with a functioning brain.

Thor bowed out laughing. “Nothing can save you now.”