Lily squealed and shot out of the outhouse. She’d thought it was bad enough using it the night before, but it was far worse during the day; she could actually see the things living in it. A shudder seized her body, and she did a little dance, imagining all those creepy crawlies on her.
Pulling the travel sanitizer out of her pocket, she cleaned her hands and headed back to the tent where Ethan sat on the log next to the cold firepit. Molly rolled on the ground at his feet, trying to sweep up every bit of dust in the forest with her fur.
His head bowed as though he were checking his phone, but then Lily heard a page rustle. He was reading a book. She caught sight of the cover. Live Boldly: Be a More You You.
Throat tightening, her foot caught on thin air, and she stumbled forward. He looked up at the sound of her approach and snapped the book shut.
He scanned the back. “This fell out of your bag. I didn’t want it to get dirty.” He held it out to her. “A travel guide, huh?”
Something in his voice made Molly stand at attention, her brown eyes flicking between the two of them like Ooooooh, you’re in trouble.
Cheeks igniting, Lily took it from him, wondering how much he’d read. “Well, it kind of is. My friend gave it to me as a gift before I left, hoping it would inspire me.”
“Inspire you to what? Lie about who you are? To flirt with someone you just met? To say yes to anything I suggest? I saw your checklist at the front. I seem to have completed a lot of those steps for you.”
She swallowed but didn’t know what to say. He stared at the cold firepit. Or rather, he was looking at the ground in front of it, where they’d made love the night before.
“Was I some kind of self-improvement experiment?”
She took an automatic step closer and sat next to him. “God, no. Of course not.”
“Sure seems that way to me.”
“Ethan, you’re not some steps in a book. I really do care for you. It was a silly way to help me gain confidence, tips to push me to try new things.” She set the book down on the log and reached out to him.
He got to his feet, putting the firepit between them. “So, everything we did together you only did because a book told you to? Every single experience we shared? I thought we had something special, something organic.”
She cringed. She suddenly realized how bad it looked. “The trip started out as a way to experience new things. I mean, wasn’t that the point? You told me you’d make sure I had a trip I wouldn’t forget, remember? I wanted to make the most of my holiday. I was using this book for me, not to hurt you.”
“No. Hurting me was just a side effect,” he shot at her. “Would you have come with me on this trip if not for this book?”
She hesitated. Of course, she wished she could say “yes.” But the truth was, she didn’t think she would have. She would have stayed in San Francisco and probably sat on her aunt’s couch watching telly the whole time. But she’d been a different person back then. At least, she wanted to believe she’d changed.
“No,” she finally said. “The old me wouldn’t have agreed to this trip. But it forced me down a path I never would have dreamed of taking. One that has been amazing and unforgettable.”
“The old you. And this is the new you?” He waved a hand at her a little dismissively. “Which one of you did I spend the night with? Who have I gotten to know over the last week? Because here I was giving you props for pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. But it wasn’t you, was it? It was the book.”
Picking it up off the log, he flipped to the checklist. He turned it to face her and pointed to Step Nineteen: Do Something That Scares You. Next to it, she’d written: Every day I’m with Ethan.
What she’d thought was so clever to write at the time now seemed insulting. It reduced him to a single sentence, a single purpose, a tool to help her grow.
She looked down at her feet. Everything had been so perfect only an hour earlier when she’d woken up in his arms, but now it was all falling apart. All because of that stupid book.
No. It isn’t the book, she thought bitterly. Nobody had forced her to read it, to follow it to a T and document her progress. It was all because she wanted so badly to become a different person. And right now, she wasn’t particularly liking that person.
“Tell me,” he said. “Would you have slept with me last night if it hadn’t been for this book?”
She leaped to her feet. “Okay, now that’s not fair.”
“Isn’t it? What’s not fair is that you’ve been doling out a lot of advice to me, but it’s becoming clear that you can’t do anything you’re not told to do. By your mother, your family, and in the absence of them, a damned book.”
“Ethan, don’t do this. Don’t argue with me like we’re in a courtroom. I’m not opposing counsel. We’re supposed to be on the same side, remember? I’m on your team.”
But he wouldn’t look at her. “You said you chose me, but maybe I was only a convenient way to have a new adventure, to live boldly.” He tossed the book into the firepit.
“Please.” She grabbed his hand, feeling her chest constrict as desperation seized her. “Last night I did choose you. I still choose you. A book can’t make me do that. All it did was make me realize I had options. I can choose to be someone else.”
He pulled away. “Like who a book tells you to be?”
“Whoever I choose to be. I came to America to figure out what I want. But at the end of the day, a guide can’t make me do anything.”
He turned from her and walked until he was at the edge of the woods, as though he’d much rather be lost in them. Molly paced anxiously between them like she didn’t know who to side with.
Finally, Ethan spun back to face her. “So, what do you want? What happens after your vacation is over? Do you stay this new Lily? Or do you go back home to the old Lily? What happens to us?”
She bit the inside of her cheek. She wished she could say that she didn’t want to let go of this adventure with Ethan. But buried deep in her heart, in her very cells, was the reminder of her family. And she knew that by choosing one, she’d lose the other. Maybe she hadn’t changed so very much after all.
As he waited for an answer, his cool eyes boring into her, silence swirled around them, along with the breeze picking up. The leafy canopy above creaked and leaves rustled as though the forest was hissing at her, whispering nasty insults. She imagined her mother’s voice joining in.
You can’t handle this.
Molly barked, yelling at Lily. She was being quite aggressive about it too. Of course she’d be on his side. When the wind finally died down, Lily heard a noise between barks, and she realized that’s what the dog was excited about.
She was reluctant to break eye contact with Ethan, but as the sound drew closer, a distant part of her brain put a name to it: footsteps.
Eyes widening, she spun to find herself facing the barrel of a rifle.
The poachers had found them.