It’s not what happens to you.
It’s what you do about it.
— W. Mitchell
“survivor”
Some people are born lucky. Their genetic makeup programs them for health. Yet many people with all the genetic potential for illness also stay well. That’s a mystery worth looking at.
A study compared identical twins with respect to the onset of serious illness. The researchers were puzzled by the marked disparity in the incidence of hereditary diseases: same genetic base, but radically different experiences with illness. How could that be explained? After nearly giving up their efforts, the researchers finally traced the disparate experiences, in large part, to differences in the twins’ ability to handle stress.
Stress? Yes, stress! Say hello to the non-negotiable Law of Stress-Hardiness.
After years of research, evidence linking stress to a wide variety of medical conditions is mounting. Both the medical community and the public now agree that stress is a major contributor to health problems like heart attacks, high blood pressure, ulcers, and many nervous disorders. Prolonged stress has even been linked to suppression of the immune function.
It is a fundamental principle of holistic health that the majority of physical illnesses result, at least in part, from an overload of emotional, psychological, and spiritual dis-ease. This overload is an accurate definition of toxic stress.
Enter the Law of Stress-Hardiness, and a surprising conclusion.
The law states that stress is to be not only expected but preferred. The law’s corollary states that we can and should welcome stress and that we can and should develop a positive, workable approach to stress management.
It is one thing to expect stress. It is quite another to prepare for stress-related events. But how can stress be preferred, even welcomed?
Think of it. The perfect no-stress environment is the grave. True, I’m making some assumptions here rather than working from personal experience! But although the grave looks peaceful from my perspective, I’m not sure it’s preferable.
Stress is an integral part of life. It’s a signal that we are alive and part of the flow of this grand experience.
The problem isn’t stress, it’s toxic stress. This is the anxiety-laden kind, the overload. Yet toxic stress gives us important warning signals, feedback on how we are conducting our lives. And so even it has a positive side.
It’s true. The physical feedback from toxic stress includes headaches, indigestion, sleep difficulties, neck and back pain, excessive tiredness, and a ringing in the ears.
The behavioral signs include excess smoking, over-use of alcohol, compulsive eating, bossiness, irritability, and a critical attitude toward others.
The emotional signs of toxic stress are equally obvious. Toxic stress can reduce a grown man to tears, show up as nervousness, be experienced as powerlessness, anger, loneliness, or deep unhappiness. Often stress demonstrates itself as an experience of loss from which there is no hope of recovery.
It all adds up to behavior that includes difficulty in making decisions, an inability to think clearly, constant worry, a loss of creativity, a lack of a sense of humor, and a constant feeling of being overwhelmed.
Do any of these warning signs seem familiar? If so, read with your heart and your mind. The Law of Stress-Hardiness has something to say to you.
I have a toxic-stress signal that never fails me. The incision where my lung was removed “talks” to me! When I try to do too much, it hurts. Pain — pure and simple. I’ve learned to listen and respond. What are your unique signals?
The Law of Stress-Hardiness includes recognizing the stress warning signals but challenges the myth that there is nothing we can do about them. Passive nonresistance is not the answer. There is plenty we can do.
While we can’t control all the circumstances in life, we can effectively control our responses to them. Mindfully choosing a proactive response is the essence of practicing the Law of Stress-Hardiness.
There are hundreds of stress-management programs and techniques that claim to have the answer. Many are good; several are not. The workable ones have one key ingredient in common: change.
The Law of Stress-Hardiness requires you to change two fundamental perceptions: (1) change the perception of the problem and (2) change the perception of yourself.
The Law of Stress-Hardiness is just that basic. Effectiveness comes in simple packages.
Consider the changes. First, your perception of the problem: if you perceive the problem as being less threatening, you remove the toxicity of the stress. Next, consider the perception of yourself: if you perceive your ability to handle the problem as significant, the stressors then become less intimidating.
Arguably, you could manage your toxic stress by just one change in perception. But increasing personal power and decreasing problem power is the essence of stress-hardiness. That’s the simple truth of this law.
The Law of Stress-Hardiness implies that we develop a certain active curiosity about stressful events or circumstances. Through that curiosity and involvement, we come to a belief that we can influence the event. We put that personal power into action and recognize that these challenges are not so much a threat as an opportunity for personal growth on all levels — physical, emotional, and spiritual.
The result: a stress-hardy stance toward life.
The University of Chicago psychologist Suzanne Kobasa has identified the following as stress-hardy characteristics: control, challenge, and commitment. That’s exactly what is involved in changing our perception of the problem and our ability to respond to it. When we change our perception we gain control. The stress becomes a challenge, not a threat. When we commit to action, to actually doing something rather than feeling trapped by the events, the stress in our life becomes manageable.
It’s the Law of Stress-Hardiness.
When you look at any of the thousands of stress-management books and articles or see a segment about stress management on your favorite talk show, cut through the fluff and the new techniques. Ask the important questions:
When your answer is yes to both, try it. You can be sure the Law of Stress-Hardiness is at work.
The most common response to life-threatening illness is fear. Fear grips. It immobilizes. Life is out of control. Patients see no way to turn. Assumptions about imminent demise quickly follow.
A sense of control is perhaps the most important attribute in the stress-hardy personality. It’s the one attribute to cultivate. But we’re talking control not over the circumstances, but over our response. Understand that difference! It’s true in illness, in relationships, on the job, in all of life! Control our response and we control our life.
“When I demanded a second opinion,” shared fifteen-year breast-cancer survivor Colleen Moore, “I realized for the first time I didn’t have to turn over control to someone I didn’t know, let alone trust. That simple decision was the first in a whole new way of life for me. I learned I could respond. It may be the single most important reason I am alive today.”
Change your perception of the problem. Change your perception of your ability to respond.
Michael Benson was a struggling student when he took a stress-management class that taught him to go with the flow. “For ten years I used the nonresistance technique: when faced with a problem, I’d quit. I’d just accept it. Maybe that’s why I had a lousy job, no real friends, and was diagnosed as borderline manic-depressive. I was a first-class victim. Thank God, I opened my eyes and realized if I couldn’t control the events in my life, I could at least control my response.”
Nice going, Michael. We may not be born lucky, but we can choose to make our own luck. That’s what the non-negotiable Law of Stress-Hardiness is all about.