Affirm the good things.
Millions of dollars have been wasted on health and life improvement programs that couldn’t possibly work, no matter how brilliant or clever. Or how determined the participants.
Many people just assume that the latest expensive exercise contraption has all the answers to life’s problems. Not so.
Remember the Law of Unity: this all works together — body, mind, and spirit. Nudge the body all you want. But until habits of the mind and spirit change, we’ll never know wellness.
What is the worst spiritual habit, the one that causes disappointment, conflict, loss, and dis-ease of every kind? I’ve heard people speculate with answers that range from laziness to blasphemy against God. Some have said procrastination. Others thought it to be criticism. All good choices.
But the absolute worst habit is ingratitude. Yes, ingratitude — the lack of thankfulness and appreciation, our poor return for blessings and kindness received.
A woman came early to a seminar in Greenwich, Connecticut, and insisted on seeing me. After a few words, it became apparent she had become an emotional, spiritual, and physical wreck through dwelling on her problems. She complained about a missed cancer diagnosis, the terror of treatments, mistreatment by doctors, and abandonment by family.
Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. I said, “Now that you have told me all that is wrong with you, tell me something that is right with you.”
Almost in anger the woman declared there was nothing right with her. She was shocked that I persisted. “There are many things right,” I began. “You’re able to walk, talk, eat, breathe, see, hear, taste, smell. You’re not bedridden. You’re not helpless. You have some degree of health or you wouldn’t be here tonight.”
I advised her, “Listen carefully this evening. Then go home and for the next three weeks concentrate on what is right in your life. Refuse to speak of your ills. And thank God each and every waking hour for your health, your blessings, and your life.” As she left, I was determined to do my best to reach her that night.
When I think about the blessings in my life, I am touched by a letter I recently received from a friend who is in prison on tax-evasion charges. It’s one of the most powerful letters I have ever received. In it my friend chastises me for complaining — for being bogged down with ingratitude.
“You’re free — I wish I could say that. You’re in debt — I am too. I have to pay the government $165,000 per month for 3 years. You’re in sunny California. Last night the actual temperature here was 35 degrees below zero and we have three feet of snow. You’re doing what you love to do. I’m an orderly and clean toilets every morning. (But I’m the best damn orderly they’ve ever had around this place!)”
That letter was the proverbial kick in the pants I needed. I read it again and again. It became crystal clear to me that I was looking at life through the eyes of ingratitude. I needed to change, to see a new me.
I opened to a new page in my wellness journal and wrote a heading, “I am grateful for:” Under this I divided the page into three columns: “People,” “Places,” and “Things.” I became inspired. My pen was a whirlwind as I wrote: wife, daughter, love, health, life, home, car, books, ideas, opportunities — a long list of all that I was thankful for.
What resulted was a “new look” at myself through the lens of gratitude. I determined that I would hold that image in my consciousness. It would be the picture I would continuously flash on the screen of my mind. Gratitude would become the new me!
John Robert McFarland, in his excellent book Now That I Have Cancer, I Am Whole, gives us a penetrating insight into gratitude-based thinking:
I’m so grateful I never have bad days. I have nauseated days and frightened days. Tired days and hurting days. Long days and short days. Silent days and alone days. Mouth-sore days and swollen-hand days. Bald days and diarrhea days. Rainy days and sunny days. Cold days and warm days. But no bad days. I’m so grateful.
McFarland is teaching us that one simple concept can get us through the most difficult times. It’s the Law of Gratitude. It may be the most important part of the wellness journey.
Every time you have a negative thought, counter it with a thought of gratitude. Problems, negativity, even dis-ease are transformed by the sincere application of this dynamic law.
Imagine my friend, in prison, on the receiving end of my letter, which was filled with miserable talk. He’s the one who had reason for complaint. Where was my gratitude? After an exchange of letters, we talked on the phone. I said, “Thank you for opening my eyes. God has given me so many opportunities to help others. Thank you for helping me get the proper perspective.” I expressed my thanks.
The Law of Gratitude requires us to express appreciation in more ways than words. My whole demeanor started to change. I resolved to back my words with actions. My posture, my walk, even my facial expressions and gestures took on a whole new appearance. I asked myself, “If I feel grateful, how can I act grateful?” Then I began immediately to respond to those thoughts.
I put the Law of Gratitude to a test by expressing my appreciation to my wife for her love and support. I thanked her for always starting our days with a hug and a kiss. I said thanks for changing the way we cook so I could shift toward a more vegetarian diet. My expressions were of true gratitude, not flattery. The difference? One is sincere, the other insincere. Dale Carnegie made the distinction succinctly: “One comes from the heart out; the other from the teeth out.”
I continued this work of gratitude in all the key areas of my life — my health, my career, my finances, my other important relationships, and my spiritual work. Some of the entries in my gratitude list: my health, being cancer-free, the ability to walk, my renewed strength. As I thought of my career I wrote that I was grateful for “the ability to help people, developing good listening skills, the ability to speak in front of a group, the opportunity to write about what is important to me.”
And I expressed my deep gratitude to God, recognizing God as the source of all that is good, the only one capable of giving the gift of another day.
The more I contemplated my blessings, the more I felt a sweeping change in my emotional and spiritual outlook. What was happening? I was taking cognitive charge of my expression of gratitude. It was changing my entire being.
The Law of Gratitude carries with it the potential for wellness miracles. The feeling of gratitude — this emotional and spiritual happy, abundant, free attitude — makes things right. It changes you, and me, deep within. Then, and only then, does it change our world.
The woman from Greenwich whom I challenged wrote to me some months after my admonishment: “It’s been a year now since my last treatment. I just came through my checkup with flying colors. You were right. There’s a lot to be grateful for.”
It’s not that I was right, it’s that she was right. She was right when she started to focus on being grateful.
The wellness path requires us to embrace a proactive expression of sincere gratitude. Try it for a week, a day, an hour. Observe the results. You will be amazed at the changes in yourself, your health, your relationships, your career — your entire life.
Affirm the good things in your life and watch them expand. It’s the non-negotiable, irrevocable Law of Gratitude.