Chapter Eight

“I tried calling you yesterday, but you didn’t pick up. I guess you were still traveling.” Jake’s voice had a slightly worried tone to it.

Ray pressed his cell phone to his ear and shuffled to sit up in bed. If his son could see him, still in bed at 10 a.m., he’d have a good laugh. Especially if he saw him in this bed.

He put his head back against one of the millions of pillows and peered up into the intricately pleated fabric of the bed crown, suddenly realizing Carrie wasn’t there. “Yeah,” he croaked out, “I had a bit more traveling than I bargained for.”

There was a slight pause before Jake said, “Did I wake you, Dad? You sound sort of groggy. You haven’t been drinking again, have you?”

“No, no, not at all. We had a real late night here last night. A party. And after all that traveling and what have you…” His voice trailed off while the desire for coffee hit him.

“Yeah. Did Paige give you my message? That I called?”

“Yeah.” Ray waited a moment, then said, “Look, I’m real sorry, I feel real guilty about leaving you for July Fourth just when you’re back, but—” He played with the sheets, rumpling them in his palm as he thought again about leaving Jake behind. It hadn’t been fair to do that to his son.

“It doesn’t matter, Dad. Really. I went on over to Toby’s place. His family had a barbecue. But I’m sorry I didn’t go along to see Paige—in a way. How is she?”

Ray tried to spy around the edge of the curtains to see if Carrie was there, but couldn’t see anything. “Oh, she’s fine. She and I had a good chat last night. She’s fine, Jake. Maybe you ought to give her a call.”

“I did. Well, yeah, maybe I’ll phone her again, but I don’t think that’s goin’ anywhere, Dad.” There was a pause before he asked, “Did she say she was goin’ back to school? To law school?”

“No, we didn’t discuss that.” His head was clearing, and he kept thinking there was something in his son’s voice not quite right. “Are you okay?” he asked at last.

“Sure. Listen, I think I need to get the vet out for Snowflake. She’s off her feed. Is that all right with you?”

“Yeah, of course. If you think so. Jake, is everything else okay? Have you thought about going back to college?”

“Dad! Maybe next semester. Not September. Not now, it’s too soon. I have to think whether it’s the right move, you know. I’m twenty-seven now. Those college kids are so much younger and all. And can I really learn anything more about taking over the ranch, do you think? We’ll discuss it when you get home. Okay?”

Ray drew in a deep breath. “Yeah. Okay. Listen, I better go. Haven’t had breakfast and don’t want to miss my chow. You know me.”

“Haven’t had breakfast? At—what time is it there?—like ten or something? What kind of a life do those people lead?” His son would have a smirk on his face.

“Well, it was July Fourth...”

Jake grunted at the excuse, then waited a minute. “Dad?”

“Yeah, son?”

“You have a good time there, ya hear? Don’t hurry home on my account. Okay?”

There was a moment before he guffawed. “I’ll be home late Sunday, Jake. It’s fine.”

Ten minutes later, Ray emerged from the bathroom, having put on his boxers, and slid open the door to the balcony. He leaned against the doorframe.

Carrie sat at her computer, either oblivious to his presence or ignoring it altogether.

“Well, this is quite a view,” he began when she said nothing.

There was no response for several moments filled with the tapping of her fingers on the computer keyboard. “Yes,” she finally got out. “I like the ocean.” And then, as an afterthought, she added, “And good morning to you, too.”

He smiled. “Oh, it wasn’t the ocean I was admiring. You sittin’ there an’ all, it does a man’s heart good.” As the tapping continued, he asked, “How long you been there, Carrie?”

“No idea. I’m afraid my brain can’t stop working.” Her fingers, however, stopped and she met his gaze. “Sometimes, I’m afraid, I just get up in the night with an idea. One night, I remember, I got up seven times. It’s part of the job, Ray, the unsleeping brain.” She tapped a few more sentences into the computer. “How about you? Did you sleep all right?”

“Like a baby.” She sat typing there for a moment before he said, “So, you lead a literary littoral life, huh?”

“Literal life?” Carrie’s nose scrunched in misunderstanding.

He laughed. “L-i-t-t-o-r-a-l.”

“Ah!” Her face brightened with a big smile. “You’re very clever. Or at least very alliterative.”

“Or even…” Ray searched for a word.

Carrie raised her eyebrows at him, her face expectant.

The lack of food and the desire for something more no doubt affected his brain and he gave up. “Never mind. I can’t keep that going. So, what’s on the agenda for today? Anything special?”

Her gaze went back for several moments to scan what she had written before she glanced back. “I think getting you swim trunks is pretty high on the agenda. What do you think, handsome?” She clicked once with her mouse and then closed the cover of her laptop.

“I think you can decide on anything you like for your toy boy, sweetheart.”

“My ‘toy boy?’” Carrie queried.

“Yeah. I did a search on you on line before I came out and discovered you are a year older than I am. So, that makes me your toy boy, doesn’t it?” He wondered if she saw the twinkle in his eyes, but Carrie paled at this bit of news.

“I’m older than you?” she gasped.

“Oh, Carrie,” Ray shook his head in dismay at what might be considered his faux pas. “We’re not going to fret over this, are we? One year?”

She put a hand across her mouth, studying him for a long, hard minute. “I don’t know. I don’t think you should have told me.” Her eyes went wide as she considered this.

He bit his lip, her sensitivity to her age both tantalizing and maddening. He decided the best way to deal with it was to ignore it.

“I’m hungry as hell and wantin’ to make love to the prettiest gal in all of the Hamptons,” he told her at last.

“Jeez, you’re not going to have a go at my daughter now, are you?” she countered.

“Carrie Bennett, you have some strange ideas. Have you ever showered with a Texan, lady?”

Her hand came away and she smiled. “I bet that is about the best damn shower anyone can imagine.”

He let his smile widen at his success in distracting her as he extended his hand. “There’s a bit of Texas Two-step in it, a bit of spa massage, and a bit of Fourth of July fireworks.”

She got up slowly from her chair and locked gazes with him. “And a bit of Playboy Porn?” she offered.

That was a turn-up for the books. Ray smiled to himself at the new woman he had helped create. “Well, I don’t like to mention that.” But he certainly looked forward to it.

“But surely,” she said as she scraped her chair back from the balcony table, “That’s the very best bit of all?”

****

Jake loved Mulligan’s. Especially on a Saturday night. It was the sort of roadside bar that appeared in small towns all over the West—a wooden shack with a gas station out front. To one side of a large room it had a small shop where items for the passing trade could be bought—water, soft drinks, candy on the counter and an ice cream chest—and to the other side there was a long wooden bar for the locals. The lighting was negligible, service was, at times, on an honor system to which the regulars adhered, and the bar stocked what its patrons wanted, namely Jack Daniels, Jim Beam, beer and tequila, with a few bottles of cheap local wine for the ladies. When the gas station closed down at 7pm in the evening, the forecourt became a parking lot for pickup trucks. Music, always country of course, blared out from an old juke box in the corner, which had a habit of breaking down and leaving the customers to sing—usually out of tune or off-key—to finish the song. Neither the bar nor the gas station took credit cards, which meant, with no one at the pumps, the client had to come inside to pay. Only once did Mulligan’s lose money because of this, and the license plate had been out of state. In other words, Mulligan’s was a congenial place for the locals to have a few drinks and catch up in a friendly atmosphere.

Jake navigated his way up to the bar and elbowed in between two other regulars who nodded to him before turning back to their conversations.

“Hey, how ya doin’?” called Mike Mulligan, extending his hand for a welcome shake. “Long time and all that.”

“Yeah, Mike. Last few times I was in, you weren’t here. How’ve you been?” He leaned on the bar as the cares of the day were left behind.

“Fine, good.” The owner signaled to someone at the other end, who was shouting his name, and pointed to the bottles, watching for a moment as the man went round the back of the bar and helped himself. “So, what’s your poison tonight? Jim or Jack?”

“The usual, Jack and Coke—”

“Make that two,” said a recognizable voice behind him.

Jake tensed and twisted back slowly to look into the snake-like grin of Ty Sheldon. “What the hell are you doing here? Why don’t you crawl back under whatever rock you came from?”

“Oh-hhh,” Ty drew out the single sound. “Now, is that any way to be speakin’ to your brother’s very best friend?”

“Get lost.”

The drinks came, and he steadfastly kept his back to Ty.

“I think we need to have a little conference there, Jake. You know, you did so well doing me that little favor last time I just—”

“Forget it!” His voice came so loud, several people halted their conversations to see what was happening, surprised at the sudden intrusion into their quiet drinking.

Ty leaned in, reaching past him for his drink from the bar, but staying in close so Jake could hear him clearly.

“You better listen, Jake, I mean it. Unless you want your father’s glowing picture of Robbie the hero destroyed forever. You know what—”

“I know I’m gonna bust your face if you don’t move away, Ty. I’m sorting things with my dad. I’m going to tell him ’bout Robbie, so you can just push off.” Would he believe that? Would he let go?

“You gonna tell him ’bout Lucinda, too?”

Jake’s back stiffened. He had his hand out for his glass, but it hovered there, unable to grasp the drink. “What about Lucinda?”

“You know Lucinda’s married? Finally got hitched early this year. No kids as yet of course…You think her husband knows?”

Jake’s fist came flying into Ty’s face with a suddenness and strength that sent the wrangler flying. Crashing into some other patrons who were standing nearby, he landed on his butt as drinks got splattered and glasses shattered before the bystanders could back out of the picture.

Ty dabbed at his nose and came away with blood as Mike called out, “Hey, hey, hey! Take it outside, the two of you! Out!”

Jake reached back for his glass and downed his drink. Slamming it on the bar, he headed to the door past his prone opponent as some others helped Ty to his feet and checked him over. As he glanced back for a last look, Sheldon shook them off and reeled to the door, almost tripping out after him.

“You better hang on, soldier boy,” he called. “I don’t think your dad is gonna like it none too well if I press charges now. I got lots of witnesses in there.”

“No one’s gonna pay any attention to you, you damn crook.” He swiped at some drops of rain that had begun to fall, feeding his anger like water to a thirsty man.

Coming up to him, Ty wiped away blood with a bandana he had stuffed in his pocket. “One last time, Jakie,” he sneered. “Come on now, you did so well with that army uniform and all. It’s a cinch. And I leave you and your daddy alone. Plus, of course, the added bonus Lucinda’s new found family don’t hear anything about her none-too glorious past. By the way, does your dad know about Robbie’s part in that? I wonder…” The tone was a seductive mockery, like a wild cat circling in for the kill, beautiful to watch but deadly.

Jake stood like a snared animal. At some stage, he may be able to tell his dad, but what about Lucinda? If her husband didn’t know the truth… And what would this extra bit of information about Robbie and Lucinda do to his dad?

The first run had been relatively easy, if nerve-wracking.

No, it wasn’t that it was nerve-wracking. He would capitulate because it was exciting. Like Iraq. It energized him, made him feel alive; it was a cat and mouse game that got his pulse going. Like making love to Paige, because he could never really have her. But then again, doing the run was bound to get easier if the border guards didn’t recognize him, get suspicious, and do a search of the car. Not the second time, they wouldn’t. Surely, not the second time.

“When?” Jake snarled at last.

Ty dabbed at his face again. “Well, that’s more like it,” he approved in a voice like molasses dripping in the heat. “Next week, if you wouldn’t mind, Jakie. Same address, so it’ll be real easy. Only one bit of advice.”

“What’s that?”

“Change the border crossing. Go down to Laredo or over to Del Rio. You used Eagle Pass last time. Switch out. They get to know you.”

Jake stood still and studied the wrangler. “What difference does it make, Ty, if this is the last time?”

He snorted. “It will be the last time. I’ve got someone else lined up, but they’re not here yet. Just this time. I promise you. But don’t take chances. Change the damn crossing. You got maps, don’t you? You’ll find your way. And one more thing, Jakie…”

“What’s that, you bastard?”

“Don’t change your mind. I swear, you change your mind...you’re gonna be one very sorry boy. Very sorry.”

****

The Sunday sunshine sparkled on the pool as Paige scrolled down the numbers of recent calls on her phone and found the Texas area code. Her finger poised above the send button before she drew it back to study a chip in the polish on her nail. She grimaced and lay back again in the sun lounger, relieved all the guests had gone, all that is except for Ray who was no doubt upstairs making love to her mother. He certainly wasn’t taking this long to pack.

She craned her head around to try to see her mother’s balcony jutting out from the far corner of the house, but only caught a glimpse of a curtain billowing like some fat person trying to get out of the room. Nope. Mom and Ray were definitely having a last tumble before he left. Paige glanced at the phone once again and jabbed ‘call.’

“Hello?”

Jake’s voice came across unusually disinterested in the fact it was she who was calling, and this irritated her for no particular reason. “Well, if I’m disturbing you, I can call another time,” she started. “What are you doing?”

There was the split second of his coming to realize who had called. It made Paige smile to herself.

“I’m lying in bed as it happens, stroking one of the dogs.”

“As long as you’re not stroking anything else.” She imagined his expression at that. “Are you naked?”

“And if I am? Did you phone for a trip down memory lane or is this some sort of courtesy call?”

There was the sound of sheets rustling. Paige had forgotten the time difference but, even allowing for that, it was late for Jake to be in bed, even on a Sunday.

“You’re in a mood,” she said. “I can tell. Tell Mama Paige what the matter is.”

His sigh crackled down the phone. “You remember...” he started, but trailed off. “Never mind. How are you? How was the party? Has my dad left yet?”

“Fine, fine and no, in that order. The party was our usual uproarious success and your father is now upstairs humping my mother before he leaves.”

Jake snorted. “I think that’s more information than I need, Paige. Or maybe not,” he added with some amusement. There was a moment’s hesitation. “So...to what do I owe this honor? I’m sure you didn’t call to simply hear a Texas drawl one more time.”

“I—there’s something I don’t understand. You’re twenty-seven, right?”

“Right.”

“And you were in the army for four years, right?”

“Right.”

“Which takes you back to twenty-three or maybe twenty-two depending on your birth month.”

“And?”

“And so, why hadn’t you finished college by then? I don’t understand it.” Curiosity had got the better of her. Or was it just a damn good excuse to talk to him, talk to someone who was detached from the whole Hamptons scene she was dealing with, someone who seemed to care and who wasn’t her mother.

“Because, like you, when Steven died, I quit my last year when Robbie died. I never graduated, never did my finals. Robbie and I were very close. I... Why do you want to know all this? What does this have to do with anything? What made you suddenly think of all this anyway?”

There was rising anger in his voice, or maybe it was something other than anger—hate. Hate at being dragged back to that point in his life? He had told her it was his fault Robbie had enlisted; he had told Robbie to go in order to avoid trouble.

“I...” She stuttered, searched around for some words to try to give herself time to think. “I just wanted to know. I was curious. I think I’m going back to law school and it all struck me.” But no, she had made it an excuse to phone him. Angry with herself, angry at being so weak she needed some sort of male companionship, some male attention, she sat up suddenly, tears just below the surface. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have called.”

“Don’t go!”

There was an urgency in his voice, and Paige sat back again, thoughts trying to fall into place like the pieces of a puzzle.

“I’m glad you called,” he said in a steadier tone.

She took a deep breath and stared out at the vacated pool area. Tapping the chipped nail several times on the chaise armrest, she finally continued. “Your father...he talked some good sense to me at the party actually. I think I need to get on with my life, get back to work. There’s no point hanging about here feeling sorry for myself. Maybe... Why didn’t he talk you into going back, Jake?”

“Because he doesn’t see the point any more than I do, really. Anyway, he’s leaving me to decide. Dad won’t push. He never went to college and he’s done fine. I don’t need a dang piece of paper to say I studied for four years. I’m going to take over the ranch. It’s my life, Paige. It’s what I know, what I enjoy.”

“But maybe, sometime, you’ll need a business course or something like that.”

“Paige...”

She could almost hear the cogs of his brain turning.

“I already studied what I need to know, and I’ve lived here all my life. It’s not like studying law. Anyway. Is that what you want? To go back to law school? Really want?”

She hesitated only a moment. “Yes. It’s what I want.”

****

“Ah, hell, Carrie, when you said you had called for a car to take me back to the airport, I didn’t realize it was gonna be a dang limo. Call me a taxi, for heaven’s sake. I can’t ride in that.” Ray took in the long, black limo and its uniformed driver with some distaste.

Eye to eye, Carrie put her hands on his shoulders. “You can. And you will. Please. It’s on my account. Anyway, you’ve missed the train, and the only jitneys are all going to be full. Listen,” she continued, leaning her face toward him so their noses touched, “We had two extra hours together, which you must admit were pretty worthy of your time.” She stood back a second to flutter her lashes at him. “And it was a compromise between the train and a chopper. That’s fair, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know about ‘fair.’ But the extra time was sure worth it.”

The driver came around and picked up his bag to put in the trunk before holding open the door.

Ray regarded him with an intense aversion. “Just give me an extra minute, will you? I think I can manage to get in by myself.” He received a smile from the chauffeur and waited until the man was back in the driver’s seat. “Listen,” he said, taking hold of Carrie’s hands. “We never had that chat, did we?”

“You can call me on your cell phone and we can speak as you go to the airport. Which, by the way, would not have been very convenient in a crowded train.”

Ray had a sense Carrie was trying to be stalwart at his leaving and that tears were not far from the surface. She was definitely trying to avoid a face-to-face discussion about where their relationship was going. Her hands fluttered like butterflies searching for a place to land.

“Okay. I want you to think about what I have to do to get you to come out to Texas for a spell. You make your list of requirements and then give me a call. I’ll be sitting in that damn thing, waiting, in air conditioned splendor.”

She nodded her head in acknowledgement, a hand clapped across her mouth as tears surfaced.

“Oh, come on now,” he said, taking her into his arms. “We had three wonderful days, which is three more than we would have had if I hadn’ta got this brilliant idea.” He stood for a moment before kissing the top of her head and holding her away from him.

“Oh, lord,” moaned Paige, suddenly coming down the front steps. “Is this the big good-bye? Am I missing it all? Is she bawling already?” She gave her mother a disgusted look and hauled a crumpled tissue from her robe pocket to hand to Carrie. “Do you want him to remember you with a red nose?” she mocked, then pecked him good-bye on both cheeks. “Give Jake a big sloppy one for me, will you, and tell him to go find Miss Texas or the Rodeo Queen. He deserves the best.”

Ray gave a laugh in answer before turning back to Carrie and kissing her good-bye. He studied her one last time before he ducked into the car.

An empty space opened within him, like a black hole into which his heart was falling.

****

Her daughter’s arm came around Carrie as they headed back up the steps to the house, now empty of its visitors and accompanying tumult. The pool beyond resembled some David Hockney painting waiting to be finished, and the quiet was almost unbearable after the hubbub of the last few days.

Bereft, she ached for Ray, a soreness like an open wound in her chest. The hand-holding walks in town and on the beach, the games of volley ball in the pool, the jokes with the others at meals, how he had fit in so easily. Even Ben Statler, with whom Ray had had the altercation at the party, said he liked him. There had been laughter, and there had been loving.

Lots of loving.

In all its forms.

“So, what will you do?” Paige demanded at last. “He’s got a business in Texas and you…you’re all over the place. Can you make it work?”

“I thought you didn’t like him. You made all those comments about him not being right, about Texas...”

“Oh, Mother, haven’t you learned? I make comments all the frigging time. Do what’s right for you, for heaven’s sake. Don’t pay any attention to what I, or anyone else for that matter, say.”

Carrie collapsed into a chair and stared out with the vacant mind that comes of loss. After a long sigh, she said, “I’ve got a book tour coming up, the new book to try to finish, and commitments all over the place. L.A. wants help with the screenplay of The Divide… I don’t know.”

“But he is right, Mother. You can work in Texas. That’s one thing. At least part of the time.”

She considered this for a moment, a sudden quandary striking her. “What about you, Paige? I can’t just leave you—”

“Oh, for pity sake. Really. I’m a big girl now, and I have my own friends. And anyway,” she said, dropping down into a chair, “I’m going back to law school in the fall.”

“You’re what? When did this happen? Are you sure? Is that what you want? Are you ready?”

“They told me I would have to re-take the second year as I messed it up when Steven started running to doctors. So, that’s what I’m going to do, if that’s all right with you.”

“Of course, it’s all right. But are you sure?” she asked again.

“Yup. I’m going back to Penn.”

****

Jake tapped in Paige’s number, but it went straight to voice mail. He could phone Grant or Toby to discuss his predicament but, since returning, a gap had been evident between them that hadn’t closed as yet. They viewed him differently. He’d been abroad; he’d served, and, in a way, he was out of touch with their world. Four years was a long time. Grant was engaged now with a wedding not far off, and Toby had got himself a job at one of the hotels in Fredericksburg, and would, on any account, think Jake a damn fool for not just having it out with his dad. They sure as heck wouldn’t care about Lucinda.

And no one really knew him anymore; no one would understand how he worshipped his father and just couldn’t bring himself to hurt him, disappoint him. Even those two boys he’d grown up with didn’t really know the man he was now. But after the last conversation with Paige, an only child from a one parent family, he came to feel maybe she would understand.

He tried her phone again and this time left a message.

****

Ray carefully shoved his hat into the overhead bin and slid into the window seat, hoping he wouldn’t be next to a chatterer. While people did the slow march up the aisle past him and babies cried, and announcements came incessantly over the speaker system about how to put bags in the bins, wheels down, and to please take your seats so departure could be on time, he peered out the window trying to mentally escape it all, trying to get himself someplace else.

It wasn’t that he needed a drink; Carrie had become his new addiction, and it surprised him. Perhaps he hadn’t drunk so much for the loss of Robbie and his part in that loss, but for the loneliness, the emptiness of a failed marriage as well as a lost son. Had he ever been in love before, truly in love, the way he loved Carrie? Her vulnerability mixed with control, her aloofness mixed with loving, her wariness mixed with need. He surprised himself, falling in love like this at his age, the intensity of his feelings throwing him and catching him off guard.

While a brief telephone conversation from the car hadn’t brought any resolutions as to their relationship, he knew there had to be decisions as to what mattered now. Could he put aside this, that or the other to be with her? Could he be less responsible toward his business, give more responsibility to Jake and the two managers so he could take more time away? And was it worth it?

After living so long on his own—both with and without Leigh Anne—there was no road map as to how to proceed with this new-found happiness and the need and compulsion to be with Carrie.

He punched her number one last time before they put the ban on electronic devices, but she didn’t pick up. After the voice mail message finished, he said quietly into the phone, “We’re about to take off, but I had to tell you…I love you.”