‘He’s got good sturdy legs.’ Ellen stroked Jack’s head.
‘He has.’ Jean laughed softly, struggling to change his nappy as he wriggled. She coughed, fully aware that she’d been caught out in her growing fondness for the little boy. Putting her hand between the nappy and his stomach she pushed and fastened the large pin through the towelling cloth.
‘Loving him isn’t something to be ashamed of, Jean.’ Ellen picked Jack up from the table and held him close. He grasped a lock of her hair and pushed his face next to hers, making small murmuring sounds. ‘He’s gorgeous.’
‘And he’s not mine.’ Jean rinsed the wet nappy under the tap and dropped it into a bucket by the back door. ‘Mother doesn’t think I should be looking after him but what choice have I had this week?’ Instantly mortified, she said, ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. I would have done anything to help find Linda.’
‘I know.’ Ellen’s old antagonism towards Jean had vanished over the last few days.
She knew Jean had been surprised to see her on the doorstep. But, as Ted had said when he dropped her off at the end of Moss Terrace, ‘If that’s what you feel you need to say, now is as good a time as ever, before Patrick comes back from the market. And it’ll give me a bit of time with William … so two stones and all that.’
‘If you don’t mind my saying, I think you should ignore your mother.’ Elsie Winterbottom was a hateful old cow – the thought was automatic. ‘Where is she by the way?’
‘Next door. She’s spent a lot of time there lately, while I’ve had Jack. Like I said…’ Jean shrugged.
‘Then I’m sorry, but I think she’s mean. Mean and unkind.’ She kissed Jack on the nose. ‘And I think you’re lovely with him.’
‘Do you?’
‘Yes.’ Ellen was firm.
‘You don’t think I’m being too soft with Patrick?’
‘Well, he needs bringing into line, but I’m sure you’re more than capable of doing that. Anyway is it about him?’
After Jean dried her hands, Ellen gave her the little boy and went to sit on the back doorstep. It would be easier for her to speak if she didn’t have to face Jean. ‘When I brought Linda home, I didn’t know how Ted would take it. I didn’t even consider his mother.’ She looked at the line of baby clothes, now dried from the day’s sun. ‘But she was hateful almost from the beginning. She’d wait until he wasn’t there … and then she’d start.’ Ellen hugged her knees up to her chin. ‘She’d say the most vile things.’ She glanced over her shoulder at Jean. ‘Oh, I told Ted at first but she denied it, said I’d misunderstood or something. He was good about it, told her to think before she said anything, but he didn’t really understand and I’m obstinate, you know?’
Jean gave an ironic chuckle. ‘Never?’
Ellen managed a smile herself. ‘I thought I could deal with her on my own.’ She turned back to look at the yard, spoke thoughtfully. ‘In the end, I couldn’t. I’ll tell you something, shall I?’
‘If you want to.’ Jean put Jack into his pram and covered him up. She squashed up to Ellen on the step. The yard was partly in shade now as the sun dropped. The pitch of the roofs of the next row of terraced houses made pointed shadows on the flags.
‘I think I killed Hannah.’ Ellen swallowed. ‘It wasn’t any better after we came back from Mary’s. Ted told her she’d have to leave if she didn’t stop but it made her worse. I knew I couldn’t take much more. I couldn’t sleep. I cried most of the time. She used to laugh at me. We’d had the most awful argument and I hit her.’ She heard the intake of breath. ‘I know. I was wrong but I can’t remember a lot of what was said, my head was spinning. She came back at me. I ran … I stayed in the yard for ages. When I went back into the kitchen she was lying dead on the floor.
‘It doesn’t matter how many times Ted tells me the doctor said her blood pressure was sky high, that she could have died anytime. I think I’ll always blame myself.’ She straightened her back, her voice determined. ‘But I’m going to change, Jean. What happened to Linda’s made sure of that. And I’m ashamed of how I’ve behaved since Tom died, being so selfish, expecting Mary to fuss over me, despite everything she’s gone – is going – through. I have to grow up.’
There was something else she’d decided as well. She’d heard two nurses talking at the hospital. Nelly Shuttleworth had been to the police, told them that she was mistaken, her son hadn’t been home the day of Tom’s death, wasn’t actually home for over two days at that time. Ellen remembered the sickly heave of her stomach as she eavesdropped on the nurses’ casual conversation. So she’d decided she was going to let Nelly meet Linda. Not at her house, only at Henshaw Street, but it would be a start for Linda to get to know her grandmother.
She felt Jean’s arm around her shoulder and leant against her plump figure. ‘And I’m sorry. I’ve always been jealous of you.’
‘Have you?’ Jean sounded amazed. ‘I didn’t know that.’ There was a hesitation in her next words. ‘Well I’ll let you into a secret now, Ellen. I’ve always envied you being beautiful and slim. So I think we’re quits there, eh?’
‘I think we are.’ Ellen lifted her head and smiled at Jean. ‘I know you’re a kind woman, Jean. You’ve always been good with Linda … and you knew what her father was, but that it wasn’t her fault. Any more than it’s Jack’s fault how he was conceived.’
Jean flinched.
‘Try to forget where he came from, Jean. Just think of him as a baby you’ve been given to love. Like Ted loves Linda.’